The Diego Diaries: Campin' (dd4 51)

-0-At the crack of dawn

Ratchet stretched, then walked to the campfires. They were off waiting for the day to begin. Ratchet bent down to turn them on, then looked at the campground all around him. There were stirrings here and there but no one was really getting up yet. He watched the red streaks of dawn crawl across the slightly orange horizon. Dust storms in the north colored their skies until the sun was bright. Then bluer shades took precedence.

He walked to the boxes that held the food he had brought determined to make breakfast scout style. He grinned. Prowl had fragged him over by catering his food. Ratchet trying to be on point had gone through the books finding what constituted Scout camping food.

His big mistake.

"I won't do that again, Prowler," he said quietly as he found in the boxes what he was searching for.

Prowl paused in the doorway of his tent watching Ratchet rummaging around in the boxes. It was hilarious to watch him going through the hoops trying to follow the rules of scouting. "Hey, loser."

Ratchet grinned. "Be nice to me. I can help your hangover."

"I can find First Aid," Prowl said with a grin. He walked to Ratchet, then held out his arm.

Ratchet downloaded the code that would end the queasiness in his gut. Prowl looked into the boxes. "What are you doing? Should I ask or should I just sit and watch the spectacular fail once more?"

"Frag you, whiner," Ratchet said with a chuckle. He pulled out of the box the thing that had caught his optic at The Sporting Gear Store. A gigantic cast iron skillet appeared, one big enough to fricassee Orion if truth be told. He turned with a glorious smile on his face, holding the skillet up for all and sundry to admire. "What do you think? Isn't this great?" he asked.

"Nope," Prowl said with a smirk. He walked to a chair to sit. "Continue. I am entertained."

Ratchet laughed aloud, then turned putting the skillet down. He reached into the box and pulled out a square shaped iron frame construct. He put it over the camp stoves, then placed the skillet on it. "See? It helps to have something to put the pans on."

"I see," Prowl said with a smirk. "Do continue."

Ratchet looked at Prowl with one of his own. "Slagger." He turned to organize a lot of ingredients that he had studied for formulating 'camp breakfast'. As he did tents began to stir and folks stepped out with hangovers and hunger pangs.

"Help," Springer said.

They lined up, the drunks from the night before as Ratchet bailed their sinking boats. They looked at the skillet, a vast iron construct, then sat to watch the fun.

Ironhide and Optimus stepped out of their tents as the same time pausing to look at Ratchet who had several dozen of what appeared to be the Cybertronian version of eggs, slabs of 'bacon' and 'loaves' of 'bread' waiting to be cut and toasted lined up on the boxes they came out of.

"Oh, oh. Old mech is at it again," Ironhide said as Ratchet downloaded the code for sober into the big mechanism. A slap on the back of his helm greeted that commentary so Prime merely grinned, keeping his comments internal. They sat to watch too.

Alor and Blackjack were stirring nearby along with Appa Ratchet, Ravel and Tie Down. When they stepped out everyone paused. "Ratchet? Do you need help?" Alor asked.

"FRAG NO!" Ratchet said as he pulled a bowl out of a box. "SIT! SHUT UP!"

Riotous laughter greeted that as everyone complied. They sat without a sound, their smirks and grins signaling what they thought would transpire while Ratchet considered how to do ten things at the same time. /... frag … I need more arms …/

Rambler walked out of his tent followed by his brothers. Nearby, Ven and Miler stepped out of theirs with Sojourner and Miracle. They paused to look, grinned, then sat expectantly. Rambler who was watching Ratchet walked to a box and peered inside. "Do you need help with this, Uncle Ratchet?"

"No, Rambler but I will have you help me if you want to do that." He looked at the masses watching with a frown. "THAT IS WHAT A GOOD SCOUT DOES, HELPING OTHERS." He looked at Rambler with a grin. "These slaggers think this is going to be a disaster," Ratchet said giving the stink optic to the gathered multitudes as Orion wandered out of the tent. "ADA! WHY YOU?!" he asked.

"Yeah, Ratchet. Why you?" Prowl asked as he got up to walk to his own boxes. Lifting lids, he began to bring out perfectly packaged meals that he had 'made' (for them by someone else).

"Here, Rambler," Ratchet said. "Why don't you do this for me?" he asked sneering at Prowl even as he put his son into bondage. He pulled out a device with a long handle and slots in the wires for the bacon he had brought. Slipping it in until all was racked, Ratchet pointed to a slotted tube on the iron platform holding his skillet. "Slip this entire rack in the slot and be careful. Then come back to put bread in this one for toast."

Rambler grinned, then nodded, carrying the device to the campfire. Under the watchful optics of about a zillion adults, he slotted it into the tube-like structure which automatically began to turn it slowly to cook both sides.

Ratchet 'cracked' all of the 'eggs' into the bowl, added a big dollop of 'milk' and a dash of 'sugar, salt and pepper'. Then he began to whip the slag out of the concoction. As he did Prime and the infants began to get heaping plates of incredible food both human and Cybertronian from Prowl. Miler, then Ven received them as well, taking an infant into lap to help them eat.

Ratchet stirred the eggs, then thought a moment. Reaching into the box, he took a brick of something yellow, then put it in the skillet. It flashed, then began to melt swiftly. "Rambler, here we go. You are going to be key to the operation here."

Rambler nodded, then grinned as Ratchet poured his mix into the skillet. He handed a spatula to Rambler. "Stir, sweetie. Keep stirring it."

He nodded, then began to stir. Ratchet turned to the toast which he stoked, then slotted into the frame. It began to turn slowly too. Staring at the whole shebang, Ratchet glanced at Prowl in triumph. Prowl smirked back.

"What can I do to help you, son?" Ravel asked from his chair.

"Nothing, Ada. I'll bring you plates, okay?" Ratchet said as he laid out condiments, juice drinks and other breakfast particulars as per the Boy Scouts of America handbook which he downloaded the orn before.

Like a tool.

Grabbing plates, Ratchet dished things up, added condiments and a drink, then handed it out. Bacon and eggs, toast and jam, sweet rolls from the bakery, all of it was dished up and served. Infants were gathered to share with elders as Ratchet worked around the circle. When he handed out the last plate, he turned to grin at Rambler. Rambler grinned back. Then they turned to look at the skillet and all the rest of it.

It was all gone. Nothing was left over.

"Frag," Ratchet said as his smile faded.

"You can have mine, son," Ravel said.

"Not on your spark, Ada," Ratchet said as he walked to the box to look inside. Rambler joined him. "You go get your breakfast from your cheating ada, sparkling. You were the reason that all of this worked."

"I can't eat if you don't, Uncle Ratchet," Rambler said looking up at Ratchet with a slight expression of anxiety.

Ratchet grinned. "There's more in the box."

Rambler nodded. "Okay." He turned to walk to Prowl who gave him his breakfast.

It was silent as everyone paused to watch Ratchet. Ratchet looked at them, then down into the box. /... frag … I better find something in here.../ There was nothing left for breakfast.

He felt a tap on his leg. Looking down, he met the sweet face of Rambler. He held a breakfast in his servos. "This is for you, Uncle Ratchet." He held it up.

Ratchet glanced at Prowl. "It's a spare," Prowl said with a grin.

"Spare?" Ratchet said taking it.

"Optimus has a big appetite," Prowl said to hoots and suggestive remarks.

"Thank you, Rambler," Ratchet said as he walked to his chair. They all began to eat when he did.

It would be a great and glorious interlude in a morning filled with 'activities' and some such.

-0-After clearing away the breakfast mess

"That was actually very good," Springer said as he held the bag everyone was using to dump their slag. This after all was a public park. They cleaned it all up like good scouts.

"You doubted me?" Ratchet asked with a smirk.

"Yes!" -everyone including two mini-cons they didn't know in a camp over the hill from them.

"Fraggers," Ratchet said as everyone finally stowed everything away. "Okay. Time for activities."

"What the frag?!" -everyone including the two mini-cons from over the hill

"Slaggers. We're here on a camping trip as prelude to the Autobot Scouts. All of you slaggers are going to help. I want everyone of you to find a youngling to be their guide," Ratchet said in his 'do it or I'll annihilate you' voice.

That one.

They stared at Ratchet a moment, then everyone turned to glom a kid. Half of the group grinned that there wasn't enough kids until Ratchet told them to double up.

They did.

"What now, Ada?" Springer asked with a big grin as he held Hero. She was DELIGHTED that her BIG BROTHER (somehow in a way she didn't understand) was HOLDING (HER) ME, ATAR!

Like that.

"We're going down the trail where the broken rocks are. I want you to tell them about the slagging rocks. I want you to show them how to climb the little piles safely. I want you to collect any rocks that look interesting for their collections. I want you to do it as teams. I want you to do it or I will punt you into orbit." Ratchet looked at them with the most severe optic he could manage without weapons. They all nodded meekly. Ratchet pointed to the road and they all began to walk toward it and the Valles floor below. The trail went all the way down.

They walked past him infants in arms. The older infants walked until that proved too slow. Gathered up, the pony train wound its way through the campground, engaging in chats and trading insults with the other campers until they made it to the bottom. Ratchet who brought up the rear with a smirking Prowl paused as the group turned to him.

"We're here. What now?" Drift asked with a grin.

"You have your orders," Ratchet said. "Chop chop."

They translated that, then looked around. Putting infants down, they watched as the infants looked up with crazed looks of delight at the attention of so many swinging adults. Then they began to poke around in the dirt.

Ratchet sat on a rock with Prowl as they watched Optimus and Spirit turning over rocks. Drift who knelt next to Hero listened to her excited exclamations about how pretty everything was. Springer who was looking at a slight incline with broken rocks turned to her with a grin. "Come here, Hero. Let's climb these rocks."

She turned, then ran in her teeny tiny way to HER BIG BROTHER, ADA! to climb on the slight little incline of rocks and sand. Drift and Springer explained hand holds, testing slopes for rock falls and the like. She stood between them beaming, then tried out to the best of her teeny tiny ability the actual skills in the climb.

All around the floor of the Valle's bend infants were digging, laughing, gathering and climbing. Rocks were retrieved, servos got dirty, babies slipped and slid as they attempted to climb the tiny slopes carefully chosen by the adults.

The sun rose in the sky warming the air as the infants worked out their first scouting activity in the bosom of friends and family. The big mechs, most of them, had their first hands on taste of children. Perceptor found an especially rich seam of rocks and fragmented diamonds for Sunspot who stood transfixed by Percy and Wheeljack as they explained things.

All around the area good was going on. It was great.

-0-TBC June 8, 2014 edited June 29, 2014