Thank you all but especially You are Love for your very encouraging words. Kitkat, I understand when work gets in the way. Thank you for taking the time to review. I really appreciate it. The same to TMara, MarilynKC and Judybear236. I might have hung my pen up long ago if not for some very special support from all of you.
Chapter 56
Christine and Erik left Mabrelle's cottage and headed back towards the Chateau. As they walked back hand in hand Christine smiled up at him. Erik was deep in thought about Mabrelle's revelations about Maela. It made him understand her actions a little bit more, but it did not change the fact that she had done some terrible things to him. In his heart he wished that he could forgive her, perhaps he might have if she had not been so hateful when he returned. She was consistent in rejecting him, even in the final hours of her life.
"Did Mabrelle tell you anything that gave you some insight into the past?"
He looked at her "Not really, other than the fact that my mother supported the charity for the deformed children, out of a sense of obligation, and not out of any truly altruistic leanings. It would seem that Mabrelle once had a twin who was deformed, and my mother was very close to her, until she was forced to give her up by my grandparents. Apparently my mother's actions led to the poor girl's suicide. Maybe bearing me, reignited some buried feelings about the past in my mother." Erik looked away angrily "Perhaps she felt that she had befriended the girl in error, and therefore atoned for her previous lapse in judgment by rejecting me."
Christine stopped and faced him "Or maybe she did not want to endure the pain of caring too much about you. Perhaps she lashed out at you because down deep she really did care, but could not allow herself to do so. You cannot know the real answer for sure. Your brother claims that, for the most part your mother, was a caring person when he and Elanna were children."
Erik smiled at her adoringly "That is one of the many things that I adore about you, Cherie. You have an innately wonderful ability to see the good in almost anyone that you come into contact with, including me. Unfortunately my own experience has not been so benign. I have mostly seen the harsh side of humanity. I spent enough time with that woman to know that she had no good side, and that the only emotion that she ever felt for me, was the desire to see me dead." His eyes flashed in painful remembrance "I never asked to be born with this face, only that it be overlooked when viewing me. For much of my life, I have only desired to be loved for myself. Not to be hated and feared for my face. If I had been granted even a smidgen of love from that woman, would have had a different life. You know that I could have behaved as gently as a lamb, if fate had allowed me to be that way."
"Yes, I know that, mon amour. Earlier, when we were singing for Lalie. I looked into your eyes and I saw your soul pure and whole. Truly you were so handsome, just then." She told him. "I love you so much that I can feel my heart fill to the brim with my emotions. I want you to take me in your arms and never let go of me again."
Erik reached over to her and cupped her face in his hands and pulled her lips onto his and then kissed her with all his might. "I just might do that." He vowed. "I just might hold you in my arms and never let you go."
As they approached the house they could see the children at play. Gustave spotted them and came running towards them. When he reached Erik he flung his arms around his waist. Erik picked him up and twirled him and then put him back down.
"Father, I am so glad to see you. Maman came by before and told me that you were safe, but I heard that gunshot and I prayed that it wasn't you. I do not want to lose another father, not again." He told him.
Erik laughed lightly at his son's concern. "You needn't worry about me Gustave. I will always return to you. Death is not quite ready for me yet. You are finally safe now, both you and your mother. Your Maman and I will finally get married and we will be a family, at last. Your uncle has been arrested and you will reclaim your legacy from Raoul, after all. You are the Vicomte de Chagny once again, and some day you will be the Comte. Your future is very bright no matter where you go son."
Gustave looked up at Erik and met his gaze with his own "I told you already, I don't care about either some stupid title, or legacy. I only care that you and Maman will be married and that we will all be happy, especially you. I am looking forward to having a brother or a sister, or perhaps even both."
Erik looked at him a little more seriously "Well you know son, you might feel that you don't care about those things now but you might someday when you are an adult. I have looked into the law, and unfortunately, even when your Maman and I marry, I can never give you either my title or this estate. Only a King can legitimize your claim to those things, and France does not have Kings anymore. I have no one to appeal to on your behalf. But I do not really need to do so anyways because you have been taken care of. Despite the fact that you were, by blood, the son of his greatest enemy, your Papa entrusted his title and legacy to you. He entrusted it to you, to pass his heritage on to new generations. In America such things don't mean that much, it is a new country, with a short past. In France they mean a lot more. Since you are French by both birth and by blood, they should mean something to you. It will give you a certain gravitas, which you could never achieve on your own, because it takes centuries to build the respect that goes into such a heritage. Do you understand?"
Gustave nodded "I think that I do. But you don't like using your own title, and Uncle Henri does not want to use it either. So if what you say is true shouldn't you want your own title?"
"That is because my life is now across the sea in a place where it holds little meaning. Besides my own parents rejected me. If they could have, they would have bestowed my title on Henri. You are still young, and may choose to live in France when you are grown up. If so, the de Chagny name will open a lot of doors for you. Unlike my parents, Raoul never rejected you; he loved you as his own son. He wanted you to bear his name, and gave his life for you to do so." Erik told him.
Gustave changed the subject "I heard that Grandmere is gone and Aunt Lalie's brother as well? What happened?"
Erik explained "Well as it turns out the Marquis did not like what Grandmere did to little Erik, and he got too angry to care about the consequences of killing her, sort of like I once did when I was younger. Sometimes when they are angry, people can forget about the difference between right and wrong, and they act without thinking their actions through. You remember what I told you about me, all those years ago, back at the opera house, when your mother thought that I was a monster? Well he was just like I was, unfortunately I had to stop him, because he would not see reason."
"So he was a bad man?" Gustave asked Erik.
"No Gustave, he was a misguided one. He let his feelings of pain and betrayal guide his actions, and when that happened, he became a different man. Once, I was no better than he was, but I was more fortunate. I had people who were willing to give me a second chance to redeem myself and I was allowed to become a better man." Erik told him.
"You mean Maman and I?" he asked with a smile.
"Yes, as well as Nadir, and Darius and even George; And Meg and her mother too. You all taught me that my mother was wrong, that you always have a choice to make, even if others would force a different choice on you. Your mother taught me the most." He told Gustave while looking at Christine. "I once tried to force her to choose between two obviously terrible choices, and yet despite my best attempts otherwise, she chose a different path all together. In doing so she also chose a better path for me."
"What did you try to make her choose?" Gustave asked.
Erik smiled warmly "Between an eternity of looking at my hideous face and Raoul's life. My objective of course was to force her to marry me. I did not think that I could win her love in any other way. I knew also that she would never choose to let me kill him, so the deck of cards was already stacked in my favor."
Gustave looked at him angrily "How dare you force her to make such a choice. You can't make someone love you, especially not that way. She would have hated you forever."
Erik took Christine's hand gently into his own, and gave her a light kiss on it. He smiled at her. He then turned back to look at Gustave. "I know that now Gustave, but I was a troubled young man, well not so young but definitely troubled. Your mother advanced the same argument that you just did, as did Raoul, but I was not of a mind to listen, at least not then. So your mother instead gathered up her courage and did the most wondrous thing. She kissed me right on my lips and hugged me as well, and I was completely unmasked to boot. No one had ever done such a thing to me ever before."
Gustave looked at him. "That is not a terrible choice father. I have kissed you on the face many times when you are not wearing a mask. As you told me, it is only skin and bones, the same as both me and everyone else."
"But up to that time, no one had ever proven that to me; that they could voluntarily come up to me and kiss me. Not even my own mother had ever kissed me Gustave, but she did, and just like that I let both of them go. I could not force your mother to marry me after what she had done. She did not accept either of the choices that I gave her. She chose her own way and it worked. So you see, Gustave that is why what happened to the Marquis was a tragedy. It was not terrible that he felt either angry or betrayed, those are human emotions that we all feel from time to time. The tragedy was that he used those emotions to hurt others, as I almost did, before your mother saved me from doing so. I hope that this will be a lesson for you." Erik told him.
Christine beamed at Erik "That was beautiful Erik."
He winked at her and then blew her a kiss and then turned back to Gustave. "Fortunately, Gustave, your Maman gave me a second chance and this time it was her who proposed marriage to me." He joked.
"Are you sad about your mother, Father?" Gustave asked.
"I wish that I could be Gustave, but not really. She did not love me as a mother should love a son, and did a lot of terrible things to me, so no Gustave I will not miss her." Erik admitted.
Gustave put an arm on Erik's and looked into his eyes "Well she was wrong to treat you that way. You would have been a great son, just like you are a great father. I will be very sad when you are gone."
Erik wiped a stray tear from his eye "Thank you son. I shall try to stay alive for you for quite a while longer. I want to be a good father to you, just like I want to be a good husband for your mother."
Christine observed "You are well on your way darling. You have a great deal of knowledge in many areas of being both a father and husband, despite your lack of training and experience."
Erik knew what she really meant and his eyes filled with a sultry promise of future passion. "There is always more to learn and I intend on doing so. I need to make up for my past neglect in that regard."
"You have always been an apt pupil ange, I have no doubt that you will succeed." She replied with a suggestive smile.
Erik once again picked up Gustave and remarked, "It is a good thing that I am a big and strong man or I would not be able to pick you up and give you a ride. You are already a tall fellow for your age, and are starting to fill out, and I am getting old."
Gustave smiled "You are not yet old father, and you are stronger than most people who are younger than you. Mon Pere stopped picking me up when I was five and told me that I was too big to carry. He was younger than you but not as big and strong. Isn't that right Maman?"
Christine laughed but then admonished "Yes darling, but it is not nice to remark about him in that way. He is no longer here to defend himself. He was an excellent father to you as well. Don't you dare forget him."
Gustave looked at her "I did not mean to hurt your feelings Maman or say anything bad about Mon Pere. He was an excellent father and he loved me just as much as my Father here. I will never forget him."
Erik smiled "I do not expect you to Gustave, not for me. I am happy for you, you have two fathers and I didn't have any father, or mother for that matter, not really."
Christine admonished "That is not quite true darling, first you had Mabrelle and then Antoinette. They both loved and cared about you a great deal."
Erik nodded in acknowledgement "You are right as ever, ange, they both did love me and care about me in their own way. I guess that I need to stop looking at my past as a total disaster and count my blessings. As much as I once felt that everyone hated me, the truth was that I always had friends and family who did care about me. I was just too busy feeling sorry for myself to see it."
Christine smiled "And this new revelation is coming from the man who hates any form of pity. Yet there you were looking for pity from yourself."
Erik shrugged "You are still teaching me how to see the world in a whole new way. Forgive me if I still occasionally relapse to my old bitter and self-hating state. Old habits die hard."
They walked over to the Chateau and re-entered. The other children had already gone inside and were in the morning room. When Erik, Christine and Gustave returned they found just Henri, Meg, Nadir and Darius together with the children. Eugene and Lalie were not there. Gustave ran off to play with his cousins. Christine went over to speak to Meg. The men gathered together to talk.
Erik looked at Henri "Did you have a chance to tell Eugene about his father? If so how did he take it?"
Henri answered, "Fortunately he is still young. He did not truly understand the consequences, at least not yet. Lalie took him back with her, so that he can be in his own room for the next few days, but eventually we hope that he will be allowed to move here and be raised as our son, with his cousins. I think that it will be good for him to be around an intact family, with other children around to play with. The loss will then be easier for him to bear."
Erik replied, "I quite agree. I think that it is an excellent idea for him to live here with you. With two parents to love him like you and Lalie, he will hopefully grow up happy and well adjusted. Are you going to tell him how his parents died when he is older?"
Henri looked at him uncertainly "Well, I am not sure that he would need to know but you claim that it is wrong to keep people in the dark over unpleasant matters. Would you have me tell him and therefore upset him about the past?"
Erik replied softly "In this case no. Both of his parents are dead, and that will never change. To inform him that his father killed his mother, and then went crazy, would do nothing to prevent what happened but might upset the boy. Perhaps someday, you and Lalie together should find a good way of telling him about his father's death. It will not be easy because you have made the world believe that it was you who killed Tris, and not me. But if he finds out what happened from someone else, he might feel betrayed. It is one reason that I am uncomfortable with you taking the blame for what I did. He could, like his father did, believe that you should have told him. The consequences of that could end up dire."
Henri sighed "Well Lalie and I still have years before we have to consider the matter. In that time we should be able to come up with a way of doing so without upsetting the boy too much. But thank you Erik for your concern. It shows that, despite everything, that you do care about us."
Erik looked at him in surprise "Did you doubt that I would?"
Henri looked down in shame. "No not really." He replied weakly.
Nadir looked at Erik "You two did make peace with one another didn't you?"
Erik replied smoothly, "Of course we did. We have cleared the air but it will still take a little time for the awkwardness between us to disappear. Isn't that right Henri?"
Henri looked up at them and answered, "Yes. Don't blame Erik, I still feel a little guilty at what I said and did, even after Erik has forgiven me. We have agreed that we need to get to know one another and build on that."
Nadir said "Good. I am glad that it is settled. In my own experience, once Erik has forgiven you he does not hold a grudge. It is one of his better traits. The ferocity of his initial anger seems to burn away all of his remaining ire once he has calmed down."
Henri smiled "It is good to know. I am the same way."
Erik looked at Nadir "How did it go at the gendarmerie? Was it truly Philippe that they held?"
Nadir replied, "It was him. He was hurt. It would appear that his horse lost a shoe and bucked him off. He fell to the ground and landed on some hard ice. He broke both a leg and his knee in the fall. He was in a lot of pain but the Capitaine and the other men did not seem to care. He begged me to intervene."
"Did they get him a doctor?" Erik asked curiously.
"No, apparently the doctor only takes cash. I put forth the money for them to call him, and saw to it that they did. Even if the man was a scoundrel, I felt that he did not deserve that sort of treatment. Allah tells us to be merciful to our enemies." Nadir observed.
"I quite agree with your sentiment. I will reimburse you for the fees. You should not have to have them come out of your pocket." Erik told him.
"They also will not give him access to an advocate for the same reason. He only takes cash up front." Nadir added.
"Then by all means we shall employ one on his behalf. The man did intervene to save our lives after all. It is only fair that we do the same for him. Perhaps Henri here can recommend someone decent. I am sure that he know many judges and advocates in the area." Erik remarked.
Henri replied, "I do indeed. I will help you find him one. It is every man's right to have representation no matter how horrific his actions are. We are a civilized country."
Erik teased, "You are honorable to the end brother, indeed you are a man of high principle. Of course, earlier, I too benefited from your largesse." He added "A lesser man would have fed me to the lions and let my head roll."
Henri remarked dryly "Then be grateful, for once, that I am not a lesser man."
Erik rubbed his neck thoughtfully "Yep, thanks to you it is still intact. My hideous head remains where it has always been."
Nadir interjected "I am somewhat surprised at you Erik. I have never before known you to have compassion on your enemies, yet you are willing to arrange for Philippe's defense."
Erik smirked "I find it much easier to show compassion now that I have received some Daroga. Although I helped assure his capture, I do not truly detest the man. In many ways I rather pity him. As he said, I wear my deformity on the outside while he wears his inside. He too has been forced to wear a mask, to hide what he really is."
Nadir raised an eyebrow in disbelief "Pity, mercy and understanding from the infamous Angel of Doom? I wonder what the Persian court would think if they found out that the feared Angel of Death had developed such empathy. Have you grown soft in your dotage Erik?"
Erik sneered "Hardly my friend. When one is as hideous as I am, one cannot afford the luxury of being too soft. To survive I have had to both harden my heart and be cognizant of the multitude of threats that are constantly directed my way. Even so, I no longer see any reason to immunize myself from other people's suffering. I am not the only person in the world who has been forced by fate to suffer."
Nadir looked over towards Christine "In the short time since you have reunited with Christine, she has changed you into the man that Allah meant you to be. The Angel of Doom is really gone, and has been replaced by a man with a heart made out of gold."
Henri interrupted "Who was the Angel of Doom?"
Erik rolled his eyes "You do not want to know brother, or you might reconsider your professed desire to get to know me better. There are parts of my past that make my stint at the Opera House benevolent in comparison. Nadir has known and endured me through most of my worst incarnations."
Henri looked at Nadir and queried, "He is exaggerating isn't he? He was never that bad was he?"
Nadir looked at Erik and then at Darius before turning back to Henri to answer. "He was worse, Henri, much worse, but even then I knew that my friend here had a heart so large that it could hold the world. He just had a hard time letting anyone see it. As he said he could not afford to show any sign of weakness, but his heart was always there for the taking if anyone had bothered to look for it. Sadly I was the only man in Persia to see it."
Erik suddenly looked puzzled and looked at them strangely, as if suddenly realizing something, "This conversation brings to mind something that that Mabrelle told me that our mother said. When she said it I did not even bother to pay much attention to it. When she said it, it seemed of minor importance, but now I am not so sure."
Henri looked at him with rapt attention "What did she say? What did our mother tell her?"
"A peculiar remark that is both strange and perplexing, she told Mabrelle that she 'wanted to make sure that he had the fire in his spirit to withstand all the hardships that life could throw at him.' When Mabrelle asked her what she meant, she shrugged and told me 'after all that I did, I could hardly afford to question my own actions. It is much easier for me to question his. For if I did not, then it would be me who had been the monster for all of these years, and I could not afford to carry that burden, but he could, he carries the best of me inside of him'." Erik looked at Henri intently "Do you have any idea what she might have meant by that? You knew her better than I did?"
Henri shook his head "Not really. Our mother was largely a mystery even to us. She was not unkind to Elanna and I but she did have these lapses of concentration and bouts of silence, as if she were someone else at times, as if her attention were somewhere else. She was really a complicated person. I both hated and marveled at her at the same time."
"Did she ever speak to you about Mabrelle's twin sister?" Erik grilled.
"No, never; just as she never spoke of you. There were always subjects that were off limits, especially her past." Henri remarked.
"Would Elanna know anything more of it?" Erik asked.
"Perhaps." Henri replied. "They fought a lot, but at the same time, they were close to one another. As Lalie will tell you, regarding our own daughter, a mother daughter relationship has a different dynamic than a mother and son's."
"Then perhaps if she is willing I will ask her these questions." Erik stated bluntly.
Henri shrugged "It is worth a try, although perhaps you are reading more into the comments than it would seem. It could mean nothing."
Erik agreed "Perhaps. But it would be perhaps enlightening."
"Well she will be here in a few more days. She is quite the whirlwind. She will certainly liven things up here once again. But she is my twin and I love her dearly despite her eccentricities." Henri added.
"I look forward to meeting her." Erik replied. "She sounds rather intriguing in her own right."
"She is." Henri admitted "But I predict that you will like one another, if you don't kill each other first."
