Cecelia:
Cecelia stood up from her desk and sat the last datapad on a messy stack. She had been going over schematics, climates, topography, and some tourist information about Virmire. It was all mentally exhausting and she had been at it for some that six hours.
Her eyes ached but she still took in the scene of her bedroom and let out a heavy sigh. It was a huge mess with her clothes thrown around everywhere, empty cans that once contained alcohol were sitting everywhere, and it was a huge mess. It was a definte sign that the place needed to be cleaned.
She slumped down on the bed, fighting back a headache on top of everything else. "Huh, I need a break."
"Well, I only got one last piece of my kit-kat bar but I guess you could have some."
She wheeled around at the sound of Ty's voice. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?"
"Yeah, but you didn't seem to notice. I've been sitting here on your table for hours."
"...were you trying to beat Bourne as the ninja guy on the ship?" She shook her head. "I almost wish I hadn't kicked Hannah off the ship. I could really go for a punching bag about now."
"You really need to find another way to get your anger out." Ty looked down at the chocolate bar in his hand and then held it out to her.
"Well, I have another method, but since I can't find my handcuff key at the moment...well you couldn't really fight on Virmire if you were still chained to the bed."
"Honestly, I think it was back in highschool." Ty shrugged and ate the rest of the chocolate.
"What was?"
"Last time I had sex."
"So, does the 100 years you spent getting digitized count as part of the dry spell?"
"I… it… I don't know. It felt like a second to me."
"Hope the ladies weren't saying that to you."
Ty's look fell flat. "No chocolate for you."
"Worth it for the look on your face."
"Wow, gonna be that bitch, huh?"
"What can I say? I'm a mean drunk."
"You aren't drunk."
"I've at least had a couple of beers."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot how much of a lightweight you are."
"I am not a lightweight!"
"One, two, three and pass out."
"...Ty, I've been drinking since I was fourteen. It takes like twenty strong drinks to knock me out."
"Look, I would love to drink you under the table but that's not why I am here."
"Are you saying I should break out the handcuffs after all?"
He ran his hand over his hair and she noticed that it was about an inch long. "I said some things while I was drunk that I didn't mean."
"Yeah, you were going back and forth between drunk and sober, so you'll have to be more specific."
"What I said was your problem. I didn't mean it, I wasn't thinking at the time."
"That I can't read emotions, or don't get what you want in a relationship?"
He looked away, ashamed. "Yes, it wasn't my finest moment and I swear I didn't mean it."
"Sounded to me like you did."
"I was drunk off my ass and only thinking of myself. Honestly, those were selfish reasons and you shouldn't listen to them. You are as close to perfect as they come."
She bit her lip. "You'd better not just be saying that to save your ass because you want a shot at mine."
Ty looked down at the ground. "Believe what you want to. I am a completely different person when I am drunk sometimes. That wasn't me that you saw, that was… something else."
"If I really was going to hold it against you, don't you think you'd know it by now?"
Ty looked at her with a devilish smile. "Well, you stayed in your room all day. Might have considered myself important enough to earn your silent treatment."
She raised an eyebrow. "You saw me drop a building on someone and think I'd use the silent treatment instead of violence?"
He shrugged and his smile dimmed a little. "You might use the silent treatment until you have a chance to trap me under the building."
Her own face darkened. "Ty, it'd take a lot more than a few insults to equate to what that bastard did."
"I just wanted to make sure." He looked back at the door. "I guess I better go."
"What, you're bored of looking at me after several hours of doing it?" She teased.
"Well, you weren't exactly dancing on a pole or wearing a cat-suit."
"I could arrange that."
"Which one?"
"Either or. Or both at once, if you were really convincing."
He stood up off her table and pointed at the door. "Care to join me for an MRE?"
"Only if you're buying." She joked.
"On the other hand, Tali was telling me that you enjoyed my cooking. I could make everyone breakfast."
"Even better."
"Mind, running to the citadel and picking me up food for everyone?"
"Hey, I'm not the one with dimensional portals or teleportation here."
"Yes, but I am cooking for your crew. Plus, I don't have dextro stuffs either."
"Are we going to the citadel, or are you going to make me suffer through an MRE instead?"
"Or you could order Bourne to go and do it."
"...Do you really think he'd know what the hell to buy?"
"You could give him a list."
"You'd have to make it then...and let's throw in a threat to not let him have any of the food if he doesn't go grab it."
Ty held out his arm and stared at it. "Uh oh, that ain't good."
"Please tell me it's not something like the technocrap coming back."
He shook his head. "No, the nanites are in Bourne's favor right now. Just enough that I can't digistruck a omni-tool like I usually do."
"Digistruck? Wait, you mean you're a billionaire, and you've never bought one? You've just been using the nanites to make one this whole time?"
"Yeah, you should have seen it when I first made it. It like exploded out of my arm. The quarian that was near me at the time freaked out."
"Yeah, don't blame whoever it was." She shook her head and activated her own omni-tool. "Guess I'll just have to dictate for you then. So, ahem. 'Scarface, you're in charge of picking up groceries for Ty…'" She waved a hand to prompt Ty.
"We need eggs, bacon, pancake mix, oranges, whip cream, butter, Miss Butterworth syrup, sausage, and some strawberries. You want anything special on your's?"
"Also some blueberries and blackberries." She said aloud as she typed. "Okay, I'll send it his way."
"Kind of want to see his reaction."
"No kidding." The omni-tool beeped almost immediately. ""I wondered why my account suddenly had several thousand more credits on it…which I may have already spent on a new Assault Rifle and Shotgun.'...maybe we should have sent the note before you added credits to his account. Didn't even know you could do that from here."
"Did you send him money?"
"No...I figured you had." There was another beep and she looked down to see a new message. "'And now my account has more cash, so I'll get right on that...but only because I want in on this action.'"
"Well, I better go get my kitchen ready." He put his hands in his pockets and began walking toward the door.
Bourne:
I shook my head as I closed the omni-tool. Anyone else I'd swear it was a prank, but I can believe it with those two...wonder if I could lie about the prices and squeeze more cash out of them so I could get my armor customized to it's cameo pattern again?
^Hey, I can find all the prices on the extranet if you try to get more cash out of it.^
)...but the cash would still be gone, and you'd be without supplies. Just cause I'm easing up slightly doesn't mean I'm going to be a pushover, or not look for advantages…also, I put armor on to go out. You are making me shop for groceries in my armor.(
I dialed up a rapid transit cab for what looked like the best place to find the stuff.
^Fine, I will hook you up with one-million credits if you do this.^
I'd been going to do it anyway…)Deal...huh. That's odd. The amount in my account right now is the exact same as the last time I went out for supplies before heading to Virmire last time.(
^Spooky, wonder if that's a sign that things are going to go to shit like in my universe. Falling out of the Normandy, fighting tooth and nail with the Salarians, and Kratos.^
)...motherf- Do the words "Tempting fate" not mean anything to you?!(
^I don't really think fate needs to be tempted. I think it is already written.^
)Yet another way you and I disagree. And even if it is written, it's just bad karma to do that!(
^You know what. Fate can bring it on.^
)...meh, fuck it. If it's going to repeat itself, that just means Saren gets his mandible shot off and a knife through the eye...or better yet, that happens to Iron!(
^Dude, I just had a mind blowing thought. What if it is similar but at the same time, nothing like our last trip there?^
)I hope not. Last time, Alenko died, I got a secret nutjob stuck in my head along with the psychopath, all my lies were revealed as lies, and the Council blew off the threat of the Reapers…there wasn't the option in the game, but if I live long enough, I am so saying "I told you so."(
^Just get those groceries.^
)You're the one who brought it up.(
^Honestly, I don't give a shit what is going to happen. I can't wait to tear Saren a new asshole.^
)Yeah, I'm sorry, what happened to "only Shepard can kill him?"(
^I can still hurt him.^
)...I guess Raptor did blow half his face off before I stabbed him in the eye.(
You have said that already.
)Drew, was I talking to you?(
No. Nobody has in several days.
^You sad or something?^
)Can AI even get sad?(
We are merely commenting on your unusual lack of communication...or normal, in Bourne's case.
)You know what, my best friend tried committing death by angry alternate version of herself. So don't start complaining because nobody's talking to the robot...where have you even been?(
Still inside the sleeping pods… hiding from any and all C-sec officers that have come aboard searching for you.
)When the hell was that going on?(
Mostly when you were on the Citadel or on the range.
)...that doesn't exactly narrow it down.(
It is your fault.
)Yeah, no. It's Arnold's fault, and he's dead.(
Which is your fault.
)Iron's the one that warped him out of existence.(
At your prompting.
)Oh for- even if C-sec did find you, they'd think you were me, and Cecelia could just use the Spectre status to get them to back off...come to think of it, why didn't she just do that to keep them off the ship?(
^She wasn't around to stop them and she is the only one that can stop them.^
)It's still a Spectre's ship,, and an Alliance ship on top of that. C-sec shouldn't even be looking...how did they know to look here anyway? And if you really need to hide, couldn't you split apart into the swarm thing again, or just do something where they can't see you, or don't register your presence?...or you could hide in the apartment in the alternate dimension…wait, how the hell did they not ask about that?(
This was at the same time that Ty received that. We are too cautious to come out. Statistics show that C-sec will return to a suspect, multiple times.
)Here's a thought...why not tell Cecelia about it so she can tell C-sec to butt out? She's going to flip out on them when she finds out they've been sneaking onto her ship to look for a criminal.(
We will go speak to her about this, though she seems uneasy around us.
)Probably doesn't want to catch...er, you. Green veins and glowing eyes would probably be a bad look for her(
^Wonder how she will feel about the cybernetics then.^
You are aware that unless she significantly has a change of heart, she will have full glowing renegade scars?
)Unless she's less lazy than Iron and just gets that medbay upgrade.(
^She is a bit obsessive about looks.^
)Yeah, I think she might be more hung up on the fact that she died and came back.(
^I don't think so.^
)Who knows with her?( I shook my head as the aircar finally landed. I hope this place actually has the stuff I need.
^I will ask her.^
)You're seriously going to ask her- Dude, do not go full retard. Never go full retard.(
^Of all the things you quote… Tropic Thunder?^
)I think in this instance, it was justified.(
You have never actually seen the movie and only know that one particular line.
^Wow, just wow. You, sir, are the retard here.^
)Oh yeah? Then how come I'm the one that's undeniably saved your ass at least thrice thus far?(
^You are also the asshole that has almost killed me thrice so far.^
)Your track record's not much better.(
You have tried to kill him yourself several times, thrown him out of an elevator, blasted him in the face with your phase disruptor-
)More like face disruptor, am I right?(
...you make terrible jokes like that, which are almost as damaging as the biotics, you've caused him to cut off his own finger, gotten his body slammed into the wall and ground by Cecelia, and you are responsible for both Iron and Hero, who have also tried to kill or injure him.
^You know, by rule of cause and effect. You are the root of everything bad that happens to me.^
)Yeah, well since Danny is working with the AI, and that's your fault, the same argument can be made for you.(
^Cause he is my friend? Dude, you need a better connection than that.^
)Okay, what about the fact this Saren has powers because of you, your ex is here because of you, and...goddamnit, don't we blame each other for enough crap already? Let's just pin it on Saren and Iron and the AI and call it done so we don't end up in a worse spot than we already are.(
Of course, you care little for Ty and are simply trying to get your own position to improve.
)...that is not true!..it's only half trying to better my own position.(
Indeed.
)Considering that my last friend jumped out of the cargo bay and I don't even know if she bothered using her biotics to survive, I'd rather not lose the one friend I've got left.(
You mean that, but you're also hoping that saying it will ease the tension and get him more on your side.
)I swear to god Drew, I will come in there, grab you biotically, and teleport you incorrectly so you explode if you don't stop with the psychoanalysis-commentary!(
Obviously, we are making you uncomfortable and you believe that we are counteracting your progress.
)My progress is to kill Saren. Unless you're getting in the way of that- which you almost seem to be attempting to do by adding fuel to the fire- you're not impeding my progress.(
^Drew, cut it out.^
Yes, sir.
)Seriously, does this thing respect anybody besides you?(
I moved down the aisles, basket floating beside me biotically as I moved the food into it. )Also, two questions. you want me to grab anything else for you while I'm here, and if I got some stuff for myself, would you let me store it in your fridge?(
^I could use some Kraken black spiced rum, a bottle of marshmallow vodka, and a bottle of penelton whiskey. Also, yes, you can use the fridge.^
)In that case, I'm getting some- wait, marshmallow vodka is a thing?(
^Yeah.^
)Huh. Well, I'm getting some snacks to shove in there for when I need a bite but not a full MRE...the biotics seem to be taking more out of me lately.(
^Also, nacho cheese doritos, Cocacola, and Mountain Dew.^
)...You know, if Cecelia hadn't really seen the Coke before, how would...and of course it's all on the next aisle I pass.(
^Because she was a poor orphan and the only coke she probably thought about was the stuff she was selling with the gang.^
)...do you have this talent to make anyone feel like an ass, or is that just with me?(
^I don't know, do you have a talent for questioning everything that I say and do or is that just me?^
)I'm a skeptical person.(
^Dude, you piss me off so much… but, you are still a good friend.^
)Yeah, right back at you pal.(
^How full is your cart?^
I glanced at the overflowing basket, items only being kept from falling thanks to my biotics. )I think I can manage a few more things.( I said as I grabbed another basket, moving things over and then grabbing a third. )Why, you think of something else?(
^Yeah, any copies of Fornax? I got a really good prank in mind.^
)...Dude. There is no way, in hell, ever, that you can get me to buy Fornax for you. Or Playboy or anything else.(
^But but but, I was going to place it over Kaidan's face after he went to sleep and video tape the crew's reactions when he wakes up and gets caught with it.^
)...no.(
^Buzzkill.^
)There's a 50-50 chance he's going to be dead within 48 hours. Even I have standards man, let him at least have some dignity left if he does die.(
^Nah, he's not going to die. I like Kaidan and it's not like we need Ashley.^
)...you know, just because I know it's not really her that you're talking about, doesn't mean I don't still want to punch you out for saying something like that. She's a damn good shot with anything- good enough she can be a Spectre eventually. And I think I'm qualified to judge Spectre quality, considering they made me one.(
^I'm not letting this Kaidan die, Jason.^
)I get that, and respect it. But don't think for a second I like it.(
^We can't save both.^
)...we might be able to make sure they both live. Reality warping or the AIs will take them down from there.(
^We have to choose one, it will be too hard and bring too much bad karma on us if we try to save both.^
)...then we save Alenko. Better to see Ash gone with dignity than whatever the universe will do to make sure she can't help.(
^Okay, then can I pull a prank on him?^
)...why exactly are you trying to get me to do it? This is a goddamn grocery store, not a porn shop.(
^Dude, it's the future and this isn't America. Also, can I try something when you get back?^
)First, I don't care. Get someone else to buy it, or do it yourself, or use the goddamn code to download it off the extranet, or look it up via the real internet. Secondly, what exactly are you thinking about trying here?(
^I was thinking about seeing if i could push your mind through to your original body. Just to see if I could do it.^
Several other customers looked at me in fear and backed away as the biotics blazed crimson. )If you ever even suggest that again, I will cut you open and strangle you with your own intestines.(
^Why? Because I was thinking about sending you back to Raptor and your Ashley?^
)...then why didn't you just say that? I thought you meant my Original body.(
^Far as I know, that exploded.^
)Yeah, and bringing it up about as smart as punching Bruce Banner in the face.(
^Not like I am the one that did it.^
)I know. But just the thought of it- how would you even send me to Raptor's universe anyway? It's not like John's and yours, where everything is code. No, the only way to get out of here is to 'beat the game' and make sure Saren dies. Preferably in a very painful manner.(
^Bourne, everything is code. The way I figure it. I just need to find the rosetta stone for the code used in your universe and then I can get you there.^
)Ty, let me make this perfectly clear. There is no code for my universe. And if you try to find it, I'll throw you through the nearest wall without a second's hesitation- assuming I don't just. Slit. Your. Throat.(
^If you do that, I will never forgive you. Then, I will beat your ass so bad in Heaven, you will wish that they sent you to Hell.^
)Then that should be motivation for you to not try it.(
^Fine, I'm just going to cook us all breakfast then.^
)Ty, I was this close to snapping before Hannah's breakdown got me back to my senses. But if you do that- if you turn Raptor's universe from reality to code in my eyes- It could push me past the breaking point, and I would lose it. Not just a little, like punching you through a wall or out of an elevator, full on nihilism and sociopathy.(
^Well, the way that I have been thinking about it is more of that you are connected here by your amp. After all, you don't have a conventional one by any means. So, what if that's what is connecting you here?^
)I don't care right now. We need to finish this before I go back...however that happens.(
^Wow.^
)Go ahead, tell me how I'm being a dumbass this time...or did someone else do something to prompt that response?(
^No, you are choosing to stay here and help me rather than take the first exit. You never would have done that at the beginning.^
)Let's just say the stakes have been upped. And now, it's personal.(
^Just saying.^
)If you'd rather try doing this solo, I might be convinced.( I joked. )We could discuss it over breakfast.(
^Dude, are we forgetting what I did with the elevator when the universe was in my sway?^
)You mean on Therum, when you got stabbed, or finally making the damn things go faster.(
^Hardy fucking har. Just get your ass back here. I'm going to need your help cooking all this.^
)Don't you need the rest of me back there too? I kinda need my hands and arms to help you cook, and my eyes to see what I'm doing, and the legs so I can stand...oh, was that a metaphor?(
^You know, you were this close to getting the last key to my apartment.^
)Oh, so it's alright for you to make jokes, but if I start doing it again I'm the asshole?(
^No, I just didn't realize how much of a sarcastic bastard you are until now.^
)Guilty as charged. Should be back in, oh say 20 minutes or so.(
^Sounds good.^
Ty:
I pulled the tray of bacon out of the stove and began pulling them off as fast as I could. Not wanting to waste the grease that came with them. After I was finished I began pouring all the grease from the tray onto the frying pan that I was going to use for the eggs.
"Well, there is one batch done. Ten more to go."
"You know, if you actually make this for everyone, they're going to expect it again in the future." Cecelia commented, watching me and Bourne preparing the food.
"This is a one time deal since we have probably our biggest mission tomorrow." I cracked the eggs in and they began frying. "Now, do you want some hot chocolate with marshmallow vodka mixed in or not?"
"Isn't it a little early to be drinking?" Bourne asked. "...Wow, double death glare. Haven't gotten that for a while."
"Dude, it's the greatest thing since sliced bread."
"You know, I've never understood that comparison. I mean, oh, wow, it's pre sliced. Thank god, now it won't take me the fifteen seconds to cut it."
"Not all of us get off on using knives like you do." Cecelia chuckled, earning a red-eyed glare from Bourne in return.
As if to emphasize her point the toaster popped and was ready for two more pieces. "Well, the toaster agrees with us. Presliced is just the right fit for it."
"Lazy bums." He muttered.
"I'm sorry, which one of us teleported down to the cargo bay instead of using the elevator, keeps trying to use his biotics to grab stuff instead of walking across the room, and carried the bags here with his biotics?"
"I didn't know Wrex was in here." He deadpanned, grabbing a block of cheese and cutting through it with extreme prejudice.
"So, Bourne, omelet or scrambled or over-easy?"
"Omelet."
I began cracking some eggs into a glass and then started stirring them. "And do you want them cooked in a bacon greased pan or buttered?"
"Butte- nah, screw it, not like I have to worry about watching my weight with the biotics. Bacon grease it is."
I looked over at Cecelia. "Is the new tray of bacon laid out yet, sexy?"
"Bourne, can I borrow that knife for a minute?"
"I don't even want to get involved." He muttered.
"Can you give us a moment alone then?"
"Are you going to kill him?"
"No."
"Are you going to injure him to the point where he can't keep cooking?"
"...I'll try not to."
I grabbed her around the waist and looked down at the pan. "You really not like me telling you how you look?"
Bourne just put down the knife and walked away. "I'll be back in five minutes." He said, closing the door to the shooting range.
"God, you two have no sense of humor." Cecelia muttered. "I'm just saying, you keep using pet names, making out, the hugs...and that's it."
"What? You will kick me off the ship?" I flipped the over easy eggs and grabbed the bacon out from in front of her to place in the oven.
"That's the exact opposite of what I mean. I-" She cut herself off and whipped her head towards the shooting range at the sound of several explosions. "God, he is such a manchild in there." She looked back at me. "When I talked to you back before Feros, showed you the video...it was Bourne, not you. So I'll ask you what I inadvertently asked him. Is there more to this than just flirting?"
I was silent for what must have been an uncomfortably long time for her before I grabbed her and brought her in for a deep embrace. "That answer, is a hell yes."
She was still with shock a moment before her arms hesitantly wrapped around me as well.
"Were you hoping I was going to say otherwise?"
"...I didn't know what you were going to say."
I took a second and smelled her sweet perfume before letting go and turning back to the breakfast. "Your eggs are done. I almost burned them but fear not." I dished them onto a plate and turned to her and held them out. "I caught them when they were perfect."
There was another set of explosions from the range. "Alright, let me go drag Bourne out of there first."
I sat her eggs down, beginning working on Bourne's omelette as she left and smiled. "I finally made a decision."
"Which is?"
"I should talk to myself when other people aren't around."
"That's what I do."
I pulled out an egg whisk and quickly mixed the eggs I put in the cup to pour onto the frying pan.
"Bourne, you can come out now." She yelled through the door.
He was whistling of all things as he came back out. "Nothing like blowing crap up to undo the effects of shopping while wearing armor."
"What weapon did you take out of there?"
He turned to look at Shepard blankly.
"I can see the bulge in your jacket."
He reached into it and pulled out his Assassin. "You really think I'd just ignore Ty asking me to leave the weapons in here?"
"...yes."
"He hid it in the back of his jacket and hide his assassin crappily as a decoy." I called without looking.
"Actually, I used some duct tape and made a holster for it underneath the jeans." He said sarcastically. "I've already got the phase disruptor, why would I take one of those?...and the plasma pistol's really the only one small enough to sneak out of here, but the shape turned out to be too obvious when I tried it."
"How about the energy sword that you went gaga over?"
"Yeah, that just didn't look right in the pocket- don't think I need to explain why- and you came in before I could redo the duct tape thing for it to fit." He shrugged and reached into his pocket, pulling out what looked like an SMG. "Besides, I just picked this up on the Citadel with the cash Ty sent my way."
We both gave him a flat look. "Empty your pockets."
He shrugged and took off the jacket, starting to pull things out and set them on the table. Knives, a first aid kit, several syringes, a pair of grenades, a back up pistol, and more knives.
Then more knives from the pockets of his jeans, and several from his boots. And two grenades from his back pockets.
"The jacket still looks pretty lumpy to me." Cecelia said.
"That's because I upgraded it with kevlar and plate armor….it was actually easier to do than I thought it'd be."
"Bourne, if you are lying to me that you didn't take a gun then I will just keep them here and you won't get any of them on Virmire." His eggs looked ready to be flipped so I crushed some bacon, put some shredded cheese and tabasco sauce on them. "Now, while I go check, Cecelia can you watch the eggs?"
"I didn't steal a single goddamn gun! I even left the grenades and knives in there because it seemed like a grey area but I didn't want to risk losing the gun privileges."
I walked out of the kitchen and headed toward my room. "Then, you have nothing to worry about."
"No, I don't." He said flatly.
I looked around in my room and noticed that the ODST pistol was missing. My first reaction was to call Bourne out on it but something else tugged at the back of my brain. I turned around and walked out of the room, then leaned on the counter near Cecelia.
She didn't suspect a thing but I ran my hand down her back and grabbed the handle right above the waist of her pants. I quickly pulled it out and began looking it over. "Hm, you're right Bourne. It wasn't you."
He just grunted and started putting his stuff back on.
I held the gun with the barrel pointed at the ceiling and shook it a bit while giving Cecelia a 'I caught you' smile.
"Oh come on, why didn't you play along to see if we could make Bourne sweat a bit?"
"Because he knows I'm too stubborn to be scared of either of you." He said flatly.
"Well, not afraid of her anyway."
He gave me a flat look. )Dude, you tried to make me buy Fornax for you. Not exactly scary.(
^I can still turn you into a girl if necessary. Then we can call you Jenny Bourne.^
)Yeah, that's more creepy than scary.(
^How about I make it so your body can't protect against your stomach acid?^
)Meh. Still not as bad as having Iron in my head. Really just means I'd die slowly without actually caring about the pain.(
I sat the pistol down on the counter and grabbed Bourne's eggs out of the pan and sat them on his plate. "Food's ready."
)Honestly, I think the biotics being gone is worse.( He said as he walked over. "Sheesh, and I thought I had trust issues."
I cracked three eggs onto the pan and began to make myself food. "Trust issues? Coming from you, we must have a real problem."
"What do you mean problem singular?"
"Bourne, your right hand weighs four hundred pounds."
"Meh, I'm ambidextrous anyway."
"And your tongue is heavier than your jaw can hold."
His jaw dropped open, but his eyes just rolled. )Yeah, yeah, you're super powerful, blah blah blah. Can I get back to eating now?(
I snapped my fingers and everything went back to normal. "You know, I almost wish I could fight Saren in here."
"You know...that would actually be pretty sweet."
Cecelia chuckled. "I think I'd pay to watch you fight Hannah in here."
I laughed at the thought. "I could sweep my hand and cause her to float harmlessly in the air. No real fight for anyone in here."
Bourne raised an eyebrow. )I don't disagree, but do you really want to say that and therefore increase the chances of being proven wrong?(
^In here, I am in control. Out there is a different story.^
)Yeah, I've noticed. You tend to get your ass handed to you...not that I'm saying that it hasn't happened to me just as often.(
^Yeah, but I usually win.^
)And again, the same with me...unless you and or code in general is involved.(
"So, Bourne, why exactly did you buy an SMG anyway?" Cecelia asked, somewhat mockingly. "Was your assault rifle too heavy? Or too accurate?"
He shrugged. "I figure since I've got a cannon for a left hand, it'd be easier to duel wield with a smaller weapon. And with how easy it is for me to get in close, accuracy is rarely an issue."
"Maybe I should just take a ton of pistols with me. You know, to make up for how inaccurate I am with an assault rifle and stuff."
Bourne looked thoughtful, eyes going purple. "Huh. You know, if a person only used a bunch of pistols instead of also using the other types...depending on what model and mods you had, you could be a lot more adaptable while carrying the same weight- like a Phalanx for range, Paladin for heavy shots, Scorpion for tactical strikes, maybe an Executioner for up close...Only problem would be figuring out how to carry them all."
I put my hand out toward him in a handshake gesture. "Hello, my name is Ty and I can manipulate armor. Ever heard of me?"
"It's not a question of how you attach them, it's more a question of how to arrange them all...back's kinda hard to reach except from a few angles...Probably thighs and legs then, maybe the shoulders...so probably would be several pistols but the back would be mostly the same…" He looked off into space, food forgotten as he worked the problem over in his head.
"Stay with us here Bourne."
He blinked several times. "God, I was just imagining myself with a Scorpion. Can you imagine the damage I could do with that thing? Teleport behind a group, stick an explosive to each of them, and teleport again before they even know what happened, then they explode."
I shrugged and pointed back at my room. "I got one."
"...and why have you not mentioned this before now?"
"You already have a gun that explodes, and you can make explosions with your brain." Cecelia said, shaking her head.
"Yeah, but those are more brute force than tactical."
"You were complaining because Ty didn't think you could use the giant hammer."
"...that thing's just cool."
"What about the sword made of plasma that would cut through anything?"
"...at least I thought about taking the cool weapons over a plain old SMG."
"Pistols are automatic. Why did you buy an SMG?"
"The Assassin isn't and I already have a fully automatic pistol I took off some moron dumb enough to try mugging me. I prefer to take the time to line up each shot separately most of the time anyway- better accuracy. That, and most pistols I could actually afford get off maybe twenty shots before they overheat, max. This thing puts out a hundred with the mods I picked up for it."
I shrugged and flipped my eggs. "So, favorite breakfast?"
"I'm going to say eggs benedict." He said with a shrug. "With hashbrowns on the side."
Cecelia thought for a bit before she shrugged. "I'm gonna have to say Belgian waffles with butter and maple syrup along with a glass of orange juice on the side."
"I am a fairly simple person. Egg mcmuffin and Orange juice."
The two exchanged a look. "Did he really just call himself simple?" They said almost simultaneously.
"What?" My eggs finished up and I put them on a plate and then put two more on.
"...Ty...you...goddamn dude, you make it really hard to not just come over there and shake you sometimes."
"Name one thing that isn't simple that is not related to my powers."
"Does the ex count?"
"No."
"How about Danny?"
"No."
He shrugged. "Well, then, there's the fact that the two of you-" he gestured to Shepard and I. "Seem to-"
"Bourne, if you finish that sentence, all three of your guns are going where the sun doesn't shine." Cecelia said menacingly.
"No, speak Bourne. I want to hear the sentence finish."
"Actually, I figured one of you would cut me off, so I didn't bother coming up with an ending."
I rolled my eyes and took a bite of the my eggs that I made and went back to cooking my current few. "So, can't think of anything?"
"Just because I didn't bother actually coming up with a way to describe it, doesn't mean it's not a valid point. You two aren't exactly...normal as far as a relationship go."
"At least we're the same species." Cecelia muttered.
"Okay, how so? We are sitting in my apartment, cooking food for a party?"
"...dude. She slammed you into, like, four different walls back on Feros, and yet when I peaked out while I was in the range to make sure you weren't killing each other, you were having a heart to heart and hugging and etcetera...also, both of you are probably technically insane."
"That reminds me." Cecelia quickly backhanded Bourne in the nose, catching him by surprise, and it started bleeding. "You will take care of me?"
"...To be fair, I slash Ty was concussed at the time." He said as he eyed her cautiously, obviously expecting another attack.
"Why didn't you both tell me?"
I looked at her skeptically. "Hey, Shepard. We are two guys that you barely understand or get but we switched bodies by accident. Trust us, we are not crazy."
"Not that crazy." Bourne corrected. "And when I tried telling you- you thought something was wrong with my/Ty's head and sent us towards Chakwas."
She was prepared to argue but instead took a bite.
"So, Bourne, first child's name."
"...I think I'm going to have to let the mom pick the name. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not something I'm particularly good at."
Cecelia patted me on the shoulder. "He would probably name his child something stupid like Copper. Copper Bourne."
"Let me thin- HELL no. I said I wasn't good at coming up with names, not that I'd use an idiotic name."
"Still, if you did."
He gave us both a flat look. "At this point, I don't see myself having kids for a while."
"Good point. You'd have to get some action first." Cecelia chuckled.
"Yeah, your imaginary girlfriend might not be fertile."
)Was that meant in reference to Miranda?(
^Fuck if I know, I just asked you a question that you could have given a simple answer to. You are the one that started this and I am too focussed on the eggs.^
"What, have you never heard of adoption?"
"Just think up a name."
He rolled his eyes. "David. Jack. Megan. Susan. I can come up with names if I actually try."
"Was that so hard?"
"I was more making a joke than being serious."
"Whatever, okay, your turn to ask a question."
"Aw, it's cute how you think I care about finding more about you guys...geez, I was kidding. No need for the glares."
"Hurry up then."
"I don't know...favorite color?"
Mine was a no brainer and I shot it out immediately."Red."
Cecelia finished her eggs and then sat the plate in the sink. "Guess that is why you have the red zero there, huh?"
"I figured it was to represent his IQ." Bourne chuckled. "I'm going to have to say blue."
"Haha, Bourne has anyone ever told you that you should be a comedian because there is probably a reason they haven't. No, I like red because it is the color of the rogue, the renegade, the rebel."
"Yeah, I used to like it for the same reasons...then "Bronze" kinda made me hate the color with a passion." He clenched his fists for a moment before glancing over at Cecelia. "How bout you?"
"I don't want to say."
He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because don't ask questions that are not worth getting hit over."
He seemed to consider it a second before shaking his head and going back to his food. "Then I guess it's your turn to pick out the question."
"No, I want to hear this." I crossed my arms and gave Shepard the same look she gave me when I was supposed to explain myself on Eden Prime.
Bourne gave me a warning look. "Uh, dude- tread carefully. I know that look."
"Please, I am the greatest thing to happen to both of you. She wouldn't-" I was clocked in the side of the face by a punch from Cecelia.
"I tried to warn you."
She stood up as tall as she could. "Don't believe you're that important."
I flipped my last eggs and dished them onto my plate while rubbing my jaw. "You really need to get what sarcasm is. Damn."
"Ty, power doesn't equal importance." Bourne said, sounding annoyed. "Nor does it automatically earn you respect."
"And I know you were being sarcastic." Cecelia added.
"Well, fuck you both." I stuck up two middle fingers to them and began eating my food again.
"Also, unless you're secretly a sniper rifle, you're not the greatest thing to happen to me." Cecelia chuckled.
"Oh, so does that make Bourne into your perfect man since he can fire himself across any battle field like a living sniper bullet?"
"She kicked me out of an elevator, so I'm guessing that's a no."
"And he's way too...Bourne."
"Should I even ask what that means?"
"You're the one with the perfect memory. Just start with what I said back at the bar on the Citadel and go from there."
"Ah, how about we stop looking at Bourne's flaws and start looking at yours."
Bourne flat out facepalmed. "Dude, there are a lot of stupid things to say to a woman- but I think that's a contender for the top spot."
She crossed her arms and smiled sarcastically. "I'm perfect but if you feel the need to Roast me then do it."
"Christ, no wonder he couldn't actually land the girl!" Bourne said, throwing his arms up in the air. "...Fuck, I said that out loud, didn't I?"
"I couldn't land a girl?" I looked at Bourne. "I could put every sexual conquest I have had on the TV screen over there if you need proof that I can and have."
"Okay, first off, no. Secondly, that isn't what I meant. There's a heck of a lot of difference between getting a girl into bed and actually going further than that. You picked up a chick, dated one, big deal. A few? Whatever. Because I notice something. Despite all that-" He pointed at the refrigerator. "That's as far as you can go."
I looked on the fridge and saw the note that was there from when Layla left me for the game. I walked over to it and pulled it down, staring at it. Slowly, I felt my eyes begin to water and I couldn't look away from it.
The weather outside my apartment suddenly boomed and rain pelted the windows. The lights in it began to flicker and the shadows seemed to crawl toward me. Cracks began to appear on the walls and crawl up them.
"You just had to open your mouth, didn't you Bourne?"
He just sighed. "I miss the old days when my biggest worry was getting stabbed by Krogan or my own team mates."
My hand suddenly clenched the paper and it lit on fire, burning bright enough and causing everything that had just been done to disappear, except for the rain outside. The note burned brighter and brighter and went out in a snuff of smoke, disintegrating in my hand.
"This may be as far as I have got but it isn't the last time I am going to find someone and it certainly isn't the first time I got my heart broke."
"And with an attitude like that, won't be the last either."
"Seriously Bourne, are you trying the same strategy as Hannah here? Because if you really have a death wish, just say so. I'll even let you pick out the gun I shoot you with."
He ignored Cecelia. "You know, I might not be the most romantic guy, or the smartest, or anything else that can be positively said. But I at least know it, and admit it, and don't try to be someone more or less than who I am."
I turned to him with a smile that must have looked like an insane man's. "I am all I am and have said that I am nothing more except in jest. but now," I held up the hand that held the note and let it scatter. "I'm also not anchored to her anymore."
"Yeah, try telling her that. She's not exactly...handling the break up very well."
"Pft, she doesn't even think that it happened and I should go back to her." I joked.
"Uh, yeah, that's kinda what I meant. Except I actually meant it for real, not just as a joke."
"You know, I never have really liked monogamy." Cecelia commented.
Bourne exchanged a look with me."...uh, was that a joke, or-"
"It better be a joke or she has just lost me."
"You have no sense of humor." She rolled her eyes.
"Trust me, lacking a sense of humor is the opposite of his problem." Bourne said, rubbing his forehead.
"So, Virmire tomorrow then?" I said placing four pans on the stove and turning them on to ready to make food for the whole crew.
"That's the plan."
Bourne stiffened slightly, though he was back to normal before Cecelia could notice.
^Something wrong?^
)Just...I hate that I'm having to do it again.(
^Dude, you got me and that makes this a different experience altogether.^
)Yeah, I guess you're right. This time I'll have killed a teammate or two instead of just crippling one.(
(So, next chapter's going to be the best one ever it sounds like. Also, "Face Disruptor?" Really?)
^I can't believe I am getting thrown out of the Normandy again!^
(Really? I can. Seems like the sorta sick twisted shit these two would pull on us.)
~Okay, we have to get to questions this time because we have got a ton.~
)Yeah, alright. So, lemme pick one to start us off…and it's a reference to episode 19 of Agents of Shield. If (me) was trapped on an Island and all he had with him was a box what would be in that box? What about Ty? Iron? And what about you guys? What would be in your box?(
^Um… I want… a… Nail Gun that works without needing a pump system.^
(Probably someone else in the box. I'd need something to do so I didn't get bored, and if I'd need to make tools to kill things anyway…)
)Axe. Easier to chop down trees for a boat or shelter with one of those.(
~Laptop with satellite connection. That way I could triangulate my position and send it to anyone who could come and pick me up.~
T117: I'd go with a cellphone for pretty much the same reason. Or if there's not a limit on big the box was- how about a boat to get home with.
S7: Depends if it is a deserted island or an occupied island. If it is deserted, then a cell phone. If it isn't a machete that way I could meet a cool Asian guru guy that will teach me the art of the bow.
T117: Was that supposed to be a reference to Arrow or something?
S7:Noooooo.
(Okay, so next question: what is the hardest game you've ever played?)
S7: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES. Mostly because of terrible level design and programing.
T117: I haven't really played any games that were super hard, but it took me fucking forever to get that one achievement in Arkham Origins where you beat Shiva without taking damage. And since I know it'd take ages to beat New Game plus even if I tried, or get total completion I guess I'll go with that game/series.
)That, or Halo because he/I never beat any of the games on Legendary without a friend to help.(
S7: Ha, least I got Halo and Halo 2 under my belt.
T117: I also didn't really care enough to try. But since I'm replaying some of the series anyway I might feel ambitious and try at least Halo 3.
S7: Okay, what is our opinions on Saints Row 3, Assassin's Creed, Watchdogs, and do we think they are worth their original asking price of $60?
T117: Of those, only played AC. I'd say yes for all but AC3, which is where I kinda lost any interest whatsoever in the series. Brotherhood and Revelations didn't quite live up to ACII for me, but they were still fun to play so they pass muster.
S7: Saints Row is a HELL YES on all accounts. By the way, we should play it after these notes. Next, Assassin's Creed is kinda a meh for me. It is all good but without a story that I want to hear, it didn't keep me around. As for Watchdogs… IDK, I haven't played it yet.
T117: Yeah, like I said, still haven't gotten to Saints Row 3.
(Have you followed up on a single one of his suggestions for stuff to check out?)
T117: Well, finally got around to checking out Attack on Titan, which may be my favorite anime series of all time now.
^Remember "Is that a steamed potato you are eating?"^
T117: Heh, yeah. I'm only up to episode 14 though...what the hell were they thinking changing the themesong?
S7: I know right? I bought that on iTunes after my first time hearing it.
T117: I listened to it enough times to get it stuck in my head first, but same here. Only song I have that's in Japanese.
)One hand, I'm kinda embarrassed to be based on T117 right now, but at least it's not an Anime about a Children's card game this time.(
T117: Yeah, I'm making it canon that you check it out at some point between ME and ME2 and it becomes one of your favorite shows. Maybe get "Seid ihr das Essen? Nein, wir sind der Jäger!" as a tattoo, or at least have you engrave it on your armor somewhere.
)...( (...)
S7: Next question: 1. Who are you guy's fav BL and BL2 characters and with what skill tree is the main? 2. What would be everyone's fav gun from BL2?
^Krieg the psycho with the berserking skill tree so he can become a super mutant.^
T117: Yeah, never played that game, and even if I had, I'm pretty sure Iron and Bourne are still reeling from that last threat so they couldn't reply.
S7: Alright, then I gotta embarrass Trebor, well I guess not really embarrassed but in your reviews leave him a shout out because he is now an Eagle Scout.
T117: Actually, I have been for a couple months, it's just the ceremony that was on Sunday.
^Well, congrats still. It's difficult to do. You should have seen Danny working up a sweat as he worked on his project. Stress got to him.^
T117: Yeah, no kidding. I don't even want to get into all the red tape and other crap that slowed it down and made it a last minute thing. Grandfather had a saying though, from when he used to drive a cement truck. "Sometimes a quarter inch of clearance is as good as a foot of clearance."...or something along those lines, I forget the exact way he worded it.
(So not only did Danny get an Eagle Scout, the nutjob that writes for me managed to earn that?)
S7: Yep, and on that note, 1473I2.
T117: Okay, well then...yeah, Sayonara.
