It's a little too bright when I open my eyes the next morning.
My apartment has always been a little too bright in the mornings but after spending so long in the dark during the storm, I feel like the sun is sitting right behind my eyelids.
I'm a little disoriented any time I fall sleep on the couch, but it's even more disorienting waking up with someone next to me or, more accurately, on top of me. I glance at the coffee table where melted candles and flashlights are sitting and I remember all the events from yesterday: going for ice cream on one of Montana's cold days, the storm, Rose spraining her ankle again.
But the more prominent memories are all of Rose and I laughing.
Yesterday was a more than crazy and unexpected day but the great moments outweighed the bad ones.
I pushed my hair out of my face to look at Rose. She was laying half on top of me and half beside me on the couch. Her hair was as messy and tangled as I'm sure mine was and covered most of her face. From what I could see she was sleeping pretty soundly. She looked the most relaxed I'd ever seen her.
Her question last night, whether things would be different between us under different circumstances, surprised me. As difficult as I thought it'd be to answer, I'd just decided to tell her the truth. If things were different...
I kept it truthful and from the expression on her face afterward I could tell it had been the answer she'd been looking for. I didn't go into detail, not telling her about how often I find myself thinking about her. I don't just worry about her or the case but I think about the way she tugs at her nails when she's anxious, how relaxed her face is when she's laughing or at ease, and how often she pulls her hair back away from her face. I didn't tell her that I've been tempted on more than one occasion to push stray hair out of her face or just hold her hand and pull her into a hug for as long as I wanted.
I kept it simple and told her that I cared for her more than I should. And that was that.
I'm not even sure she felt the light kiss I'd pressed to the top of her head before she fell asleep. And I'm also sure that she didn't feel my hand at her back when she stirred from a light nightmare last night. She only whimpered and trembled in her sleep a little but it was obvious she was having a nightmare. I'd been through the same thing after the shooting. Softly rubbing her back was enough to put her into a peaceful sleep again. It was stepping over the line a little but I couldn't stop myself from making the most of last night.
I shifted a little and she squirmed on top of me, trying to reposition herself into a comfortable spot. She was pretty light on top of me but she was a comfortable warm weight on top of me. It's been a while since I've woken up with someone else. It was different not waking up alone for once.
I sat myself up slowly and gently let her slide the rest of her body onto the couch. I unclenched her hand from where she'd been clutching my shirt and covered her with the blankets we'd been under that had been tangled around both of our legs. I was glad that when I finally managed to stand she didn't wake up completely. It was pretty early in the morning and after yesterday's fiasco, I think she needed the sleep.
I busied myself around the apartment, checking to make sure the power was on again and cleaning up some of the dishes from yesterday. Christian called as soon as I'd finished putting a few clothes in the washer.
"Can you believe that storm from yesterday?! I half expected a tornado to come out of nowhere and lift this house off of the ground," he exclaimed. "By the way you should call your mother. I guess the power wasn't turned on yet in the city when she'd tried to call you so she called me first. She just wants to make sure you're alright. And Officer Alto called Lissa because he couldn't get through to you guys yet either. Oh and my sister called. You're like a magnet for making women worry," he joked.
Tasha. I hadn't once thought about Tasha. We weren't serious dating or anything and yet I felt bad for some reason I couldn't explain. Was it because I hadn't thought about calling to check on her once yesterday? Was it because I felt like I was betraying her some how by waking up with Rose? Either way, I felt the need to apologize and that I had some explaining to do.
"I'll call them right now. Is Lissa alright? And the house?" I asked more for Rose's sake because I knew she'd want to know.
"A few windows are shattered or completely broken but the house is still standing. And Lissa's good. She's in the bathroom right now with some serious morning sickness. I'm gonna make her some soup to at least get something into her stomach. You and Rose made it okay? Any damage?"
I told him we were fine and that there were a few leaks in my ceiling in the kitchen that I could easily mend.
"That's good. Do you need help to go survey the any damage to the studio that the storm might have done?"
"I'll go a little later. When I drop Rose off at her house, you can just follow me back to the studio and we can see if there's any damage."
Once I hung up with him, I called my family who had apparently been worrying like crazy and assured them that both Rose and I were fine. I called Stan who was upset that the weather was only get worse and that this was the last thing he wanted to deal with while trying to handle the case. He relaxed when I told him Rose was fine and said he'd call later if he had any updates on the case.
The hard phone call was calling Tasha. It took me a few seconds to manage the courage to call her. I'm normally not a hesitant person. I'm pretty straight forward but it didn't feel easy as I dialed her number and spoke to her on the phone.
"I'm glad everyone is okay," she said after I told her I'd spoken to my family. "Have you checked on Rose and Lissa yet? I mean, I know Lissa is fine when I talked to Chris but is Rose alright? Chris said she was with you." Admittedly, I was surprised she'd asked. I knew she liked Rose and Lissa when she met them but it meant a lot that she cared enough to ask about them.
"Yeah she's good. She's sleeping right now. Yesterday was a bit hectic," I told her honestly, guilt swirling through my body as I glance to where Rose was still laying on the couch that we'd both fallen asleep on.
This guilt was unusual for me. It wasn't too often that I did something to feel guilty about. The only other time I'd felt guilty lately was about the case, not spending enough time with my family and when I'd been avoiding Rose. I knew the guilt wouldn't go away until I did something about it, just like before.
So I knew that everything I was feeling now, I'd have to do something about it because it meant something just wasn't right. I couldn't lead Tasha on when I wasn't feeling as strongly for her as I think she was for me. I couldn't hold on to her in hopes of eventually developing feelings for someone who it's okay to have feelings for.
I had to let her go.
But not over the phone. My mother definitely raise me better than that.
"I need to check on the studio later to see if there's any damage or cleanup but afterward. I don't know how long it'll take but afterward, is it okay if I meet you at your place?"
I almost used the words 'we need to talk' but those forwards were the ultimate sign that something bad was coming. I didn't want her to spend the day worrying. I also didn't want to give her false hope but I could hear the elation in her voice.
"Yeah, sure! Just call me when you're on your way."
I told her I would and we hung up afterward. I felt even more guilty for what was about to come. Tasha was a friend though and I didn't want to ruin that with her. I hated that I'd been the one to start this and now I was ending it just as abruptly. It had taken me a while but I was finally building new friendships since Ivan's death and I didn't want to lose the one's I had.
By the time I'd finished straightening up and making calls, Rose was starting to stir and toss and turn a little more on the couch. She sneezed a couple of times and coughed, probably from being out in the cold for so long yesterday. I made a light breakfast for the both of us and a warm cup of tea for her. She groaned in her sleep and sniffled when her cell phone rang from inside her bag.
I don't think she was completely awake when she sat up to grab it. She answered it as she laid back down on to the couch, closing her eyes.
"Hello?" she asked in a groggy, hoarse voice.
There was a few seconds of silence while she listened and then she let out a long slow breath.
"Yeah...I'm fine..."
She rested her arm over her closed eyes, the light from the window probably being too bright, while she continued to listen.
"Are you okay?...So you're still in Montana?"
Obviously she wasn't talking to Lissa which could only mean she was talking to her mother.
"You don't have to come back. I've been taking care of the house, it's fine...I'm fine...I promise. Just do what you need to, mom...I know...I know."
She hung up the phone and laid it on the table. I didn't know if she needed some time by herself right now. I was going to walk back to go check on the laundry to give her time to pull herself together but I bumped into one of the pans on the stove, the noise echoing throughout the living room.
I grabbed the cup of tea I'd made for her and went to hand it down to her.
"Good morning," I greeted.
She opened on eye and then the other, trying to register where she was and that it definitely wasn't her room or her house. She squinted up at me trying to decipher who is this giant man standing over her with a cup of steaming tea.
She sat up slowly and stretched her legs out in front of her. I fought to keep myself from laughing at how it looked like tumbleweed had settled into her hair. She rubbed at her eyes and finally realized where she was, all of yesterday's events coming back.
"Is that for me?" she croaked, trying to muster an appreciative smile but sneezed instead. I handed her the tea and a tissue while she sniffled. "Thanks."
"I think you got a little sick," I point out, obviously, feeling a little more of this emotion called guilt.
"I think so too." Her voice is stuffy and her nose is a little red. She sips the tea. "This is good though."
"I remembered you saying you weren't really a coffee person." We walked to the small kitchen table where I'd made the breakfast. Rose's ankle was much better than before. I told her about Christian, my family, and Tasha calling to check on us. She sneezed and then smiled wide.
"That's so sweet. I'm glad they're okay."
I felt guilty when I bought up Tasha, as if I wasn't tell the completely truth the same way I felt like I wasn't being truthful with Tasha. After today, it would end though. Everything would be out in the open and then we could focus on the more important issues at hand.
"Speaking of phone calls, are you alright?" I didn't have to make it clear I was talking about her mother. She already knew.
Rose didn't look up from where she was pushing the last of the food around on her plate.
"I'm good."
Since it was obvious I'd heard everything, I guess she just didn't want to talk about it right now. I'm pretty sure she knew she could talk to me about anything but sometimes there were a few internal battles she felt she had to fight herself and I could respect that as long as she knew I was here.
She looked up at me finally and smiled.
We wanted to make the most of this morning because something like this could never, and probably would never, happen again.
I smiled back at her.
We had to make the most of the little bit of time we had left to enjoy it being just the two of us.
"So the studio is okay?" Tasha asked as we walked slowly around the black where her apartment was.
I didn't feel good about coming up to her place. It would help matters if we were in such close quarters with each other. It wasn't as cold as it had been yesterday but it was still pretty windy and I knew it'd start drizzling soon. I feel like I was being given a time limit, to wrap this up as soon as possible and ensure no one is too hurt for too long. I didn't want the friendship we had to have any lasting damages.
"It's not too bad. It flooded a little and the floors might have to be redone but nothing too bad. Christian and I cleaned most of it up already this afternoon."
She ran a hand through her glossy raven black hair and her bright blue eyes looked up at me. "Thank goodness. That storm came out of nowhere and I kept thinking that it'd cause more damage than it really did."
Tasha is beautiful. That much is obvious. She is caring and generally a great person. Any guy would be lucky to have her. That guy just isn't me. I can't force myself to have feelings for someone when there aren't any. The most I could do was be a friend and I hoped nothing would change much between us.
I said all of this in my head throughout the entire day. It was simple and straight to the point. I didn't want to hurt her. I just wanted everything to be okay between everyone. I couldn't seem to say the words aloud though. We walked around her block twice already.
"Dimitri?"
I hadn't realized I'd zoned out or that she'd stopped talking until she said my name, touching my shoulder to get my attention. We stopped on the side walk and she looked up at me concerned.
"Okay what is it?" she asked with a kind of nervous smile. "Something has been on your mind since you called me this morning. I can tell. Is something wrong?"
I took a deep breath. Prolonging things wouldn't make anything better.
"Nothing's wrong I just...we haven't been seeing each other for very long," I state the obvious.
"I was kind of hoping that would change...but from the look on your face I get the feeling..." her words trail off as she stares up at me, waiting for me to continue. The grave expression on my face must be enough to convey what I'm trying to tell her. Her thin dark brows lift in surprise and then she nods, realizing what had been bothering me.
She then nods to herself, casting her eyes down, waiting for me to tell her the rest myself.
"I'm really sorry Tasha." My apology doesn't sound like enough. As much as I'd tried to prepare myself for what to say all day today, nothing was coming to mind now. I'd just have to stick to honesty. It's been working so far. "You're a great person. It sounds cliché but it's true." I feel a little better when she smiles. "Any guy would be lucky to have you but-"
"But you're not that guy," she finished, nodding in understanding.
"I want us to be friends still if that's alright with you. I under stand though if-"
"We're good, Dimka," she smiles, looking up at me. She tries to lift her shoulders and appear as fine as she'd been before but I can see through the facade. The fact that she'd trying to accept this as okay makes me feel even worse. "Actually, we'll still be friends if you answer one question for me."
"Anything," I reply a little too quickly.
A second before she opens her mouth, I can kind of anticipate what it is she wants an answer to. I should have seen this coming actually.
"Is it someone else?"
For a second, I consider telling a half truth but I resolved to stick to honesty. "Sort of. It's complicated. I just want to focus on everything going on with my family right now."
Again she nodded in understanding while she let my words sink in. "They do really need you right now." She sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. "I can understand that. But promise me something." She continues before I agree to promise anything. "Promise that once all of this is cleared up and if you're not seeing anyone else, you'll consider giving me a chance again."
A lot can change in a short amount of time. In these last few weeks, I feel like my entire world has been knocked upside down and I can only imagine how much has changed for the girls during all of this. I didn't see any harm in making a promise that we'd most likely forget or laugh about later.
Tasha stepped forward and leaned up to give me a peck on the cheek. She gave me a quick hug and started walking up toward her apartment. Before she made it to the stop of the stairs, she turned back to face me, a slightly hopeful and sad smile on her face, waiting for my answer.
"I promise."
A/N: Plenty of drama (more exciting drama) to come and a bit of a time jump! Don't worry! And I'm glad I could melt a few of your hearts with Dimitri's sweetness in the last chapter!
MelissaDB'sLover: I was going to private message you but you sent your review as a guest so here's my reply: You have no idea how much your review meant to me. Honestly I reread your review like a hundred times since then because it was awesome! I'm so glad you love the story and I thought I was the only one that rereads fanfiction stories over and over again XDXD
