The warm water hit the back of my neck as I sat at the bottom of my shower, with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head lying on my knees. I was tired from crying and trying to rub the pain away. Why does this keep happening to me? Why do I have to keep getting hurt?
I sat up feeling the water going from hot to warm knowing it will eventual become cold. I grabbed my towel from the rail and dried off while looking in the mirror. My scars were black and blue. I applied the ointment that my mom gave me hoping it will all go away. I comb my hair and pulled it into a bun.
I laid on my bed put on my earphones and listen to Sparks by Coldplay. About an hour later my mom came in and sat two coffee mugs on my dresser telling me to take one to Sasuke.
"SASUKE, I BROUGHT you some hot chocolate." I poked my head into his new room, carrying a tray.
"It's the vegan kind, but not too bad."
He was lying flat on his back on his makeshift bed, which was an air mattress on the floor, his eyes closed, listening to headphones. The desk lamp provided the only light in the room, casting shadows all around him. I took a second to study him before he realized I was there and turned away, like he always did now. His bruises had healed some, and the swelling around his eye had gone down. I set down the tray and tapped his shoulder.
He started, tearing off the headphones and bolting upright. "Don't startle me like that. Don't you know that's unwise? Don't you know by now?"
"Sorry." I stepped backwards flinching, seeing how flinty his eyes were. "I just made some hot chocolate, and I thought—
"I don't like chocolate."
"You just finished another carton of Dad's carob tofu ice cream," I said. "So don't pretend you don't like chocolate. Just have some."
Sasuke pushed my hand away, spilling some on the floor. "Saku, it's late. Go to bed." I ignored him and sat down cross-legged next to him, sipping the cocoa. "What are you listening to?"
"German metal. Richthofen."
Setting down the mug, I waved for the headphones. "Can I listen, please?"
He ground his teeth, but agreed. "As you wish."
Clamping the headphones over my ears, my heart sank. It sounded like elevator music for tormented souls on the way to hell. Guttural German lyrics, synthesizers growling, no melody. Just howling and groaning. Scary stuff. "What happened to the Black Eyed Peas?" I made an effort at a joke, removing the headphones.
"I find this is more in tune with my psyche."
"Sasuke—"
"Saku, go."
"Stop pushing me away."
"Stop trying to pull me close!"
I hugged my knees to my chest. "I'm worried about you."
"The time for worry is past."
"No, that's not true. We can still fix things."
"Saku, in a few weeks, I will return to Romania to face the punishment for my defiance. Just leave me in peace for a short time. The time I have left. That's all I ask."
"But Sasuke, I want to help you."
He laughed, a short, bitter laugh. "You? You want to help me? Your hiding something from all of us and you come home with bruises, but you want to help me?"
"It's not funny. I can help you. I might be the only person who can help you."
"How?"
"I can marry you, that's how."
His eyes softened for just a second, and then he rubbed them with his palms, grinding against the bruises, as if he was punishing himself. "Saku. .."
I leaned forward, taking advantage, grabbing his hand. "We could do it. I would do it."
Sasuke yanked his hand away. "You don't even know what you offer, Saku. All you know is that you feel sorry for me. I will not be married out of pity. To be saved like an ailing mongrel about to be euthanized who is adopted at the pound by some too-kind soul. I would rather be destroyed with dignity."
"I don't pity you."
"No?"
"No." Tears pricked at my eyes. "I love you, Sasuke."
I couldn't believe the words had slipped out of my mouth. I had always thought the first time I said them, the moment would be perfect. Not desperate and sick, like this.
There was a long silence, and Sasuke's eyes grew hard again.
"Mores the pity, Saku," he replied. Then he lay back down, rolling onto his side, as if to sleep. "Goodnight Sasuke-kun.
"OH, DAMMIT, I muttered, watching out my window as Sasuke and Karin crept across the yard under cover of darkness, headed toward his old apartment. I hated spying on him, but I didn't know what else to do. I had to keep him from biting Karin. And so I waited just a few minutes and followed them.
"Hey, you guys," I said, barging in without knocking. "What are you up to?"
As if I can't tell.
Karin practically leapt away from Lucius, smoothing at her hair, tugging at her disheveled shirt. "God, Saku. Don't you knock? Some people have sex lives."
Sasuke didn't make any effort to disentangle himself. He just sat there on the bed, keeping his arm loosely around Faith's waist, idly stroking her hip. "What do you want, Saku?" His voice was low, menacing.
"Maybe she wants her pots and pans, "Karin smirked. "You know, to do her hair."
"I can't smell the hare anymore," I shot back. "The stench of peroxide is so strong. You'd better ease up on the bleach, Karin, or you'll wind up bald."
"I could do worse." She sniffed, staring pointedly at my head. "Better bald than a Brillo head."
"Better a Brillo head than a bitch."
I don't think anyone had ever spoken to Karin like that. I could hardly believe I'd done it. But damn, it felt good. Karin sat in stunned silence, curled up against Sasuke, eyes wide. Then she pulled away from him, jabbing her finger at his chest. "Did you hear what she just said to me, Sasu? Are you going to let her call me a bitch?"
Sasuke laughed, a mirthless sound, and drew her closer. "Oh, Karin. Accept the compliment."
She shoved his chest. "Watch it, Sasuke." Sasuke ignored the warning, addressing me. "I repeat: What do you want, Saku?"
"I need some help with Belle in the barn," I said remembering why I bother coming in here. "Something's wrong with her she won't eat or standup and mom and dad are out of town again. I'm scared my eyes started to blur from my tears."
"Call a veterinarian," Sasuke said. "I'm no horse healer."
"Come on, Sasuke," I urged. "It will just take a minute.".
She left the door hanging open, and I slammed it as she marched down the stairs.
"What do you see in her?" I demanded of Sasuke. My voice was petulant, too angry, but I couldn't control myself. "She's the most evil person I've ever known."
"You know worse, Saku. Trust me." Sasuke stood, crossing his arms. "Why are you really here?"
"To save you, you idiot," I said. "You are going to bite Karin! You're totally out of control!"
Sasuke groaned. A groan that spiked to a growl. He balled his fists and ground them against his forehead. "Saku—do not meddle in this."
"Even if you don't care about me, or yourself, or the pact, have you thought about what will happen to Karin if you two get carried away? You're messing around with her soul, too. I might hate her, but what you're doing—it's not right."
Sasuke scoffed. "Karin's soul. Karin is already as corrupt a soul as you can imagine. Don't worry about Karin. She lies, cheats, steals, and would probably kill to get what she wants. I've seen into Karin's soul, and it's just as dark as mine. That's why we're so good together. We are one and the same."
But they weren't one and the same. I knew it. "You can't base your life on a novel," I said.
"What are you talking about?"
"She's not Catherine, and you're not Heathcliff. You don't have to destroy each other."
"You read too much into a small drama. A high school diversion," Sasuke said.
"You don't think it's a diversion. I know you, Sasuke."
"You do not know me!"
The rafters fairly shook as Lucius really raised his voice, for the first time I could recall. The sound was fearsome. But I would not back down. "I do know you. You are an honorable vampire. You are royally. And Karin is not your equal," I shot back. "She's not even a vampire."
"Oh, neither are you." He drew closer and clutched a fistful of my curls. "You've changed your hair, you've changed your clothes, you've read the guide, but you don't know anything about being a vampire.
You saw my uncles. Are you ready for that world?"
"I was born to rule that world. You know it! You taught me that!" But Sasuke laughed at me, releasing my hair. "Indeed? You can barely utter the words, let alone take the throne."
"You're just hurt, Sasuke," I pleaded. "Don't throw away your"— Life? Undeath? —"existence over a fight with your uncle."
"Get out." He bared his teeth like an animal, breathing heavily, and I saw his fangs.
But I wasn't afraid. My own teeth ached. My throat felt parched, too. "No."
"Don't push me," Sasuke snarled, grabbing my shoulders. "You have no idea what I'm capable of. Didn't you see what they did to me? That blood is in me."
"You won't hurt me." Wrenching free, I raked the room with my gaze, searching for something. How could I prove that I was the one not just to save him, but to seal our destiny? And then I saw it. The cup.
The cup from Orange Julius that I knew would have warm, crimson liquid inside. It was on his night-stand, and I darted for it, knowing that he was quicker than me. But I had the element of surprise on my side, and I snatched it up, tearing off the lid, half disgusted, half mad with craving.
"Saku, don't," Sasuke yelled, lunging for me.
I sidestepped and tipped the cup to my lips, pouring the thick, slippery, clotted blood into my mouth. It slid over my tongue, down my throat, and I poured so fast that it drenched my chin and my neck and seeped across my shirt. It was sticky and salty and sweet and tasted like life, on the brink of death. I drank it all, overcome by the taste, the smell . . . the pungent smell, now inside me, filling me, satisfying me. Sasuke stood transfixed as I finished, dragging my arm across my mouth. He said nothing as I shoved the cup against his chest, forcing him to accept it.
"There," I growled, feeling more powerful than I'd ever felt in my life. Powerful and sated and half sick. "Don't ever tell me that I'm not ready to rule."
Still, Sasuke didn't say a word. He just stood, still and rigid as a corpse, clutching the bloodied cup against his chest. I marched past him and made it down the stairs and out the door before I started shaking. I stood in the small circle of light at the entrance to the garage, letting the cold wind calm me. My shirt was sodden, but the blood, in the frozen winter air, was already clotting, freezing, hardening into scarlet ice. I wiped my chin again with a sticky arm. I wanted to throw up—and drink again. So I just waited a moment, trying to calm down, to figure out what to do. What if my parents saw me covered in blood?
I glanced toward the house. And that's when I saw Karin, standing about five feet away from me, staring.
"I was just coming back ... I forgot my cell phone," she stammered, clutching her red purse to her chest, so we looked a little like mirror images. Except her torso was covered by red leather, and mine was covered in gore. Her blue eyes were huge. "What. . . what the hell happened to you?"
I started to say something—anything—but I couldn't think of a single lie. As if a lie could explain why my face and throat and chest were covered with coagulating blood. It didn't matter. Karin turned on her heel and ran to her car. I was still standing there, shaking with the cold and with emotion, when the sound of her squealing tires disappeared into the night.
I knew that I had done something I could never undo. I had altered not just myself but the future.
Something had been set in motion the instant I'd tilted that cup to my lips, and I was sharply aware that Sasuke and I didn't have just angry old un-dead Elders to fear anymore. I had poured bloody grist into an American high school rumor mill—the only thing perhaps more dangerous than legions of warring vampires lusting for power.
