BOOOOOM!

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

I'M NEVER GIVING IN!
ON WITH THE SHOW!

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!
On. . . with the show. . .

On. . . with the show. . .

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

SHOW!

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

The show must go on!

Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .

Keldeo the Critic- Season Five

Episode 20: Silverstream's Toilet Tour by SPB and Yona and the Ice Cream by Alex_

Thumbnail: TinyURL- y4bt35rz

Keldeo was pacing back and forth with an angry look on his face.

He finally turned and said, "This fanfic...URGH!"

Keldeo paced around again for a bit, then turned and said, "I mean, it's...GAH!"

He started to stomp around again, and then turned and said, "It's really… BISCUITS! BISCUITS! BISCUITS!"

Keldeo sighed as he fought to compose himself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's just that. . . I can't even say the name of this fanfic without getting angry. Watch."

Keldeo too a deep breath, let it out, and said, "Silverstream's Toilet To- piece of filth fanfic!"

A Soothe Bell was thrown at the side of Keldeo's head. Keldeo blinked his eyes, and he said calmly, "Thank you, Victini. Silverstream's Toilet Tour."


Silverstream's Toilet Tour

By: SPB

(Warning!: Contains non-fatal toilet flush content, reader discretion is strongly advised!) Silverstream becomes fascinated with pony toilets and decides that there's only one way to find out how they work, flushing herself down one. How will she do it without anyone finding out?

Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 1,086 - Published: Sep 24, 2018 - Status: Complete - id: 13074526


"But seriously, the name alone is enough to make you feel sick inside. I mean. . . Silverstream's Toilet Tour?" Keldeo said in disbelief. Then he shuddered and said, "Ugh! It sounds so wretched and foul! The premise doesn't even make any sense! Couldn't she just read a book or something?"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, because of that comment I made about Psyducks, I have to go through with this. But the only way I could possibly get through this without going crazy is by reviewing it alongside a similar fanfic: Yona and the Ice Cream."


Yona and the Ice Cream

By Alex_

There are many things Yona likes about living in Ponyville compared to Yakyakistan - her friends, the comforts of modern pony living, the busy streets. The heat is not one of them.

Coming from the Frozen North, she is not designed for heat. During the summer months, her only hope for keeping cool is something else they don't have back home: ice cream. As long as she can find some, that is.


"So, how exactly are these two fanfics similar?" Keldeo said, "Well, first of all, they both focus on a member of the Student Six that's obsessing over something. But more importantly, they're both essential jokes with stories wrapped around them. They both have a specific formula used to turn a simple joke into a bigger story. We have the Set Up, then the Lead In, then the Build Up, and finally the Punchline. So, which one does it better?"

Keldeo's eyes twitched as he grinned widely, "I think the answer is obvious, but let's do this anyway!"

Keldeo gave a determined nod and said, "First is the Set Up. This is the part that gives us a little background and context of the situation, so we can understand the joke better. Let's start with the Yona story, where we see a very hot yak on a very hot day."


"Day hot. Fur heavy," she said. Looking around at the ponies with their cold drinks and ice creams, Yona resolved to find herself a cold treat of her own. Seeing many of the ponies were coming from the market, she headed in that direction.

The stalls were all selling different things – necklaces, fruit, giant hats – but not ice cream, it seemed. She continued walking a short way, getting hotter and hotter and more desperate.

At last – she felt as though she'd just crossed the desert – she found a stall with a 'Cold Drinks' sign hanging over it. Her face lit up and she ran over.

"Give yak cold drink!" she ordered.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the mare. "But I'm afraid we sold out of all our cold drinks about an hour ago." She gestured with her hoof to a 'cold drinks sold out' sign hanging just below 'Cold Drinks'. Yona's mouth fell open and she started to tear up. At least, she would have done if she had any liquid left in her body to cry with. Trying to defuse the situation, the mare added, "But we still have hot drinks available, if you'd like one of them." She gave a sheepish smile. "Tea or coffee?"


"Wow, you offer a person, who is clearly miserably hot, a hot drink on a hot day? Really?" Keldeo asked disbelief.

GLaDOS: "You are a horrible person. That's what it says. A horrible person."

"Okay, so this Set Up is that Yona desperately needs something to cool her down, but isn't having any luck in that. Next let's take a look at the Silverstream story, which begins after the episode What Lies Beneath. Five of the Student Six are leaving class when they notice Silverstream isn't around."


Yona spoke up. "Guys, not that Yona mean to interrupt, but any creature notice Silverstream not with us?"

"What do you mean, she's right here…" Sandbar began but when he turned to look he saw that indeed the hippogriff/sea pony was not with the group.

Gallus put a claw over his face. "Just great, so now we have to study for the test and look for our missing friend. Just where could she be?"

Ocellus blushed. "Actually, I think she mentioned something to me briefly, just before the end of Professor Egghead… I mean Professor Rainbow Dash's class. She said she was gonna be in the bathroom and that she'd be a while."


Yakko: "*Mwah* Goodnight everybody!"

"Okay, this is easily the only good part of this entire fanfic," Keldeo said, "I like seeing these characters interact. Plus, Sandbar gets out a pretty good joke here."


Sandbar just giggled. "I told her not to eat all those treats Professor Pinkie Pie keeps bringing in. She's probably regretting it right about now,"


Keldeo nodded and said, "So, that's our Set Up. Silverstream is doing something in the bathroom, and her friends aren't at all suspicious of what she's doing. As you can see, the Set Up in Yona's story is a little weaker cause all the focus is on Yona. The Silverstream story tries to acknowledge her other friends while at the same time dismissing them from the story. But that doesn't make it better or worse. Just different."

Keldeo nodded solemnly and said miserably, "Okay, now we have the Lead In. This is the part that slowly builds up towards the coming climax of the story, which in this case is the Build Up and Punchline. Let's see what Yona's story gives us."


"Yak hot!" she yelled to nobody in particular; she just wanted to express her general frustration with the day's events. She realised that, being outside the school, she was also right next to the small lake that collected in front of it. She was briefly tempted to see if drinking from that gave her any relief, but then she paused. She wasn't quite sure where that water came from, and she was certain Gallus had said something about the school bathrooms emptying into it. He was probably joking – in fact, knowing him, he was likely joking – but she didn't want to risk in just in case.


Keldeo's jaw dropped, then he frowned furiously and said, "This is a plot. This is a plot. It has to be. What are the chances of both of these stories featuring bathrooms? This was planned somehow. I don't know how, maybe Psyduck is in cahoots with both of these authors or something. Seriously, what the heck's going on here?!"

Keldeo took a deep breath and realeased, then he continued, "So, Yona goes into Twilight's castle to get some ice cream because. . . princesses always have ice cream on hand or hoof or. . . Gah! Whatever. Just because Princess Unikitty is often busy picking ice cream flavors of the month and plots elaborate raids on the freezer doesn't mean all princesses are obsessed with ice cream!" (1)


"Oh hey there, Yona," she said. "You do know there's no school today, don't you? What are you doing here?"

"Sorry, professor," Yona replied. "Yak just very hot under angry sun. Yak seek ice cream."

"Oh, ice cream?" asked Twilight. "You know, we received a huge shipment of raspberry ice cream just the other day. Spike loves it, you see." Yona was practically drooling on the floor. "Yeah, normally you'd be more than welcome to have some, but..."

"But?"

"Well, you see, our freezer broke today. Awful luck, given how hot it is."


Wah-wah-wah-waaaaaaaaaaaah!

Keldeo smiled and shrugged comically.

"So, Yona is crushed by this, until she decides to see if Sugarcube Corner has any ice cream."


When she arrived, she saw a queue of ponies stretching out the door, as well as several happy customers leaving, licking their ice creams with huge grins on their faces. No! She was so close! These ponies would just have to get out of her way.

"Yak hot!" Yona yelled as she barrelled into the ponies, scattering them like bowling pins and forcing her way in through the door. She bounded like an eager puppy to the front of the shop, where Professor Pie was serving customers.

"Yona!" she called. "Are you okay? What's going on?"


"'Yeah, I'll just ask if you're okay while totally ignoring all those customers you just sent to the hospital'," Keldeo said with a fake smile.

"My leg!" (2)


"Yak need ice cream!" Yona was so happy that she would finally be able to taste the treat she had spent the whole day trying to find; nothing that could be could come between her and her ice cream. "Yak need ice cream now!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Yona. We just sold our last ice cream."

All the joy was suddenly knocked out of her. "What?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. There's just been such huge demand today. Mrs Cake is making some more, but it might be a while."

"No, no. There must be ice cream!" Yona yelled. Surely she couldn't be disappointed here, too.

"Nopie, it's all gone! You're welcome to go and look in the freezers and see for yourself, if you want."


"Okay, I'm not gonna do a wah-wah joke again, because this is actually kind of sad," Keldeo explained, "Poor Yona is hot and miserable and suffering, and she simply cannot find any relief."

Keldeo then smiled knowingly and said, "However, most comedy is based on some sort of misery. It all depends on how you use that misery to make jokes. In this case, the way in which Yona reacts to and tries to remedy her suffering is what makes it funny. For instance, the way she knocks down all those ponies like bowling pins. That's funny. And I'm sure the Punch Line of this story will depend on whatever crazy thing happens as a result of Yona's attempts to get ice cream."

Keldeo's face fell and he said, "But, that's gonna have to wait, because we have to go back to Silverstream's story now."


Now alone in the girl's bathroom, the hippogriff was looking all around to make sure the coast was clear. There wasn't a creature to be seen anywhere.

"Good," Silverstream said to herself as anticipation started to course through her body. "Now I can finally try out what I've been waiting all day to do! Pony plumbing is so fascinating!" She sprinted across the tile floor to one of the stalls, the door swinging open as she put a claw to it.


"Well, this is the character who was overjoyed to see stairs," Keldeo said with a roll of his eyes, "I mean, okay, I guess it makes sense for her to be amazed by things like that. She lived underwater her entire life. Staircases and plumbing wouldn't need to exist underwater, so seeing them for the first time would cause her to become curious. Aren't Hippogriffs like one-third cat or something? Add in a unique excitable personality, and maybe I could understand this."


Silverstream had never seen such a thing before. Apparently, it was what ponies used to get rid of their bodily wastes. At least, that's what she'd read from that plumbing book. The technical details had been so fascinating.

But there was only one way to see how it truly worked.


"Read a book? Talk to a plumber? Check out a hardware store? Find a toilet in a junk yard?" Keldeo offered.


Perching atop the seat, Silverstream briefly looked down at the bowl and marveled at how the waters within reflected her face. It was just like looking at her reflection in a lake or river.

"Okay, here goes nothing!" The hippogriff thought to herself as a wide smile started to form on her face.


"You know, that was probably the exact words of the author when he started writing this," Keldeo said.


Clutching her Pearl of Transformation necklace carefully, she transformed herself into her seapony form. Her wings disappeared as did as her claws, replaced by fins and flippers. Then she dipped her tail down into the bowl without a second's hesitation. The cool waters of the toilet bowl felt so inviting.

Now came the moment Silverstream had been looking forward to all day, she was going to flush herself down the toilet! She would then follow the pipes to wherever they exited, and from there make her way back to the school.


"Silverstream is not my favorite member of the Student Six," Keldeo said quickly, "I do like all of them, but she's not my favorite. I think it's a tie between Gallus and Ocellus. But even so, I know for a fact that Silverstream isn't stupid, so seeing her being portrayed as some kind of moron makes me mad! The story told us that she is aware that bodily waste is put into the toilet, and most sane people tend to avoid biohazards! Even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles know better than this! Yeah, they go through the sewer a lot, but they live in an abandoned subway! They don't just wallow in raw sewage all day! This is an insult to Silverstream's character!"

Keldeo huffed and said, "I really hate the 'airheaded girl' stereotype. I hate it even more when it's put on someone who doesn't deserve it. Silverstream is happy, excitable, likes hugging her friends, and wants to learn all she can about the surface world. She's not an emptyheaded fool that needs to be constantly monitored! Is this the kind of person Sonic was talking about when he warned against climbing into dryers?"

Sonic: "If you think it's smart to climb in a dryer, you're really all wet!" (3)

"Okay, so Silversteam's Lead In is more direct and to the point than Yona's Lead In. I like Yona's better, because it includes other character and has Yona actually do stuff. Anyway, it's time for the Build Up. This is the part that gets us ready for the Punchline. Yona's first."


With a leap, she set off running into the back of the shop. One huge freezer with a flat top sat in the corner of the room, beckoning invitingly at her. She went and stood beside it, and, feeling like Daring Do about to open some centuries-old sarcophagus to recover an ancient treasure hidden inside, gradually pushed open the top.

The freezer was totally empty.


Keldeo laughed a bit and said, "Okay, that was actually funny! All this build up and it turns out to be empty! Plus, that comparison to Daring Do looking for treasure is a treasure in of it itself. You can almost hear that Legend of Zelda treasure chest music playing as you read this. But nope! It's empty!"

Keldeo kept smiling and said, "So, what does Yona do now?"


Before she could think very much, though, she felt the icy breeze the freezer was exhaling at her. It felt rather inviting.

Lifting herself up and over the edge of the freezer, Yona gently stepped inside. It was tight – she didn't even have enough excess room to move her legs – but with her snout she managed to slowly close the lid as she sat down. Although there was a glass window on the lid, the cold had frosted it up, so it was difficult to see in or out.


"That's right, Yona climbs into the freezer!" Keldeo said with a grin. Then he became thoughtful and said, "Which. . . is kinda similar to what Silverstream does in her story. . ."

Keldeo quickly shook his head and shouted, "But it isn't! Why? I'll show you why! Here:"


Sitting there in the semi-darkness, Yona relaxed and enjoyed the cold. It reminded her of the long, dark nights back home. In some odd way, she felt strangely comfortable in there. Safe, even. Realising quite how tired she was, she closed her eyes, just to rest them for a moment, but quickly found herself falling asleep.


"Yona is from Yakyakistan, a place that is always cold, snowy, and often dark. Plus, Yona's really stressed out and miserable from the extreme heat! You try wearing a huge fur coat during a heatwave! The situation has driven her to the point of climbing into a freezer. Yona has a reason for doing this. Silverstream was just being portrayed as. . . crazy. Plus, I'm pretty sure a freezer is much more sanitary than a toilet in a school! What's the sequel gonna be? Silverstream's Doorknob Licking Adventure!?"

Spongebob: "Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets." (4)

Keldeo just sighed, and he said, "Okay then. What's Silverstream's Build Up?"


Carefully (but also somewhat clumsily) Silverstream moved a fin over to the flusher and grasped it as best she could. "Here I go!" She shouted, as she forced the lever down with all her might.


"And nothing happened because of course she's not gonna fit down that pipe!" Keldeo shouted in irritation.


Then a powerful suction could be felt on her tail, pulling her down the bowl and through the drain at the bottom.


"What are you talking about? She's not gonna fit in there!" Keldeo argued.


"Whee!" Silverstream happily cried as she spun faster and faster, all the while she began to be slowly sucked down the drain tail first.


"What do you mean 'sucked down the drain'?" Keldeo said, looking more confused than angry, "Her body is too big to go down a drain! What, did she use her necklace to shrink herself or something? I know it's a fantasy magical cartoon world, but Equestria still has rules to it. The least you could do is kinda follow them! Would it be really that hard to make up a legitimate sounding excuse for this?"

Keldeo shrugged and said, "Whatever. We're almost done. Now, it's time for the Punchlines. And I gotta say, Yona's Build Up was masterful, in that it provides plenty of ways for the story to go. Maybe it could go super surreal and crazy by having Yona be frozen for a thousand years or something. Or maybe the Cakes will just throw ice cream into the freezer without looking, and Yona will have a nice frozen feast inside, much to the dismay of the Cakes and the customers who discover that all the ice cream that was just made has mysteriously disappeared. We have no way of knowing where the story is gonna go with this, and that makes the Punchline all the better."


The partially muted sound of hoofsteps woke her. Yona barely had time to wonder where she was or why she felt so cold, before the freezer lid was opened and bright light flooded in. She suddenly remembered everything very quickly – had she really gone and fallen asleep in Professor Pie's freezer? Quickly, she jumped up and tried to stammer out an excuse.

"Yak not asleep!" she yelled.

"Oh Celestia!" cried Mrs Cake. Her hoof jumped to her chest as she jumped backwards and fell onto the floor. The bowl she was carrying went flying up in the air; Yona watched, almost in slow motion, as it gradually fell towards the kitchen tiles.

Then it smashed.

"Yak find ice cream!" Yona yelled happily. She didn't even care that it was on the floor; she bent down and started lapping it up. After all the events of the day, and all the running around in the sun, it felt so refreshing to finally be able to enjoy some ice cream.

It seemed like everything had turned out well in the end...

Well, except for all the customers who had to wait for Pinkie to make some more ice cream, since the last batch had been dropped on the floor. And also except for Mrs Cake, who needed three days of bed rest to recover from the awful fright she'd received.

But most things turned out well in the end.


". . . Yeah, that was kind of a letdown," Keldeo admitted, "It went the predictable route of someone finding Yona and getting surprised by her. And then it ended with Yona basically eating off the floor. Ugh. Couldn't we have gotten something better. Like, maybe Yona has nightmare while asleep in the freezer, and when she's woken up she's finally given some ice cream to make her feel better? I don't know, I just don't think this ending was funny enough."

Keldeo let out a long sigh and said, "But you know, I know for a fact that Yona's Punchline is probably a hundred times better than whatever Silverstream's Punchline is. So. . . let's get this over with."


The whole process actually lasted shorter than Silverstream expected, and she was dismayed when the flush cycle ended with her only halfway down the toilet.

Oh well, not a problem. She still had her fins. Since she was already submerged in the toilet there was no sense in getting out, might as well finish the job. Silverstream managed to reach one of her fins up from the bowl and push the flusher down once again.

"Fwoosh!" The toilet roared again, and the flush cycle began anew.

The second cycle was enough to finish the job. The rest of Silverstream's body was pulled down the drain and she disappeared. If anyone had been watching they might have heard a faint "Glug, glug, glug." and seen a fin waving goodbye from just above the drain. And then they probably would've rubbed their eyes and shrugged it off as them seeing things.


"I really want to complain about this," Keldeo said with a look of extreme frustration on his face. He clenched his teeth and said, "But I can't. Do you know why I can't? Because the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team games used this exact same joke in the opening personality test!"

Q. A human hand extends out of a toilet! What would you do?

a- scream and run
b- close the lid without a word
c- shake hands with it

"That PROVES it!" Keldeo shouted, "This whole thing is a plot against me! How could all of this possibly be a coincidence! How could tow fanfics and a video game all be connected like this?"


The water in the bowl returned without its passenger, leaving behind no traces that a seapony had ever been in it. Silverstream was now on her way through the pipes, bound for the sewers beneath Ponyville.


Keldeo let out a frustrated sigh and said, "Okay then. Fine. So, I guess now we're in Looney Tunes land, because now she's going through pipes and into the sewers. Alright. I guess there are comedic possibilities here. Maybe she could run into an alligator or something and get chased back up the toilet, but it turns out it's just Gummy or one of his friends or family members or something. I just hope this Punchline is worth it."


The End


"THE END!?" Keldeo exclaimed, "Are you kidding me?! I haven't even fully comprehended what I've just seen yet and now you're telling me the story is over!? You didn't even finish the plot yet! Silverstream just goes to the sewer and. . . what? She never comes back?! Oh well! I guess that means Cozy Glow takes over the world! Hold on. . . does that mean that the joke from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team was the Punchline to this whole tale of toilet humor insanity? That's all we get for suffering through all of this?"

Keldeo put his left forehoof on the Soothe Bell and rolled it around a bit. Then he smiled calmly and said, "You know, this story should be printed out on paper. . . . SO IT CAN GET FLUSHED DOWN A TOILET WHERE IT BELONGS!"

Keldeo kicked the Soothe Bell away and said, "This story wasn't funny at all, with the exception of the opening scene with the other students. But that scene feels like it doesn't even belong with this story! The majority of this story is just making Silverstream look like an idiot who wants to flush herself down the toilet because she's stupid. It's almost like the author is calling Silverstream a piece of. . . well, I don't like to say words like that, but you know what I mean!"

Keldeo visibly calmed down and said, "Yona and the Ice Cream is clearly the better fanfic. It had actual funny moments with good comedic timing, great descriptions of how Yona looked and how she was feeling, and plenty of good interactions with other characters. The Punchline might have been a little underwhelming, but at least we actually got one! Silverstream's Toilet Tour gave us nothing! Nothing!"

Keldeo stomped his hooves aggressively as he looked up at the sky and shouted, "That's it! I'm done! I can't take it! That fanfic made no sense! Show me something else! I don't care! Just anything! Anything that has nothing to do with this!"

Suddenly, Unikitty's face appeared on Keldeo's laptop, taking up the whole screen, and said, "Hieeeeeeee!"

Keldeo let out a long, loud groan.


The End


Credits

Footnoted References

(1) Unikitty- "Rock Friend" "Tasty Heist"

(2) Fred Fish from Spongebob Squarepants

(3) The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog- "Sonic Says" segment

(4) Spongebob Squarepants- "One Krabs Trash"

Other References

Nostalgia Critic: A Troll in Central Park

Nostalgia Critic: The Super Mario Bros. Super Show

The Animaniacs

Portal 2

Unikitty!

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red/Blue Rescue Team

The Lego Movie