Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors
Chapter 51 – "Bad Dads" Isshin and Ryuuken
A/N: First, thanks so much to everyone for your great response to chapter 50. I really appreciate your support. :D And wow, thanks for all the requests for Isshin and Ryuuken! (It was fun re-watching omakes from the Quincy Encyclopedia as research for this chapter. ;) )
(Originally published 8/23/13.)
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Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,
How come I'm always used for comic relief in your stories? (indignant) Can't you write romantic things now that I said all that stuff about being in Masaki's orbit? I mean, we're one of Bleach's few canon couples! And Masaki's cute, isn't she? (leers) And I'm not a bad father! I don't punch my son every morning. Besides, I'm better than him! (points at Ryuuken sitting behind his desk in his hospital office) He's abusive to his son, and besides, he smokes.
Abusive? (Ryuuken blows out cloud of smoke) You're the abusive one around here. You give new meaning to the term 'bad dad.' Lying to your son about being a shinigami for sixteen years? Not to mention not even telling him about his Quincy blood.
You just don't like it that your son's in the rebellious stage. (kisses photo of Karin and Yuzu) Mine are still sweet as sugar. (smacks lips loudly)
Not to mention, you're lazy and don't work very hard.
That's not true! I'm a hard-working doctor!
I've only seen you with a patient once in the main story. Didn't Kubo plan on making your character a mortician at first?
That's just because I look good in black! (poses) I'm a super good dad! I run family meetings and everything. (glares as Ryuuken rolls eyes) Hey, I appointed Yuzu lunch director so she would feel like a valued family staff member! And I even try to cheer them up during sad times, like with my "Special Daddy Sliding Technique."
(Ryuuken crosses arms and snorts) Yes, you pervert, you snuck a look at your own daughter's underwear.
It's not my fault those polka dots were so bright!
(Ryuuken sniffs) We Quincy are always tastefully dressed.
I thought you'd given up being a Quincy. (Looks around at all the Quincy crosses on Ryuuken's tie and in his office.) But I guess you're still relying on other people, even your own son.
(Ryuuken stands up and draws Quincy bow, aims at Isshin and just barely misses)
(Isshin jumps up, startled, and dodges. In flustered tone) What did you do that for?
(Ryuuken shrugs coolly.) My finger slipped.
Sincerely,
Isshin Kurosaki and Ryuuken Ishida
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Gin: Haha, you two really are bad dads! (laughs)
Isshin: You should talk! You're the epitome of bad dad in so many fanfics on this site. At least five that I've seen.
Gin: Meh? I don't even have any offspring.
Ryuuken: How do we know?
Gin: Wha…?
Isshin: Yeah, with the help of Kyouka Suigetsu you could easily have had a child and hid it from everyone.
Gin: I think Ran-chan would've noticed.
Isshin: Yeah, when her boobs got bigger. (smirks) At least that's what the fanfic said.
Gin (defensive): I jus' said that to make her happy!
Ryuuken (challenging): So you admit you got her pregnant!
Gin (looks around nervously): I ain't gonna admit nothin'!
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A/N: Virtual cookies to those of you who can identify the omake episodes, chapters, and other material referenced in this chapter. ;)
