My heart drops to my stomach. "W-what?"
Erik rubs a hand across his forehead, clearly stressed. "I-I need to leave. I need to get out of here."
I jump out of my seat and grab ahold of him, clinging to his body like velcro. "Erik, please don't run away. Listen to me! Please; let's talk."
Erik rambles on, disregarding my plea. "So this is how you know Nadir...I've been wondering about that. I never asked because I just concluded it to be a serendipitous meeting." He sighs. I don't say anything. Erik bites his lip, growing angry. "Well?! What do you want to say? You better hurry, Amy because I plan to walk out this door in five minutes!" He yanks his arm from my grasp.
I bite my own lip, trying to order my thoughts. My brain is not in a coherent state of mind right now. My thoughts stumble over each other, desperately searching for an origin of thought. I breathe out slowly, taming my body. I breathe in, then out. In. Out.
"Four minutes!" Erik threatens.
I know where I need to start. Erik is certainly not going to like it, but it's something that needs to be acknowledged and rectified. It's something to insure him and myself before we can move any further with this discussion…or our relationship. This is something that is very important for me, for him, and for my child: it's to make sure that things will work out in the future...if we are to be together. I hope fate grants me that dire wish.
I sigh. "First, before anything else, I want to see what's under the mask. I want to see you; the real you. I want to see all your glory and your beauty underneath."
Erik's eyes widen in an angry glare. "What?! This is what you want to do before
anything else? You want to humiliate me? I'm such a fool," he mutters to himself. "Such a
fool to ask for a normal life."
I close my eyes. "Erik, please." I can't tell him why I'm asking this. I can't explain myself-my life or my decisions-until he shows me his face. I just can't. I place my hands on his chest, he swipes them off, raged. I look him in the eyes. "Please."
Erik growls. "Why? Because you want to know the monster behind the mask?"
"No."
"Because your parents brought up this heinous factor and you want to settle your and their curiosity!?"
"No!"
"Then what?"
"I just...I can't say until it's done." I need to know if you truly trust me, I confess in my head. If
you truly care enough to actually do something as big as this. And if you don't trust me,
then you'll never believe me and my reasons for hiding my pregnancy. And, honestly, I know
somewhere deep down, after all the secrets I've kept, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve your trust.
But trust is needed in a relationship. Jack and I had trust...in the beginning, but that grew into
abuse. I trust you more than anyone, Erik, but you need to trust me too, otherwise this relationship won't work. Trust will also bring respect (which is another thing Jack and I didn't have). I'll
respect you no matter what your face looks like. I'll love you no matter what your face looks like.
And you need to know this. And we both need the reassurance of one another's trust, respect, and
love. For me, for you, and, most importantly, for the baby. We need all three for the baby to
thrive...and I need it too. And so do you. Especially you. More than anyone else in the world, you need this reassurance.
"I promise to tell you all of my reasoning when it's done," I add aloud. The act just needs to be done first. I know I sound completely selfish and hypocritical, but I know this is justifiable.
Perhaps I should've brought this up more delicately. Perhaps I shouldn't have done it at all, but it has to be established.
Erik starts laughing; fake, belly-shaking laughter. "You're kidding! You can't tell me!? Seems like
you can't tell me a lot, Amy!" He's so angry, vigil from the shock of the news.
I grimace. "I will tell you. Just-"
"'Remove the mask'," he imitates in my voice. He shakes his head. "Forget this! Your five minutes are up and I'm keeping my promise!" Erik walks to the door, yanking it open.
I run to him, holding onto his arms. "Wait! Erik, please, just stay a little longer. We can calm
down and-"
Erik glares at me one last time and, with determined strength, says, "Don't touch me or talk to
me, you vindictive, conniving bitch!"
I'm stunned into silence. Erik has never… I wouldn't even have guessed that he would have the power to call me such a vulgar name.
But what hurts more is that it's like he never even noticed. "Goodbye, Amy." He shuts the door behind him, sealing our separation, and severing our connection and our love for good.
I stand there, absorbing what happened. It starts to dawn on me. It feels like bricks are piling up on my chest one by one.
Erik's gone. Our relationship is done.
It can't be! I won't let it! I place my hand on the handle, but freeze.
No...he walked out. He needs to settle down. He'll come back! He must. I try my best to reason with myself. If I mean something to him, then he wouldn't want this relationship to end so dramatically.
Another brick lays itself on my chest. I gasp for air. My next thought is a tormenting one:
What if he doesn't come back?
I feel my heart break. Whimpering, I fall to my knees, using the door as support. I cry my heart
out, not caring how much noise I make. The neighbors can call the police for all I care, I just
want this pain to stop. I double over, the bricks falling all around me. The pain is spreading all along my body, whether its source is from my heart or my mind, I'm not sure. I don't care. Curling up like a baby I fall to my side. My vision slowly turns black. "I love you, Erik..." I manage to whisper before I'm gone.
