Chapter Forty-Six: The Kitten Inferiorityi
Author's Note: LittleMissPandy-Chan and CrissYami thank you for your reviews. More updates are to come
As Kate refused to call in (even after Opal and her had come to 'promise') it was Sheldon's obligation to do so. After Opal had left, he sat on the couch and dialed the number to the hospital, on her behalf, calling in. The clergy inquired her status and Sheldon explained that Kate was experiencing the influenza and the doctor had written a note to excuse her from work for at least two weeks. After thanking him for his call, the clergy hung up. Sheldon placed the phone back on the hook and looked behind him to the hallway which led to Kate's room. He licked his lips nervously, uncertain as to whether he should alert to Kate that he called for her.
There was a knock on the door, however, and it relieved Sheldon of his obligatory duties. He answered it, seeing Leonard and Penny. They looked worried…or nauseated.
"What's wrong?" asked Penny.
"Aside from Kate having taken ill, you mean?" asked Sheldon.
"Why's the doctor here?" asked Leonard.
"Meaning, the woman that came down the hall," Penny specified; she seemed to anticipate Sheldon's inquiry as to her specification of which doctor, for he, Leonard and Kate were all doctors.
"I had her come here to diagnose Kate," said Sheldon. "She doesn't have the common cold; she's acquired the flu, no doubt her workplace plays as home for their existence." He added awkwardly, "Apparently, she's also been overworking herself."
Penny nodded, knowing that was the great deal of reason why she hardly ever saw Kate anymore.
"Can we check on her?" asked Leonard.
"I wouldn't," Sheldon stated. "She's contagious."
"Well, that won't stop me," Penny remarked. She walked past Sheldon.
"If you do approach her, please wear the protective equipment I've placed outside her door," Sheldon called to her. He turned his head to Leonard. "Do you think she heard me?"
"She probably did but ignored you," answered Leonard knowingly. He past his former roommate and the latter closed the door with a click. "So how did you know to call the doctor? She was the same way when we left here before."
"Not quite," Sheldon said. He sat in his spot. "She was rather moody, snapping at me. I think it's the illness that's caused her bouts of snippy comments." He drank a sip from his Mountain Dew and nibbled on a Red Vine.
Leonard glanced at the food and coke, then at the television. He noticed the blanket on the couch, indicative that it was Kate's for she was obsessed with the Dark Knight as he and Sheldon were of the Star Trek series or nerdy things in the like.
"Were you guys having a date night?" asked Leonard incredulously.
"Per the Relationship agreement, Kate and I signed agreement that the third Thursday of every month would be Anything-Can-Happen Thursday, also our Date Night." Sheldon cited. He looked at the TV. "It was originally her choice of movie but as she was unprepared, the Relationship Agreement also respectfully states that if the designated party's selection become invalid or lacking that the selection then is passed to the other party, indicatively, me. While Kate explains that the reason she didn't choose one is because she was careless, I'm under the impression that her illness made her indifferent to the movie, more over, the night over all."
Leonard stared at him. Did Sheldon Cooper just infer that he understood why Kate had no movie selected? What was going on?
Leonard sat on the middle cushion to which Sheldon immediately said, "You can't sit there."
Sighing dismissively, Leonard sat on the armchair.
"So, let me guess. Knowing Kate was sick, you still insisted on having a date night?" asked Leonard.
"An occasion should never be postponed based on one person's disposition. From what I understand, if the roles were reversed and I was the one under the sickness' affliction, Kate would have insisted as well." Sheldon stated. He sipped another drink from his can of coke.
"I doubt that," Leonard stated.
"Why?" asked Sheldon. "If you were sick and it was a date night and Penny was completely healthy, would you not pretend general health in order to avoid her disappointment of the event not occurring?"
"I guess," said Leonard.
"My point, therefore, stands." Sheldon replied. He looked at the Star Trek episode that remained paused.
Leonard shook his head and said, "Kate wouldn't be mad if you were sick and didn't want Date Night to happen."
"I disagree," said Sheldon. "She'd be offended. Just like Penny would be if you said 'no' to Date Night. From my understanding, Date Night is a moment in time where two people try to participate in bonding and exchange of saliva and possible coitus."
Leonard stared at him, saying, "Were you anticipating coitus?"
"Of course not," Sheldon responded, placing the can on the table. "She's sick."
Leonard raised his eyebrows, saying carefully, "But say she was in full health…would you be waiting for her to initiate it?"
Sheldon glared at him.
"I see what you're doing," stated Sheldon coolly.
"Really? What am I doing?" Leonard asked, sitting back in the chair.
"You're trying to trick me into saying what I'm thinking about Kate," said Sheldon. "More to the point, through a questionnaire of hypothetical scenarios, I speculate that you, Leonard, are deceiving me into spilling some secrecy."
"You caught me," Leonard admitted. "But for the sake of knowledge, tell me what you intended to happen for Date Night."
"Watching a movie and eating Red Vines while drinking a coke deemed efficient for me," Sheldon returned innocently.
"That's it?"
"What else would happen?"
"Sex."
"I doubt it," scoffed Sheldon.
"Why?"
"Given the circumstances, Kate's stamina would be lower than usual and her health isn't up to full potential, therefore her likelihood of receiving any pleasure from the situation would be lesser than the normal." Sheldon stated in a factual tone.
Leonard looked at him with a smug smile and said, "So you do think about it."
"I've hypothesized varied circumstances in which the matter would occur," Sheldon corrected. He shifted uncomfortably.
"It's funny you actually know some things," said Leonard. "Referring to sex, itself."
"Oh, please; what's not to know? Based on the information I hear you, Wolowitz, and Penny discuss I'd be able to write a novel and it'd sell better than any science fiction based movie that's ever been directed," Sheldon stated. He added briefly, "And of course I know 'a few things'. I'm a theoretical physicist; I have a working knowledge of all that exists in the universe."
"But only in theory," Leonard pointed out. He stood. "Kate knows from experience. Don't you feel the slightest inferior to her knowledge on the topic?"
Sheldon frowned.
"Kate's sexual history has no inferiority to mine, Leonard. According to Penny, her experience is basic, and not contributive to those she's experienced with in the past." Sheldon replied coolly.
Leonard stared at him, mouth open.
In a tone that was slightly abashed, he said, "Are you saying that Penny said I was nothing special?"
"If that's how you interpret that data, then yes, I suppose so." Sheldon returned.
Leonard blinked twice and then shook his head, probably convincing himself that he was different in bed than the others.
Penny entered the room, regarding the mask and gloves provided but ignored them. She knocked on the door and entered. Kate was awake, looking at the ceiling, which Penny glanced at to see a picture promoting the 'The Dark Knight' movie that premiered so long ago. It was mostly the Joker and Batman, back-to-back in a split screen holding a joker's car and a batarang respectively. It was signed by Christian Bale and Heath Ledger. Penny raised her eyebrows but then looked at Kate.
"Hey, girl."
Kate turned her head to see Penny on the side of her bed.
"Hey," Kate replied; she sounded horrible. She knew it too.
"How are you feeling, Sweetie?" Penny asked.
"To be frank, I'm feeling terrible."
"The flu…gotcha. Stupid question, huh?" Penny said, feeling stupid. She put her hand on Kate's and said gently, "Doctor say anything?"
"I'm sick, I need rest—the usual," said Kate. "I have a surgery scheduled for tomorrow and I'm going to have to call in."
"I have a feeling Sheldon did that already," said Penny. "He's done a few things without telling people, for once. Mostly it's all in good intentions, I think."
"Hmm," Kate uttered. "Aside from everything, it's not the flu I feel terrible about."
"What?" Penny asked. "Why?"
"Because, the flu is the flu. I feel bad about Sheldon."
"Other than the reasons I already know, why feel bad for him? You're the one that's sick," Penny said, shaking her head confusedly.
Kate turned her head to her.
"It was Date Night and I was snapping at him and I ruined the date."
"You're sick, Sweetie. No one expects to be okay with everything," Penny noted. "Besides, Sheldon knew you were sick when he scheduled this stupid date night thing. He refuses to bow down to any rule of thumb when it comes to the routine."
Kate smiled.
"I know you're trying to make me feel better, Penn, but it's not really working," said Kate.
The blonde waitress shrugged.
"Well," she said, taking the washcloth from her head, "I guess he's trying his best, right?"
"Yes," said Kate.
There was a knock on the door and Penny stood to open it. However, Leonard entered without invitation.
"You think I'm not better than other people in bed?" Leonard demanded.
Penny and Kate stared at him.
"What?" the two of them said in unison.
Leonard stood in front of Penny and towards the head board of Kate's bed.
"Sheldon told me what you told him; you think I'm nothing special, that your experience in the past makes no difference to what's happening in the present!" Leonard stated indifferently.
Penny glanced between him and Kate and said slowly, "How the hell did you find out?"
"Find out? So it's true then!" Leonard said, pointing at her. "You think I'm like everyone else. And to answer your question, Sheldon and I were discussing Kate's sexual history."
Kate suddenly felt flushed, which had nothing to do with her fever.
"Why are you talking about her sex life?" Penny interrogated.
"I asked him what he was intending on the date night since he insisted on it while Kate was still sick; you know he thinks about it?" said Leonard without a reference to the first problem initially.
Penny's eyes widened as they always did when she found out something incredible—whether that was being given 1400 dollars from a past boyfriend or finding out that Sheldon had a girlfriend—twice.
"Awesome," said Penny, smirking. She looked at Kate. "Were you going to…"
"No," Kate muttered. "I'm sick, Penny. I don't do things when I'm sick."
Leonard grinned but then he remembered what was going on for the first place and said to Penny, "So you think I'm sexually inferior?"
"No," said Penny. She touched Leonard's cheek and said affectionately, "You're great."
Kate rolled her eyes.
"If you all are going to talk about this, can I please go to sleep?" asked Kate warily.
"Oh right, sorry, Sweetie," Penny apologized. She touched Kate's hand and said gently, "Get better, okay? We'll have girl night when you're all better."
"Great," Kate muttered. She smiled in spite of herself.
"Cool. Night, Kate." Penny said.
"Yeah, sure, good night," Leonard agreed. He looked at Penny, unconvinced. Penny touched his hand and said sweetly, "Come on, Leonard. You know Sheldon can over exaggerate."
"Whatever," said Leonard. "You know he can't keep secrets."
"Fine," said Penny. She kissed Leonard on the mouth, long and deep and said in a low sultry voice, "I'll show you personally he's over exaggerating." She winked and Leonard chased after her with bated breath and earnest.
Kate shook her head and closed her eyes to attempt sleep.
It wasn't unexpected when Kate was restless. Her body ached to move but she felt too weak to do so. She sat up in bed and wiped the sweat from her brow, looking warily at the ceiling.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Kate."
Knock, knock, knock.
"Kate."
Knock, knock, knock.
"…Kate."
"Come in, Sheldon," Kate said.
Sheldon opened the door and wore his gloves but he had disposed of the mask before entering the room. Kate noticed and inquired the absence of it.
"Penny mentioned to me that it might lower your self-dignity," said Sheldon. "She insisted on it and that's the only reason why she's gone." He sat carefully on the edge of Kate's bed, looking at her. "I might have embarrassed Leonard but to a point I'm misunderstanding."
Kate smiled and said, "You're referring to Leonard's inquiry of being less than excellent with Penny in coitus?"
Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows at her curiously.
"How did you know?"
"Leonard came in and asked about it," said Kate. "Then he and Penny exchanged kissing and sultry invitations to the matter, at which point, Leonard ran after her with the begging eyes of a dog."
Sheldon smiled.
"One could imagine." He said. "Contrary to the matter, he asked me a disturbing question to which I'm now troubled."
Kate cocked her head.
"Troubled? How so?"
"For reasons I fail to understand, I have a biting curiosity. Leonard…" began Sheldon, but as he did when he mentioned his desire for her, Kate could see his discomfort in the matter. She gave him time and patience, despite her sick feeling and headache.
"Leonard," said Sheldon, "proposed the pending embarrassment I should feel that you have experience in the…act…while I only theorize from the matter. I didn't know whether or not I should feel inferior to your knowledge, as I only grasp an infinite theorization for it."
Kate smiled at him.
"You're wondering if you should feel inferior to me?" asked Kate. "Like, you're actually curious if you need to choose to be inferior to me because I know more about sex than you do?"
Sheldon frowned.
"If you wish to dot the 'I's and cross the 'T's to understand the inquiry, then so be it," said Sheldon coolly.
Kate suddenly turned her head and put her nose and mouth to her sleeve and Sheldon' curiosity suddenly became apparent when she let out a small 'achoo'. It was acute and squeaky. Sheldon looked at her, slightly unhinged. Kate took a breath.
"Sorry." She said gently. "To answer your question, Sheldon, I doubt you should be, as you put it, 'inferior' to me in the knowledge. After all, if you want to be equal in knowledge, you don't have to remain in the dark, so to speak. I'll gladly let you in on the trivia."
Sheldon gave her an odd look.
"You are offering me a sexual encounter in order for me to feel equally or more superior to you?" Sheldon asked.
"I'm not offering anything for anything, Sheldon." Kate muttered. "But I know you to be a very determined and curious man so if you really want to know about sexual intercourse, not from theory, but from experience, I'm up for experimentation."
Sheldon looked at her.
"Not now of course," said Kate. "I'm neither in health or at my full potential, being sick as I am."
"That's what I tried explaining to Leonard but apparently he can only understand things in experience, not from theory, evidently." Sheldon stated, looking at the floor then at her.
"You explained to Leonard that I'm not in my full potential to have sex with you?" Kate questioned; she sounded more interested than angered. That was a good sign; Sheldon had enough of her snippy retorts and biting tone.
"I get the impression I might have divulged something personal," muttered Sheldon.
"Not really. Why did you talk to him about that?"
"He interrogated me."
"Interrogated?"
"He proposed varied simulations of how this date night would have happened from start to finish and hypothesized that if you and I were in full health that we'd have…you know…"
"That's circumstantial," said Kate sweetly.
Sheldon remarked, "I explained to Leonard that you were sick and no such thing would have happened. Apparently, he'd have placed the same offer to Penny if she were in little health. Therefore, I explained to him, too, that if such an appalling situation happened, which it would not have in any given universe, that you would be less...well, wouldn't be in your full potential."
Sheldon spoke the last with embarrassment; Kate grinned. She wasn't a fan of taking advantage but she enjoyed the occasional moment where he was completely vulnerable.
"Sheldon," said Kate, "That's sweet."
"What is?"
"It's nice to hear that you wouldn't try anything while I'm sick," said Kate. "It's nice to not constantly be berated about it." She smiled and said, "It's one of the perks I like about you."
Sheldon smiled and said, "If I were opposite, would that be, as Penny calls it, a 'deal breaker'."
"Yeah," said Kate. "But you're not."
Sheldon nodded awkwardly, accepting her statement and considering it to be a compliment. He looked at her momentarily.
"You still look horrible," Sheldon pointed out.
"I know," Kate stated. "I feel it."
Sheldon shifted uncomfortably but looked determined.
"Whenever I feel sick or under the weather, my mom sings 'Soft Kitty' to me." Sheldon said quietly. "Seeing that you are sick, I questioned whether or not you would deem that as a possible endeavor for comfort."
Kate looked at him.
"What's 'Soft Kitty'?"
"As I've already told you, it's a song for when you are sick," Sheldon replied, keeping his patience.
Kate smiled. "This isn't a reference to the analogy you used the other night, is it?"
Sheldon frowned slightly and said, "How is this a reference to that?"
"Kitty…kitten, metaphorical cats in general—sorry, Howard's managed to confront me about it since then and now when someone says anything referable to the animal, I start blushing and my insides light on fire."
Sheldon raised his eyebrows.
"If you're internally combusting, you might have to speak to Opal again…"
"I'm not talking literally," said Kate, but she had blushed with the knowledge of saying something she hadn't intended on admitting…except maybe to Penny.
"Oh…then what other—"
"Sheldon," said Kate quietly. He stopped talking immediately. "I'm sick; I'm just saying stuff, I guess…you know, delusions and such."
Sheldon seemed to understood for he nodded. He looked at the door then at her.
"I'm surprised you're still awake," Sheldon noted.
"I can't sleep," said Kate.
Sheldon smiled and said, "Another reason why my mother sang the song."
"Fine," said Kate gently. "If you think it'll help."
Kate lied back down and she closed her eyes. Sheldon took a breath and then he sang quietly:
Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty: Little ball of fur. Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty, Purr, purr, purr.
Kate smiled at him.
"That was beautiful," she murmured.
Sheldon smiled, saying, "I know; my mother has a knack for rhyming, doesn't she?"
"I meant your voice but yes, that too," Kate said. She sighed deeply. "Thank you for taking care of me; I know you'd have rather done something else."
Sheldon shrugged, neither admitting or denying, which was only his way of admitting. Kate smiled at him, still.
"I'm going to continue the Star Trek episode. I'll be in the living room if you need anything. If you should come out, please wear gloves and a mask; it's all preventative, no matter what Penny theorizes." Sheldon said. He stood.
"Sheldon, do you oftentimes wonder how your mother came up with 'Soft Kitty'?"
"I surmise that she has an increasingly adaptive imaginative towards 'Soft Kitty', which gives the word 'kitty' unreasonable amounts of fondness. We've had a cat named 'Lucky' who proved to be a faithful companion. On an unrelated topic, I once invested in twenty-five cats which Leonard and Penny surmise that it was to replace an empty space in my heart where Amy had allocated before her sudden departure then soon again appearance in my life, at which point the kitties had to go."
Kate smiled and said, "Kitties are faithful companions."
"Indeed, kittens are." Sheldon agreed.
"Good night, Sheldon."
"Good night, Kitten." Sheldon said and the two glanced at each other suddenly.
"Um…" Sheldon began but Kate smiled.
"Don't worry, Sheldon. It's fine." Kate said. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.
Sheldon walked out of the room; he wondered if that was a slip of the tongue but the animal matched Kate perfectly.
