A/N Really sorry that this didn't get posted on Monday. Turns out that syllabus week was a lot busier than I thought it would be. But anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! And get excited for the next one because it is probably my favorite one yet
I stood by the window until the tears finally stopped running down my face. I don't know how long it took without any sunlight to go by and quite frankly I didn't really care. I just remained frozen in place there, feeling the dull pain from my injuries still throbbing throughout my body. The pain in my chest was the worst of all though. It was a constant pain that kept on getting worse as I replayed every single memory again and again of every time I'd been lied to or deceived or pushed around. Every time when someone had reminded me that I was a stray that'd been picked up and used for someone else's advantage. And every time that someone had been selfish and left me behind in the dust to suffer. Today was just one of many times I'd been mistreated. Frankly I was starting to get sick of it.
The more I thought about it, the more my sadness was replaced with anger. Anger at Break, Holler, Slick, Jack, Race, Night… I was angry at everyone. They never did anything to help me. They thought they were looking after me and protecting me but really they were just chaining me up and trying to make themselves feel better. I wasn't what mattered to them; they just liked that they felt like good people when they "helped me out". Well I didn't need them.
'I wish I had never volunteered to spy on the Newsies' I thought sourly, 'And I wish that I didn't have to stay in New York anymore'
"Actor?"
A voice broke me out of my train of thoughts but I didn't turn around to see who it was.
"Yes?" I answered.
"How are you doing?" I recognized the voice as Race's but didn't have the energy to pretend to be nice right now.
"That's kind of a stupid question right now Race," I replied, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.
"Right…sorry," Race replied, sounding caught off guard, "Well, can you come downstairs for a second?"
"What for?" I asked.
"Jack's having a meeting with Brooklyn and the Street Sharks. They want you to come down," Race replied.
"Why?" I asked, finally turning around to look at Race.
"Jack told them about the attack. Striker wants to hear it from you himself," Race explained.
I immediately shook my head.
"No," I replied firmly.
Well, as firmly as I could with a distorted voice.
"C'mon Actor," Race pleaded.
"No. I won't do it," I refused stubbornly.
"Why not? What's the harm in telling Striker what happened?" Race argued, stepping into the room.
"Because they'll twist the story. They'll use it to rally everyone," I replied.
"And what's wrong with that?" Race demanded bluntly.
"I just…I just don't want to do it," I replied, waving him away.
"Actor they need you to do this! They have to know what happened!" Race protested.
"You don't need me," I said quietly, staring blankly at the wall.
My comment was mainly directed back at me than at Race. They didn't need me. I could leave this place and they would go on just fine, just like they always did.
"What are you talking about?" Race asked, sounding both confused and exasperated.
"Nothing," I replied shortly, looking back at him, "You said that they're all downstairs?"
Race just nodded his head, staring at me oddly. I ignored him though and crossed the room swiftly, passing him and going through the doorway without a second glance backwards. As I walked down the hallway I heard his footsteps following me but didn't say anything. We walked in silence the rest of the way down the stairs and turned the landing.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs I paused and surveyed the living room. The boys had managed to push the old couches to the edge of the room and scrounged up enough tables and chairs to have a "meeting place". I saw Jack sitting next to an empty seat near the middle. Spot and the Brooklyn second-in-command were to Jack's right and on the other side were Striker and some of his top guys. Leaning against the far wall were Break, Slick, and Holler. There was an empty chair sitting directly across Jack that made the place look less like a meeting and more like an interrogation in my opinion. The boys had all turned to look at me when I hit the bottom of the stairs so I just stood there, looking back at them.
Race finally lightly placed his hand on my shoulder and nodded his head towards the table so I slowly walked over to the table and sat down at the empty seat, avoiding eye contact the entire time. Race took his place next to Jack and I waited until he was seated before I raised my eyes to meet my brother's gaze.
'Brother…yeah right. You're the worst liar of them all,' I thought bitterly, fighting to keep my face blank.
"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked coolly.
"Yeah. Striker wants to hear from you exactly what happened," Jack answered, motioning towards Striker.
I turned my gaze to the leader of the Street Sharks who nodded in agreement.
"Tell me everything that happened after you got pulled into the alley," Striker said.
"Well," I started to explain, "After I got yanked into the alley I looked up and saw Executioner standing there. I was surprised and uneasy because Executioner was always the guy in our gang who got rid of traitors and other people who were useless. He just said that it was "lovely to see me again" and pointed out Gate standing behind me. Gate is the one who usually guards the entrance to the headquarters. Then Executioner mentioned that they didn't have a lot of time before the Newsies reached us so Gate dragged me into a little side alley that was out of sight"
I paused at that point to consider my next words carefully. I couldn't tell them that the Black Kings had punished me for being a traitor. At least, not a recent traitor.
"Then what happened?" Jack asked, prompting me.
"Gate said that they were trying to punish Break and Holler for being traitors. They didn't think that they could handle taking on either of them so they went after an easier target instead," I replied bluntly, keeping my gaze locked on the table, "And they justified it by calling me a traitor as well"
"Aren't you? You've spied on the Black Kings for us before to get information," Striker cut in.
I stiffened up when he said that and clenched my jaw. Technically I was a traitor in their eyes but I hated being called that. I didn't want to be lumped together in the same category as Break and Holler.
"Then I guess I deserved what they did," I replied bluntly.
"Actor you didn't-" Jack started to protest.
"Is that it?" I interrupted him, "Is that everything you guys wanted to know?"
Jack looked shocked at my sudden change in attitude but just nodded his head.
"Yeah," he said slowly.
I didn't say anything but stood up and walked away, heading towards the door. By the time the guys realized that I was headed outside rather than up the stairs, my hand was already turning the knob.
"Actor you can't go outside by yourself! You just got attacked today!" Race protested.
I ignored them but heard Break say as I closed the door behind me,
"I'll go outside with her Jack,"
I didn't have to wait long at the bottom of the stairs outside before the door opened again, briefly flooding the area with light before abruptly closing again. I didn't turn around to look at him though. Break was just one more person on my long list of people I currently hated.
"Actor are you sure you're okay? You're acting very distant," Break asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.
I shrugged his hand away and took a step forward.
"No I'm not ok. But that's none of your concern," I replied tersely.
"It is my concern! You're still my friend and I care about you," Break protested.
I didn't reply when he said that so Break sighed and continued.
"Look I understand why you're upset. But you've held onto the Black Kings for long enough. It's time to let go. You can have a new family and a new life here with the Newsies. I just think that this is whole incident today was sign for you to move on. Clearly the Black Kings don't want you anymore. But we do," Break explained.
I scoffed at him internally. Like hell was I starting up a new life with the Newsies. And I was damn sure they wouldn't be my family. It annoyed me that Break would think that a life with these streets rats would make me "happy" or something.
I had already made up my mind about what to do, though, so I turned my head to look back at Night.
"I'm going to go visit Night," I stated clearly.
"What?" Night said, clearly stunned, "Actor, Night just put a hit on your head, going back to the headquarters now would be suicide!"
He made a move to grab my arm but I held up my hand to stop him.
"I am leaving this Lodging House and I am going to go see Night. You will not stop me, nor will you tell Jack or anyone else where I am actually going. Instead, you will lie and say that I went to stay at Medda's for the night. And that you walked me there," I said in a cool and collected voice.
Break looked at me in complete shock as I turned on my heel and headed off into the night. I was surprised that Break didn't try to stop me or come after me. I guess my little performance right then was enough to convince him that I still had a tough side to me. I was just so sick and tired of everyone treating me like a little kid. Enough was enough. It was time to finally straighten things out.
/
Break stood outside the Lodging House for a long time, mentally counting down the minutes it would've taken if he had actually walked Actor over to Medda's. He couldn't believe that he was doing this. He should've just grabbed her arm and dragged her back inside. How could he be so stupid? She'd been almost choked to death today and yet he'd just let her go waltzing off into the night to go visit the same guy who'd ordered her to be attacked in the first place. The least he could've done was follow her to make sure she got back alright. God he was stupid.
When Break was satisfied that enough time had passed, he slowly surveyed the empty street one last time before turning and opening the door to walk back inside. His entrance was noticed by Jack and Spot, the only two people left in the room at that point. They had been quietly but heatedly discussing something and stopped talking to look at him when he walked in, closing the door behind him.
"You guys were outside for a while," Spot commented tensely, trying to cover up his obvious annoyance.
Break almost wanted to roll his eyes at Spot but since Spot had actually been able to go on a date with Actor, he didn't feel like he had the right to judge Spot's jealousy. Hell, Break was the one who was actually jealous of Spot.
"Where's Actor?" Jack immediately asked, preventing Break from giving a sassy retort.
Break hesitated for a second before replying.
"Medda's,"
"Wait, what?" Jack asked, straightening up.
"She went to Medda's for the night. I walked her there," Break replied slowly.
"Why would you do something like that? How could you let her go?" Jack hissed at him.
"She wanted to go and wouldn't take no for an answer," Break defended himself.
"And you didn't stop her?" Spot asked angrily.
"I tried to but she just kept pushing me away. I figured it was better for me to just walk her there than risk her slipping away and going to Medda's by herself," Break answered.
"She managed to fight you off?" Jack asked, doubt evident in his voice.
"She didn't fight her way out earlier today," Spot commented quietly, although his tone was clearly more sorrowful than judgmental.
"She's terrified of Executioner. Hell, most of us from the Black Kings are. I wouldn't be surprised if she just froze up today. But when she wants to she can kick ass" Break lied, shrugging his shoulders.
Although he knew that Actor was in fact wary of Executioner, she wasn't scared enough of him to not be able to react. He knew that it wasn't that she couldn't fight off other Black Kings: she just didn't want to.
"Did she say why she wanted to go?" Jack asked.
"She said that she couldn't stay here tonight. She didn't feel safe. And she thought that Medda's would be one of the last places that they would look for her," Break lied smoothly.
By the looks on their faces, Spot and Jack were clearly troubled with the fact that Actor thought that the Lodging House wasn't safe but they didn't say anything.
"Well there's nothing we can do about it now. We'll just go pick her up in the morning," Jack said in an exhausted voice, turning to walk away.
Spot followed after Jack but not before shooting a nasty glare back at Break. Break couldn't care less though. He knew that he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight. Not with Actor out there.
As he sat down in one of the chairs, he added this to the list of times he'd failed to protect someone.
