Dear England,

Um...this is Oregon speaking. I know you might not remember me very well (even though you and Da-I mean Alfred fought over me for 28 years...), but I was kind of hoping for some advice...if it's okay with you I mean...

I'm really really sorry; I tried three times to write to you sooner, but every time I got all nervous and ended up passing out...I need some therapy...

Anyway, I might not be able to write down all of my problems in one letter, so I could be writing to you again soon...

Lately some really weird things have been happening to me: last week my favorite hat blew of my head, and when I finally caught it I ended up falling into the Willamette river. The last time I caught a cold, I sneezed and blew several very important documents out the window. I fall down the stairs about eight times a day, and I had to get my glasses fixed seven times this month. Do you think I've been cursed, or am I just being paranoid?

And if I am cursed, you wouldn't happen to know a way of breaking it would you? I mean, I don't want to be wasting any of your precious time on someone like me...

I also have low self-esteem, but I know I'm beyond help for that particular issue at this point...

I hope to be hearing from you soon, though if don't think I'm worth your time, I'll understand.

Take care now~

Feeling lightheaded,

Emma Nicole Jones (US State of Oregon)

P.S.: Would putting a bucket over America's head during one of his "I'm-the-hero" speeches benefit all those who are listening..?


Dear Oregon,

Don't act so much like your uncle lass, it's okay. And...don't strain yourself dear, perhaps some water and some Klonopin? It's quite fine, I'd enjoy it if you kept writing to me.

Um...have you annoyed Russia in the past 7 years? If not, you might want to see if your glasses prescription is strong enough, that none of your carpet is loose, buy some Nasonex, and if all else fails plant some flowers. Or maybe your just klutzy.

I noticed. Perhaps we should get you and Matthew in the same room. It might boost both of your confidences.

And of course you're worth my time lass, don't be foolish.

Let's definitely try the Klonopin,

Arthur Kirkland

P.S. Yes. It would. Not to mention it would be bloody hilarious.