Chapter 52: Tired (Adele)
I can't live like this, being abused every time I fucking breathe wrong, not again. Please stop this, let go of me, please?"
I could feel the tears pouring from my eyes as I begged her to stop, pleaded with her to give me her love back no matter what the cost.
Even if it meant allowing her to break our wedding vows...again.
"And if I want all of that? Frankie, the tour, your undying devotion you would give it all to me?"
"Always and only you, B."
"Then that's what I want." she said as she dropped my hands, I wiggled my fingers as the blood flowed back into them.
I looked up at her and sucked my lips into my mouth before nodding in agreement.
"Okay." I whispered taking the chance to lean into her chest. Sobs wracked my body, I felt like I had just sold my soul, sold out my marriage. "Can I-I just ask one thing?"
"Yes."
"Don't stop loving me, don't leave me...please?"
I cried into her chest and she wrapped her arms tightly around me dropping kisses to my head.
This was pathetic.
"I will never leave you Ana. I love you more than anything. Always and only you."
So that's how the agreement came to be, I turned a blind eye to her going behind locked doors with her phone and she didn't hurt me.
I felt a wall go up between us, that only I could see.
Britt went on being her happy self and I played the part of her adoring wife.
I stopped using and focused on graduating and being a good Mami.
All of the temptation was still there but I resisted.
The next two days back to school, I was a model student and was on time or early to most of my classes and when I saw my candy man in the hallways and he would wink at me, I would look the other way.
Being strung out on whatever he was pushing, was not how I wanted to finish off high school.
Everything was feeling great and Britt was starting to be more caring towards me.
I was skeptical though...when something feels too good to be true...it usually is.
Saturday morning, I laid curled up in my wife's arms, as she sung sweet songs to me and I felt like I could lie there forever at peace with her.
It almost seemed like we were back to us.
Back to being Santittany.
We were laughing and staring into each other's eyes.
And I actually felt better.
Clean and loved.
"Are you excited about today?" she whispered in my ear.
"Yes! I want these staples out so that I can start running again."
"And fucking?"
"Yes and getting my mack on with my old lady." I chuckled.
"Hey! You're older than me remember?"
"I was joking Britt."
"I know!"
"So what do you want to do after we leave the hospital?"
"I want to go for a drive. I want to escape for the night. We never got our honeymoon."
"Right. Well we can visit Isaac and then how about we go out on a date...dinner and dancing?"
"Really?"
"Yes...there is that club that opened across from the mall. I think it's 18 to enter."
"I don't know if that is the best place for us right now...how about we just have a picnic in the Children's garden? or by the lake?"
"Okay, Britt whatever you want."
"Yea! We can go see the ducks!"
"That sounds amazing."
Everything was happening so fast, graduation a month and a half away, Isaac would be out of the hospital soon after that and today was our senior brunch at Breadstix.
Britt and I were actively dating now and back to having sex every chance we got.
The aggression between us was still there and it still seemed like she had lost apart of herself.
But I pressed on.
I hadn't touched drugs or alcohol in two weeks and Britt and I were back to fucking daily again.
And even if I felt used by the end of it...I was just happy that she was paying me attention over Frankie.
I was pressed against the shower wall with my leg thrown over her hip as she fucked me with four fingers.
She had been taking out her frustration with the little shit that I did that she didn't approve of, during sex.
It seemed to be the way she kept herself from gripping me up.
Only during sex could she hold onto me without me begging her to stop because I was willing to take it all even if it was painful at times.
I rested my head against her shoulder as she growled into my neck.
"You like this? Me fucking you like this?"
"Y-yes! More...harder B...God! Ahhh" I felt my eyes nearly pop out as she shifted and got her whole hand inside of me. It felt uncomfortable at first but then she began to move and I felt like I was going to fall to pieces. "Shit!"
"Mmmm...that's my little wife taking it like a champ...you keep taking it like this and I won't need Frankie so much while I'm home from the tour." My heart leapt a little...so this is what she needed...I could do this. "Is this too much? Huh? Can you take it?"
"I can take it all baby...all of it...B! I-I'm c-c-cumming! Shit!"
"I want you to give me all you got...I gave Frankie nine orgasms in a row...can you beat that?" she was taunting me but Santana fucking Lopez doesn't back down from a challenge.
"Yes...baby...ayyyyy...B!"
"That's three..."
"Harder B!" I screamed.
I groaned when she abruptly pulled out of me.
"In the bed, on your knees." she slapped my ass as I stood back on shaky legs.
This was too much like Marco.
Too much like my past.
I wanted my wife back...but she seemed long gone.
This couldn't be my life.
"We're going to be late for the brunch, B." I whined.
"Fuck the brunch! We will show up fashionably late. In bed! Don't make me say it again!"
I pushed my aching body to climb onto the bed and get into position with my feet dangling over the side of the mattress just like she wanted.
Before I could even prepare myself, she was sliding her whole hand back inside of me.
"Fuck!" I moaned into the mattress, that did not feel good.
She held onto my shoulder as she took me completely...she was deeper and more excited than before.
I was screaming now as my tears soaked the pillow.
My body was so close to climaxing.
The only sound in the room was our grunts and the wet slapping sound as she pounded over and over.
Even with my mind jumping back to bad memories, I was still egging her on.
"Mmmmm...harder! Faster!" I yelled because it excited her, even though I wanted softer and slower. "Ayyyyy!" I screamed as I came again back to back to back.
I was at six orgasms now.
"Show me why I married you Ana!" she muttered into my ear.
I began to push back into her hand as she pounded trying to make this happen faster.
My orgasm came hard and had me seeing stars.
I was at eight...I was going to knock this bitch out if the water,
Even if it literally killed me!
"More B...yes! More! Just like that...mmmmm!" Ten, beat that bitch! Even though I was tired and had passed the goal, I kept going. "More...don't stop!"
"You still want more?"
"Yes!" No. "Please!"
Stop.
I could tell that Britt was worn out because she was slowing down.
Then she pulled out of me.
I collapsed to the bed before I hit eleven.
"My hand hurt...sorry baby."
"It's okay B. We can try again later...ok?" I said smiling through my pain.
"With the strap on?"
"Whatever you want baby." I just wanted a fucking break...my body ached. "For now let's get in the shower again but no funny business. Okay?"
I hadn't wanted to go to the stupid brunch...it was a free day and with Isaac in the regular nursery now just a month after being born, that was where wanted to be.
But no...I had to go...glee club was performing.
How fucking great!
I just wanted to be with my son but B had asked to go and perform, with the cutest pout on her face, so I couldn't say no.
I was standing under the water when I felt B pull me back against her,
"Britt! We're going to be late!" I whined but she just grunted and bent me back over.
Not again.
My body ached.
How was she more insatiable than Marco?
"I want that last one, I know you were almost there." she said, as she pushed on my upper half until I was completely bent over.
"Okay B...but we have to leave soon...okay?"
I tried not to sound too much like I was begging, not that it would have mattered.
I felt the water pounding down on my back as I held onto the edge of the tub with my head just inches from the wall.
She only used two fingers this time and it was only moments before I crumbled again.
Like this, it felt better.
More pleasurable.
More like being in love.
But then she had to go and ruin it.
"That wasn't good enough, Ana." she said as she slapped my ass.
"I'm sorry." I groaned.
"You're not sorry yet!"
Fuck.
I knew that meant we were definitely going to be late.
She had been saying that whenever I spent "too much" time with Ian.
Last night, Ian and I had stayed until the end of visiting hours and then he took me out for pizza before I drove him home.
The night before, I had spent the night with Quinn after working on a project.
Britt had Cheerios drills and couldn't make it both times.
Now I was going to pay for it.
Dammit!
I took a deep breath and waited as she stepped out the shower.
"Don't move...I don't want to wait for later. Just a quickie!"
Fuck me...or rather don't fuck me!
I kept my head facing the bottom of the tub as I felt her climb back in behind me.
This was all apart of her game...fuck me to oblivion, so that I was nice at these stupid functions and I wasn't flirting too much with Ian or Q.
I was scared to see what happened for prom night, especially, if either one of them wanted to dance with me.
Britt dug her fingers into my hips and slammed into me hard with the strap-on.
My head would have collided with the wall if she hadn't been holding on to me so tightly.
I barely had time to breathe with her rapid movements.
She was jack-hammering into me and I was trying not to scream in pain.
"Are you holding out on me, Ana?"
Crap I forgot to at least moan.
Crap!
"N-no Britt."
"Sounds like it, what I'm not as good as Ian? Not as cool as Quinn? Hmm?"
"I'm yours baby, only yours, no one fucks me like you do...ahhhhh fuck!"
"Am. I. too. much. for. you? Hmm? Maybe I should find someone else, I mean, if you can't handle it."
"Fuck! So good B! I wish you could just fuck me all day!" I groaned out.
I knew it was a stretch but I knew what her response would be to my pronouncement.
"Too bad...brunch and then the hospital and then the sleepover tonight with Q and Rachel."
"Are you sure you can't fuck me any more baby? Oh...god! Harder baby! Like that...yes!" I screamed out.
She finally pulled back and slammed back in.
I came again screaming her name.
"Maybe, I'll find the time." she said as she smacked my ass again.
I came three times before Britt was finally satisfied that I had been dealt with.
She left me alone to shower while she pulled out our clothes.
Finally able to release all the bottled up emotions for the moment, I found myself in tears.
I felt horrible with the way things were going since this whole deal because I wasn't getting anything out of this arrangement.
I was sore all the time and I was starting to feel like a piece of trash.
The more I gave of myself to Britt the worse I felt.
I found myself anxious for September to come so that I could get a break from her.
We ended up getting to brunch only thirty minutes late.
Britt held my hand tightly as we trudged up the handicap ramp.
I was so sore that I was dreading being around my peers and having to sit-down.
Especially with her hovering over me all the time.
At this rate, Frankie could have her.
I plastered on a huge smile, after promising Britt that I would be on my best behavior.
"San! You made it!" Quinn hobbled over to me in her boot.
I smiled at her and immediately regretted it.
B squeezed at my hand before I could say the hundred or so cripple jokes that were floating in my head.
Even if that was just how me and Q were...but I got the message.
So I was nice.
"Hey Q, how are you?"
Quinn noticed.
And she didn't like what she saw.
"Fine, hey B would you mind if I stole San for a little while?"
"Sure thing...I wanted to go hang out with the glee club for a bit anyway...see ya!"
"Thanks, B!"
Britt bounced off in her mock aloofness.
And I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
"You look like hell." Q whispered in my ear as she pulled me off to a solitary booth.
"Then I look, how I feel." I said as I slowly eased down on my side of the booth.
Barely biting back a groan.
"Why is this only the second time that we have been alone in almost a month? What's going on with you? If I didn't know any better I'd think that Britt turned into Marco, from the way you follow her around these days, I'm starting to worry. I mean I'm happy that you have been clean but does that mean you have to stop living? Is B acting like Marco?"
"As always Q, you really aren't far off from the truth."
Quinn sat in stunned silence and then reached out for my hand but I pulled my hands off the table and dropped them into my lap and just shook my head.
Even with her across the room, I knew that Britt was watching.
"I can't do that, not while she can see us. She thinks that we are too intimate for best friends...I mean she knows how intimate I was with her as my best friend."
"But we are just best friends. We weren't even serious when we had sex with each other. It's not happening again. We agreed."
"Doesn't matter...she made me change my seats in our classes that we have together because she said you and I sitting in the back of the room was suspicious and that we could be doing anything back there. She is past the point of reason."
"Shit! I thought you were just being bitchy. You can't live like this...not again. Are you even happy anymore?"
"No...aside from Glee and seeing Isaac...being around you is the best part of my day."
"Mine too!"
"But I have to back up my wife...Lord knows that I have screwed up enough. She deserves my devotion."
"Is she cheating on you?"
"W-why would you even ask that?"
She raised that fucking eyebrow of hers and just shook her head.
Leave it to Q...she knows me better than anyone, I swear it.
"Only someone this jealous and overprotective would be doing it to just project their guilt of cheating onto someone else. So tell me...is she cheating on you?"
"I caught her having phone sex...with Frankie and now I know for a fact that she does it almost every night, I'm surprised they aren't doing it on Skype." I whispered.
"That's really screwed up...quick ask me something...she's coming over here."
"Um...so when's the cast come off?"
"Not soon enough...hopefully I won't be hobbling across that stage."
"Hey Q...you think I can have Ana back?" Britt said as she hovered over me.
"Yea sure B. San, do me a favor, when you see Rachel, can you tell her where I am? I don't think I can make the journey."
"Sure thing Q." I winked and walked away.
As we walked over to the buffet, Britt leaned down next to my ear and whispered,
"Did that husky voice of hers make you wet?"
I pulled back and looked at her in shock.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now, Brittany?" I whispered back harshly
Britt let out a fake chuckle and then pulled on my elbow, ignoring my question.
"Let's eat!" she said in her bubbly Brittany voice.
I found Rachel harassing the manager of the place about proper arrangement of microphones or something and pulled her away.
"Hey, Rach...my crippled friend is over there in need of some sweet lady kisses and maybe some conversation."
Rachel looked over at Quinn sitting alone in a booth playing with a straw wrapper and dazing out the window.
"I guess you're right...thanks for the heads up." she said as she wandered over to Q.
Brittany leaned in again and said,
"Awww...anything for your girlfriend Quinn, right?"
"She's not my girlfriend...I'm happily married thank you very much!"
I finished putting crap on my plate and then walked off to a booth in the back.
When we sat down Britt had crinkled up her brow and was watching someone over my shoulder.
There was only one person that made that face appear and I was afraid of what was coming.
I had purposely sat with my back to the restaurant so that she didn't think I wasn't checking anyone out and here she was not even looking at me, obviously more interested in the rest of the room.
I kicked her under the table "accidentally" and then smiled.
"Still sore?" she asked raising her eyebrow.
I looked down at my plate not bothering to answer.
The rest of the brunch had been a snooze fest with exception of B finding ways to take digs at my friendship with Q.
The glee club performed and it was one of the first times in a long while that I felt genuinely happy.
After we climbed from the stage and sat back down in our booth, Puck and Ian came over and sat with us.
Puck had sat beside Britt and was picking at what was left of her french toast sticks while Ian squeezed in next to me.
Bad move, Perkins.
I sat stiffly until he playfully began to poke me in the ribs making me laugh out loudly.
God, why was he doing this?
I could see the chill in B's eyes so I tried to avoid them at all cost.
"Hey baby Mami, you okay?" Ian joked, I punched his arm trying to get him to stop, he just chuckled and took a sip of my orange juice.
I found myself wishing that he and I had become friends sooner because he was a pretty cool ass dude.
"Nothing much, Papa bear. NoNo...what's up with you, what do we owe the honor of you two young strapping gentlemen at our table? Hate to break it to you but we are married teen lesbians!"
I winked at Britt who smiled but it didn't reach the cold in her eyes.
"Well Quinn and Rachel invited us tonight for a small soiree and I was wondering if I could catch a ride with you two since we are all headed to see Isaac after this?"
"Absolutely, you got it papa bear." I said leaning into him.
He threw his arm over my shoulder and then looked at Britt having quickly learned that he had to always ask her things too.
"How about you Brittany you don't mind do you?"
"Nah...as a matter of fact, I'm going to cut out on the hospital and maybe even the party. My parents have been bugging me to visit them, plus, I need to get a jump start on my senior project. So babe can you drop me off on your way to the hospital?"
"Of course babe, are you sure you don't want to go?" Britt nodded and then looked off out the window. I turned to Ian and shrugged, "I guess it's just the two of us. Hey, since we are going to the hospital and then both going to the party do you just wanna ride with me all day? How did you get here?"
"That would be great...and I walked here, duh, you know, I do only live two blocks away."
"Right."
The guys got up from the table to go cause trouble elsewhere, so I took the opportunity to slide in the booth next to Britt.
I didn't want this to get ugly later.
I knew that Britt was pissed, I could feel the anger rolling off of her in waves but she was really good at masking her feelings.
Cautiously, I leaned in and kissed her.
I pulled back and looked up into her eyes and could see that she was fighting back tears.
I leaned my nose against hers and put my hands on either side of her face to make sure she was only looking at me.
"Always and only yours, B."
"Okay." she said wiping her eyes.
"Don't cry. I'm sorry for whatever I did."
"Yeah...right!" she said blinking her eyes rapidly trying to stop the tears.
"Tell me how to fix this B, I won't drive him if you don't want me to. I'll go tell him right now."
I turned to leave but she grabbed my hand.
I looked back at her and saw her nibbling on her lip.
Crap...
"Look, Ana, I think that I need to get away for a few days...since seniors are off next Monday, I think I want to go to New York."
"Okay. When do you want to leave? How much should I pack?"
"No. Santana, I'm going alone."
"A-alone? B? What are you going to do there alone? Who are you going to do?"
I felt the tears burning my eyes but I would not cry here.
"Stop whining Ana, it's so fucking unattractive." she said.
I got up from the booth and grabbed my purse ready to storm from the restaurant, when she ended up pushing me out of the way and walking to the door.
Fuck that!
I chased her all the way out to the parking lot and I grabbed her arm spinning her around to face me.
I held her arm tightly, stared her straight in the eyes and kept my voice at a low and angry whisper.
"How are you going to fucking pay for it? Hmm? Don't think I'm going to bankroll your trip to New York, so that you can go fuck someone else!"
She looked at me and then yanked her arm away.
"I don't need any money from you, Santana! I don't need anything from you!"
With that, she stormed off without even looking back over her shoulder.
And I just stood there in the parking lot of Breadstix with the whole fucking senior class watching me get rejected by, Brittany.
I am sure that I looked completely pathetic standing there all alone, just watching her walk off, until I couldn't see her anymore but I didn't care.
My heart was breaking.
I was so fucking sick and tired of the bullshit!
How had everything gotten so screwed up?
