That annoying thing called real life keeps getting in the way damn it, so here's a short update to keep you going my lovely ISOWAK readers :)
"The magic weasley threw at you, hit you like a blunt force trauma, as if someone ran into you with a car. You have swelling around the L1 Lumbar Vertebrae in your spine, we're doing what we can to reduce the swelling, and we're hoping it's just that the swelling is compressing the nerves and..."
"And what?" There were tears in her eyes as she desperately tried to move her legs, her feet, her toes...anything by sheer force of will.
"We won't know for sure until the swelling goes down, but if you don't regain feeling once the swelling has gone it means the spinal cord itself is irreparably damaged...and you'll never walk again"
As the days went on, Severus could only look on as he watched Hermione process the death of Ronan and her own potentially life changing injuries.
Denial was what had overtaken Hermione after Severus's declaration, she was grieving too heavily for the loss of Ronan to even fathom her own condition fully, She convinced herself that they were lying to her; trying to keep her in the hospital and had to be sedated as she wanted to get out of the bed, to go to the centaurs, to her family. It wasn't until Severus sent for Margorian, and the Stallion himself came to the hospital wing and told her, that she allowed herself to fully grieve his loss, shutting out all of them, other than Odin.
She was overcome with guilt, Kingsley was scarred for life and Ronan was dead because of her. She would not accept that Ronald was the only one to blame and insisted on holding her fare share of guilt over it.
After that she had become angry. She was angry at everyone. Angry at herself for being the cause of everything, and her inability to do the simplest of thing and move her legs. Angry at Ronald for his actions and even angry at Ronan for sacrificing himself.
She begged and pleaded for them to find her a time tuner. Let her go back, if only she'd done something differently, if only she'd been hurt instead of them.
After that she just went quiet. She would stroke Odin, and occasionally shake her head to something that Severus said but would otherwise say nothing to any of them. Severus would have given anything to have her anger back. He would have rather have her cussing him out and throwing bed pans at Poppy. He would have rather had her tears and her grief, or her begging than this frightening apathy and non responsiveness. Even when she didn't read the books he brought, or do the work he assigned and he threatened to fail her apprenticeship, she did nothing.
Poppy put her on suicide watch.
oOo
It was, of all people, Neville Longbottom who got her to withdraw from her shell.
He approached her nervously, probably due to the longstanding sentinels that surrounded her, the hulking form of Severus by the bed and Odin on her pillow, who raised his wings and hissed menancingly at the boy.
With a gulp he sat wrong-footed in the chair as he observed her.
"I know this is probably a bad time, not that I ever think there will be a good time, but it's been bothering me..." He stumbled through his explanation, as she eyed him with barely there acknowlegement.
"I know that I haven't a-and we never but..."
"Get on with it Longbottom" Growled Severus as Odin once more hissed at the boy.
"She was mine" he blurted out suddenly, looking down at his hands. He didn't see the way Hermione's eyes fixed on him.
"I know I wasn't there when she was made, and I certainly did not want to be...not that you're not lovely because you are but... but genetically...she was mine. My blood, my kin...wasn't she? That's why the test came back positive"
"Y-yes" Hermione's voice was quiet and cracked from disuse, but Severus could've wept for the sound of it, despite the circumstances.
"Can you...tell me about her?" He still wasn't looking at her.
"I d-didn't really get to know her...I only h-held her for an hour"
Neville just nodded his acceptance and still didn't look up, but it was Hermione who spoke again.
"S-she didn't have much hair yet...but her hair was straight like yours, nothing like mine. S-she had my nose but her eyes were darker than mine I think"
"Like mine?" He asked softly, looking at her with his deep chocolate orbs.
"Yes" She said quietly, as a few tears leaked from her eyes.
Severus placed his hand on hers and Odin plucked at her hair.
"Would y-you take me to see her? I asked Firenze, but he said it was not his place."
Hermione looked stricken for a moment, before closing her eyes against the tears that built there.
"I'm sorry, I have no right..."
"You have every right Neville, she was yours too no matter the circumstances of her conception"
There was silence for a moment as Neville nodded and breathed out a sigh of relief.
"I'll make the arrangements with the herd...and get back to you"
He nodded again and stood once more. "Thank You Hermione"
"S'ok Neville" She murmured as he made his quiet way out of the room.
oOo
When Neville had left it was a few more minutes before she spoke.
"I'm sorry Severus" It was barely a whisper, and was thick with emotion.
"Don't be" He whispered grabbing her hands in his.
"Don't ever be guilty or sorry. Be angry if you wish but be here, be my Hermione, please"
She wept then, and pulled him towards her.
A flick of his wand expanded the bed and he was laid beside her. She cried until she fell asleep, and that was how Poppy found them, Severus asleep on the bed with Hermione's head rested on his chest.
She took her off suicide watch that night.
