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Authornote: Friday June 28th 2017
Hello everyone!
This chapter is quite long, so be prepared for a long read. Something bugs me about this chapter so I might go back and edit it at some point.
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Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D
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Pokemonfan67- I've never played Spirit Tracks before, but I'll definitely have to check it out. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the review! :D
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jigbashmop- I am very mean to The Postman. He can never seem to catch a break. lol
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SilentyDead- I bet no one was expecting it to be The Postman that used the F-Bomb. lol That's the only one in the story so I doubt anyone will complain about it. If I do get a lot of complaints, it's an easy enough thing to change. (I just don't want my story to get reported)
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The Hylian Chronicler - Oh, yes, the crap has definitely hit the fan. The Postman has no idea the horror that awaits him the next time he goes home. lol
That guy from your school must have been SO embarrassed! That reminds me of the time I farted during a physics exam. I could have melted into the floor from embarrassment! Everyone turned to look at me and I made some sort of comment like 'Well, that's physics for you...'
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Rainmy-Poor postman...his family will never let him forget this for the rest of his life. lol That fact it was The Postman who said the F-bomb was the reason I left it. It amused me way more than it should have. lol
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Reiz16- Sakon was soooo horrible during this chapter! The Postman not only missed breakfast because of The Thief, but now his whole family thinks he's having a some sort of nervous breakdown. lol
Sakon's not a mean person, and he did feel somewhat guilty for what he put him through.
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placesmileshere- Thanks, I'm glad you like the chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. :D Your guesses are always so good! (placesmileshere is psychic)
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There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.
To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.
Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.
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How to be a Villain
Part 4 Chapter 3
Sakon's Body
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The Postman made it back to his parent's house, grabbed his belongings, and then proceeded to steal one of the family workhorses. He now rode across the fields of Termina silently, looking sullen and tired. He felt out of place while dressed in a black suit, and several people openly stared at him as he passed.
The Postman's expression was strained as he kept his eyes straight ahead, refusing to look at, or acknowledge Sakon in the least. At first Sakon had tried speaking with him, but when it became clear The Postman wasn't going to answer, he fell silent. The Postman rode for hours as fast as the horse could go, before he finally slowed down to allow it to catch its breath.
Considerably calmer than he'd been before, The Postman regarded Sakon thoughtfully, as The Thief floated lazily beside him. Sakon stared back at him, wondering if he'd permanently traumatized his one and only friend.
"Alright," The Postman finally stated. "If I'm to believe you're really here, then what are you? A ghost?"
"I have no idea what I am." Sakon replied, honestly. "I think I'm still alive though."
"You mentioned that you thought you'd been poisoned?"
Sakon nodded. "Yeah, I drank some wine, and then just seconds later this happened!"
"Who gave you the wine?" The Postman questioned.
"It was the stuff I stole from Termina's temple." Sakon explained. "I'd been saving it, and that was the first time I tried it."
The Postman frowned, wondering if it was the same wine the guardian had given him. If that was the case, it very well could have been the wine that caused this. This seemed like a completely plausible reason, and so The Postman gave Sakon a frown.
"And what do you want me to do?" The Postman asked. "I don't know anything about curses and magic. You'd be better off going to Koume and Kotake."
Sakon rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms impatiently. "You're the only one who can see and hear me, and so you have to save me! We'll figure out the rest later!"
"I'm not a hero, Sakon, I'm just a postman. This is more Link's area of expertise."
"Don't you think I know that?" Sakon cried out. "Believe me, you were the last person I came to! A postman isn't exactly my idea of a hero. Link couldn't see or hear me, and so you're all I've got!"
"Well, I'm still not even sure I believe you're real." The Postman informed him.
"You'll see soon enough." Sakon responded. "Then you'll feel like a dumbass."
The Postman narrowed his eyes, the memories of the what happened at the wedding still all too fresh. "If this is real, then I'm never delivering your mail again."
"Fair enough."
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Ganondorf wiped the sweat from his eyes and gave a vicious lunge at one of his shadow monsters. He had made these shadows much faster than his usual opponents and was having trouble catching them. He had gotten the idea to train against speed from his previous encounters with The Postman, and realized he had a lot of work to do. If there was an opponent who was both fast and trained as a warrior, Ganondorf would be at a clear disadvantage. Already he was seeing a vast improvement over his agility and reaction time, and wondered how he would fare against Link if they were to meet again.
Pausing for a moment to catch his breath, he leaned against his sword, watching the shadow monsters circle him mockingly. He loved difficult training and it had put him into a considerably good mood. He felt more relaxed then he had in a long time and was glad he didn't have anything to worry about at the moment.
The Gerudo scouts hadn't been able to find him a replacement thief as of yet, as he'd rejected every single one they'd brought before him. Sakon had been an excellent thief when he put his mind to it, and Ganondorf couldn't help but compare all of them to him. None were anywhere near as talented when it came to slight of hand and lockpicking, and Ganondorf only wanted the best of the best.
He knew there had to be a creature talented and underhanded enough for his liking, but the search was slow. He didn't really need a thief at the moment, so for the time being, he was content.
Lifting his sword, Ganondorf took one more deep breath then charged at one of the shadows.
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They could feel the desert air before they even passed through the canyon. The heat hit them in face in a hot blast, and The Postman blinked hard but didn't slow down. Sakon however gave a dramatic moan, trying to get some attention.
"Ugh, no wonder Ganondorf wants to take over the world." he commented. "His country really sucks."
The Postman glanced over at him thoughtfully. "I thought you couldn't feel anything?" he asked him curiously, passing a hand through The Thief's chest. "How could you be hot?"
"No, no, no." Sakon corrected, shaking his head. "Other people can't feel me when they touch me, but I can still feel it."
The Postman quickly retracted his hand out of The Thief's chest.
"It doesn't hurt." Sakon assured him with a grin. "I may not be able to touch anything, but I still feel it when I pass through things. It feels kind of weird."
They crossed the bridge leading into Gerudo territory, and when Sakon saw The Postman wasn't slowing down and was going to take the direct route, he became alarmed.
"Wait a second!" Sakon cried. "Are you crazy? You can't just march into the Gerudo City unannounced!"
The Postman didn't slow down. "Why?"
"You're a man unless you've forgotten due to your lack of a love-life. If Ganondorf was angry at me, then he's probably angry at you too by association!"
The Postman realized that Sakon didn't know about anything that had happened during the last two months. Raising a hand to his covered neck, The Postman said. "Sakon, I'll be fine, no one's angry at me."
Sakon floated directly in front of him in an attempt to stop him. "Are you absolutely sure? If you end up getting hurt, or killed, I'll be doomed."
The horse rode through him, and The Postman frowned, now knowing Sakon could feel it. "That's very considerate of you." he commented dryly. "But you really have nothing to worry about. I've been living here for the last two months."
Sakon's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?! You're a Tracker again? What about your lame postman job?"
"I've been doing both." The Postman told him. "I deliver the mail in the mornings, and then return to the desert for training in the afternoons. I leave early enough in the mornings to make it to Castletown just as they're opening the gate."
Sakon gave him an incredulous look. "Seriously?"
The Postman nodded.
"And Ganondorf is letting you do this?!"
The Postman gave another nod. "As long as I still complete my training every day, he doesn't mind."
"How could you do all your training if you miss half the day?" Sakon demanded.
"When I arrive in the afternoon I do physical training with Captain Isa, and then after supper I do magical training with Koume and Kotake. On Sundays, I stay the entire day in the castle and catch up on anything I missed."
Sakon gave him a look that The Postman could only describe as pitying. "That sounds like the worst possible life I can imagine." The Thief stated. "So, what you're telling me, is you have absolutely no time off to have fun?"
The Postman shook his head. "No, I have time off. There's no physical training on weekends, and my training with Koume and Kotake is only four hours a day. Although I normally spend my time off studying, it's not a requirement."
"You are a strange creature." Sakon commented.
"I just want to get this over with as fast as possible." The Postman responded. "I need to know if this is all in my mind, or not. If I'm crazy, than you can haunt me until I'm committed, but if it's real, then I'll rescue you. I promise."
Sakon let out a frustrated sigh, not even bothering to argue with him. "What are you going to do after you rescue me anyway?" he demanded.
The Postman hesitated with a frown. "I'm going back to Haru's wedding. The celebrations are supposed to go on until morning, and then my brother leaves on his honeymoon."
Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Um, no offense, darling, but I think he probably revoked your wedding invitation."
The Postman's shoulders slumped slightly, but he still levelled The Thief with a glare. "I'm holding you entirely responsible, you know, and I'm going to explain to him why his wedding was ruined."
Sakon gave an indifferent shrug. "Meh. Fine with me, lunkhead doesn't like me anyway. I would just like to point out, however, that I'm in no way responsible for your choice of words. That was all you."
The Postman gave him a glare and said nothing.
The Gerudo fortress came into view and the guards posted saw The Postman approaching, but didn't so much as move, their expressions disinterested. As he got closer, the guards posted at the desert gate stared at him for a long moment, taking in his strange clothing in very vague curiosity. They didn't seem overly concerned with him, and their weapons remained sheathed.
"Do you have a letter for me, Tracker?" one of the guards asked him. "I've been expecting a letter from my cousin from Great Bay."
The Postman shook his head, stopping the horse just in front of them. "No, miss, I'm here on other business."
"You're being way too nice." Sakon commented. "Gerudo like tough manly men. Flirt with her a little, and she'll respect you more."
The Postman gave Sakon an unimpressed look. He could just imagine how that situation would turn out.
"If you're not here as a postman, then you're here to see Lord Ganondorf?" the Gerudo questioned.
The Postman gave a nod. "Yes, miss."
Without another word, the Gerudo stepped out of his way and gestured towards the open gate leading into the desert. As The Postman passed the guards by, Sakon had a look of astonishment on his face.
"How come they let you just pass right through without giving you a hard time about it?" he asked. "Every time I come home, no less than three Gerudo try to stab me with something! They're not even glaring at you!"
The Postman imagined there was probably a very good reason that Sakon was treated with hostility, but he didn't say what was on his mind. As he crossed the short distance to the Capital Gerudo City, he couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. He really hoped what he'd been seeing all day really was Sakon and not a hallucination. If all of this was in his mind, he would have to go speak with Koume and Kotake as soon as possible. Once he searched for Sakon's body, he'd find out for sure.
Wearing a heavy black suit in the dessert was proving to be a very bad decision, and by the time he reached the market, he felt like he was getting heatstroke. The Gerudo in the market stared at him curiously, never having seen him looking so dishevelled. No one really bothered him as he rode his way through the crowded market, and again Sakon was indignant.
"What's up with this?" he demanded. "When I pass through the market, everyone glares at me, and throws things at me! They're not even sneering at you!"
"They're used to me." The Postman answered distractedly. "And I'm not a pervert."
"They probably think you're a girl."
The Postman didn't dignify that with a response, simply rolling his eyes.
"Or maybe it's because you have the sexual appeal of a toadstool. Either explanation makes sense I suppose..."
Only a few minutes later, The Postman reached the castle and dismounted the horse. The Gerudo in charge of the stables immediately approached to take the horse, and she gave him a scolding look.
"You always exhaust your horses!" she exclaimed. "One of these days, you're going to kill one! Stop forcing them to travel so long!"
The Postman gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, I didn't mean to."
She looked the horse up and down with a frown. "...wait a second. This isn't one of my horses."
"No, miss, it's a horse that belongs to my parents. I borrowed it for a while."
"This horse must be twenty years old!" she exclaimed in outrage. "You rode a senior horse all the way from Termina?!"
The Postman winced. "I didn't know how old it was." The Postman admitted. "I just chose one at random."
She let out a huff of irritation. "Don't expect to get this horse back for a few days." she told him. "You'll have to borrow one of the other horses until it has recovered."
The Postman gave a nod. "I understand. Thank you, miss."
"If this happens again, I'm going to put in a complaint to your captain." she warned. "I will not tolerate horses being abused!"
The Postman honestly hadn't meant to exhaust the horse, and he gave it an apologetic pat. "Yes, miss."
Giving him one last glare, the Gerudo took the horse and led it away into the stables. Sakon gave him a cheeky grin, looking far too amused for his own good. Although he didn't say anything, The Postman still gave him a glare.
The Postman began up the stairs leading to the castle, and Sakon floated above his head, eager to get inside. The guards posted at the door gave The Postman a questioning look at his attire, but made no move to stop him as he pushed open the doors. They both gave a shrug and resumed their former position without a single word. Once the doors were closed behind them, Sakon looked down at him.
"Worst guards ever." he commented. "When I'm rich and wonderful, remind me not to hire any Gerudo to be my guards."
"Noted." The Postman responded.
"Okay, I'm in the dungeon." Sakon said, starting to float down the hall. "I hope they left the cell door unlocked."
The Postman started walking down the opposite hall without a word. Sakon paused, and then quickly floated to catch up with him.
"Where are you going?" he demanded. "Go rescue me!"
"I'm going to speak with Ganondorf first." The Postman answered.
"...what?" Sakon asked, sure he'd misheard.
"If you're in the dungeon, I have to assume you're his prisoner." The Postman pointed out. "I won't steal your body from him without his permission. I don't feel like being whipped today."
"It's not stealing if it's a dead body, darling." Sakon pointed out. "And do you really think Ganondorf is just going to give you what you want? He'll say no just to be a douchebag."
"I'm not taking your body without asking first. Last time I helped you, it didn't end very well for me."
"Boo-hoo, get over it, I've been beaten more times than I can count! It's not that big of a deal!" Sakon snapped. "Just take my body and sneak it out."
"No." The Postman responded, continuing down the hall.
"Ugh, you're impossible!" Sakon groused, crossing his arms petulantly. "I'd better not die because of this!"
To Sakon's surprise, The Postman passed right by Ganondorf's throne room and continued up the hall.
"Um, wasn't that his throne room...?" Sakon questioned uncertainly, wondering if The Postman had gotten himself mixed up in the maze-like castle.
"It is." The Postman confirmed.
"Then where are we going?" Sakon asked as they started up a flight of stairs. "We don't exactly have time for side-quests at the moment."
"Ganondorf's not in his throne room, he's in his training room." The Postman answered. "I can sense him."
Sakon let out a gasp, and threw himself in front of The Postman flinging his arms wide to stop him. "You can't interrupt him there!" he cried. "He's probably in there slaughtering orphans or something! He really will stab you if you interrupt him! He's always freaked out if I dared interrupt his training!"
The Postman gave him a skeptical look. "He's never been too angry at me for all the other times I've interrupted his orphan slaying."
Sakon's eyes widened as The Postman edged by him to continue up the stairs.
"WHAT?" Sakon cried. "Are you serious?"
The Postman simply kept walking up the stairs without a word.
"He really does slaughter little orphans?!" Sakon looked completely indignant, he himself being an orphan.
Sakon quickly floated after him and stared The Postman right in the face with a frown. He faltered at the amused look The Postman shot him.
"No, you're joking!" Sakon exclaimed in surprise. "You actually just made a joke! You must have another fever or something!"
The Postman rolled his eyes.
"Seriously though, don't interrupt Ganondorf's training. You don't understand how real men get when they're physically training. They're so full of testosterone and rage, that when angered they lash out in a furious bloodlust and kill everybody and everything around them!" Sakon yelled, throwing his arms up dramatically. "If you step foot in there, he'll run you through without even looking to see who you are!"
The Postman gave him a flat look, knowing Sakon was full of it. "Sakon, I'll be fine. He's not going to hurt me."
Sakon let out a frustrated sigh. "I can't help you if anything goes wrong." he stated. "Just don't do anything stupid."
When The Postman reached the tops of the stairs, he approached a large set of double doors and reached out a hand to knock. The sound echoed loudly within, and there was a pause before Ganondorf responded.
"Enter."
"Don't do it!" Sakon warned. "It's a trap! He's probably waiting on the other side sword drawn!"
The Postman gave him a 'look', and slowly pushed open the door. Ganondorf did in fact have his sword drawn, but it wasn't to kill him with, it was because he was still in combat with one of the shadow monsters. He was in the centre of the room, red hair mussed, shirt soaked with sweat and was breathing heavily, obviously having been training for quite some time. When his eyes fell on The Postman, he paused and slowly lowered his sword.
Ganondorf stared at him, slightly puzzled, taking in the other man's appearance, and couldn't remember ever seeing him so dishevelled. The Postman was always neat and clean, but by the way he appeared now, it looked like he'd had a tumble down a mountainside. Ganondorf sheathed his sword, and turned to face him. Frowning, he began approaching.
"Duck! Run! Dodge!" Sakon yelled at him. "He's coming at you!"
The Postman didn't dodge or run, nor did he so much as flinch when Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at him.
"I thought you requested time off?" The Gerudo stated.
"I did, Sir, but I came to speak with you about something important."
Ganondorf looked him up and down, taking in the strange clothes in curiosity. "Why are you dressed like this?" he demanded. "Is this the new postal uniform?"
"No, Sir, I was at my brother's wedding this morning."
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "I see." he responded, sheathing his sword. "And what is it you want? Did something happen?"
The Postman watched as Ganondorf mopped some sweat from his brow, and decided to just take the direct approach. "I came for Sakon, Sir."
Ganondorf hesitated. "Sakon?"
The Postman nodded. "Yes, sir."
Ganondorf stared down at The Postman for a long moment, before responding. "Sakon is two days dead, Tracker. You won't want him."
"See? I told you!" Sakon cried out triumphantly. "I'm not a delusion!"
The Postman released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and felt a heavy tension lift from his shoulders. He wasn't crazy, Sakon's body really was there, and he really had been haunting him.
Remembering that Sakon had violated over half of his family at the wedding, and also caused him to ruin said wedding, The Postman gave Sakon an angry glare. He was very tempted to just leave Sakon to his fate, but knew he couldn't do that. Sakon knew exactly what was on The Postman's mind, and batted his eyelashes at him innocently.
Turning his gaze to Ganondorf, The Postman took a step closer to the Gerudo. "I do still want him, Sir. May I please have your permission to take his body?"
"How did you know Sakon died?" Ganondorf demanded. "You weren't here when it happened."
The Postman wasn't quite sure how to explain it. "...word spreads fast." he responded.
Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "What aren't you telling me?" he demanded.
"Nothing, Sir."
Ganondorf stared down at The Postman with a frown, who stared right back earnestly.
"You really want the rotting corpse of The Thief?" he asked. "The desert rots meat quite fast..."
The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."
Ganondorf's eyes narrowed even further, instantly suspicious. "Why?" he demanded.
"He was my friend, Sir and I want to take his body to his family to be buried."
Once more, Ganondorf frowned down at him. "You're such a loyal little thing, Tracker." he commented. "You even give loyalty to those who don't deserve it."
"Hey!" Sakon protested angrily.
"Please, Sir." The Postman requested. "I want to have him buried, but I won't take him without your permission."
Without warning, Ganondorf reached out and grabbed a hold of The Postman's scarf.
"Why are you covering your neck?" Ganondorf demanded. "Are you ashamed of the mark?"
The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, it's just that my family doesn't know that I've returned to work for you."
Ganondorf pulled the scarf off, and tossed it aside. "Do not cover it while in Gerudo territory." he warned.
Sakon floated over and stared at The Postman's neck closely, his nose nearly on the skin, and then looked up at him with wide eyes. "He branded you! He burned the desert emblem into your neck! He marked you as his property!"
"What?" The Postman cried out, not even caring that he was answering Sakon out loud. He turned accusing eyes up at Ganondorf. "You marked me as your property?" he demanded.
"Don't be ridiculous." Ganondorf replied dismissively. "That mark simply shows that you're a member of the Gerudo clan."
The Postman gave a rub at his neck.
Sakon looked completely shell-shocked. "He made you a Gerudo?!" he cried out. "When did this happen?"
The Postman didn't answer him, and so Sakon thought about it for a moment. "He made you a Gerudo because of what happened in the Skyworld?"
The Postman gave a very subtle nod.
Sakon crossed his arms and scowled. "I helped too!" he protested. "How come you're getting all the credit? I've lived here for most of my life and no one ever offered to make me a Gerudo!"
The Postman gave a slight shrug, knowing that Sakon wasn't exactly liked within the castle.
"It doesn't look that bad." Sakon said in a way of consoling him. "It actually looks like a tattoo. I'm surprised your family never noticed that."
The Postman let out a heavy sigh, and decided he had more to worry about than the mark on his neck. "Please Sir, may I take Sakon's body?"
"You promised to collect his body if he died?" Ganondorf asked skeptically.
"Yes, Sir."
"Not exactly the truth." Sakon pointed out. "You said you'd come get my body if you weren't crazy, but close enough."
"I don't really care, Tracker. You can do what you want with the body." Ganondorf still looked incredibly suspicious, despite giving his permission.
"Thank you, Sir."
"I'm going to accompany you." Ganondorf stated, turning towards the door. "To make sure that's all you're up to."
He obviously expected The Postman to follow, because he didn't even glance back at him, stalking from the room without another word. The Postman quickly trotted after him, feeling glad this was almost over with.
Sakon floated lazily between them, feeling quite cocky now that his life wasn't in danger. He thumbed his nose at Ganondorf, making horrible faces, and he flashed The Postman a grin.
"What a stupid lug!" The Thief laughed. "He doesn't even realize he's helping with my escape!"
The Postman pointedly looked away, clearly still angry at him but was unable to voice it at the moment. Sakon paused mid-raspberry, glanced at The Postman's expression, and then gave him a questioning look.
"You're still mad about the wedding thing?" he demanded.
The glare he received was all the answer he needed.
Sakon floated over, and gave him an over-exaggerated pout. "Aw, do you need a hug?"
The Postman narrowed his eyes. "Don't push it." he said very lowly. "I can still change my mind, and leave you here."
Ganondorf glanced at him over his shoulder. "Did you say something, Tracker?"
"No, Sir."
Ganondorf gave him a puzzled look, and then shrugged, turning his eyes back to the hallway in front of them.
Sakon gave The Postman a smirk as he floated on his back, staring at him from upside down. "You shouldn't make idle threats, darling. You know you would never leave me behind. I'm the only interesting thing in your life after all."
The Postman's expression clearly said different, but he didn't say anything. The last thing he needed was for Ganondorf to think any comments were directed at him! He doubted Ganondorf would find the situation very amusing.
Sakon stretched out casually in the air, his feet going straight through Ganondorf's chest. "Ganondorf can kind of hear me, you know." he stated casually. "I'm not really sure what he hears when I speak to him but it bothers his ears."
The Postman cocked his head, now curious.
"Several people were like that actually. They could hear or sense something, but I don't think it was a voice. By their reactions I think it may have been like a ringing or buzzing or something. Most people can't hear me at all."
Sakon gave another casual stretch, still halfway through Ganondorf chest. "Link couldn't see me but he could almost hear me. Every time I'd speak to him, he would draw his sword and look really spooked. I messed with for hours just because it was so hilarious. You were the only one who could actually see and hear me though."
Sakon paused and scratched at his chin in thought. "I wonder why? What's so special about you?"
The Postman honestly had no idea, and gave a shrug as they reached the dark staircase leading down into the dungeon. He assumed it must have had something to do with the wine they both drank from Termina's temple.
Ganondorf ignored the guard posted at the door, and then began down the stairs, The Postman following quickly behind. The guard stared a long moment in surprise, and then she too followed, wanting to see what was going to happen. They walked down the very long winding staircase in silence, the only sound yells from far below in the dungeon. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ganondorf pointed towards the only open cell.
"He's there." he stated. "Take him and go."
The Postman could see a crumpled form laying in the centre of the cell, and slowly approached the cell to get a better look. Seeing the familiar blue and white of Sakon's clothes, he stepped into the cell under Ganondorf's watchful gaze. He knelt next to the body and reached out, turning Sakon's face towards him. Sakon certainly looked dead, but there was no sign of decay or rot. The body was so still, The Postman felt a little creeped out, and hesitantly reached out a hand to give the body a poke.
Sakon chose that exact moment to appear in front of him with a loud yell. The Postman visibly jumped, and then gave Sakon a look of death as The Thief gave him a cheeky grin.
"Sorry, couldn't resist." he apologized. "It was too perfect."
"What are you doing?" Ganondorf demanded. "Are you scared of a corpse?"
The Postman jumped again, not hearing Ganondorf approach him from behind. Ganondorf glanced down at Sakon's body and then did a double-take. Pushing The Postman aside, he knelt down and touched his fingers to Sakon's cheek.
"The body is still warm..." Ganondorf stated in confusion.
He looked Sakon all over and saw no signs of rot or decay, and he knew something wasn't right. He narrowed his eyes and looked over at The Postman.
"I'm giving you one chance to admit to what's going on." he warned.
"Don't tell him anything!" Sakon protested. "He'll probably leave me like this as a punishment!"
The Postman hesitated, and then averted his gaze. "Nothing's going on, Sir."
Ganondorf's expression hardened. "Very well, I'm going to have The Thief's body cremated so it will be easier for you to take."
The Postman eyes widened.
"Wait, no!" both The Postman and Sakon cried out at the same time.
Ganondorf crossed his arms, and gave The Postman a hard look. "Tell me right this instant what's going on, or I'm going to have the body destroyed."
"You won't believe me..." The Postman told him with a frown.
"Try me."
The Postman glanced over at Sakon's body, and then let out a sigh. "Sakon's not dead."
Ganondorf gave the body a light kick, and it lobbed a bit but didn't react. "What do you mean he's alive? His heart has stopped, and he's not breathing."
"I can see him, Sir, he's standing just to your left."
Ganondorf glanced beside himself and naturally saw nothing. "What?"
"He's going to have you committed." Sakon helpfully informed him.
"Sakon's...spirit came to find me in Termina, and he told me what had happened. He's been separated from his body, and asked for my help retrieving his body from the dungeon."
Ganondorf blinked at him, and then gave him a downright skeptical look. "You're trying to tell me The Thief is right here in the room with us, and his body is in fact alive?"
"Yes, Sir."
Ganondorf definitely didn't look like he believed him, and The Postman let out a sigh.
"I know it sounds strange, but Sakon drank some wine that belonged to the goddess Termina. The wine was sacred, and from what the guardian told me, it is not supposed to be taken in large quantities. When Sakon stole the wine, I didn't even consider the fact it could be the enchanted wine."
Ganondorf's gaze turned to the open bottle of wine laying next to Sakon's body. Kneeling down, he picked it up and gave it a sniff. He grimaced at the horrible smell and wondered why Sakon would even attempt to drink something so foul. He poured a bit out onto the floor, and was surprised when he saw the wine was a deep black in colour.
"And why can you see him when I can't?" Ganondorf demanded. "My magic is much more powerful than yours."
"I think it's because I took a sip of the wine while in Termina's temple. It's made me able to see magic, and perhaps that's why I can see Sakon?"
Ganondorf gave him another frown. "Can you prove your claims?" he demanded.
"Prove them how, Sir?"
"You said Sakon is right here with us?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Sakon, tell The Tracker something only you would know." Ganondorf ordered, glancing around the dungeon.
Sakon crossed his arms impatiently. "Tell him I slept with all four of his nieces, and one of his sisters."
"I am not saying that to him!" The Postman exclaimed in horror.
Ganondorf raised an eyebrow in question.
"Fine." Sakon said, rolling his eyes. "Tell him I heard what he said when he first discovered my body. I know he promised Caspian that he'd look after me, and I know he never had any intention of ever replacing me."
The Postman repeated the information, and Ganondorf let out a curse. That was something he didn't want Sakon knowing. Now Sakon would never let him forget it, and he'd likely be twice as irritating.
"If you ever try to use that information against me, I'll snap every bone in your body." Ganondorf threatened, glaring around the cell.
Sakon snorted.
Ganondorf then turned his glare to The Postman. "You weren't going to tell me about this?" he demanded. "You were just going to let me think he was dead?"
The Postman winced. "I didn't think you'd believe me." he replied. "And I wasn't even sure I believed it myself until I saw the body."
Ganondorf continued glaring at him. "The only reason I'm not having you beat right now is because of your mission."
The Postman looked up at him in surprise. "Mission, Sir?!"
Ganondorf nodded.
"You're trying to restore Sakon to his body, aren't you?"
The Postman hesitated. "Er...well, I hadn't really thought that far ahead." he admitted.
"What?" Sakon exclaimed. "You were going to just abandon my body somewhere, and not even try to help me?"
"I wasn't going to just abandon you." The Postman defended "I probably would have taken you to Link, and let him deal with this. It's his job as a hero to save people, not mine."
"I'm a villain, and so he probably wouldn't help me anyway!" Sakon protested. "Knowing him, he'd just leave my body in a ditch, and go off on some other adventure!"
The Postman let out a sigh. "I wouldn't let him do that."
"But Link can't even see me! How can he help me, if he can't see me?"
"He's resourceful, I'm sure he'll figure something out."
"You're not going to The Hero of Time for help." Ganondorf growled irritably. "We Gerudo take care of our own. You've involved yourself with this, and you can find a way to hep him."
"But, Sir!" The Postman protested.
"The Thief's your friend isn't he?"
The Postman scowled and shot Sakon a glare. "Sometimes." he replied.
"Nice, Jihiro, real nice." Sakon groused. "And here I'm the only one who remembered it's your birthday today!"
"I don't care that it's my birthday, Sakon." The Postman replied. "There's more important things going on right now."
"It's your birthday?" the guard suddenly spoke up, having been eavesdropping.
Everyone turned to look at her, having forgotten she was even in the room.
"Yes." The Postman answered with a frown.
The guard was one of the women from his training class and she looked somewhat excited. "How old are you?" she demanded.
"Thirty." The Postman answered, wondering why she cared.
"I'm gonna go tell the others!" she announced, hurrying from the dungeon.
Everyone watched her go in disbelief, and Ganondorf shook his head with a sigh. He always seemed to have problems with warriors that were still in training. It hadn't even occurred to her that she'd left her guard duty without a second thought. He'd have to have a few words with Captain Isa.
"I am going to have Koume and Kotake take a look at Sakon." Ganondorf announced, giving Sakon's body a nudge with his foot. "They may have some idea what's happened to him."
The Postman nodded, knowing the clever witches would be their best bet at this point.
Ganondorf reached down, seized Sakon's body by the back of the shirt, and easily picked it up.
"Stop him!" Sakon yelled in dismay. "He's going to do something horrible to me! Stop him!"
Ganondorf stared down at the body with a frown, and then turned towards the stairs, dragging the body behind him.
"I'm going to be all scraped up and bruised!" Sakon complained. "He's not even trying to careful!"
"Better than dead." The Postman muttered.
As Ganondorf dragged Sakon up the stairs, he didn't seem too concerned with how The Thief was awkwardly bouncing against the stone steps.
"Be careful!" Sakon yelled at him. "You're going to kill me, you stupid Gerudo!"
The Postman fell in step beside Ganondorf, and looked up at him uncertainly. "Sir?" he questioned.
"What?" Ganondorf demanded.
"I think you're harming Sakon's body.."
Ganondorf glanced down, and frowned when he saw a few bruises on Sakon's arms.
Ganondorf let out an exasperated sigh, and then easily tossed the body over a shoulder. Then, without a word, he started up the rest of the stairs.
The Postman stared at him in surprise for all of a moment, not expecting him to actually care, before quickly following after him. When they reached the top, Ganondorf headed for Koume and Kotake's lab, and The Postman continued trailing behind him. Sakon was looking somewhat stressed at having Ganondorf in charge of his body, and it was clear The Thief thought he was going to end up hurt.
Ganondorf didn't say a single word the entire way to the lab, and when they arrived, he gave a single knock to the door and opened it without waiting for a response. Koume and Kotake were in the middle of brewing a potion, and they looked up in surprise, not expecting the interruption. When they saw Sakon's body, they frowned, and then approached.
"What is it, Lord Ganondorf?" Koume asked. "Why have you brought The Thief's body to us?"
"Sakon's not dead." Ganondorf stated. "The moron drank enchanted wine, and his spirit is separated from his body."
The twins' eyes widened. "Are you sure?" Kotake demanded in shock.
Ganondorf nodded. "The Tracker was given some of the same wine in Termina's temple, and he is able to see and speak with Sakon's spirit."
The witches glanced at Sakon's body, and then motioned for Ganondorf to lay it down on the nearby bed. Koume and Kotake then checked Sakon for signs of life, but he seemed completely lifeless.
"Strange..." Kotake observed. "His body is still warm to the touch, but he's not breathing, and his heart has stopped. It's almost as if something is keeping this body alive."
"Do you have any more of this sacred wine?" Koume demanded.
"I have more in my backpack in the dungeon." Sakon said.
"Sakon says he has more of the wine in his backpack." The Postman told everyone.
"The Thief is here in the room with us?" Kotake asked in surprise.
The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am, he's right there." The Postman pointed to where Sakon was floating and everyone turned to stare at the spot although they couldn't see him.
"You are a moron." Koume told Sakon, with a scolding look. "Weren't you ever taught as a child not to consume things you find laying around?!"
Sakon crossed his arms. "Actually, no, everyone was too busy hating me because I was male, to actually teach me anything. Maybe if you hadn't been such horrible shrews, I wouldn't have had such a crappy childhood."
"He says 'no'." The Postman responded.
"Idiot." Koume muttered, crossing the room to gather a few supplies. "I need that wine."
"Tracker, go get The Thief's backpack as fast as you can." Ganondorf ordered. "It's in the dungeon."
The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."
"I'm staying here to make sure they aren't going to kill me." Sakon told him. "Come back fast in case you have to defend me."
Giving one last glance to Sakon's body, The Postman, left the lab and ran as fast as he could back to the dungeon. He found Sakon's backpack just outside of his cell, and quickly grabbed it.
"Um...Tracker?"
The Postman paused, and glanced up. A Gerudo was staring at him from one of the other cells looking absolutely miserable.
"Yes, miss?"
"I heard everything." she told him. "Lord Ganondorf imprisoned me for causing The Thief's death a few days ago. If he's really alive, and if I had nothing to do with it, would you please ask Lord Ganondorf if he'll release me?"
The Postman immediately nodded. "Yes, miss, your name is Reshma, is it not?"
Reshma gave a nod.
"I'll ask him right away."
She gave him a smile. "Thanks, Tracker."
The Postman gave her another nod, and then left the dungeon at a run, the heavy backpack slowing him down. When he got back to the lab, he saw the witches had set up a large variety of powders on the table next to Sakon's body, and had stripped him. Sakon was watching them with a scowl, and when he saw The Postman he let out a dramatic sigh.
"They're making mean comments about me!" he protested.
"Mean comments?" The Postman questioned.
Koume let out a sigh. "Is that thief complaining to you?" she demanded. "I only commented that he stunk, and needed a bath."
"Well, you try being on the run for two months, and see how you smell!" Sakon shot back.
The Postman gave him a look that clearly said he did not agree. The Postman was a naturally very clean person, and never would have gone that long without bathing.
"Do you have the wine?" Kotake demanded.
The Postman set down the backpack, and dug inside, pulling out a bottle of wine. Kotake immediately seized it from him.
"I am going to do some tests on this wine, while Koume does similar tests on The Thief." she told them. "We will need complete concentration, and so we need everyone to leave."
"No, way!" Sakon protested, looking over at The Postman. "You need to stay and protect my body!"
"Sakon wants me to stay." The Postman told them.
"Tough." Kotake replied, giving him a push towards the door. "If he ever wants to be cured of this curse, he needs to let us concentrate. He knows very well we're his best bet for ever returning to his body unharmed."
Sakon let out an aggravated sigh. "Fine." he reluctantly agreed.
"Don't leave the castle." Ganondorf told him. "We'll probably need you again."
Kotake then shoved The Postman the rest of the way out of the lab, and Ganondorf stayed behind to speak privately with the witches for a moment. Sakon also lingered behind to eavesdrop, and he caught up to The Postman a few minutes later.
"Ganondorf asked them if there was a chance I would recover." he told The Postman.
"You shouldn't eavesdrop."
"The witches don't even know where to start on this curse, and so they couldn't give him an answer."
"I'm sure you'll be fine." The Postman assured him. "Koume and Kotake are very talented at what they do."
Sakon still looked worried. He stayed silent all the way to Wing J, and when The Postman unlocked his bedroom door, Sakon entered without a word. The Thief's eyes immediately fell on the golden medal hanging over the mirror, and he floated over to take a look at it.
"What's this?!" he demanded.
"It was given to me when I became a member of the Gerudo tribe." The Postman replied, taking a seat on his bed.
Sakon's expression became scandalized. "They gave you a medal of honour, and made you a member of the Gerudo Tribe when I was there with you for the whole adventure?! How is this fair!" he cried out. "I've lived here for twenty years, and all they do is berate me!"
"I didn't ask for it, it was Ganondorf who decided to do it." The Postman told him.
Sakon crossed his arms, clearly jealous, and he didn't answer. The Postman was about to respond when a knock came at the door. Standing to his feet, he approached the door and opened it. He was quite surprised to see his whole training class standing in the hallway.
"Happy Birthday!" they yelled out obnoxiously loud.
The Postman was definitely not expecting this, and he took a step back in surprise. He was immediately seized by both arms, and pulled out of the room by the crowd of grinning Gerudo.
"Come on, birthdays are a big deal here!" Iris crowed.
"Let's go party!" another Gerudo yelled, pumping her fist into the air.
"Oh, um, I probably shouldn't-" The Postman began.
"Nonsense!" Adena scolded. "Let us show you how Gerudo celebrate birthdays!"
"But I have to wait to be summoned-"
"You can party until you're summoned!" Iris insisted.
Adena leaned over to his ear. "We got you cake!" she whispered. "And it's coconut, your favourite!"
"Go celebrate your birthday." Sakon ordered. "Your family didn't, so let your friends take care of it."
The Postman felt his resolve weaken, and he gave them a nod. Letting out a cheer, the crowd of Gerudo dragged him off down the hallway.
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Next update will be on Sunday!
