Don't own Chuck
[In the Escalade behind Morgan and company]
The driver was following Morgan maintaining his thirty yard cushion. The Team Leader couldn't understand why they chose this road unless they had some sort of death wish. There're wasn't anyone else on the road. There had been some traffic around Malibu and Point Mugu but now nothing. The road was empty just the two of them.
"Hey watch your thirty yard cushion. You don't want to get in too close especially since we're the only vehicles on the road," said the Team Leader. "Hang back until we get the word."
"Who cares how close we are? Where's he got to go out here in the middle of nowhere? The only thing I can tell is he must've made a wrong turn to end up here and now he's screwed big time," said the driver as he ease back to the thirty yard mark.
"I don't know but you know the protocol so keep your thirty yard cushion," said the Team Leader looking over at the gas gauge. Soon they'd be forced to pullover. The one comforting thing was that if they were low on gas the target vehicle in front of them had to be low too.
"Why don't we listen to some music? Maybe that will help us pass the time. I don't know about the rest of you but right now I just want to speed up do a drive by then go for a short stack. This waiting is killing me."
"So would a nine mil round through the head," said the Team Leader. "Come on a little discipline here. We're professionals."
"That doesn't mean professionals don't listen to music. I'd second the motion," said another man from the back. "I could do with some blueberry pancakes with whipped cream and fresh blueberries on top."
"Well unfortunately for you girls this isn't a democracy and what I say goes. What I say is we wait and follow orders but I will turn on the radio for you. However, listen up back there the first two people that get into an argument about the station and it goes off never to come on again. Everyone got that back there?"
"Hurry up and turn it on. It's almost on the hour and that's when they give the news," said a man from the back.
"I'd never peg you as someone who kept up with current events," said the driver as he glanced up looking at the guy in the rearview."
"What news? I'm interested in the sports news. I've got two large riding on Kansas City. They pull this off I'm buying the short stacks for everyone," said the man as the Team Leader turned the radio on.
"Breaking news, we interrupt our regular broadcasting service for this special announcement. NASA has just announced that a medium sized meteorite has broken throw the earth's atmosphere. According to them it is heading for California coastline and according to their spokeswoman right now there's a fifty-fifty chance it will either hit the coast or land just off it in the Pacific. Scientists warn us that the impact of this extraterrestrial visitor could have the same effects as the Chelyabinsk meteor. If our listeners have forgotten the bulk of that object's energy was absorbed by the atmosphere, with a total kinetic energy before atmospheric impact equivalent to approximately 500 kilotons of TNT or about 1.8 petajoule. The petajoule (PJ) is equal to one quadrillion. To make this simpler that's 20–30 times more energy than was released from the atomic bomb detonated at Hiroshima so keep an eye out and try to stay away from the coast today. Stay tuned to this station and we'll keep you informed as more information is released."
"Hey who are you calling in the back? You know we're in radio silence right now that means no phone calls," said the Team Leader but the guy just waved him off and continued dialling.
"I'm calling my booking I need to get in on this while I can," said the man. "Hey it's me how did we do? … Good, take that and find out who's putting money down on this meteorite. I want you to put half on it's going to hit land and the other half on water. You got that? … Good make it happen," he said as he hung up. "Boys, I could be swimming in the dough by the end of the day."
"Yeah or lying in a ditch with a hole between your eyes for pulling an idiot stunt like that. You know the rules or do I need to remind you?"
"If you're willing to try come on. Just remember Mr. Team Leader you're the Team Leader only because no one else wanted the job so don't get all high and mighty on me or you can buy your own short stacks."
"Who do you think you are talking to me like that? If the Boss hadn't told us to tail these people I'd have Scotty pullover and put you out," said the Team Leader as his phone rang.
"Okay will everyone just calm down. This is our nerves talking," said the driver. "You might want to catch that I think it's the Boss."
"Yes, right," said the Team Leader as he recomposed himself. "Pipe down it's the Boss," he said as he answered it. "Of course we're still trailing our target that's what you told us to do... What are you say?" he said as his eyes got big.
Morgan glanced back in the rearview and saw he still had his tail on him. He was wondering how much longer this was going to last when there was flash of bright light behind him followed by a loud explosion. Suddenly he was fighting with the steering wheel to keep them on the road as the shockwave tied to knock them off the road.
"Geez, what the holy heck was that," said Morgan as he finally got control of the vehicle and brought it to a stop. They all got out to look behind them.
"I think that was your sign you could stop," said Emma as she got out with Bunny and Kat. They looked behind them and their tail was gone along with a good size hunk of the Pacific Coast Highway.
"It's a good think we stopped I think we need to change Bunny's diaper."
"And I need to change mine," said Morgan.
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[Back on the ice]
Imma and her task force of Spetsnaz arrived and quickly set up a command center. Imma had all the crew left herded into a holding area where she could separate the wheat from the chaff. They set up a triage center and tended to the wounded were they were stabilized then sent on for processing. As for Chuck, Sarah, Casey and Mary they were taken on board a helicopter with Stefan and Anatoly to make a report to Igor and the General.
"Igor, I want my people released immediately. You can't blame them for what happened. If anything your government should be thanking them," yelled the General.
"We lost a nuclear powered submarine with twenty SLBMs onboard. I think a little explanation is due especially since rescue was only a half hour out."
"How were they supposed to know that when they were isolated up there," said Beckman. "You're not being very reasonable here."
"If I may interject," said Chuck. "Igor you lost only eighteen missiles. I fired two and yes I knew you were coming I had the radar on the submarine working…"
"Geez Chuck, do you want to buy bullets for our firing squad too," said Casey as he grunted. "Maybe you should let the General do the talking here."
"Chuck, you're not helping your case at all," said Beckman as Igor just sat on his half of the screen dumbfounded.
"If I can finish without being interrupted I'll explain. First of all Hector called me and told me he had a wet team following our family. He was going to… well you can understand what he was going to do because he was mad at us for foiling another one of his plans. I called Morgan and found out that at least that part was truth."
"That's the reason I had to come up with that cover story about a meteorite and I've got a road crew repairing a section of the Pacific Coast Highway?"
"Yes, I replaced the warheads with ones from two conventional torpedoes. I tracked Morgan via GPS and knew the tail would be thirty yards behind him. He was travelling the post speed so it was just a question of mathematics."
"And my submarine? How did you get the launch codes? And why did you sink my submarine? You two," said Igor as he switched to Anatoly and Stefan. "Where were you at when he was sinking our submarine? Don't tell me you just stood by and let him. Please don't say you helped him."
"They were with me and the two commie pilots. We were up to our..." Casey started to say but Sarah faked a cough. "Oh right… well there were a lot of insurgents but not so many after we got done."
"Director your missiles were hot so I didn't need the launch codes. Someone had already given it up and because your rescue team was so close I had to sink your sub. Hector wanted me to make the deal I made with him to buy himself time. The same way he had a plan A, B and C there had to be a plan D. I figured embedded in one of your helicopters was a detonating device. He wanted me to worry about our families to distract me from his main objective which was detonating those warheads. I didn't have time or enough fruit juice to deactivate all twenty warheads."
"Fruit juice? What does fruit juice have to do with this?" said Igor as he looked at Chuck with a puzzled expression. Casey slapped Chuck in the back of the head.
"Comrade, you have to forgive Chuck, he was being silly."
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Halfway around the globe on a small island in the middle of nowhere a group of men were meeting to look into Hector's activities and his failures. Hector or Mr. Big the title he assumed after the former Mr. Big had an untimely demise was called before his board by the other chiefs of his sprawling evil empire known in some circles as Terror Inc. After his latest failures the board wanted a status report on his other activities and in particular his head.
"Hector it's not that we don't trust you but maybe you've gone a little too far this time. In the past we've survived by being anonymous. We were a faceless force that had to dealt with and most of the time when they discovered we were there it was too late. But your theatrics and flamboyant acts are drawing attention to us… the wrong kind of attention."
"Yes," said another board member. "Take this last venture of yours you embarked on as an example of this trend opening the North West passage that failed."
"But if it had succeeded I… we would've crushed the economies of Russia and the U.S. then we could've come out of hiding and taken our rightful place as leaders of a new world order."
"But we have our rightful place which is in the shadows. The darkness is our home and we rule there. You bring us out into the light and what are we? Just another group of thugs… playground bullies if you like."
"Hector, what has your last adventure cost us? We lost Mr. La Barba, Jasmine who was one of our best assassins and people we took years of hard work to get in key places in Russia as well as in the U.S."
"I know what we've lost but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have tried. Next time things will be different this I can promise you."
"Hector, I'm afraid there won't be a next time for you. We voted before you came and by unanimous decision we are removing you from your position with us," said one of the men seated at the table. "Please follow these two men they will escort you off the island."
Two security guards stepped forward. One searched him while the other covered him with a Sig 9. The guard found two pistols and a knife. Then the one motioned for him to move along.
"Wait one… Here this belonged to my predecessor," said Hector as he laid a Mont Blanc pen on the desk then followed the men out.
"Well I have to say that went smoother than what I expected," said the same man. He got up picked up a bottle of scotch and glasses them passed them out. After everyone had a glass in front of them he raised his. "To the next Mr. Big," said the man. They heard a gunshot. "My oh me, it sounds like the old Mr. Big has just left the island." They all laughed then drank the toast.
"Hey don't forget your new pen? Ancient rulers have scepters but in the modern age it all boils down to a pen."
"Thanks, your right but wow this is about the heaviest pen I've ever held," the new Mr. Big said as he started to take off the cap. "The cap seems a little stuck," he said as he had to put some effort to remove it. The last thing they saw was a bright light and felt a warm sensation.
[Shortly before]
Hector laid the pen on the desk and with his other hand he palmed a letter opener. As he walked down the tunnel leading to the boat landing he pretended to sneeze.
"Oh crap does either one of you have a handkerchief or tissue I can use," asked Hector as he stopped and raised his head.
"Use your sleeve," said the one while the other guard shoved him to get him to move along again. This was Hector's time to move he grabbed the guard pushing him between him and the other guard who fired without thinking taking out his partner. Hector shoved the dead guard's body onto to his friend then stabbed him in the neck with the letter opener. Recovering both their weapons he walked out of the tunnel and down to a waiting boat. He shot the two guards on the pier then climbed onboard as he heard a loud explosion from somewhere above.
"Are you the Captain," asked Hector with a gun pointed in the man's face. He nodded. "Good cast off and let's get out of here. You do as your told and I'll see to it you get paid well."
"Can we qualify what you mean by well? I don't know if you know this but these people are some mean SOBs and besides I've got overhead. You know how much marine fuel cost these days."
"I don't know how much marine fuel costs but I do know the people who were supposed to pay you are all dead which makes me an even meaner SOB."
"You heard the man," yell the Captain to his crew. "Cast off we need to give this gentleman a ride to the mainland. I didn't get you name if you want to give it to me."
"Some people call me Hector while others refer to me as Mr. Big," said Hector as he pointed to the bottle of rum next to the Captain.
"Go ahead consider it a part of the travel package," said the Captain as he pulled away from the pier. "I don't suppose you had anything to do with that," he said as he pointed to the column of smoke rising from the top of the island.
"I had everything to do with it. There was a hostile takeover attempt only they didn't count on me being even more hostile. This isn't half bad rum," said Mr. Big as he took another hit from the bottle with no label. "This must be local?"
"My mother makes it from her own sugar cane she raises," said the Captain with a note of pride. "You're not going to find any rum better than that."
"I doubt that but this is one of the best I've had," said Hector as he pulled out his phone. "Hey put everything on hold for now then got dark. I might've stirred up a hornets nest here and put together a group of names that we can look over. How did physical therapy go? … You want a peg leg? … we'll talk about it. We're going to have to put off any activity until we're in a stronger position. … What does that mean? It looks like we're going to need a whole new board Ettore."
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It took a few days but in the end the Russians gave in and released the team. They dropped them in Alaska as they flew on to Vladivostok to organize an Admiralty inquiry. Both Stefan and Anatoly thought it would be better if the team wasn't there during the proceeding so they said their goodbyes at Eielson. From there they caught another flight down to Miramar and there waiting for them was Morgan and Alex.
"Hey guys welcome home," said Morgan. "You scared the crap out of me with that missile trick. Never do that again."
"Yeah next time let a group of killers whack you. Sounds good to me," said Casey. "If you talk nicely to Bunny I'm sure she'd lend you a diaper."
"Well what's important is you're all here safe and sound," said Alex as they all climbed in the back of the Escalade then started home.
"John, I want you to know I got your car all taken care of while you were gone. I even had it wash and waxed. It's waiting for you in the parking lot at Echo Park."
"I'm still going to have to pull your badge," said Casey. "I warned you if you screwed up what would happen and this one can't be over looked."
"Wait a minute what did I do? I demand my day in court," said Morgan as she looked over at Chuck. "Come on bro help your BFF out here?"
"What am I supposed to do? Okay, Casey what did Morgan do that was so bad? He took care of your car for you so what gives?"
"I can't do anything about this. Does using government resources for personal gain ring a bell with you? Remember you two were suspended for that little trick to find your wedding planner?
"Daphne Peralta and she came so well recommended by the internet," said Chuck. "I'm sorry little buddy but those are the rules."
"What are you all babbling about? What personal use of government resources? The only thing I did was have the cleaners come to our place and sanitize after Big Mike and my mother left. I think given everything that was justified."
"Casey, I think you'll agree Morgan's got a point. Little buddy, I hope they took the sheets out and burned them."
"No, that's not it," said Casey. "How does having the downtown office drive to Oregon to the factor of Bedrooms, Bathrooms and far Beyond to pick up a bed and deliver it to your mother's house. You know how much money that trip cost your Uncle Sam?"
"What are you talking about I never had them do that. I told Alex that the bed was back ordered and that Big Mike and my Mom were going to have to stay with us form another week."
"Alex is there something you want to say," said Sarah as both Chuck and Sarah looked over at her sitting in the back with them.
"Boy is it warm in here," said Alex. "Dad, Morgan didn't put that request in I did. I'm sorry but with everything going on having to worry about Big Mike and Morgan's mother just seemed an easy fix. I didn't realize it was going to be so expensive and people would get so bent out of shape."
"Don't worry about it I'll handle it," said Casey. "I'll make sure it gets brushed under the carpet. Let's just drop the topic all together."
"Hold on you were going to pull my badge and now it's we can brush it under the carpet. And Alex what was if I get the chance again I'd like to have your mother over?"
"I did mean it but a little bit at a time not seven days' worth all at once. Besides I don't think I could take seeing Bike Mike run around in those leopard pattern underpants any more. That was just all wrong."
"He did that? I can understand. So John what have you got to say for yourself. Don't you want to apologize?"
"For not strangling you until your eyeballs pop out? I can always correct that so no I don't have anything to apologize for. I told you not to screw up I didn't tell Alex and this is one strike against her while you've more than I can shake a stick at. So shut up and drive."
"John, one last thing then I'll keep quiet. Now that I've got the badge do you think we can talk about me getting my own piece?"
"You keep quiet, yeah that'll be the day. You want to talk about it go right ahead. We could talk about it but the answer will always be the same, no. You wake me before we get home and you die," said Casey as he leaned over then closed his eyes.
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Outside of Los Vegas in a cabin near Lake Mead a group of gentlemen were playing a game of high stakes poker. Three gentlemen blew in off the Southwest Chief, the train from Chicago to L.A. They had done well on the strip so well that had gotten themselves barred from all the reputable establishments which brought them here.
"Okay read them and weep boys," said a man with a Stetson hat on with a feather in the side. "Boy I can't believe my luck."
"We can't either," said the men on either side of him. They gave the man a look that said they'd like to plant a knife in his chest.
"Joe, it's getting late we should go," said one of the man's friends. He and the other friend didn't like to looks of the other men at the table.
"You two can go on I want to play another hand then I'll be with you," said Joe as he tossed in his chips for the ante. "Now can I have some cards?"
"This isn't going to end well is it," said the one friend to the other. "I wish we had that kid with us from the train. Geez Joe's going all in."
"Friend I'd like my card dealt from the top of the deck and not the bottom if you don't mind," said Joe. There was silence.
"Are you calling me a cheat?" said the dealer as he looked for his friends to back his play.
"If you know all the cons you'll never be a sucker," said Joe. A man walked in from the back room with snake tattoos up both arms. He walked straight over and shot the dealer in the back of the head. The man fell forward on the table with a pistol in his hand.
"I just saved your life mister. I only heard one other man say that phrase about knowing all the cons.
Lucky Jack was his name and he was my partner. I've been looking for him for years and I think you can help me find him. Prove to me I didn't just kill the wrong man."
Continued in Chuck vs El Serpiente
