Olivia knows Abby isn't going to relent. But she can't help but try to avoid the conversation anyway, as she says, "I'm okay Abs. I promise." Then she takes a bite of her turkey burger. Abby sits back in her seat and replies, "No you're not Liv. Something is up with you. And I need you to spill it. Because you know I'm not letting it go."
Agreeing she is backed into a corner; Olivia swallows her bite, and takes a breath as she says, "My mind is a mess Abs. I haven't looked at the file Huck sent me, and both Fitz and H are trying to talk to me about the conversation yesterday. But I have no desire to talk about any of it, or look at the file." Abby knowing her bestie says, "You're overwhelmed, so you're shutting down."
Olivia looks at her as she says, "I don't know if that's it Abs. But at the same time I don't know what it is." Abby replies, "Livy, you always know what to do, and how you feel. You don't waver on anything, unless you're not ready to deal with it. That's you all day, and this is no exception. What you heard yesterday couldn't have been easy."
She asks, "What do you mean?" Abby replies, "While you got confirmation that Edison is a tool, along with the rest of the men in his family. You also got confirmation that there were signs that something was wrong in your relationship with him long before the attack, and you didn't heed the warnings." Olivia says, "Abs, you said yourself I couldn't have known what was going to happen to me." She responds, "Yes I did; but can you look me in the eye right now, and tell me that you fully believe what I said was true?" Olivia sits back in her chair and takes a breath. Abby sees her words settling on her, as she pauses and then says, "No."
Abby is happy about her admission, but surprised at the same time. Olivia sees the look in her friend's eyes and says, "I'm capable of accurately self-assessing Abs." Abby smiles as she responds, "I see that. I'm proud of you." She replies, "Thanks. But I don't know how much of that is a good thing, if the truth is that I still feel somewhat responsible for that night."
Abby responds, "It means a lot Liv, because you're not accepting it as your truth. Instead, you're working through it. Which is commendable. Because if we're being completely honest here; heeding the signs of his crazy sooner just would've resulted in a sooner blow up. It wouldn't have prevented anything."
Olivia hears her and asks, "Do you really believe that?" Abby responds, "Yes. But more importantly, you have to believe that Liv. I know you pride yourself on being in control and planning things to be a certain way. I understand that when bad things happen, you take precautions to prevent it from happening again, which is wise. But what you have to understand too is that sometimes you can do everything right and still, things can go wrong. Which is what happened to you. You did everything right, and things went horribly wrong because he didn't deserve you."
Olivia asks, "Is that really how you see it Abs?" She nods as she says, "Yes I do. As far as I'm concerned, with what we learned yesterday; it's clear that he's damaged goods, with no desire to be better or get help. And he was never meant to be with you. He was a phase, and a lesson learned to prepare you for Fitz."
Abby's response triggers a thought in Olivia's mind. She thinks of how different her relationship with Fitz is in comparison to how her relationship with Edison was, and everything comes to the forefront as she says,
"You know. Initially, I spent so long wondering why or how this could happen to me. And yesterday, when I heard about his father beating his mother; it scared the hell out of me Abby. Because I know that I wasn't that far off from being in that same situation. I could've been her." Abby sees her friend processing her thoughts and she takes her hand, letting the emotions wash over her.
Tears roll down Olivia's cheeks as she says, "My God. I was so blind Abs. So much is coming back to me. Comments he made to me, or the way he'd grab me sometimes when we argued. It was all a part of his domination over me. It's like he was grooming me for a life of being battered." Abby feels her pain. Tears fill her eyes, as she says, "You're right. He was grooming you for a life of hell. But you got out because you're a fighter."
Olivia responds, "But it shouldn't have come to that Abs." Abby says, "I agree. What you went through shouldn't have happened. But you can't focus on what shouldn't have happened, or you'll never forgive yourself and let go of it. What's most important here is that you got out and you never looked back. The fact that he attacked you, and you managed to stay away from him. Speaks volumes. Be proud of that Liv, because there are many women who've been in that position who didn't leave and paid the ultimate price."
She hears her friend, and her words make sense. She endured something she never really thought about or addressed, until now. Dabbing her tears with her napkin, she says, "I never thought I'd be able to say that I was in an abusive relationship. But it's clear that's what it was." Abby nods in agreement as she says, "Yes. It was Liv. How does it feel to say it out loud?"
She pauses and then says, "It feels good to get it out. Does that make sense?" Abby nods as she says, "Yes it does. For so long you've thought your recovery was about the incident and your feelings surrounding it. But now you're realizing that the abuse you suffered at his hand went farther than that night." Olivia takes a breath and says, "There's no denying that now. I guess I didn't want to admit to it because it was too shameful."
Abby nods as she replies, "Yes. Which is how a lot of women in that situation feel, and it's why the abuse goes on for so long. It's hard to admit it's happening to you. Especially when you're supposed to know better, right?" Olivia nods as she says, "I know that domestic violence isn't supposed to happen to anybody; but it's definitely not supposed to happen to me. I know that sounds terrible Abs, but it's how I feel."
Abby says, "Liv, it sounds honest, not terrible. People think domestic abuse is straight forward; but given what you experienced, it's not. The fact that so many girls and women don't know what it is or what it looks like in all phases is why so many women end up in an abusive relationship without recognizing that to be the case." Olivia responds, "I can understand how that could happen; every situation isn't exactly the same. And abusers can use different methods and approaches to gain and maintain control." Abby nods as she says, "Exactly. Which is why I can safely say that you my dear girl are amazing, and should pat yourself on the back. You escaped a dangerous situation, rebounded, and found someone to have a healthy relationship with. That's a huge success Liv."
