Kate and I walk through the fall market, looking at the little stalls that are set up and filled with homemade products. Everyone has grown accustomed to my carrying around the decently sized Canon Powershot GX 3, the camera I bought when were in London on our last leg of the honeymoon. Now it is two weeks till thanksgiving and I have a long list of what I am thankful for. Kate here has us Christmas shopping now, which is why we're here and looking at all of this. I haven't even thought of what to get everyone yet, but Kate seems to have everything plotted in her head.
"What are you getting you parents, and Grace and Carrick?" I ask her.
"Haven't figured it out fully yet. I have to talk to Elliot about his parents before we do anything," She admires some jewelry boxes. "Excited for your mystery trip with Christian tonight?"
"You know where I'm going, don't you?" I have the camera on her.
"I'm pleading the fifth, and the only reason I know is because I packed for you and Elliot and I are coming."
"You are?"
"Yeah. And you should be excited. I am really excited for this. It's part of your list."
"It could be anything."
"Well it is something."
I roll my eyes and move to look at more stalls while Kate picks out a jewellery box. I find a stall that sells custom model boats, and there is one that is close to looking like Christian's custom built sail boat. I ask the seller to pack it up for me as I write him a check, leaving a decent tip for the craftsman. He spent so much time working on it that it's only fair for these people to receive tips. Sawyer comes over with his new shadow security, because Christian insists that I have two people all the time, and hands the bag to the other guy. I really need to learn his name, and things about him like I know about Sawyer and Taylor.
"How much longer are you planning on being here?" Sawyer frowns.
"I don't know, I'm with Kate so I can't give you an estimate," I shrug, I point the camera at him. "Smile, Lieutenant Grumpy."
"Ana, this place isn't secure and we have to head out soon to be on schedule."
"Fine, I'm getting a coffee. Ask Shadow Sawyer to wrangle Kate away from the stalls and warn him that he'll have to cover and duck if she gets her shoes in her hands."
I walk over to the coffee stall thirty feet over from where Sawyer stands and keeps his eyes on me and everyone around me. I flip the screen so I can see myself again.
"The joys of being married to the richest man on the west coast, constant security and constant scheduling. One thing that all those male brains have yet to figure out, is that if I have to be on a schedule when it comes to travel it would work better if I actually knew the plans," I smirk. "Men, I'm telling you. They drive you mad because they still have their caveman tenancies. If you have any tips on dealing with them, let me know. And let me know your Starbucks orders because I always like trying something new."
I switch the camera off and stuff it in my purse, stepping up to the barista who waits patiently for me to decide. I go for Kate and mines regulars and a light snack with each before waiting by the pick up counter. I can feel Sawyer's gaze locked on the back of my head so I turn and wave at him, a bright smile across my face to piss him off a little. Got to have my fun where I can. We keep going back and forth between Escala and Bainbridge, trying to figure which of our places work best when it comes to living situations. I mean, I have the dogs but we also have work. It's not like we can fly into the city every day for work come January. That would be ridiculous, even though we could afford it.
"You're Ana Grey, right?" A young voice asks from behind me. "From youtube?"
I tun and look at the girl, maybe fourteen but even that may be pushing it. She kind of looks like a younger Kate with extremely blonde hair, platinum blonde or whatever.
"I am, and who are you?" I smile.
"Phoebe, and this is my Aunt Emma," She nods to a woman not much older than Kate. "I want to thank you, and say Hi. Your videos helped a lot."
"Helped with what?" I take my order from the counter and nod at one of the tables. "I'm a walking basket case, so what could I have done?"
"You made me feel not alone, like there's other people out there who just get it. My parents died before I got to know them, and then I lived with my grandmother before she died and now I live with Emma," She smiles at her aunt. "I didn't think others got it. The missing things that I feel. You put it into words."
"I didn't realize that I did that for people. It started by just wanting to document my honeymoon. To remember something fully, not half. To remember the good times when I would feel so bad."
"I get it. I forget sometimes too."
I dig in my bag for a piece of paper and pen, "Can you promise me something Phoebe?"
She nods, "Anything."
"I'm going to give you my personal email before my security comes over and stops me from doing so. No one should feel alone, and maybe you and I can make a video for my non-vlog channel."
"Ana's Rambles," She smiles. "It's one of my favourites."
I hand her the piece of paper, smile and head over to Kate who is about to take off her show and fling it at Sawyer. I hand her the coffee and croissant, hoping to high hell that it will distract her for a moment.
"Thank you," She takes a couple gulps from the coffee. "You're a lifesaver. Now tell the goons to lay off and give us time."
"Well General Goon says we're on a schedule so we may not have time and I'm not kept in the loop," I tell her. "We can online shop back at Escala on Christian's credit card to make up for leaving early."
"Fine," She motions Sawyer. "Lead on, General Goon."
We follow him out to the SUV and get into the backseat, giggling like teenagers. I pull out my phone and open the notes app and start to type out a script for a video for my one channel that Kate can hopefully help me shoot it before we leave tonight. Maybe I'll offer up my credit card to her too, just to be sure.
We pull into the underground garage at Escala where Ros's car, Grace's car and Mia's car are each parked in separate visitor's stalls. Kate's would be here but I picked up up and brought her here for breakfast so she didn't have to keep her car here while we're off wherever. The one downside to flying with a private jet is that I can't look up where we're flying to. Sawyer calls up for help with the bags and sends Kate and I up on our own. Kate heads for the kitchen we the elevator doors slide open, now hungry for lunch after our morning spree. I wave at everyone who's congregated in the lounge while beelining it for my studio.
I set my camera up in front of my art wall with my most recent drawings and paintings and grab the studio lights from my closet. Some companies have been sending me clothes to wear in these videos, and I keep them on a rack in the corner of the room. I strip my blouse off, leave on my tank top, and pull on an olive green, knit jumper that works for this time of year. They only see the top half of my body anyway so I could be in joggers and no one would know better. After making sure my configuration is right I hear out to tell them that the hallway leading to the offices and library need to be quiet because I don't need the background sound. I hate to brag, but I have gotten really good at the whole film thing.
"You need to eat lunch," Christian says before I make a noise to announce my presence.
"After I shoot, I need to shoot this before I forget exactly what I want to say. You can even portion my food for me, just be quiet for like the next thirty minutes."
"Fine. Thirty minutes."
I smile and skip back to the studio, closing the door and marching towards my camera ready to film. Mia and Kate creep in before I start to film and sit on the piano bench behind the camera. Kate looks into the screen and gives the positioning a thumbs up.
"Today I met a girl when walking about a market with Kate. No big deal, happens to people every day. Except this changed everything for me," I sigh, and take a moment to gather myself again and reflect. "Today I learned that something that I set out to do just for me, the first thing I've truly done for myself that has not harmed me in any way, has actually helped others. Has reached out to others in ways that I never could have imagined. The whole marriage thing was new to me, a healthy relationship was still a foreign concept even though I was in one. I made the vlogs because of my dissociative spells, caused by my anxiety attacks where I completely blanked on the concept of space and time. I didn't want to forget the most amazing months of my honeymoon, so the vlogs happened and that was really how Ana's Grey Days was created. Ana's Rambles on the other hand was just me, constructing my thoughts into coherent concepts and posting them. Writing songs or improvising them and posting them so I could go back to them later. It was all for me, and maybe having the idea that no one really was watching them enough to care keep them real.
"Today I met a girl, Phoebe, at the market who came up to me and thanked me. She thanked me for the videos I put up," I giggle. "I never thought of that ever before. That what I put out there, that my vulnerability was helpful in any way. Today it really hit me because Phoebe told me that she does not feel alone because of me, and I start to wonder. I wonder what would have happened to me if I had, had someone to look up to and see that they were going through. If I was sixteen and felt that I wasn't alone. So this marks a day of change, the beginning of something bigger and better, and if I have to quit GEH I will. Because whoever you are, you're not alone. We're not alone. It took me forever to understand that and no one deserves to feel alone, no matter who you are, where you are, or what you've done. We're in this together now, and I'm here for you all."
I smile and wave at the camera and Kate moves to stop it from recording. Mia and her both have tears lightly running down their cheeks. I hug them, knowing that they clearly need it right now, before switching off the camera and taking the SD card out. I grab my hard drive and laptop from my desk and head out to the lounge with them. This video could change everything.
AN: I hope you love the chapter. I really tried to have Ana grow as a person in this but still have her struggles, but her growth is very much important as well as her relationships with people.
Food For Thought:
1. Where are they possibly going?
2. Is the struggle with finding a place to live going to bring them down or help them rise?
3. Where oh where are Ana's still loose demons? (Jack, her family History, her eating disorder)
I wish you all a very Happy Christmas and Happy Hanukkah
Review, Comment, PM, Favourite, and Follow. I want to continue cause I have plans, but I do want to know that you want me to continue.
Love you all
-Mouse
