It's the last day of January, and I'm sitting in class when a sudden cramp makes me feel like I'm being pinched in half. I glance at the clock on the wall to see it's five more minutes until class is dismissed. If I can just hang on, I tell myself.
"Remember, exam on Monday!" the instructor barks, and as if on cue, everyone gathers up all their stuff and leaves. Thankful I have only one class on Friday, I hurry to the ladies room as fast as I can.
To my dismay, I soon find my clothing is saturated with blood and suddenly remember my period was due three and a half weeks ago. It's never been this late before.
My hands are shaking as I clean myself up as much as possible and then somehow make it home, where I change into fresh clothing. Terrible cramps are still hitting me at regular intervals, and the blood flow is copious and includes strange-looking brownish matter. I take the strongest maximum strength analgesics I can find and lie in a recliner with a heating pad on my belly.
I doze on and off, awakening every couple of hours to staunch the flow of blood, which begins to frighten me. I consider going to the clinic but decide against it, fearing the possible outcome.
Mom arrives home to find me still lying in the recliner with the heating pad over my belly. The cramps have dulled somewhat but still come in waves.
"What's wrong, Tanya?" I can hear the concern in her voice.
"Nothing, Mom. Just some trouble with my period, is all."
"Do you want me to take you to the doctor?"
"Oh no, that's all right. I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
Dad arrives home a bit later.
"Are you all right, Tanya?" he asks me.
"I'm OK."
"She's been lying there like that ever since I got home," Mom tells him. "She says it's just her period, but she seems to be making an awful lot of trips to the bathroom, and I'm afraid she's losing a lot of blood. Remember what happened to me when she was born, Christian?"
"Of course I remember, Ramona, but there's nothing we can do. She's an adult. She'll seek medical help if she feels it's necessary."
"Tanya, did anything happen to you while you were outside the country that you haven't told us about?" asks Mom.
"Anything involving a man?" Dad's voice has an edge to it.
"Of course not!" An image of Viktor's face swims into view in my mind, and I feel sick to my stomach.
I'm much better the next day. My period tapers off to where it's just a normal blood flow, and to my immense relief, I conclude perhaps that's all it was, after all - just an extra late, extra heavy period. I refuse to allow myself to even imagine it could be anything else.
Life proceeds as normal, and one day, I receive a letter from Great Aunt Alisa in Australia. My heart is racing as I dash into my room and rip into it.
Dear Tanya,
I was delighted to receive your letter, and yes, your suspicions are correct. Nicholas, or Kolya, as we always called him, is the younger son of Tsar Nicholas II, and I am his fifth daughter. We grew up with our older sisters and brother in the Alexander Palace in Tsarskoe Selo. What fond memories I have of those golden days! Papa and Mama doted on us, and I always thought we were the luckiest children in the world. The only dark spot in our sunny lives was poor Alexei's fragile health, but we accepted it and did our best to cope with it.
It all came to an end when Papa had to abdicate and we were forced to leave our majestic home and travel to Siberia. Gone was our life of luxury. We were surrounded by guards who watched us all the time, so we had no privacy. All of us were crammed together on the second floor. The food they gave us was terrible, and they treated us very cruelly.
Then came the horrible day Isaak took Kolya and me away. I remember being awakened by noise that night and being scared, but Lizonka was there, and she comforted us. She and Isaak became our parents from then on, and we never saw our beloved Papa and Mama again.
We lived in England for several years, then sailed to America on a big passenger ship. Kolya and I finished growing up on the prairie, and when I became an adult, I moved to New York and became a news reporter.
One day I left for Australia to cover a big event that was happening there. On the way, we encountered a storm, and the ship was destroyed. i survived but was severely injured. Graham and his mother took me in and cared for me. For a long time, I couldn't remember anything at all, but over the months, little pieces of my past gradually returned to me, bit by bit.
By the time I remembered who I really was, I had a new life in Australia. Graham and I fell in love and married. Many times over the years, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him my true identity, but somehow, I just couldn't. It was as if speaking the words would bring back the horror of what had happened to my family, and as long as none of it was mentioned, it would all stay deeply buried in the past.
Then came the day I met your father. It just seemed too wonderful for me to believe, that Kolya had a son and we had found each other, but when he showed me the bookmark our Mama had made Kolya, there was no doubt in my mind. I so longed for news of my brother, but all he could tell me was he'd gone missing in the war and no one knew where he was.
My dear Tanya, please write back and tell me all about yourself and your family, and send as many photographs as you can. Give your father my love and tell him I've thought of him often over the years. Perhaps we'll meet in person again someday, if the good Lord is willing.
With much love,
Alisa Clayton
