Chapter 54: Battlestations.

I raced towards the living room where Mum and Dad were, almost crashing into Fred and George as they got there too. Mum looked up, wild-eyed and anxious. A belligerent cast took over her face and I knew what that meant. She was going to try and stick me here with Muriel while she left to go with Dad and the twins to fight. I felt my temper rising.

I opened my mouth to complain, but stopped abruptly as George's foot closed over mine. I looked up at him and his cheeky look told me we would figure something out. I know I still looked sullen and annoyed, though. This is one scene I went back to time and again in the pensieve to write this memoir. So much happened over the course of that day that it's been so hard to get it all in the right order, and for some reason, this moment suspended in time always hits me when I see it. We were all there, poised on the brink, so eager to go out and get into the thick of the fight. Fred … Fred was so cheerful, so excited at the idea of going into battle finally. I watch him over and over, and I know this was how it had to be. Like me, he would have been furious if someone had tried to make him stay behind.

Mum marshalled her troops in quick order.

"Arthur, Kingsley says we need to go round up a few more people before we head over there. I'll meet you at headquarters as soon as I have this lot sorted out. Fred, George, I want you boys to look after Ginny. You'll be safe here …"

As Dad apparated out, the twins started clamouring in.

"We are not staying here, are we Fred?"

"Nope. We're coming too, Mum. We're Order members and of age, you can't stop us."

Mum's lips pursed in frustration and she turned her eyes on me.

"No. No way! I'm not staying here to see you all go off and fight. I'm not staying behind. I want to at least see the others, see for sure they're all right."

It was the one thing I could have said to convince Mum, the big, romantic softie. She knew I meant I wanted to see Harry again.

"Very well. But you will stay in Hogsmeade, do you hear me Ginny? You are not of age, you have no need to be in this thing."

I was so frustrated. Once again my age was being thrown back at me. But under the frustration and annoyance in Mum's voice I could hear the flow of her fear. I subsided with a rebellious muttering, hopeful that I could sneak away from her and get into the castle somehow. After all, I wouldn't be much safer in the village than in the castle.

Through all the eager excitement ran one small vein of hope. If the fight was at Hogwarts, it was possible, likely even, that Harry would be there too. I might see him again, I might know for myself that he was alive, breathing and real. I was not going to let my mother's mollycoddling stop me from seeing him if he was there. I know Mum didn't know the role I'd been playing in the DA this year, but there was no way I was going to let her make me sit it out while all the others actually did something with our training.

Fred quickly got Mum sorted out, and sent her on her way with a few jokes and light-hearted banter. Then he turned to the rest of us with purpose in his eyes.

"Let's go get Lee, and then all four of us can apparate to the Hogs Head together. That's the meeting place."

I was still mutinous, and the boys could see it on my face.

"Gin, don't worry. You're with us, we won't leave you in Hogsmeade." Fred winked cheerfully at me as he took my arms and apparated away. Unlike the time with Dad, this was more visceral, less controlled. I was both more terrified and more exhilarated by the experience. The compression seemed to last longer, though, and I was pleased to be back on solid ground when we reappeared.

Lee was waiting for us. Very quickly, we had gathered him up and spun away again to Hogsmeade. The barman was waiting for us, his face a study in annoyance. It was clear we weren't the first ones to come through his bar like this.

"… Did not sign up for this bollocks … first Potter and his pals, now this grubby lot …" He caught sight of our confused faces and added, "Go on, get on with you. What're you waiting for? Tunnel's there." He pointed at the painting over the mantelpiece.

I had stood stock still when he said Harry was here. Now, in the moment, after so long apart, I wasn't sure I was ready to see him again. A hundred different emotions chased themselves around my body. Fear first, fear that he wouldn't want to see me. Then, chasing so quickly behind the fear, came longing and hope, confusion and excitement. George tugged on my arm and I called myself back to the present. I followed him through the painting into the long tunnel, my heart beating irregularly in my chest.

After what seemed like forever, we reached the door at the other end. The boys pushed me forward and the motion shoved me against the door, which swung open. I climbed into a room filled with colourful hangings and what seemed like hundreds of people. But it was all a blur; everything was out of focus except for the green-eyed stare locking eyes with mine. He looked bedraggled, burnt to a crisp, stubbly, wiped out, destroyed. His hair was so long I could barely see the eyes hidden behind his glasses, and his clothes were almost in tatters. Yes, he looked beautiful.

I smiled at him, all the emotions I'd felt for the past months fighting with each other to get to my face first. I think the one that got there was joy, pure joy to see him again. His eyes grew dark as they locked with mine, but he didn't smile. I could see his feelings there in the depths, but he looked annoyed to have me there. Well, tough. No matter what happened from here on in, seeing him, even just this once, made being here completely worthwhile.

I was suddenly bumped from behind as more people followed us into the room. I blushed, realising I had been staring, and started to take in what was going on around me. The person who had crashed into me was George, pushed from behind by Cho Chang of all people. She smiled at Harry, who looked gobsmacked. A twist of envy threaded through me. He had looked displeased to see me and yet he was hanging off her every word, talking to her like she had a right to be there.

OK, OK, I know I was jealous and that wasn't really how it happened but in the moment that was how I felt. Harry's lips had curled down into a frown when I smiled at him, but when Cho said, "I got the message," and held up her fake galleon, they lifted again into a small soft smile. I knew even then that it was me he was interested in, the dark glint of his eyes as they had held mine proved that, but it stabbed me that he was able to smile at her and not at me. Dammit, I had done so much for him this year; I had as much right to be there as Cho did.

I pulled myself together as she slid down beside Michael. The radiant smile they shared together as she slipped her hand into his dispelled all the jealousy I felt over Harry's smile but made me feel even more wretched. Michael was pleased to see Cho. He at least thought his girlfriend had a right to join the battle. I wished, yet again, that I had fallen for a normal person. But Harry was Harry, and he was still in protective mode. I had one irritated image of what it would be like if both he and Mum got together and tried to coddle me. I shook it off, and promised myself that I would do my own thing and sort them out later.

I looked around, finally able to take my thoughts away from Harry and his attitude. There were people packed into every corner. I waved at a few old faces, but it was so crowded that it was impossible to get to anyone. I couldn't even give Neville the huge hug he deserved. Looking at him, I could see he was covered in a huge amount of cuts and bruises. Clearly things had got worse while I was at Muriel's. Everyone seemed affected. Michael, now I looked at him properly, had a huge gash out of his face, and none of the others looked much less beaten up.

It really was time that something was done about this place. Either I hadn't noticed how bad it was while I was still there, or it had got worse. In any case, I was right there with Dean when he burst out with, "We're fighting, aren't we?" I was, to tell the truth, really annoyed with Harry. He was trying to shut this down, trying to ditch us all at Hogwarts again. I had thought we were being called back to fight, but it seemed that Neville had jumped the gun.

I could see Harry, Ron and Hermione all in a huddle debating something, and finally Harry very reluctantly agreed to take some help. Cho offered to show Harry something in Ravenclaw's common room. A white hot flash of jealousy ripped through me and I snapped out, "No, Luna will take Harry, won't you, Luna?" As soon as I said it I regretted it, but I had too much pride to take it back while so many people were watching. Plus, Luna looked so happy and excited to be able to do it that I didn't have the heart to take that away from her.

Harry and Luna soon left, and I decided to try and make some sort of amends. Michael was glowering at me, with good reason, and Cho looked down and depressed. I slipped off my chair and over to them.

"Cho, can I talk to you for a minute … um … in private," I added as I saw everyone trying to hear what we were saying.

"I don't think so, Ginny," she said, sliding closer to Michael.

"Please Cho, I want … I want to apologise," I whispered, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks. "I just … please don't make me do it in public."

She shrugged and looked at Michael, who gestured that it was her choice. With a look that didn't bode well, she climbed to her feet and led the way out of the Room of Requirement and into the passageway to the Hog's Head. When we got out there I really didn't know what to say, or how to say it.

"What do you want to say Ginny?" I flinched at her tone, but I knew I deserved it.

"I .. uh .. well, I'm sorry about what I said in there. It was really bitchy, but I'm just really jealous of you." It all came out in a rush, and as I said it, I realised it was the truth. I was horribly jealous of her looks, her poise, and of the fact that Harry had preferred her first. Not to mention how jealous I was that Harry had smiled as she entered the room and just scowled at me. Obviously I'm a slow learner; my discussion with Michael all those weeks ago wasn't enough to show me what was boiling around in me. Cho blushed.

"Oh. Um, well … thanks. I guess."

"I'm an idiot, I know. Michael told me that too. I'm just really sorry I let my temper get out of control. It was a horrible thing to do to you in public." I was babbling, but Cho's less-than-forgiving stare was unnerving me.

"It wasn't fun, no. But let's just go back in, apology accepted."

We went back in, and I knew she wasn't ready to forgive me for what I said, and who could blame her? But she at least accepted my apology, and I felt better now that I had actually admitted I was wrong.

The door swung open behind me, interrupting my musing, and I gulped as I turned to see who was coming in. My parents were standing there and, from the look on Mum's face, the sight of me here was not a welcome one.