Derek stood at the airport terminal with Cooper clutching his hand tight. They stood watching the planes mauver in and out of the busy airport. They watched the large jumbos pull in just outside of the glass and deliver the passengers onto the tarmac.

"Is that Nanna and Amy?" He asked with his nosed pressed to the glass.

"No that's not them. They'll be on a smaller plane." He says bending down to be at the same height as him. "Like that one over there." He says pointing to a smaller aircraft that next to the large jumbo.

"Have I been on a plane Daddy?"

"You have. You've been on a huge jumbo like that one. When we went to Australia."

"Can we go on one again?"

"Where would you like to go?"

"The moon." He says with his eyes lighting up.

"The moon sounds pretty cool but a plane doesn't take you to the moon, a space shuttle does." He says. "And we'd had to have a lot of space practice before we went so we could survive on the moon."

"Oh that's not fair. I wish we could."

"Me too. A trip to the moon is a trip of a lifetime."

"How long would it take to fly to the moon?"

"How long do you think it would take?"

"One hour." He says so sure of his answer.

"Well maybe one day in the future it will only take one hour. At the moment for people it takes about 5 days." He says smiling at him. "Come on little man, let's go and find your Nanna and Aunty."

Over a week had passed since the attack and life was slowly getting back to normal. Kaylee had gone to school every day of the week and settled in well for the new school year and Derek was finally back at work.

Meredith wasn't in as much pain anymore and could manage Zara without the aching pains that hit her body but was still not able to drive until her eye healed and found the seatbelt to be uncomfortable with her broken ribs and her bruises. She was estimated for a full recovery in 6 weeks and would be able to head back to work after extending her maternity leave by another 12 days. She though was craving the scalpel and itching to operate and was jealous of Derek being at work.

So she stayed at home caring for Cooper and Zara and had to admit that even though she was missing surgery she was glad she got to spend the days with the kids and bond and catch up on missed time and enjoy motherhood at a slower pace than trying to do everything at once, even if she proved she could do that.

Derek carried Cooper through to the gate they needed to go to on his shoulders and remembered the brief confining he and Meredith both had, expressing their worries about their physical and sexual connection late one night during a late night feeding.

"I'm scared that we'll never be able to reconnect and have sex again." She whispered so scared.

"We will. It may take some time." He says. "Don't worry, we'll find a way to get back to our old ways."

"But what if we never reconnect again? What if I can never trust a man again?"

"Then we can be that couple that never has sex. We'll be a sexless couple and result in affairs and porn to keep our needs satisfied."

"Or I'll pay for you to have an escort." She says giggling.

"I don't want to have sex with anyone but you for the rest of my life. You remember that."

"I will. I want to I just can't trust."

"I know you can't and I understand that. What you experienced, no one should ever experience that. It's one of the most inhumane things that a person could do. To have the urge to do such a thing." He told her and they remained silent for a long while.

"Derek, do you still love me?"

"I loved you yesterday, I love you today, I'll love you tomorrow, I'll love you forever and always. Know this because you're my one true love." He says kissing her forehead.

She smiled at him in the darkness of the night and kissed his lips. He traced her cheek with his thumb so softly and tenderly and squeezed her hand with such a small and trusting smile. Soft sounds coming from Zara as she nursed happily and sleepily.

"We're in this together. We all are because as a family this happened to us." He says. "I never want to see you hurt again. I want you to feel so happy and loved that nothing will change that. I want your heart to be healed and your smile to shine bright. I want you to be able to kiss me and lay your naked body against mine and trust that this is forever. I want you to hold me so tight in the night and whisper sweet things in the darkness of the night and just stare into my eyes and feel comforted and safe just from looking."

"I want you to be able to hold me Derek and not feel disgraced and disgusted that I had another man touch me. I want you to be able to still love me and kiss me without that man's face appearing in your mind and the things he did to me before pulling away angry. I want you to talk to someone about what you're experiencing because we've had a rough 8 years together Derek and it might be best for you to learn how to move on like Kaylee and I."

"I have an appointment with Dr Wyatt tomorrow." He says. "I didn't want you to know at first but I'm going to be honest with you for now on and you should know that I am speaking to someone because like you said he's face is in my hand all the time and that smug grin I want to knock off his face." He says kissing her hand. "And I want to finally hold you without feeling anger. I'm angrier at myself."

"I know and it's going to eat you alive that anger."

"We'll get through this Mer, we're tough. We could survive a war with no protection or weapons. Each other is all we need in our lives and we'll manage even if it takes ten years. I'll still be right beside you. I'm never letting you go." He says kissing her bruised cheek.

"There they are." Cooper says pointing from high above Derek's shoulders with much happiness in his voice of seeing his Nanna and Aunty after not seeing them for over 5 weeks after their move across the country.

His mother and sister moved with the crowds of people and Amy pointed towards father and son and smiled and waved at Cooper who waved back eager to see them. He kicked his legs motioning to be put down and Derek did so and he ran towards his Nan and Aunt and crashed into their legs with his arms wide and his smile beaming.

Derek caught up with his mother and sister and greeted them with hugs and kisses and Cooper finally lapped up the attention from his Aunt who was known to spoil him rotten.

"How was your flight?" Derek asked.

"It was great." Carolyn says smiling as she links her arm through Derek's as they move towards baggage claim.

"Well that's good. I wouldn't want you in a bad mood when you finally meet your granddaughter." Derek says producing a proud smile as he thought about his baby girl who was perfect.

"Oh even if I was in a bad mood I know that she'd put me in a great mood." She says smiling. "I have plenty of time and patience for my grandchildren, you should know this Derek."

"I do Ma." He says. "She's pretty awesome."

"I know, you've told me many times." She says. "I was hoping you may have brought her."

"Mummy was feeding her when we left so we couldn't." Cooper pipes in. "I can't wait for you to meet my baby sister. She's awesome and so cute." He says.

"I see this one isn't jealous of her?"

"No he's not. People compliment Zara and he feels as if they are paying him attention and complimenting him. He's a sucker for attention. He even gets all the teenage girls crushing over him."

"I do not Daddy." Cooper says.

"Yes you do Buddy. You've been spending too much time with Uncle Mark."

Cooper giggles at his father's words which causes his family to laugh as well at his reaction and his cheekiness.

"Oh Cooper, I think you've gotten cheekier since we left." Amy says.

"I didn't. I'm always this cheeky."

"You're a cheeky monkey." Amelia says tickling his stomach causing him to giggle and fight against the tickles.

They collected their bags and headed to the car park. Cooper filling in all the details since they left and what he has been up to and how swimming lessons went the day before and how he can duck dive into the water and swim a small length under water before resurfacing.

The drive home was filled with conversation about the happenings in the household and the work gossip such as Izzie leaving town but having paid a quick visit a couple of days before with an old school teacher before disappearing again. How the merger was going and how the new Mercy Westers were the cause of some of trouble and problems.

They pulled up outside of the house with Cooper sound asleep in his car seat. Kaylee ran out and greeted them and Meredith followed behind her with the baby monitor in her hand.

Carolyn was shocked at Meredith's appearance and knew right away how serious this had been.

Kaylee greeted her Nanna with an embrace and received a kiss on the top of her head and then greeted Amelia who picked her up and hugged her tightly.

"Oh how I missed you sweet girl." Amelia whispers in her ear.

"Meredith." Carolyn says opening her arms for her daughter-in-law and kissing her cheek, careful not to press to hard against her healing body. "You look great."

"Hardly." She says laughing off the compliment. "I'm bruised, injured, covered in spit up and baby drool and have barely slept."

"Oh the joys of motherhood. I bet you didn't miss that part of new babies."

"It's rejuvenating." Meredith says grinning.

Derek pulled their bags from the back of the car.

"Is Coopie asleep?" Meredith asks.

"Yep, clunked out as soon as we pulled out of the airport car park." Amelia says smiling before embracing her sister-in-law. "It's good to see you."

"You too Amy." She says.

"And that little girl of yours, I have a sneaky suspicion she'd wait until we left before she decided she'd make her entrance into the world." Amy says.

"Well she wanted the attention she received knowing it'd be best to come on the 1st day of the year then the 355th day." Meredith says reaching in to grab Cooper.

"Mer, I'll get him." Carolyn says placing her hand on top of Meredith's.

"He's heavy."

"Which means more the reason why you shouldn't be picking him up." Carolyn says. "Besides Derek insisted to be carried until he was this age and so have all the other grandkids. I've got him."

Meredith smiled and moved away from the door and let Carolyn reach in and slowly and gently remove Cooper from his car seat without disrupting his sleep and Meredith smiled as he didn't budge an eye as he rested his head on his grandmother's shoulder with a small smile hinting while he slept knowing he was quite comfortable and content in his Nanna's arms.

"Years of experience and he's still asleep." Carolyn says winking.

Meredith grinned as they headed inside. Cooper being laid down on the couch and Derek carrying the bags upstairs to the spare room. Meredith put on the kettle and Kaylee told her Nanna and Aunty the same things Cooper did but in more detail.

"Look Zara, look who's here to meet you." Derek says entering the kitchen with his daughter in his arms slightly yawning from her sleep. "Can we get a smile for your Nanna and Aunty?"

Zara curiously looked at her father and when she heard her mother's voice she smiled a sleepy smile.

"Oh she's divine." Carolyn says moving to her son. "Hello Zara, I'm your Nanna."

Derek passed Zara to his mother and she took Zara to her arms and kissed her forehead and played with her chubby fists.

"Oh my, she's just like Kaylee when Kaylee was this age."

"Can you see Cooper though?" Derek asks. "Because we think she's got a little bit of Coopie in her, or her personality."

"Yeah I can see it." She says gushing. "Oh I may have to steal you and take you to New York."

"See nanna, if you didn't move then you'd be able to have her all the time."

"Are you guilty me little girl?" Carolyn asks with a grin.

"Yes because it's not the same without you here."

"Oh I'm sorry dear." She says. "I'll promise to visit as much as I can."

Kaylee happy with that answer smiled as Zara was passed to Amelia.

"Hello baby girl." Amelia says cooing to her niece. "Oh you are just the cutest."

"So would you guys be able to come out for Thanksgiving this year?" Carolyn asks. "If not Thanksgiving then Christmas."

"We were thinking of coming out for Thanksgiving." Derek says fixing cups of tea and coffee for everyone.

"Excellent. The whole family is itching to see you all."

"Well I bet they are. We have the newest member but she won't be the newest for too long if its like the way it has been in the last few years." Derek says.

"Oh, Zarz needs her diaper changed." Kaylee says holding her nose.

"You're right Kaylee." Amelia says. "Who's on diaper duties?"

"You are." Derek says. "The last person to hold the baby has to change her."

"Oh whatever." She says.

"No it's true." Kaylee says. "I'll get her mat and her changing basket."

Amelia turns her nose up with the smell as Kaylee lays the mat and basket out on the table.

"Amy you've changed plenty of diapers." Carolyn says. "You'll be fine and it's good practice for your babysitting and when you finally have kids of your own."

Amelia changed the diaper with no complaints and was giving a big smile of approval from Zara who looked up at her aunt.

"See wasn't that bad." Derek says bagging the soiled diaper and patting his sister on the back.

Amelia laid Zara down in the Moses basket that sat on the table and they sat around talking and telling them about their planned trip to Bubble Bay the last days of September and early October for 10 days.

"Mer how about you come to New York for a couple of days?" Carolyn suggests. "You're on leave and a break away may do you the world of good."

"I'd love to but we have Kaylee to get to and from school and Coopie and the baby."

"Come for the weekend and bring the kids out. You could fly home with Amelia on Friday afternoon and she can help you get through the airport and look after the kids. I'll come and get you all and you can spend a few days with us and the family and do some retail therapy or just some relaxing."

Derek nodded at Meredith. "I think it'd be a great idea." He says. "I'm working all next weekend and I won't miss you guys at all. You go and have a time away. You could maybe leave Coopie and Kaylee with Jackson and Jasmine, I'm sure they won't mind babysitting their niece and nephew so it relieves the stress and you can have some time to yourself."

"I just don't want Kaylee missing a whole lot of school."

"She'll miss a day. That's all she'll miss, besides she's smart, she probably already knows all about their modules and topics." Carolyn says.

"I do. The work is so easy." She says rolling her eyes. "Can I please come with you Mummy?"

Derek smiles at his daughter and waits for Meredith's reply.

"Of course. Let's go to New York." She says kissing Kaylee's cheek.

"I'll book the tickets now." Derek says pulling out the IPad and quickly purchasing 5 tickets for next Friday morning. "5 plane tickets booked."

Meredith smiled knowing how great it would be to get out of town for a few days without the fear and restless nights she'd be having.

They gathered in the living room and let Zara play on her tummy while Cooper and Kaylee played around her with Amelia and the three adults watched them.

"How's your first month been in New York?"

"Great. I'm starting back casually at the hospital in three weeks and I'm working on the maternity floor so I get to help labouring mother's and watch beautiful babies come into the world." She says. "The house is great as well. It's got plenty of space for all the grandkids, the backyard is big as well and I'm getting my nextdoor neighbours swing set as their kids have grown out of it and the pool has been used quite a lot as well since we moved in. The neighbours are friendly and the neighbour is great. We have a new favourite Italian place, you two would love the pasta they sell there."

"Well I'd love to try it when we come." Meredith says.

"I'll be sure to take you." She says smiling. "And Amelia has a boyfriend."

"Already? You've been in town for like two minutes." Derek says.

Amelia rolled her eyes at her brother and turned her attention back to the kids.

"He's quite friendly actually."

"Is he good looking?" Meredith asks.

"Of course he is." Amelia says. "Who do you think I am?"

"She's also caused a bit of a rivalry with another girl in the street who has a crush on the boy. This girl has been in love with him for years and tried everything to be with him and Amelia has been there for a few days and just meets this guy and the next week they're together."

"And she sits next to me in Chemistry." Amelia says. "It's awkward. Especially the sideways glances I get from her during class and even more awkward for her because I caught her out on a what the products of h20 were, something that everyone knows and I simply corrected her and it left the whole class laughing at their top student and left her red-faced and angry and caused her to storm out of the class." She says. "It was a great first day."

"You serious?" Derek says. "That's too good."

"Yeah she's even been pushed down in her popularity rankings and I've come out on top. She's not liking it one bit. I steal her boyfriend, top all my classes that she was number one in and take over as the most popular girl in school without even trying. She hates it." Amelia says.

"And you've only been there for 2 weeks. What's going to happen in the next week when you're not there?"

"You know what'll happen. You're not long out of high school. She'll try every bit to sabotage my image, humiliate me and get with my boyfriend and it will simply backfire and leave her at the back of the cafeteria line and sitting in the toilet cubicle eating her lunch and having everyone call her a home wrecker and other profanities."

"I don't remember that high school." Carolyn says.

"Times have changed Mum." Amelia says. "You should see how bitchy it is. High school breaks people and can be the worst four years of your life if you are not liked or somewhat different."

"And imagine being the pregnant girl as well." Meredith adds. "You have people constantly staring and bitching about you. Even the teachers stare and its hell."

"But at least you had supportive and strong friends and a few teachers who stood up for you every time they overheard someone in the bathrooms or in the corridor." Derek says. "And it slowed down after a while."

"Yeah it did I suppose." She says. "High school is a lion fight."

"Very true. I'd home school your kids if I was you."

"No way." Derek says. "Then they'll be judged and labelled as socially delayed due to their lack of school exposure."

"Have the school thought about letting Kaylee skip a grade?" Carolyn asks.

"They've discussed it with us just this week actually and we've asked Kaylee what she wants to do and she's happy waiting until next year to skip ahead to the fourth grade and she'll be a little more mature and it gives her another year to be with her friends and such. The teachers are giving her harder homework and extra homework and tasks to do because she's blitzing her work." Derek says.

"I'm doing my timetables now." She says smiling."

"What can you do?" Carolyn asks.

"My 7 times tables."

"Really, can you show me?"

"I don't have to write them down either, I can just say them at the top of my head." She says. "Ready, time me."

Derek looks down at his watch and then gives Kaylee the go ahead.

"7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, 56, 63, 70, 77, 84, 91, 98, 105." She says smiling.

"18 seconds. You beat a second off last time." Derek tells her.

"Wow Kaylee." Carolyn says. "Your daddy couldn't even do his 7 times tables until he was 11. You're doing great."

"Thank you." Kaylee says.

"She loves skip counting." Meredith says. "And playing number games and other math type things. She's a lot like Jackson. He loved maths at her age."

"My teacher let's me go to the third grade to do maths with them."

"And you're doing very well against them. She's been with them for the week and she's blitzing them and the teacher is amazed at her age. She even went and sat in with the fourth graders yesterday and understood everything they were talking about and all about kept up with them. She's our little mathematician."

"And our little English queen. She wrote a huge holiday story about everything that happened and got to read it to the principal who was very amazed at how well she wrote a story and took her on the emotional rollercoaster that happened and told her she'd be a storyteller one day if she kept up that style of writing."

"Well she's following in my footsteps. I always loved English. You know what, in New York there is this beautiful vintage bookshop, filled with old and used books and I will take you there Kaylee and you can chose as many books as you like. I heard you like reading a lot of the classic children's book. I'll get you a whole heap."

"Thanks Nan." She says smiling at her Nan over excited at getting knew books.

Later that night as Carolyn and Amelia settled in and were down for the night Meredith and Derek sat in bed with each other. Zara pressed against her father's chest with her fist in her mouth, sound asleep after her feeding.

The day before they saw Dr Wyatt together and she gave the two of them homework, telling them to write down everything on their mind and share it with each other. Fears of what that night may prolong in the near future. Tonight they were both revealing their fears to each other and were both scared that they may hurt the other person or that they may never recover.

"I'll go first if you would like me too." Derek says.

Meredith nods her head with a small smile and waits nervously at what will be said.

"I have four things." He says. "One, you'll never love me again like you did before. Two, we won't survive this ordeal and end up separating because the truth is too hard to live with, three you'll pull away from me and won't let me in to help resulting in you going into your dark and twisty origins and hurting yourself or becoming so upset and four, this whole thing affects our children and they suffer worse than both of us." He says. "There that's my four fears."

Meredith looks at her list and cringes.

"Mine's not ready." She says. "There's one more thing and I can't wrap my finger around it just yet."

"That's fine." He says.

Meredith folds her piece of paper and places it on the nightstand.

"Want to talk about them?" He asks.

"Sure." She says. "You're scared I'll never love you? Don't believe that. I will always love you even when I hate you. I made that promise to you."

"I know you did." He says. "It's just something I fear, it may not happen but it could and we'll not be the same."

She grabs his hand, careful not to jostle Zara. "Look at me." She demands. "We're Meredith and Derek. We survive anything. You hear me. We've been through hell and back for over 11 years and look where we are. Look at this house, look down at that beautiful baby girl in your arm's, we have two other children who are beyond beautiful. We are both doctors and we save people. Look at me. I'm not leaving you Derek Shepherd. I'm staying right here with you because I can't imagine my life without you. You hear me? I'll always love you and no stupid man will ever change that. What happened that night, will not change anything we have. I love you Derek Christopher Shepherd and I always have for 11 years and we still have an eternity to share our love for each other."

He smiled at her and kissed her lips as tears streamed down Meredith's cheeks after her rant.

"I love you." He whispers so quietly, it sent goose bumps all over her body.

He went and lay Zara down in the bassinet and lay down beside Meredith and held her in his arms.

"I'll be honest. The night of the attack, I lay there and imagined how on earth I was going to tell you what happened. How I was going to tell you that I was sexually assaulted by another man. how I had his filthy hands touch my body and call me names. I thought to myself that I'd be best for me to pack up my things and leave because I couldn't bear to see the pain and hurt in your eyes when I told you. I knew you'd take it to heart and I knew that you'd feel guilty for leaving me that night. I thought leaving you would be best but after I thought about it, I realised that to survive this, we need each other. I wouldn't have survived the last decade without you by my side, you've pulled me up off the ground and held me in your arms so many times, that I've lost count. You've seen me at my weakest and most exposed and each and every time you know what to say to me to make me feel better. I knew I wouldn't survive it without you. We're not going to separate Derek over this. The truth hurts but it heals with time."

"This time I didn't know what to say."

"This time was different. I understand you not knowing what to say to me because I didn't know what to say to myself." She says. "I will try not to pull away from you. I may have moments of weakness and may pull away but sometimes we need times to retreat to ourselves and be dark and twisty and realised how bad being dark and twisty is and that being bright and shiny is so much better and healthier. I'll try not to become dark and twisty and hurt myself Derek."

"I know you will try not to. I totally understand time to ourselves. I just want you to be happy."

"Me too." She says. "And the kids, we're doing everything to make them feel better and talk about what happened. They won't be affected by what happed and we will make sure that they are happy and healthy. Seeing my children suffer would kill me. Kaylee's accident almost killed me because of the pain she was going through. I don't ever want to see her upset ever again. I'll do everything I can to make sure of it."

"Me too. Suffering of a child pains me."

Derek kissed Meredith's lips and cuddled her tighter.

"We'll managed this Derek. One step at a time and your mother is here, she always has wise words to give and the weekend away will help. We'll be back on the road in no time with this whole thing past us and us moving towards a brighter future."

He nuzzled her cheek with his nose and smiled at her.

"No matter what we stick together."

"We stick together." She says agreeing.