Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach
Chapter 51
Confessions
I sent Ha Kaze to tell Nel that I would meet with her this evening in my old room. She was probably wondering why I never came back to see her. I really didn't feel up to going to talk with her right now. I was still a little light headed. I laid on the bed with Raina till I felt better. Sosuke came to check on me after about an hour. I was feeling much better by this time and was playing with Raina on the bed. He walked over to bed and was smiling.
"What?" I asked.
"It's just seeing you with her. She makes you so happy and when you're happy, so am I."
"It's hard not to be happy around her."
"She sure is special." He said as he stuck his finger down for her to grab it.
"She's the best thing that's ever been mine."
Raina reached for Sosuke and he looked at me. "Can I?"
"Who am I to stop you when she's reaching for you? She wants you, take her."
He picked her up and she smiled at him. "She sure is growing up fast."
"You're telling me! It feels like I just had her yesterday and here she is about to be 3 months in another week."
"Next thing we know, you'll be showing from carrying my little Paizley."
"Let's not rush to that now. I like being skinny. I don't look forward to showing. My clothes will stop fitting then and she'll be sitting on my bladder. Oh and can't forget all the rib kicking Raina did, hope Paize doesn't do that."
He chuckled softly. "I think you've got a while before all that starts."
"Thankfully. Pregnancy may be a beautiful thing, but it's sure not a comfortable thing. I must say that it's all worth it though." I reached over and poked Raina's belly. She laughed.
Sosuke just looked at me solemnly.
I smiled. "Would you stop looking at me like that?"
"Does it upset you?"
"It just makes me wonder what you're thinking and since you like block my mind tapping ability, I'm left in the dark."
He laughed. "You could just ask me."
"What are you thinking then?"
"Just about how beautiful you are."
I couldn't help but smile. "How beautiful am I?"
"Well, your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining and the way your hair falls, it's just perfect. Your lips," he reached out and ran his thumb across them, "I could kiss them all day if you'd let me. And when you smile, the world just stops and stares. I swear you are the most stunningly beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes upon."
I smiled again and reached for Raina. She reached out and I took her. "Ok, that's enough. Don't you have things to do?" I laughed.
"Do you not like it when I compliment you?"
Of course I do. You just pull me in with it though and I do not need to get caught up in you. I thought.
And that's exactly what he wants to happen. Unmei finally spoke up.
Where have you been? I thought for sure that you would have commented on some of the stuff he's said.
I was here. I was just keeping my mouth shut.
That's not like you.
She didn't respond.
"I like it and after all, I did ask. I just thought that since the winter war is in a few days that you would have things you needed to do and I didn't want to be keeping you from that." I said.
He smiled. "I do have things to do, but I wanted to check on you."
"I'm fine now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I was actually thinking of taking a walk with Raina because I feel so good."
"Well then, if you're sure, I'll take my leave now. I'll see you later this evening." He said and then left.
I waited around till it was close to the time I had Ha Kaze tell Nel I would meet her and then left for my old room. I got there before Nel did, so I just played with Raina until she arrived. She came through the door right on time.
"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to walk right in or what." She laughed a little.
I laughed too and motioned for her to come set down. She did so.
"So what was it you wanted to know about Ichigo?" I asked.
"I don't want to know anything in particular about him. I just wanted to talk about him with you."
"Oh? Why is that?"
"Well I feel like I can just you and I can, right?"
"Of course."
"Nothing I say will leave this room no matter what it is, even if its treason?"
"My lips are sealed. I won't say a thing to anyone as long as what I say doesn't leave the room either."
She smiled. "Deal. Well Ichigo is the reason I am here like this. He helped me find my strength and gave me my life back. And since you're my friend, I want you to know that he is my sole reason for joining the espada again. I have hopes of joining back up with him this time and returning back to the world of the living with him. I didn't want you to feel as though I betrayed you in doing so."
"I won't feel like you have. And I'll turn the other cheek when you do it."
"So you're not completely loyal to Lord Aizen either, are you?"
"Since nothing is leaving this room, I can tell you the truth. No, I'm not. I have my reasons for staying here."
"What are they, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Well I was forced here, but then I decided to stay here in order to ensure the safety of my daughter and my family. Sosuke tends to kill people to get me here. So everyone is much safer when I'm here as he leaves then all alone then."
"He's cruel."
"Yes, he is sometimes. But other times he is incredibly nice, at least he is with me."
"You're different. Rumor is that he's in love with you."
"That's what he tells me."
"And you don't feel the same way?"
"No. Honestly, I have some kind of emotion towards him. I'm still trying to figure out what it is, but it's definitely not love. I like him when he's nice to me. He can be very seductive with his words. It sometimes takes all I have to not get sucked in. But anyways, back to my reasons. I've realized that this is where I belong."
"How could you say that? You're not heartless and cruel like most people here. In fact, aside from myself and Hallibel, you're the only one here who's not heartless and cruel."
"I can think of one other person who's not, but I'll get to that in a minute. I'm not accepted by the soul society and the majority of the soul reapers. They think I'm too powerful and at one time they tried to kill me. It's my belief that had it not been for this conflict with Aizen that they would still be after me. I'm not treated like that here. I'm respected for my power for the most part."
"But don't you want to go home?"
"Yes, but I've been dragged in this war, so I had to pick a side and this side is the best one for me."
"I see, so who's the other person you were talking about?"
"Gin."
"What makes you say that?"
"It might have to do with the fact that I'm in love with him and carrying his child."
Her eyes widened. "You're pregnant? And the baby belongs to Captain Ichimaru?"
"Yes and yes."
"And he is a reason why you stay?"
"Yes, a big one."
"So the relationship you have with Lord Aizen is just a façade."
"Yes. I even had to fool my parents with it. It's a role I play and I try to play it well, since Sosuke is a very smart man. I can't give him reason to suspect otherwise."
"You play it very believable. You've got everyone around here fooled. What does Captain Ichimaru think of this?"
"Well, he knows it's something that we must do, though I don't think he likes it very well. I hope one day I get to be with him out in the open. He makes me so happy; I just want to share it with the world."
"Now you have me you can share it with." She smiled.
"I do. So does Ichigo know you're waiting for him?"
"I think it's understood. What exactly is your relationship with him?"
"I lived with him and his family for a short while after escaping here the first time. We're not as close as he is with others, but I guess we're close enough for him to come here to try to save me. I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him or his family."
"You don't like him like him, do you?"
I laughed. "Of course not. I just told you I loved Gin."
"Does he like you in that way?"
"I don't think so. He doesn't really seem like he's in to girls. He may think I'm pretty, just because he is a teenage boy. He probably thinks you're pretty for those same reasons too."
She blushed and I just smiled. I could tell that she liked him and I hoped it all worked out for the best with them. We talked a little bit more and then parted ways. I went back to Sosuke's room and fed Raina. After she finished eating, I rocked her to sleep and then put her in her crib. I then began getting ready for bed. I took my make up off and brushed my teeth. Then I put my pajamas on and got in the bed. I didn't normally lay down for bed this early, but bringing Szayel back took a lot more out of me than I thought. I closed my eyes and was dosing off when I heard my phone ring. I had a text message.
Miranda: Hey, I was wondering if you're still coming to the funeral tomorrow.
Crap, I forgot to tell Sosuke about that. So I guess this means I'm not going to sleep right now after all. I need to wait till he comes back here so I can tell him. Telling him in the morning right before I leave might pose a problem, so that's out of the question. He probably won't be come back in here until it's time for him to go to bed and I have no idea what time that will be.
Me: Of course I'm coming. I said I was and I will be there. I still haven't told Sosuke about it though.
Miranda: Which means you may not be here if he objects to it.
Me: I will be there regardless of what he says.
Miranda: Then why even tell him? Why not just get up and go?
Me: You don't know him like I do. He will send people to look for me and things will no doubt get ugly. It's much easier to just tell him.
Miranda: Whatever you say.
Me: I'll be there. Just trust me. If you're going to be up a while, I can text you after I talk to him.
Miranda: I will be.
Me: Ok, I'll talk to then.
Miranda: Ok love you. Bye.
Me: Love you too.
I was feeling a bit down after talking to Miranda. I dreaded the funeral. It was going to be hard on me. I really needed Gin. I needed him to hold me. I hated not being able to be around him all the time. And ever since Nel had asked me if I wanted to go home, I had been missing it. I hadn't really thought much about being home until I talked with her. Sometimes I wished I wasn't dragged into this war, but then I realize that I wouldn't have what I have with Gin if I hadn't been. I guess everything happens for a reason, though I didn't like the way things had to be with Gin. It didn't always feel real, since I wasn't allowed to say much about it or show him affection most of the time. Talking about it with Nel made it feel more real though.
I decided to go out and get some air since I wasn't going to be able to sleep. I had Ha Kaze watch over Raina while she slept. I never left her alone. This time I went out from under the dome, where I would be in darkness. I found a place that looked over the walls that surrounded the fortress that was Las Noches. I sat down and just thought about things. It wasn't long before I felt someone's reiatsu. I recognized it. I was getting better at recognizing reiatsu now. I could tell who they were if I was around them a lot. So most of the espada I wasn't able to tell who they were, but this person I was around quite a bit. It wasn't as much as I would like it to be though.
"Heya." He greeted.
"Hey Gin."
"Why ya out here?"
"Just getting some air and thinking about how much I miss home. When this is over, I want to go back. Do you think I'll be able to?"
"Maybe."
"Will you come with me?"
"We'll see."
"I love how you never give a definite answer. You neither confirm nor deny much of anything."
It was quiet for a minute. He sat down next to me.
"Something wrong?" He asked.
"No, I'm fine." I said looking out at Hueco Mundo.
"Don't lie ta me. Ya know you can tell me."
"This is just so hard."
"What is?"
"Us."
"I never said it was gonna be easy."
"I know. I just don't know how you can love like this."
"I take what I can get."
"We hardly get to spend time together. You're always busy and when we do get to be together, it's not for very long. I just need you more than I get you." Tears started to fall from my face.
"Don't cry now."
"I can't help it. Nothing is going the way I wanted it too."
"I guess yer learning dat de world doesn't revolve around ya."
I looked at him. "I never said it did."
"Ya don't have ta. You grew up with a silver spoon in yer mouth. Yer used to getting whatcha wanted. Now I know de Shane thing was different, but other den dat you've gotten most everything ya wanted out of life. Even Captain Aizen sometimes treats ya like a spoiled kid, lets ya get away with stuff he normally wouldn't let slide. He's lets ya have yer way at times. But it's not dat way with me, is it?"
I just looked away.
"I'll take dat as a yes. Yer gonna grow from dis. I can't tell ya dat everything is gonna be ok, but I can confirm some things for ya, since ya say I rarely ever do that."
"Do it."
He paused for a second, and then he finally said something. "I shouldn't feel da way I feel about ya, Kristen-san. I don't deserve ya and I should just stay away from ya. But I can't and I don't want ta. I want dis."
"Want what?"
"Us and I want it more den I let on."
I didn't say anything. I was kind of shocked. This was the first time he'd actually said he wanted us. I mean sure he's said he loved me, but never that he wanted me. He would always say he didn't deserve me.
"Since yer all down, I thought confirming dis would make ya feel better. So take dis ta heart. I love ya, Kristen-san. Yer important ta me. Dere things I've done dat I'm not too proud of. Dat's why I don't think I deserve ya. And I think so much of ya dat I don't believe anyone here is good enough for ya and I've tried ta stop myself from being so involved. Ya deserve much better den me. But I can't help but want ya and then when you come around, I just can't turn ya away. I can't act like I don't give a damn. Every time I try ta let go of ya, ya pull me back in. I don't know how ya do it."
"Talent, I guess."
"Well dat's some talent ya got dere."
I smiled. "I'm glad you told me this. It helped. Can you do something for me?"
"Depends on what it is."
"It kind of scares me that you're trying to let go. Please don't do that anymore."
"I was doing it for yer benefit."
I put my hands on his face. "But I want you, Gin. I don't want anyone else. And I don't care about your history or whatever it is that you've done to make you feel you don't deserve me. It's in the past. So please don't fight this."
"It's not like it was working anyways."
I smiled and kissed him softly.
When I withdrew, he brushed my hair back and then rested his hand on my neck. "Yer really something, Kristen-san. No wonder so many people want ya. I just don't know how I got ta be the lucky one who got ya."
"I guess that it was your talent that got me."
He chuckled. "Must be."
We talked a little more and then he had to go. I felt a lot better after talking to him. His confirmation of things made everything clearer for me. This thing with us was real and we were going to be together one day. I would make sure of that.
"Unmei?"
Yes?
"Would you come out and talk to me?"
Why?
"Just do it, please."
She sighed and then came out of my body. She stood in front of me with her arms crossed. I got up from where I had been sitting.
"Is something wrong?" I asked her.
"No."
"Well you've been awfully quiet and that's not like you at all. Normally you're putting your two cents in everything. Ever since that talk with Aizen, you've just like…"
She cut me off. "I just haven't had anything to say."
"I don't buy it. What was he talking about?"
"The fact that I've become a fool, no doubt."
"How are you a fool?"
"Don't worry about it."
"I can't help it. Let me help you."
"I don't need your help. You've done enough."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No. I did. I slipped up somewhere and let Aizen figure me out. Well, figure out a little bit about me. I don't like that."
I put my hand on her shoulder. "Please let me help."
She turned her head to look at me and the look she gave me had anger in it. She took my hand off her shoulder. "I told you that I don't need your help."
"Then at least tell me what's wrong. I deserve to know."
"What makes you think that? This is about me not you."
"You're a part of me, are you not? You get to know every single thing about me and I only know so much about you. So I think I deserve to know this. I deserve to know more about you!" I said, getting frustrated with her. "It's only fair."
"Life's not fair. Get over it."
"What the hell is your problem?" I was getting angry now. I didn't understand why she was being this way.
Unmei's POV
I was getting tired of her hounding me for an answer that I was not going to tell her. I kept my hand down but flicked it and froze her.
"You want to know what my problem is, Kristen?" I asked her, knowing she couldn't hear me in the state she was in. "It's you. You're my problem."
And she was my problem. I had feelings for her and they weren't the normal feelings. They were feelings I didn't completely understand and it was because I was never meant to feel this way. I was made to fight, to protect her, to teach her. I wasn't supposed to long for her the way I did. I wasn't supposed to desire her. I wasn't supposed to look at her the way I did. She was just a stupid girl. How could she make me want her like I did? A part of me loathed her for doing that. I often wondered if it was her luring power. That was a power exclusive to her. I did not possess it. I thought I was immune to it, like I was with all her other powers. If it wasn't that, then I didn't know how she did it.
I looked at her. "You're like an angel, but with broken wings. And I have a heart so cold that I can't even show mercy." I ran my fingertips down her arms. "Why can't you see what you're doing to me?" I placed a hand on her face. "You are my world, my everything. You stupid girl, you're going to be the death of me."
I backed away from her and got in the position I was in before I froze her. I waved my hand and she unfroze.
Kristen's POV
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it. Everyone has secrets, right?" Unmei said before she stepped back in my body.
This wasn't over. I was going to find out what was going on, one way or the other. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time.
"Crap, I didn't realize I'd been out here this long. Sosuke it probably back now."
I went back to his room and he was there.
"Ah, there you are." He said.
"Yea. I went to get some air and lost track of time. But I have something to tell you."
"And that is?"
"Shane's funeral is tomorrow and I'm going. I just wanted to let you know."
"I'm afraid I can't accompany you. I have plans to make with the war as close as it is."
"That's fine. I can go by myself."
"Nonsense. I'll get someone to go with you."
"Why? I can go by myself."
"I don't want you to. I need to feel that you're safe, so someone will accompany you."
I sighed.
"I know you want to be independent, but I worry about you. I can't have you going to the world of the living by yourself, especially with the war right around the corner."
"Fine, fine."
"I'll have someone for you in the morning and in case you don't see me before you leave, give them my condolences."
"I will. I'm sure they'll be pleased to know the killer is remorseful."
He just gave me a look.
"Relax. I'm just kidding. But I'm really tired, so I'm going to text Miranda and then head to bed."
"Ok, I still have some things to do. You'll probably be asleep when I come to bed." He kissed me softly. "So have a good rest my love." He brushed my hair.
"I hope too. I need one after today. Goodnight."
"Goodnight." He kissed me again.
I got in the bed, covered up and then picked my phone up.
Me: SO I talked to Sosuke and everything is good, though he wants me someone to go with me. I have no clue who it'll be.
Miranda: Well at least you're coming. I'm surprised he's letting you.
Me: I'm not, but I know him better than you. I'm worn out, so I'm going to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow.
Miranda: I'm glad I don't know him like you. But ok, I'll see you then.
I put my cell on the nightstand and closed my eyes. Tomorrow was going to be hell.
Author's note: So I think the title of this chapter was very proper as we got confessions from a few people about things. Who is surprised about what Unmei shared? lol
