Chapter 53: Cloudy with a Chance of Ed
"Anything yet?" Eddy asked, adjusting the antenna on his television. Edd and Ed shook their heads. "Damn it." Eddy snapped, flailing around the antenna until his friends told him to stop. "I'm tellin' you guys, last night at this same time, it was a clear shot!" Eddy sighed. "I could see her jugs like they were right here! In my hands!" Eddy held out his hands. "I can't believe you're joining us on this momentous occasion, Sockhead." Eddy commented, looking to Edd.
"I'm not here to indulge myself, I just don't believe you… how could you possibly tune in Kevin's mother through a security camera Kevin's father installed from a house across the cul-de-sac that doesn't even have a radio signal? I don't mean to be pessimistic, but really."
Ed sat, with his eyes glued to the static from the television. "Don't question Eddy's manatees!" Ed shook his finger to Edd. "It's not often a man turns 11."
"Yeah, listen to Ed!" Eddy snapped. "Plus, Kevin's mom, total babe. You have to admit it!"
Edd pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh. "I guess." He admitted. "She does have flattering facial features, and a well sculpted physique." Ed nodded.
"Hah, I knew you've checked her out too!" Eddy laughed.
"Eddy, I'm a hormonal teenager..." Edd began. "At our age, testosterone is at an all-time…"
"There she blows!" Ed chanted, pointing at the television. Eddy and Edd looked to the television, staring at it. "Hi Kevin's mom!" Ed waved.
Edd stared at the television astonished. "Well I'll be." He uttered,
"See! Check it out! I told ya!" Eddy pointed with a laugh. Kevin's mom walked around in a towel, going through a drawer, pulling out a night outfit.
"That looks comfy." Ed smiled. The towel fell to the floor, along with a thump. Ed and Eddy turned to Edd, finding his was passed out on the ground.
"Still?!" Eddy snapped. He rolled his eyes. "I feel bad for his girlfriend." Eddy paused, giving a wicked smile. "Hey, Ed… I've got an idea…" Eddy rubbed his hands together. "We could be earning cash with this show." Eddy whispered. Ed blinked. "Get some papers, we're making flyers. I say we share the wealth."
~o~
Marie woke up, hiding her face in her pillow. She reached next to her, grabbing her phone that was on the bed. After seeing it was 4 in the morning, she sat up, yawning, attempting to bring down and tame her bed head that stuck up. Marie looked around to the other beds in the room, seeing Lee and May were still asleep. She climbed down her bunk quietly, leaving the room with a set of clothes and bag.
After getting ready, Marie left the sleeping home wearing a buttoned-down shirt under her thick jacket and navy pants. She stopped off at a convenience store, buying 3 energy drinks and a bag of chips. She hopped on the bus that dropped her off right at the garage, where she worked, already down an energy drink and the bag of chips. She clocked in, beginning her work on a small car that needed new brakes and a rotation.
Work for Marie was done at 12. She looked at her phone, smiling when she saw she received a picture from May of Ed, Edd and Eddy. Eddy having Edd in a choke hold laughing, while Ed was trying to force feed him something from a bag, Edd looking away from the bag with his foot on Ed's face, keeping him as far away as possible. 'Missed an Eds moment at lunch, your boyfriend puked! Still don't know what was in that bag.' Was the caption. Marie took a sip of her second energy drink giving a smirk, packing up her bag, clocking out.
"He's gonna need a hug after that." Marie commented, shoving her phone into her pocket.
"Marie?" Marie rolled her eyes, turning on her heel to see Nazz standing at the door to the garage. "Wow hey… you work here?" Nazz smiled.
"Uh yeah." She snapped, "But not till tomorrow. See ya." Marie gave a wave, leaving. She grimaced when Nazz followed her. She stopped turning around to face her. "What?!" Nazz jumped.
"Sorry, I just had a question." Marie tilted her head, staring Nazz down. "Have you ever had Thai?"
"Don't you have school?" Marie growled. Nazz sighed. "Don't tell me you're still avoiding Angry Smurf." Marie crossed her arms.
"No… I just… have Senior Period, and…"
"How did you know that I even work here?! Did Double D tell you?!" Marie jabbed Nazz. Nazz jumped. "That little… ugh, whatever, fine I'll try Thai." Marie threw her bookbag over her shoulder. Nazz stared at Marie confused. "Well, where's the Thai place?" Marie questioned.
"Oh, yeah… follow me." Nazz smiled, walking ahead of Marie. "You're gonna love it."
~o~
Marie sat across from Nazz, stuffing her face with what only could be described as fried deliciousness. "What is this shit again?" Marie pointed to the little fried pouches that sat on the plate in between her and Nazz.
"Golden Bags." The server sighed as he placed a creamy orange colored drink in front of Marie and Nazz.
Marie's eyes lit up, staring at the beverage. "Thanks." She smiled, grabbing the glass, slurping down the drink.
Nazz watched in disgust as Marie ate and drank barbaric like. "Wow, you and Double D are total opposites." Nazz commented.
"Yeah yeah, opposites attract." Marie rolled her eyes. She took notice that Nazz had yet to touch the appetizer. "So Blondie, why did you wanna see me?" Marie asked.
Nazz smiled, shrugging. "Well I thought, since you've been hanging out with the Eds, that we could be friends." Marie frowned.
"Why, it's not like you hang out with those guys often." Marie scoffed. "You won't even go near them especially when Eddy is around." Marie grinned, resting her elbows onto the table. "If I were you, I'd cut your losses… that punk isn't even worth fighting for. Him and Lee deserve each other." Nazz's lips pursed. "Sad truth I know." Marie shrugged.
"Ed told me how you helped him get May back." Nazz admitted. Marie tilted her head. "I was talking to Ed today, and he said that you had made up some amazing plan." Marie's eyebrows rose. "I was hoping… maybe you could do the same for me…" Nazz smile, putting her hands together. "I know Double D tried his best last time… but..."
"There's a rule that my sisters and I stand by, well there's a lot of rules… but one very important one." Marie interrupted. She picked up a strip of ginger, eating it. "Never Kanker a Kanker." Marie crossed her legs, staring Nazz down. "You're asking me to fuck over Lee so you can be happy, that ain't what I'm about."
"I thought you were through with your sisters."
"Why would I be through with them?! Sure, they piss me off, but I love those crazy bitches."
"What about during homecoming when you let Double D go through with his plan to get Eddy away from Lee?!" Nazz frowned.
"I had nothing to do with that, I just watched. I knew his stupid little plan wouldn't work, he chose to go up against Lee's plan that she had 4 years in the making." Marie argued. "He's smart, but he's not conniving, he would never beat Lee in her own game." Nazz's jaw dropped. Marie grabbed some of Nazz's appetizer, trying it. She grimaced, sticking out her tongue, letting the green edamame fall onto her plate.
"Ew." Nazz couldn't help but cry out.
"I know, that shit is nasty, no wonder you're not eating it!" Marie complained. Marie slurped down more of her tea.
Nazz shook her head, crossing her arms. "Lee treats Eddy like shit." Nazz snapped. "She is constantly dragging him down, always making sure he is miserable, and hate to break it to you, she can't stand your boyfriend." Nazz warned. The entrées were placed in front of Marie and Nazz. "At school, whenever you're not around she makes it a point to go after him and make jabs at him. Are you just going to let that happen?"
Marie shrugged. "Not my problem. Oven mitt is a big boy, he can handle her." Marie smiled. "I've got faith in him, he's not totally pathetic." Nazz sighed, grabbing a fork. She pulled her entrée over to herself. Marie stared her down, curling her lips as Nazz slowly picked at her food. "Hey." Nazz glanced up to Marie. "If you're not gonna eat that I'm taking it." Nazz's eyes widened. "Seriously, I don't know whose worse, you or Loudmouth."
~o~
Lee and May made their way over to the Eds' lunch table, watching as Eddy retold Ed how they caused Edd to vomit and got him to have to go to the nurse's office. Lee pulled out Eddy's chair, sitting on his lap. May wrapped her arms around Ed's shoulders from behind, kissing his cheek.
"How's our men today?" Lee asked pinching Eddy's cheek. Eddy frowned, swatting her hand away.
"What do you want Kanker?!" Eddy questioned, eyeing her.
"Aren't we untrusting today." Lee pat Eddy's face, looking at May. "May, haven't we been good girls today?" May nodded in agreement with a smile.
"I saw what you two and Sarah did with those freshmen today." Eddy snapped. "Attacking them and making them give you their lunch money and shit." Lee looked offended, putting her hand to her chest.
May gasped, covering her mouth. "So… you want us to starve?" Lee asked, wrapping her arms around Eddy's neck. "They kindly gave us their lunch money, knowing we're just low on budgets this week… and we needed those school supplies, May's got a project." Lee pointed.
"Bullshit, you've got two jobs, where's it all going?!" Eddy snapped.
"Same place your money is." Lee grabbed Eddy's face, kissing him. May looked away gagging as Ed stared looking terrified, only imagining Lee sucking the soul out of Eddy. "Let's go." Lee pushed Eddy away, looking to May. The bell rang, signaling lunch was over. "See you around, hot stuff." Lee waved at Eddy winking. Eddy grimaced, looking away. "I love it when he pretends to hate it."
May looked to Lee, shaking her head. "I miss Marie." She sighed. Lee rolled her eyes, glaring to May as they left the cafeteria.
"Get over it, she's an Ed now."
"But… wouldn't we be Eds too, since we're dating them?" May questioned.
Lee frowned turning to May. "That's different, Marie's only reason why she is even around is for Hathead. She hates us." Lee crossed her arms. "Ma always said never let anything in between us, because at the end of the day, all we've got is each other!" May looked to the ground, letting out a sigh. "And Marie of course, let someone in between us."
"If you ask me, Lee. You pushed her away." May commented. Lee glared over to May. "You did it on that night we busted that one kid, when Marie said Double D was right about going too far." Lee punched May's arm, walking away. May frowned, rubbing her arm. She sighed, leaving for her next class, bumping into Edd in the process. "Sorry Double D." May scoffed, walking past him.
Edd put his finger to his chin, watching her walk away, he chased after May, until he caught up to her. "Would you be opposed to some advice?" He asked with a smile. May glanced to Edd, looking back to the ground shrugging. "I couldn't help but over hear that Marie has been distant from you both… and I might possibly be able to mend your bond." Edd began. "I am a firm believer that family should always stick together, and considering you three have always been…"
"Get to the point!" May demanded, glaring to Edd.
"Oh, my apologies… I was thinking that I could possibly have a talk with her… Marie I mean." May frowned. "Maybe even let her know the consequences of…"
"You can try, but when Marie's mind is made up, she won't bend." May commented. "Thanks a lot, Double D." May sighed. "But this is out of your knowledge, this is a sibling thing, you're an only child, you wouldn't get it." May went to class, leaving Edd alone in the hallway. He pursed his lips, walking to his class.
~o~
"I don't hate my family; I just want to do my own shit, and they are always doing their stuff with no questions asked! So why is it so bad when I do it?!" Marie complained. "Yeah, the shit we got into when we were kids was fucking fun, and just 'cause I ain't around them all the time doesn't mean I don't like them! They're my family! I just enjoy the simple things in life these days, like you, you've always been there to help and listen. I got tired of upholding the Kanker name." Marie reached over the table, pinching Edd's cheek as he worked on an equation. Edd looked up to her. "It ain't like I just dumped them completely… right? I'm just doing my own thing."
"All I asked was, how was your day. But something seems to be bothering you." Edd put his pencil down. "Please, continue."
Marie smiled, grabbing Edd's face. "What are you, my therapist?!" She laughed, shaking his head forcefully. "So, what are you working on?" Marie changed the subject by looking at the numbers on the piece of paper.
Edd smiled. "I'm here to lend you an open ear and convey advice when needed." He explained, "Please, I implore you to tell me what is bothering you." Marie let out a sigh, leaning her head onto her hand.
"What, are you going to read me poetry?" She smiled. "Make me some warm milk and cookies while massaging my back to make me feel all warm and fuzzy?"
"A mocking tone is a sign of defense; you know you can let your guard down around me." Marie rolled her eyes gagging. "And I thought you enjoyed the warm milk and cookies. I definitely know you liked the back massage, you fell asleep right on the spot." Edd sighed, picking up his pencil.
Marie scrunched her nose. "God you're fucking adorable." Marie grabbed Edd's face, squeezing it. "I guess the warm milk and cookies weren't so bad."
Edd shook his head, grabbing Marie's hand. "Maybe speak to your sisters, you'll find that they…"
Edd stopped talking as Marie pulled her hand away, standing up, going into the refrigerator. "Go on, I'm listening." Marie looked around in the fridge.
Edd sighed. "…that they might also feel…" Edd paused, hearing a tap on the front door. He stood up walking over, opening it, looking around. "Odd." He went to close the door, Marie put her foot in the way, forcing it open. She ripped a paper off the door, looking at it.
"What's this?" She read it with a smile. "Oh." She faced it to Edd. "Well I've got to admit; Kevin's mom is pretty hot."
Edd took it, reading it. "Of all the…" Edd frowned. "This is an invasion of privacy! Eddy and Kevin are finally on good terms… and Eddy decides to do this?" Edd groaned, closing the door, folding the paper. "I'll speak to him later… right now we should talk about you and…" Before he returned to the kitchen, Marie held up a green sprig over Edd's head. "Cilantro?"
"No, it's mistletoe." Marie smiled.
Edd shook his head with a grin, "Mistletoe is a species of parasitic plant that is found on trees… cilantro, otherwise known as coriander is of the apiaceous family." Edd explained, taking a leaf off it, eating it. "And this is definitely cilantro."
Marie rolled her eyes, continuing to hold up the cilantro. "It's mistletoe." She objected. "For now at least." Edd smiled, kissing Marie's cheek. Walking towards the kitchen, Marie frowned, blocking the him. "My cheek? Really?" She snapped. "You ain't going anywhere until you give me an actual kiss, it's been 7 months since you've last kissed me!"
"I don't believe we've even been dating that long." Edd corrected. "It's only been 20 hours and 3 minutes and I'd say 30 seconds since we've last kiss."
"Get out." Marie snapped, pointing to the door.
"Of my own house?" Edd smirked. "I thought I was forbidden to go anywhere." Marie frowned pointing to her lips. Edd grabbed her face, kissing her nose. Marie smacked him away. "What was wrong with that one?" Edd asked laughing.
"Your breath smells like mistletoe, so nevermind, I hate, Cilan… Mistletoe!" Marie snapped. Edd shook his head, kissing her forehead, Marie shoved Edd away, throwing the cilantro at his face.
"I'm going home. Yet again, you missed the moment." Marie sighed in defeat, opening the door. Edd grabbed Marie's hand, pulling her back over to him, he held her face, they stared at each other's eyes feeling like time stopped. Edd drew in a deep breath, bringing his lips to Marie's until they touched. Marie melted, wrapping her arms around him. "I think I like cilantro…" Marie whispered as Edd pulled away. Edd let out a laugh, about to kiss her again, but stopped, noticing his parents staring at them. Edd's face went red as he tensed up. Marie laughed at him, looking to his parents. "Don't worry, that's all I've gotten out of him." Marie slipped away from her boyfriend, walking out of the house. "You were coming over for dinner, right?"
Edd trembled, following Marie. "Good evening Mother, Father, I wasn't expecting you home so… do you need help with anything? I'll be over um… Marie's." Edd motioned towards Marie shutting his mouth after he let out a nervous laugh, running after Marie. His parents watched him leave, smiling to each other, shaking their heads.
~o~
May let out a scream as a fire broke out in the pan that held the iceberg lettuce. She quickly rushed over to the sink, grabbing a wet rag, putting it on top of the flames to put it out.
"That better not be dinner burnin' again!" Lee called, walking into the kitchen with her arms crossed. May smiled to Lee, hiding the rag.
"Just for seasoning." She lied. Lee walked over to the stove, looking in the pan to find the lettuce was black. "Doesn't it look good?!" May smiled excitedly, removing the pan from the stove. Lee let out a sigh, going into a drawer, pulling out a take-out menu. "Hey!" May snapped, ripping the menu from Lee's hands. "I ain't slaving over a hot stove for you to order out!"
"On the upside, I get to keep my girlish figure." Lee shrugged, leaving the kitchen.
Marie walked into the home, holding the door open for Edd. Lee rolled her eyes. "Oh great." She walked over to them with her arms crossed. "Who's your friend?" Lee nodded to Edd.
"I invited him over to dinner. Got a problem with that?!" Marie snapped, directing Edd to the kitchen. "Come on, Oven-Mitt. Smells like May is playing cook!"
"I might as well invite mine if that's the game we're playin'." Lee called, pulling out her phone. After two rings, Eddy answered. "Come over, I'm alone." Lee lied, hanging up. The doorbell rang. Lee opened it with a smile seeing Eddy in a button-down shirt and jeans with his hair slicked back. "Now that's service." She smirked, dragging him in.
~o~
Edd walked into the kitchen, looking at the pan that was on the table. "It smells… delightful… what is it?" Edd smiled to May.
"Guess." May smiled, putting her hands behind her back.
"I rather not."
"Shit May, learn to cook!" May glared at Marie. "It looks like something you'd find in a gas station toilet!" May tackled Marie. Lee walked into the kitchen with Eddy, ignoring the fight.
"You said you were alone!" Eddy snapped, glaring to Lee.
"May, call Tweedledum, we're having a triple date tonight!" Lee snapped. "It's about time Ma met our men!" Edd blinked, looking to Lee then Eddy. May shoved Marie off her, calling Ed.
"Screw that, your mom scares me." Eddy went to leave. Lee grabbed the back of Eddy's shirt, throwing him down onto the ground, putting her foot onto Eddy's chest to keep him down. Eddy let out a groan.
"I don't believe there's enough… um… ashes to share." Edd pointed out. "And, hello Eddy… I see you're dressed to impress."
"Didn't expect company." Eddy grumbled.
"Get cookin' then if you want to eat." Lee snapped. "I wouldn't be surprised if Little Mr. Perfectionist can." Edd tensed. Lee left the kitchen, dragging Eddy with her. Eddy gave Edd a wave as he was dragged upstairs.
Marie stood up, looking to see the bedroom door slam. "Poor sap." She turned to Edd with a wide smile. "So, what's for dinner?"
Edd let out a sigh, looking to her while rubbing the back of his neck. "Whatever is en le garde-manger."
"Huh?" Marie's lip curled.
May stood up slapping Marie. "That's French for omelet, idiot."
"Actually, it's French for 'in the pantry'." Edd corrected. Marie smirked to May, smacking her back. Edd opened a cabinet, dust flew into his face. Marie and May began to laugh at him. Edd closed the cabinet, turning to them. "There is food… right?" Marie and May looked to each other with a smirk. Edd walked to the refrigerator to find it filled with junk food. He blinked, looking to the sisters with pity.
Marie frowned grabbing a box out of the fridge, glaring at May. "You've been eating my chocolate o's?!" She growled, noticing the sugary cereal's box was not how she left it.
"It doesn't have your name on it!" May pointed out.
"You get a job and pay for your own damn food!" Edd took the box from Marie's hands, reading the ingredients. "Hands off!" Marie snapped, snagging it back from him.
"It's caffeinated…?" Edd asked in shock. "With no nutritional value."
Marie looked on the back of the box. "Hah, you're wrong, it's got enriched flour." Marie grinned.
"That's… awful." Edd sighed. "Don't you have any dinner related foods?" May pointed to the pan on the table. Edd gasped. "That's, awful."
Marie and May smiled. "We're only kidding." May began to laugh. She opened a drawer revealing jars of tomato sauce. Marie opened a closet that held a chicken.
Edd's eyes widened. "It's a cheaper way to get eggs." Marie shrugged.
"Isn't that Rolf's?!"
~o~
Ed, Edd and Eddy sat at the extended table on opposite sides of their girlfriends. The Kanker's mother sat at the end of the table, glaring to the Eds as she ate.
Eddy frowned, with his elbow on the table, picking at the spaghetti on his plate. He glanced over to Ed, who was slurping the pasta up. Eddy then glanced further to Edd seeing he was using a fork and knife to cut the spaghetti, eating it. After he was done with the first bite, he looked over to the Kanker's mother with a smile.
"Thank you so much for having us in your home." Edd began. "How has work been treating you? I hear you recently received a promotion! You deserve it, you've been there for years." Eddy rolled his eyes, looking over to Lee who was doing the same.
Lee turned to her mom. "See, ain't he a charmer?" Lee asked. Edd's smile fell. Her mother laughed nodding to Lee. "Told ya, you've gotta see him when he's at his best!" Edd curled his lips, going back to eating. "Bet you that's how he got Marie wrapped around his finger." Marie glared over to Lee, stabbing into her pasta, causing the fork to make a loud scrape against the plate.
"Wrapped around his finger? You mean like Eddy's got you put in your place, right?" Marie smiled wickedly. Lee scowled to her. "You see Ma, Lee's so wrapped up about Eddy that she's been skippin' school, working two jobs so she can afford to look good, so she won't lose him again. She's like a mindless poodle."
Eddy blinked, staring at Lee. "Really?" He asked.
Lee scowled at him. "Shut up!" She kicked him under the table. "Let's get this one straight, Eddy is the bottom bitch." Lee pointed out.
"Ain't what I hear when you two are going at it." Marie blurted, stabbing the pasta again. Edd's widened, staring at the Kanker's mother as she continued eating, not phased by the conversation.
"Perhaps a change of conversation." Edd butted in. "Mrs. Kanker, did May tell you that she had one of the top scores of the Academic Triathlon? You must be so proud!"
"Hey, I ain't no one's bottom bitch!" Eddy scoffed, crossing his arms.
Edd sighed, staring at his food. "And we're back on that subject…." He muttered, his eyes down onto his plate.
May sat in between her sisters, ignoring all conversation, staring at Ed in a daze. Ed looked to her waving. May waved back giving him a wink, blowing him a kiss. Ed caught it and put it into his pocket. He blew one back. Edd continued to awkwardly eat the spaghetti, not letting his eyes leave the plate.
"So, has Hathead made a move on you yet?!" Lee smirked. Edd's face went red, he looked up to Lee, dropping his fork. He quickly glanced to the Kanker's mother seeing she was eating, glaring at Eddy as he pulled out his phone.
"I hardly think that this is appropriate dinner conversation!" Edd's voice cracked. Lee stared Edd down. Marie rolled her eyes. "Would anyone like another piece of garlic bread?" Edd quickly grabbed the plate of bread next to him out of desperation.
"Guess not, bet you he's shooting blanks." Marie's eye twitched. "No guy can keep it together for that long unless there ain't nothing going on down there." Eddy snorted, looking over to Edd who was frowning.
"Double D… you have a gun?!" Ed asked in shock, Eddy burst into laughter, slapping Ed's back. Ed looked at Eddy.
"Yeah!" Eddy laughed. "But don't worry, the safety is always on!" Eddy fell out of the chair. Ed stared at Eddy confused to the joke. Lee and May began to laugh too.
Edd placed the plate down. "I'm so sorry that my abstinence and self-control is so baffling to you." Edd's eyes narrowed. "Seeing as though, that is the only poor quality anyone can ever bring to everyone's attention about me, you should possibly rethink your priorities." Lee glared over to Edd.
Marie smiled, grabbing Edd's hand. "Dreamboat doesn't need to sleep around with me… even without the sex, he's a better boyfriend than you'd ever know." Marie caressed Edd's hand, dragging Edd across the table, kissing him. Edd's face went red. May and Ed awed.
Lee grimaced standing up. "I told you never to kiss that asshole in front of me!"
Edd pulled away from Marie, covering his mouth. "In front of your mother?" He cried looking to the Kanker's mother in horror. Their mother smiled giving him a little wave. He swallowed hard, waving back with an awkward grin.
Marie stood up too, ready to attack Lee. "Jealous?!" Eddy got back into his chair completely intrigued by where the conversation was headed. Ed's jaw dropped, looking to Edd. May covered her mouth giggling. Lee's eyes narrowed, smacking May upside the head.
"That's it! I'm sick of this shit where you choose him over us!" Lee went to jump over the table at Edd, but Marie wrapped her arms around her sister's waist, back bending, pulling Lee with her. Lee hit the ground, head first.
All three boys stood up with their jaws dropped, staring down as Lee and Marie fought. "And Lee recovers from the backdrop suplex!" Ed called as though he were hosting the fight. Edd covered his mouth when he saw Lee twist Marie's arm until it cracked. The fight came to a stop when the girls' mother intervened pulling them off each other. May sat not phased, continuing to enjoy her spaghetti. Lee and Marie were escorted, by the ear, out of the trailer.
It was an awkward silence between the Eds and May. The Eds sat back down continuing to eat.
"Nice going Double D." Eddy commented, throwing a piece of bread at him. "Can't believe you called Lee a whore, you're not gonna live past 17." Eddy began to laugh, pointing at Edd.
"When did I ever call her that?" Edd covered his face. "I apologize May, I had no intention of starting that fight…" Edd sighed. "…I was just trying to…"
May rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, that fight was a long time comin'." May reached over, grabbing Ed's hands, winking at him. Ed blushed, looking away shyly. "Right Big Ed?" May smiled. Ed nodded, standing over the table, giving May a kiss on the cheek. "It's the Kanker way of kiss and make-up."
Edd tilted his head. "How odd." Eddy looked to Edd, crossing his arms. "But there was no resolve…"
"You didn't see it?" Ed gasped. "Lee was a leopard… you a antelope. Lee went to pounce to defend her feline family from what she saw a threat… but Marie, the Cheetah protected her baby antelope to let the leopard know, the antelope means something to her, but that doesn't stop the cheetah for loving her feline sisteren."
Edd and Eddy stared at Ed perplexed. "Is sisteren even a word?" Eddy glanced to Edd.
"Not until recently." Edd replied.
May giggled. "Oh Big Ed, you're so amazing at storytelling." She gushed. "The Kanker solve for any problem is wrestling." May explained. "Beat the shit out of each other until the other begs for mercy… or the last breath escapes! Gets the point across, and feelings out."
"Sounds extensive, and avoidable…" Edd put his hand to his cheek.
"We also use this same belief when someone steals from us. Leave no neighborhood left unburned." Ed, Edd and Eddy stared at May as she had a wicked smile on her face, rubbing her hands together.
"Deep like a bellybutton." Ed announced.
"Speaking of harlot…" Edd looked to Eddy to relieve the room of the growing ominous cloud May was creating. "Eddy, you can't be serious with this flyer!" Edd snapped pulling out the flyer from his pocket. May looked at Eddy with her eyes wide, grabbing the flyer to look at it. "That is an invasion of privacy! You could get arrested if caught!"
"Really?! That jock's mom?!" May questioned, handing back the flyer. "How'd you get the nudies?!"
Eddy frowned, snatching the flyer from Edd. "Who all is taking part in this?!" Edd crossed his arms. Eddy pocketed the flyer.
"Why? You gonna tattle?!" Eddy snapped. "Ed will be there, tattle on him." Eddy nodded at Ed. Ed gasped, shaking his head.
"Oh no he won't!" May growled. "Ed is not allowed to see another woman's boobs unless they're mine!" Ed let out a whine. "Or a reputable magazine!" Ed smiled winking at May. May winked back, giggling.
"So it was okay for you to see them? I'm here to share the wealth." Eddy complained to Edd. May gasped, looking at Edd in shock. "Think of me as Boobin Hood, I get tv waves from the rich, and give to the romantically challenged!" Edd began to massage his temples, letting out a sigh.
"Does Marie know?" May asked. Edd glanced to her. "And, does Lee know?" May looked to Eddy.
Eddy let out a laugh. "Please whatever she doesn't know won't hurt her!" May shook her head, glaring over to Edd, waiting for his excuse.
"She might have laughed at me for passing out after seeing." Edd muttered. "Eddy took no time to acquire a photo of me, and send it to her." Edd hid his face ashamed.
May shook her head, deciding to change the subject. "Great job on the spaghetti, but I think you undercooked the tomato sauce, it's still red." May announced.
Ed let out a laugh, putting his arms around Edd, giving him a noogie. "That's my Double D, he's a home printer." Eddy rolled his eyes. "I would have added more ice cream to it." Ed whispered to Edd who stared at him confused.
Marie and Lee walked back into the kitchen, taking their seats, saying nothing to each other. Their mother poked her head into the kitchen, giving a wave, leaving for work. Lee finished off the plate, shoving it away from her with her arms crossed. Marie glanced to Edd, seeing him smiling to her. She rolled her eyes, looking away.
"So, Eddy is showing off a porno tomorrow." May announced breaking the silence. Eddy's eyes went wide, giving May a stare down. May returned it with a wide toothy grin.
"I know about it already." Marie commented, leaning her head on her hand, poking at the pasta.
Lee frowned, staring at Eddy. "I knew you were hiding something! It better be of us!" Lee held up her knife, pointing it towards Eddy. Marie rolled her eyes, letting out an annoyed grumble.
"It's not even a porno, it's Kevin's mom before and after showering. It's a peepshow." Lee's face softened, giving a nod. "It's like 5 dollars a head. I say it's a bargain." Eddy had his face covered, afraid to know what Lee was plotting.
"Well, shovel-chin's mom is pretty hot." Lee shrugged stabbing the table with the knife. Eddy stared at her in shock. "I'm in." Eddy let out a groan, slamming his head on the table. Lee smiled at Eddy's reaction. "I better be getting' the girlfriend discount." She warned.
"No chicks." Eddy snapped.
"That's not what the flyer says." Marie held up a flyer, pointing to it. Lee reached over tickling under Eddy's chin, Eddy smacked her hand away. "Think of it as extra income." Marie smirked. "Date Night, Oven-Mitt?" She glanced to Edd.
Edd shook his head in objection. "I rather not be a part of this."
Ed reached over, taking pasta from Eddy's full plate. "Eddy is gonna be one rich possum."
