I DO NOT OWN FINAL FANTASY VII. Omg, this chapter wasn't originally going to take so long, but when you work for the Postal Service, the holidays are the WORST, I barely had time to sleep let alone do any writing. And then this chapter failed to save on my computer three times so I had to start from scratch each time. Now, just a note, this chapter is 98% dialogue, not much narration in this one, maybe next time.
Change of Heart
Chapter LVI: The Thoughts of Men
There were a million names she could choose from, but finding the perfect one was proving far more challenging than she'd thought it would. Tifa had scoured dozens of books and magazines and she just couldn't decide. The doctor had confirmed by now that the baby was in fact a boy, so that of course narrowed down the possibilities, but it didn't make it any easier.
"You should take a break from that." Cloud suggested as he passed through by the doorway.
"You should be helping me." She retorted before returning to her search.
"Why's that?"
Tifa just dropped the book in her lap and turned an incredulous look to him. He could tell she was frustrated and he understood completely. He knew he should be helping, it was his baby and even Cissnei told him he should be helping Tifa out more. But Cloud was worried that if he did that the hidden jealousy in Cissnei would flare up, let alone how Sephiroth might feel. Sephiroth had already made it clear he wanted to take full responsibility of the baby and Cloud was ready to let him have it, but Tifa wasn't going to make that easy for either of them.
"Listen," Cloud stepped toward her, but stopped halfway, "I'm no good with names, but I promise I'll try."
Tifa assessed the expression on his face. He appeared serious and his voice was indeed sincere. She didn't want to believe him so easily, but she nodded and opened the book again. Cloud found this opportunity to leave the room.
Cloud returned to his bedroom, finding Cissnei cleaning up his messy desk.
"What are you doing?" He asked, though not accusingly.
"Just straightening up a little. I still can't understand why you can't keep a clean room."
"Sorry." He sighed heavily, looking around the room and making note of the sty. Moving toward the window, he looked out into the back yard.
Cissnei looked up at him with curiosity, "Cloud? Are you alright?"
"Not really." He actually answered honestly.
She didn't say anything, she only approached him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist. When she rested her head between his shoulder blades, he felt a little more at ease.
"I just don't know what to do about Tifa and the baby." He turned around in her embrace and looked into her gentle eyes. "I still don't know how to feel."
"We're only three months out, you know?"
"Don't remind me." Cloud closed his eyes and drew a remorseful breath. "I feel so stupid…I can't believe I've done this to my best friend."
Cissnei pressed her forehead to his chest and sighed heavily, "You're a human and you'll make mistakes. I know I've made plenty. Tifa doesn't resent you for it, in fact, I think a part of her somewhat relieved."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you're her first true love."
"Her first true love? Can a person have more than one?"
"Maybe." She looked back up at him, "Just because you meet someone else and fall in love again doesn't necessarily mean that your old flame is any more or less important than your new one."
A notion struck Cloud then and he gulped down hard, "Are you saying that you care for me as much as you cared for Zack?"
Cissnei felt heat rush to her face and she blushed, "I was wondering the same of you. Do you care for me as much as Aerith?" She avoided answering the question, but the truth was that while they'd been together as a couple for a few months now, either of them had yet to utter those fateful words. They'd said they wanted to love each other, but not that they did.
Cloud's eyes suddenly seemed to darken with sadness and he caressed her cheek delicately, "I'm still not sure."
Cissnei felt a sense of regret for turning the question back on him, but was rather relieved at his honesty. "I'm not either. All I know is that I care about you and I want to stay with you for as long as I can."
"Me too."
As they stared at each other, Cissnei's lips turned up in a sheepish grin, "You know, we've forgotten about Tifa. You were talking about her before."
"Yeah…so what should I do?"
"Just be the very best friend you can be and help her like I told you to."
"It just feels surreal. I mean, my childhood friend is pregnant with my son and my girlfriend is telling me to help her out. It's just strange that you're not jealous of her."
A pang of regret struck her again as he said that; of course she was jealous! And this was the reason they'd not been sexually intimate yet. She was disgusted by the fact that he'd been with Tifa so casually -not to mention recently - and failed to act with caution and take the proper steps to prevent pregnancy. Now she was faced with the pain of watching another woman carry her boyfriend's child and he wasn't even sure of how to feel about it. A part of her was hoping he'd forget about Tifa and focus only on her, but as a spurned woman she herself had been, she hoped he'd stay close to Tifa and help her raise their child.
"Yeah, I just want what's best for the baby." It wasn't a complete lie.
Cloud stared into her eyes, his heart leapt in his chest and he wanted to speak, but he was afraid to say what he wanted to. Instead, he reflected on Tifa and suddenly decided what he wanted to do.
"I'm going out for a while, I'll be back later."
He left her with little else said. As she watched him leave, she sunk onto the bed and lay backward, staring up at the ceiling. There were things she wanted to say to him, but didn't know how to do it.
"So I was thinking of moving the dresser over toward that wall and placing the crib near the window instead." Sephiroth said thoughtfully as he envisioned the little niche for the baby.
"I was actually hoping that Cissnei and Cloud would be moved out by now and the baby could just have their room." Lucretia confessed, though she understood why Tifa had allowed them both to stay.
It was for Denzel, who refused to choose whether to continue living with Tifa or to move out with Cloud. There was little argument to be had, Denzel made it plain and clear that he would not be choosing between his parents just because Cloud had a new girlfriend. However, this left few options in where to place the baby when it came, so Tifa's room was the obvious choice.
"I was too, but it cannot be helped." He yawned as he pushed the dresser away from the window, and started measuring the space. "I think the crib will fit well here."
"Do you have one picked out yet?" Lucretia finished the shoving the dresser into the corner where Sephiroth wanted it.
"Tifa's want this one she found in a catalog. It's made of high quality wood from Mideel with hand carved railings, but very expensive as a result."
"Well, I'm sure we can find one just as good for a better price."
"No." Sephiroth stood upright and face her, "I'm going to buy it for her. She deserves what she wants and the baby deserves a decent bed to sleep in."
Lucretia smiled warmly, reaching up to tenderly cup his cheek, "I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you, Mother."
Cloud left some time later, returning late in the evening. He'd missed dinner and seemed tired, avoiding the crowd in the open bar. Instead of taking his normal seat in the far booth, he headed straight up to the house above.
Cissnei saw him enter from the side door, run outback and return to the garage carrying a tool kit. She followed him; sliding around the door, she silently closed it behind her.
"What are you doing?" She tried to sound nonchalant, but she feared her voice betrayed her concern.
"I'm going to make something for Tifa." It was a rather vague answer.
"What is it?"
"Don't worry about it; I don't want to risk her finding out." Cloud hadn't meant to offend her, but this comment made her feel like he didn't trust her with a simple secret.
"Sorry I asked." She promptly exited the room.
Cloud was oblivious to her displeasure.
That evening, Cloud assisted Sephiroth in cleaning up the bar after closing. Everyone else had retired for the night, leaving just the two of them to the chores.
While Cloud pushed the mop, he looked to Sephiroth who was hustling from table to table, picking up dirty glasses and ashtrays. He wondered if Sephiroth was up for a discussion, but he didn't want to upset him with what he was wishing to talk about. He mulled it over in his mind, trying his best to decide what he should or should not do.
"Sephiroth," He spoke finally, though was still uncertain if he'd say what he'd intended.
Sephiroth paused, looking up at him. Cloud appeared uneasy, clutching the mop handle so tightly his knuckles were turning white.
"Are you alright?" Sephiroth set his full try down on the nearest table and approached him.
"Yeah." Cloud took a deep breath and lowered into the chair just behind him. "Can I ask you a strange question?"
"Sure, I suppose." Sephiroth was all for a quick break, taking the chair beside him.
"How um…how did you make Tifa tell you she loved you?"
Sephiroth was not expecting that. He leaned backward, stunned and unsure of how to respond. "Er…well, I…I didn't make her do anything."
Cloud inclined his head toward him, "You know what I mean. Okay, how about this, how did you gather the nerve to tell her?"
"I don't really know how to answer that. What exactly are you trying to say?"
Cloud slumped back in the chair and sighed deeply, "Cissnei. I want to tell her I love her, but I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I don't know if she loves me too. She hasn't said anything either."
"You don't want to be rejected." Sephiroth nodded in understanding, reclining back and crossing his arms. "Well, to tell the truth, Tifa and I have been telling one another we loved each other long before the words were ever spoken."
"You have?"
"Yes." Sephiroth got up to put the remaining dishes in the sink. "Listen, did it not occur to you that perhaps she hasn't said anything is because she wants you to make the first move?"
"Not really."
"Well, it would seem to me that she does care about you a lot. After all, do you think she'd have come all this way just to return a cell phone and then up and abandon her home for someone who is 'just a friend'? She's made a serious commitment, now you have to meet her half way."
"I hadn't thought of it like that."
"You need to man up and take a leap of faith. I did and, while I've never truly feared for anything in the face of battle, I was scared out of my wits that Tifa would reject me."
"What did you mean when you said you've been telling her you loved her before you said anything?"
"Body language." It was a simple answer and simple concept, "I showed her how I felt about her, and when I felt the time was right, I said it aloud."
"How exactly did you show her?"
Sephiroth looked up from the sink, staring at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?"
"Just tell me." Cloud was starting to become impatient with him.
"Well to begin with, I didn't kill her." Sephiroth was being facetious, but Cloud didn't find any humor in it. Rolling his eyes, Sephiroth continued, "Alright, to start with, I let her literally cry on my shoulder, I helped her out in the bar and take care of the kids, I gave her some much needed time off, and let her come to me if she needed anything at all. That was the emotional stuff." He shut off the faucet and returned to the table. "Then there were physical advances. I have touched her hand, held her, and even given her kisses. Every move I made was due to loving her, and when she did not resist my advances, I knew she loved me too; though it was comforting to hear her finally say so."
"So what about Cissnei?"
"What have you been doing to show her how you feel?"
Cloud turned away from him. Nothing. He was going at it backward, perhaps entirely the wrong way; having tried to be physical before trying to be emotional. But he also didn't consider it to be necessary since they were friends before anything else. He thought they were both ready to say 'I love you' and cohabit the way Sephiroth and Tifa do.
"I suppose I jumped the gun." Cloud said finally, "I thought our friendship had reached that level already."
"I confess that my friendship with Tifa progressed at an exponential rate, but I suppose the circumstances were in our favor. The issue the two of you have is that you both are still harboring emotions for other people and you're afraid to admit that you're in love with each other."
"But we want to."
"I only said you were afraid to, not that you didn't want to. Come on Cloud, you're a fool but you're not an imbecile, you know she wants you but she doesn't know that you want her. You've done nothing to show her that. You need to do something before she decides you're not worth waiting for.
"How should I start?"
Sephiroth grew silent. He didn't want to give Cloud relationship advice; he didn't want to have anything to do with his love life. And why the hell did Cloud come to him of all people? He imagined that if Cloud needed advice on how to woo a woman he'd have gone to someone he actually liked and trusted. But Sephiroth continued anyway, "You could give her a present of some kind."
"Like what?"
"Well, there's the old fashioned idea of giving her a bouquet of flowers, perhaps even jewelry, you could take her out on a date even."
Well what then? Cloud thought, he could shower her with gifts, but he didn't want her to think he was trying to buy her affections. He could tell Sephiroth was becoming frustrated with him, so denied himself of asking further questions.
"Okay, thanks." Cloud started to get up, but Sephiroth stopped him.
"Hey, do you really love her, Cloud?"
"What?"
"Just answer the question."
"Yeah." Cloud dropped his head, the image of Aerith's smiling face flashing before his eyes. "You know…I've come to accept that she's gone, but I can't forget her."
Sephiroth was confused at first, but he quickly realized what he was saying, "You must mean Aerith. You know, Cissnei can't forget Zack either."
"I know."
"Does that bother you?"
"A little bit."
"Don't you think she feels the same way?" Sephiroth went back to cleaning. "You need to just tell her how you feel, Cloud, that's all there is to it. Damn all ceremony and pretense; I can tell now that's not your style. Just go upstairs and tell her you love her. And do it now before you lose your nerve."
Cloud regarded him once more before going upstairs.
