Note- the story is now told in present tense, because it is present day events unfolding, not their history.
My One True Friend
Chapter Eleven
Emily
July 5th, 2008
"So that brings the story of Lucky and me right up until this moment, Laura," I tell his mom as I visit her at Shady Brooke. "That's the whole tale of how I fell in love with your boy, while not even knowing for most of those years that I was falling in love with him, and why I can never tell him how I feel. But I wanted to tell you...I needed to...so you could see that someone is loving your son with all their heart...and I hope you think I'm doing a good job. I will always help him and I will never hurt him...no matter if that means hurting myself or losing my own dream so he can have his...I really wish you could tell me if I did right by him and if I am still doing right by keeping my mouth shut...I think I am. The family he made with Liz is really where Lucky's heart has always laid so I can't screw that up for him."
I pat her hand. "It's gonna have to stay your and my secret that I am in love with him...he's the love of my life, Laura,...and I'm not sad about that. I wouldn't pick anyone else, even though I can't be with him. I'd pick Lucky anyway. Because I don't know how to run from him...I only know how to run towards him."
Standing up, I kiss her cheek and say "I'll be back to visit again next week."
As I drive away, I realize it felt good to get that all out. I needed to tell someone...to make it truly real and not just feelings swirling around my head and heart. Usually Lucky is the only one that can do that for me but today his mom did.
I'm supposed to take Cam and Jake to the park this afternoon so I head to Elizabeth's house. But when I am on her porch, I look in the window and see Lucky sitting there with her. They are having an emotional conversation from the looks of it.
I silently tell Liz, You better treat him right this time, then my eyes focus on Lucky. He gets more and more handsome everyday, and sweeter and more loving and better. How he pulls it off I don't know. I used to look for my magic in Nikolas and his castle but the real magic in my life has always been Lucky.
I have liked him, loved him, and now I am in love with him too. I've felt it all for this man. Though it breaks my heart to know I will never make love to him...it is a good hurt...the kind born of sacrifice and commitment and unconditional devotion. I can bear this pain for him. He's worth anything and everything.
I will not ask myself What if he fell for me and not Liz at sixteen? What if I never wanted Nikolas? What if I never married Zander? What if Lucky had turned to me instead of Sam when Liz hurt him? I will not ask any of that because it will only twist my heart up more than it already is. I would not change a thing that happened. It was a beautiful story, up to this day, the one of me and him...a story I have loved living and will always treasure. The story of us.
He turns and looks out the window, spotting me on the porch, and our eyes meet. I give him a little wave and plant a smile on my lips. I am happy for this man I love...because he is getting his dream come true...even if its not me.
(If
I had known the way that this would end I would've loved you anyway
If I had read the last
page first
If I had the strength to walk away
If I'd known how
this would hurt
I'd
do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that
I would trade
Had
I known my heart would break
I'd' have loved you anyway)
( Trisha Yearwood)
Lucky comes over and opens the door. I can see Liz on the couch behind him with tears in her eyes. He says softly "Em."
"Lucky."
"Come on in. Come on...we were just talking about you."
"About me? Good things I hope. Trying to figure out a way to get me on Dr. Ford's good side so I can get off the night shift finally?"
Liz gives me a weak smile. "You and me both."
The tension in the room is so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut through it. But I should know from my own marriage with Zander that putting a relationship back together after hitting a rough spot is never an easy thing to do. I just have to keep my faith that they will work it out. Its want they both want...and I want Lucky happy, his boys happy, his family whole.
We could have our own little family together, goes through my mind, His boys and maybe a daughter of our own. A little sister for Cam and Jake...a little angel they would adore with Lucky's eyes and his good heart.
I blink back my tears. No more thinking like that. It will get me no where.
"So," I say brightly and just a little too loud "the kids ready for the park? It should give you two some alone time."
"Actually," Lucky looks between me and Liz "I'm gonna go with you to the park."
"But...don't you two need to work stuff out?"
Liz stands up, smoothing down her jeans with her hands, and says, in a tone that leaves no room for arguement, "Its all worked out. Lucky and I are on the same page now...and we know what is best for our family. We're gonna make it all work, right, Lucky?"
"I will spend my life making sure that it does, Liz. Trust me on that."
"I do trust you...that was our problem before, Em. I just didn't trust enough that in the end it would all fall into place and the hurt would be just an ancient memory...that we could be friends through the rough patches but now I know...cause Lucky has explained it all to me...I know we are strong enough to endure anything, as long as we are honest with each other."
"You are both so lucky to get this second chance," I tell him, meaning every word.
Liz heads upstairs to get the kids. Lucky gives me a long look. "Have you been crying?"
"Happy tears. I went to see your mom. Girl talk...you know how it is. I caught her all up on everything."
"Thank you for caring enough to do that."
"You don't have to thank me. She's your mom...of course, I care."
"Do you know...when we were like twelve or thirteen...before there was any Liz or Nikolas around...my mom told my Dad You better get used to having that girl around...She's gonna marry our son someday...They were standing in the kitchen and we had just went out the back door...I went back to get some popsicles and heard her."
"That's a very Mom kind of thing to say. I'm sure once she met Liz she realized just who you belonged with."
"I don't know about that. It'd be great to be able to ask her, huh?"
Liz brings the kids back down and we head to the park. I sit on the bench, holding a sleeping Jake, while Lucky pushes Cameron on the swings. I can remember back to when it was me and Lucky on that same swing set, his hands on my back, pushing me towards the stars.
(It's
bittersweet to look back now
at memories
withered on a vine
Just
to hold you close to me
for a moment in time
I
would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I
would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had
I known my heart would break
I'd' have loved you anyway)
I know it might seem like I should have regrets. I never told him how I felt and now its too late. But I have none. Cause I still have Lucky, he is my one true friend in this world. He will see me through everything, even losing my chance to be his girlfriend, his wife, the mother of his children, the one he rushes home to after his shift, his lover and the one who wears his ring. He will still be my better half, and my confidant and my safe place to fall...he will be my everything, even if I can never be his.
(Even
if I'd seen it coming I would've loved you anyway
You'd still have seen me running
straight
into your arms
I'd
do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not
a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I
would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway)
Cameron runs over, crying my name and nearly wakes up Jake. He says "Do ya hear the ice cream man, Aunt Emmy?"
"Yep I do. Should I make your Daddy get you a popsicle?"
"Please! Please! Please!
Smiling at Lucky I repeat the same words his son used "Please! Please! Please! We want popsicles."
Shaking his head and smiling, Lucky heads over to the vendor who's truck is lumbering past the park, while I slide Jake's sleeping body into his stroller. Cameron immediately scurries onto my lap to take his brother's place.
I can't be sad for me...cause this little boy is getting his family back. And I love him like my own...its just natural to do that because he belongs to Zander and Liz and because he is Lucky's son...I forgave Zander for cheating on me because we were separated when he was with Liz. He tried to build a relationship with Cameron as Uncle Zander but Lucky was there everyday and Lucky was Cam's true father from birth. He loves Cam like he loves Jake and it has nothing to do with biology...and I love these boys the same way. I swear that I would not love them more if they were my own, so I will gladly step back and give them their family...besides who is to say Lucky would want me over Liz anyway?
He has loved her for over a decade. I'm only his best friend.
Lucky comes back and hands out the popsicles and then sits down next to me on the bench, with his shoulder touching mine. Leaning close to my ear he says "After we take the kids home...I need to talk to you, okay?"
His voice sends a shiver down my spine. Last year it wouldn't have done that, because I loved him in a different way then, I was still married and I hadn't turned around and opened my eyes to see the man who stood behind me since I was a girl. But now his voice can brings my nerve endings to life. Another secret I am keeping from him. It will be hard to love him quietly...but I can do this...because I do love him, always have, and I am in love with him and that gives me the strength to put him first.
Turning my head, as the wind whips my hair away from my face, and his child still sits on my lap, I tell Lucky "Okay...lets talk at my place. I'm off work tonight. You can keep me company. Unless you need to get right back to Liz?"
"No, Em, I got time."
So I get him for a few hours tonight. It will just have to be enough for me. Getting to be with him at all is still something that brings a smile to my face, not tears to my eyes because he has to leave me and go home to her. I might ache for him...but he always cuts my pain right in half by holding my hand, and holding on through the storm. And even if everything else changes, that will not.
