Chapter 52
"No, no, no, no, no!" Natsu flailed his arms and legs. His eyes were plastered on the celestial spirit mage plummeting to the ground at a much quicker rate than his small, light body.
"LUCY!" he roared, shooting fire from his hands and feet desperately, trying to fly in her direction. He had to get to her. If he could just reach her… he could… he could…
What?
What could he do? What could he possibly do in this tiny, useless body of his? He could wrap his limbs around her and protect her head and… what? They'd both still die from the impact. They were too high up. He couldn't do anything.
No. That wasn't true. He could tell her. He could go out with no regrets. He could tell her…
I love you. I love you Lucy. Fuck I love you so much…
A chunk of wood struck Lucy in the back of the head and blood trickled in the air above her.
"LUCY!"
Her brown eyes found his through the chaos. Slowly, she reached a hand in his direction, gaze turning soft and comforting. How the fuck did she do that? How did she touch his heart so easily?
"Lucy!" Natsu's vision blurred. "Lucy! I… I…"
"NATSU!"
Something hooked onto the back of Natsu's jacket and he was jerked upwards. He let out a cry of surprise. He glanced up and saw Carla, wings outspread, latched on to his back.
"Are you okay?" she asked in a worried voice.
"NO!" He jerked his head back. "FORGET ME! GET LUCY!"
Before the words were completely out of his mouth, he saw a flash of black dart through the trees and snatch the blonde from the sky.
"L—"
Gray planted his feet against the trunk of a nearby tree and pushed off to bound from trunk to trunk until he reached the ground, landing in a crouch, Lucy cradled in his arms. Natsu let out a deep sigh of relief.
"DIE, DESTOYER OF JUSTICE!"
Natsu jerked his head around and saw Erza in her Heaven's Wheel armor challenging the green wyvern with thirty of her gleaming swords floating in the air around her. All at once, the weapons darted in, Erza following close behind.
He looked away, trusting that Erza would be able to take care of the monster alone. He stared down at Gray and Lucy as Carla flew him in their direction. Gray reached up and cupped the side of Lucy's face, mouth moving as he spoke. Uncomfortable heat roiled in Natsu's stomach.
Don't fucking touch her, Ice Prick!
Carla set the little fire dragon slayer on the ground and he instantly ran towards them, shouting, "Lucy!"
Gray stood, still cradling Lucy against his chest. She held her left hand gently across her stomach, a wince of pain crossing her features when she moved.
"Lucy!"
"Natsu!" Gray glared down at the little boy. "What the fuck are you doing?"
He hesitated, momentarily thrown off by the furious tone of the ice mage's voice.
Before he could answer, Carla said, quite frantically, "I'm going to go help Wendy with Happy!" and she flew off.
Gray stomped after her and Natsu grabbed his arm, "Wait!"
"No!" Gray yanked away from him. "I have to get her to Wendy!"
"I—"
"You're such an idiot, Natsu!" he snapped, lifting his foot and pushing him away. "Why did you have to get in her way? Are you really that stupid?"
"Shut up!" Natsu's face reddened. "Shut UP!"
"Stop," Lucy coughed, blood trickling down her chin. "Gray, stop. It's not his fault."
Gray snorted, "Right on cue, Lucy's covering his useless ass."
"DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT LUCY!" Natsu's hands caught fire.
"I'm not talking bad about Lucy!" Gray headed through the trees. "I'm talking bad about your pathetic ass!"
"Gray."
"No! Lucy! Don't defend him! This is all his fault! You're like this because he can't shove his stupid pride down for five seconds and let you protect him for once!" He turned towards Natsu and fixed him with an icy stare. "Take a good look at her," he nodded down at Lucy as a stream of blood dripped down from the wound on top of her head and stained her right eyebrow. "Look at her and know that you are the cause of her pain."
Natsu's eyes widened and he swallowed the dry lump that formed in his throat.
"G-Gray…" Lucy's eyes lowered. "Don't say that…"
Gray watched the realization spread over Natsu's face. When he was satisfied that the young dragon slayer finally understood the weight of his mistake, he turned and carried Lucy away.
Natsu watched them go until they disappeared completely from view. His legs weakened and he dropped to his knees.
"It's…" tears dripped down his cheeks. "It's all my fault…" He leaned forward on the palms of his hands. His tears fell to the ground below him, wetting the dirt and the old pine needles. "God damn it… GOD DAMN IT!" He slammed his hands into the ground over and over again, screaming unintelligibly to the sky.
Erza had moved her battle further into the woods. The roars of the injured wyvern and Erza's shouts of combat trailing behind. Natsu slammed his fists down in the crackling pine needles beneath him and panted. His eyes caught sight of a shine of light in a pile of debris.
Lucy's keys.
Natsu crawled over to the key ring lying next to the leather pouch and picked up both. He ran his fingers over the warm metal of Loke's key, cursing gently.
I should have let her call him.
Natsu pressed the key ring against his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut.
I don't deserve to love her.
"Lucy!" Wendy jumped to her feet at the sight of the blonde in Gray's arms.
Happy, leaning into Carla's lap, straightened, repeating her name.
Lucy gave him a smile, as if there wasn't blood smeared all over her face. "Happy," she said. "I'm so glad you're okay."
"What happened?" he asked with concern, climbing to his feet with Carla's help.
Gray knelt next to the sky dragon slayer and gently placed Lucy on the ground. Wendy didn't waste a second. She immediately held her hands over the celestial spirit mage and went to work healing her wounds.
"I just had a little tumble, that's all."
Happy ran to her, eyes wide and worried. "There's blood everywhere…" tears filled his eyes.
Lucy reached out with her good hand and tenderly stroked the side of his face. He hugged her hand. His mind instantly flew back to the Grand Magic Games. His breath hitched and he squeezed her hand frantically.
"NO! Lucy you can't die! You can't die again!"
"What are you saying? I'm fine, aren't I?"
He squeezed his eyes shut, "This is just like that time! Back then… when…" he choked on his words.
Realization crossed her face, "Oh… oh no, Happy. I'm fine. I promise. I've just got a few scratches, that's all. I swear."
He sniffed, "Y-you mean it?"
"Yes."
"You promise that you'll never die?"
Her eyes softened, "Yeah. I promise."
He nodded in relief, releasing her hand. He rubbed his nose on the back of his paw and glanced around, "Where's Natsu?"
"I gave him some things to reflect on," Gray muttered and looked away.
"Is he okay?"
"Doesn't have a fuckin' scratch on him."
Happy sighed, "Oh good…"
"Happy," Carla said sternly, "Lie down. You are in no condition to move just yet."
"Aye Sir," Happy plopped back down on his butt, groaning.
Lucy inhaled deeply as the pain fled her hand. She stared up at Wendy, "Why are you all here? I thought Master sent you on a mission?"
"Well," she cleared her throat. "He did. We just happened to be passing by. That's all."
Lucy cocked an eyebrow. "You just happened to be passing by?"
"Sure," Gray said. Our job is in this direction. We heard the commotion and came to investigate, knowing you guys were also supposed to be around here somewhere. And it's damn lucky we did show up. Or else all three of you would be wyvern food."
Lucy didn't want to think about that, "I'm sure Loke would've popped out eventually…"
Gray grunted, "He sure was taking his time, wasn't he?"
"Well… he does have the habit of swooping in at the last possible second…"
"Lucy! Are you alright?" Erza ran into their clearing, dressed in her usual armor and plaited blue skirt.
"I'm fine, Erza. Did you get rid of the wyvern?"
"He won't be bothering anybody anymore," Erza knelt on the other side of her, running her eyes over the blonde's sorry state. "I'm glad we made it in time."
"Yes. Thank you," Lucy sighed.
Gray hmphed and crossed his arms over his chest, "Anyway, what's Natsu's deal?"
"What do you mean?"
He leaned against a tree and looked off into the forest, "He's being a grade A asshole right now."
Lucy stared up at the thick, leafy cover high above their heads. "I'm sure he's just stressed out about this whole situation."
Erza and Wendy exchanged a guilty look.
Lucy is going to be furious when she finds out we planned this whole thing, Erza thought. But Natsu is going to be even angrier when he realizes that this wild goose chase won't turn him back to his normal age…
Wendy sighed dolefully. This is what we get for taking advice about love from a guy like Gajeel.
"Don't be too angry at Natsu," Happy said. "He's not being a pain because he wants to." The cat looked down at the ground, "It's just that… being in such a weak body scares him. He said he feels the way he did when he was captured and being held in that cage."
Lucy's breath hitched.
"I don't know what happened there though," the cat continued, glancing up at Lucy. "But… it seems like it really scares him."
Lucy gulped and turned her eyes from everyone. "We never told you, did we?"
Erza glanced over her shoulder at Gray, who straightened and walked over to them.
Lucy sighed, "It's not like I want to keep it from you… but… it's just that…" she squeezed her eyes shut. "I…"
"Lucy, it's alright," Erza reached out and touched Lucy's shoulder. "You don't have to tell us. If it's too painful…"
"It's not that," she said softly. "I just don't feel like it's completely up to me whether or not you know…"
Wendy finished her healing and pulled her hands away, wiping at the sweat that lined her brow.
Lucy opened her eyes again, "While we were in that cage… Natsu was forced to watch as I was… I was… tortured. And… and he couldn't do anything about it. He was essentially useless." She reached up and draped her forearm over her eyes, "And it killed him. It broke him. And… and I couldn't do anything to make him feel better." She brushed at the tears that rose in her eyes. "It was hell. It was absolute hell."
No one spoke.
Lucy wiped at her tears, brushing away the blood that also coated her forehead. She sat up and Wendy offered her a handkerchief, which she used to wipe away the rest of the blood on her chin and throat. She shook her head and climbed to her feet.
"I can't have him feel that way again. I'm going to go talk to him."
No one argued as she dropped the handkerchief and headed back in the direction they had come.
When she was gone, Wendy collapsed onto her back, Gray rubbed his temples, and Erza hid her face in her hands.
"Why does everyone look so upset?" Happy asked, looking to Carla.
The white cat crossed her arms over her chest, "Oh, they're just realizing how dumb a certain plan they devised truly is."
Not fully understanding, Happy nodded slowly and dropped it.
What the fuck was he supposed to do now?
Natsu sniffed and wiped at his nose and eyes. He had made the decision that he didn't deserve to love her. So was he supposed to just give up then? That's it? The end?
Igneel taught him that loving someone meant putting them before you. So that meant giving up when you didn't deserve to love that person, right?
"No," Natsu whined. "I don't want to!"
But that was just him being selfish again, wasn't it?
He hung his head, fresh tears trickling down his cheeks.
Just what the fuck was he supposed to do?
"Natsu?"
He jerked around and stared across the small clearing he knelt in. Lucy stood staring at him just a few meters away. Her clothes were ripped and tattered. There were traces of blood in the fabric and along her arms. Her right eyebrow was still stained red although the rest of the blood had been cleaned from her face.
Still, even though he knew he had wronged her… even though he had decided that he didn't deserve to love her… his chest swelled at the mere sight of her. The pulse in his throat raged almost painfully. He longed with every fiber of his being to be connected to her for the rest of eternity. He knew that if his feelings weren't realized… he'd never live a day of contentment. Not without her. Not without his Lucy.
So what the fuck was he supposed to do?
Lucy knelt down and opened up her arms. Natsu didn't have to think. He jumped up and ran to her, practically diving against her chest, throwing his arms around her neck. Streams of tears poured down his cheeks and he openly bawled into her throat.
Lucy held him close, gently stroking the back of his head. A small smile formed on her lips. Her heart had ached furiously the moment she had seen him, cheeks ruddy, eyes bloodshot and puffy from his obvious crying. Her desire to protect him was stronger than it had ever been. And it wasn't because of the body he was in, so frail and tiny. It was more than that.
He was her most cherished person. Natsu, who had been by her side from the very beginning… Natsu, who had supported her through everything… Natsu, who would give anything, even his own life, away for her… Natsu…
There was nothing more special to her than the irritating dragon slayer.
It had to be love. She knew that. She wasn't so dense that she couldn't see her own feelings. She was in love with the pink haired hooligan and there was nothing she could do to change that fact. Not that she wanted to. She loved being in love with him. And even if it never became anything… even if he was oblivious for the rest of eternity, she wouldn't trade her feelings for anything in the world.
God she loved him so much.
But what the fuck was she supposed to do about it?
"I-I'm sorry, Lucy!" Natsu sobbed, squeezing her tighter.
Lucy smiled and hugged him fiercely.
"I'M SO SORRY!" he cried.
"Shhhh…" she stroked his hair soothingly. "It's okay."
"N-no it's not!" he pulled back and stared into her eyes, his quivering, filled with moisture. "I'm sorry I'm so selfish and stupid! It's all my fault that you were hurt! I shouldn't have been so… so… so DUMB!"
Lucy tenderly caressed his face, wiping the tears away, "It's okay, Natsu. I forgive you."
"B-but…" his lip trembled. "But you shouldn't."
She cupped his face and leaned her forehead against his, "It doesn't matter. I'll forgive you a million times. No matter what happens. I'll always forgive you."
Natsu squeezed his eyes shut, clutching her shoulders. He made a good choice, he decided. There wasn't anyone he'd rather be so painfully in love with than this kind woman.
Lucy lifted her head and pressed her lips to the furrowed skin between his eyes. She gently smoothed the wrinkles away, unaware of the frenzy in which she was sending Natsu's heart. He gulped and opened his eyes again. She smiled and pinched his nose playfully.
"I dunno," she said. "Little Natsu is so cute, I'm not sure if I even want to turn you back."
"Don't be mean, Lucy," he pouted. "I hate being a little kid!"
She laughed and wrapped her arms firmly around his waist. She kissed him on the cheek, "But this Natsu is so much easier to cuddle!"
Natsu placed his arms around her neck again, leaning into her chest and tucking his face in the side of her throat to hide the mortified blush that blazed over his cheeks.
"Big me is easy to cuddle too…" he muttered.
Lucy grinned and stood, hugging him against her the way a mother would her child.
"Happy's worried about you," she said quietly and turned.
He inhaled her scent deeply.
No, he didn't deserve her. He definitely didn't deserve her.
But what the fuck was he supposed to do?
Just give up?
Yeah fuckin' right.
Author's Note: So, sorry this chapter is a day late. Stuff happened. Anyway, so I got a few reviews lately addressing the fact that my author's notes are kind of long. I apologize for that! I'm one of those people that rambles. I get so excited to be associated with cool people that I just talk and talk and talk and talk... seriously, you can ask my friends and family and they will roll their eyes dramatically and nod solemnly like, "OH MY GOD SHE NEVER SHUTS UP."
So anyway, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm gonna just write down my song suggestions at the end of a chapter and call it good. :)
So here we go!
TRACKS:
"Iscariot" by Walk the Moon
"Wasting My Time" by Default
"She is Love" by Parachute
"You're Smiling (But I Don't Believe You)" by Margaret Glaspy
"Carried Away" by Passion Pit
Suggested by Uzumaki Naho:
"Drown" by Bring Me the Horizon
Suggested by Guest (mtopping1992?)
"Erie" by Close Your Eyes
"Carry You" by Close Your Eyes (You asked if I could write a chapter focused around this song, and to be honest, that doesn't sound like a hard thing to do. The lyrics to this song do fit really well with Natsu and Lucy's relationship. The way the singer promises to hold the object of his song and carry them through the storm and always be there in the end, it fits so well with BOTH Natsu and Lucy. Natsu will always be there to protect, or at least TRY to protect, Lucy through every hardship [like when he followed her to the fair and cheered her up anonymously/caught her as she fell from the stage] And Lucy will always be there to forgive and love Natsu even when he's being stubborn and ridiculous.)
Thank you everybody for your suggestions! I really love listening to your music and hearing your interpretations of the story. Keep it up! I hope I didn't miss any... I'll check through the reviews again later to be sure. And if I did miss any, I'll post them next chapter. Thanks! :)
Love-Moo
