Stories and Trust

.

.

The Doctor hesitated at the Library door. He knew Rose had come in here.

Martha had come back from Rose's room, commenting that she was fine and just needed some time to calm down. But he could see concern in her eyes. It was more than that though; there was something she wasn't telling him

And Rose… she had looked so ill, on the verge of dying even. And she had collapsed and been unconscious for what… two hours?

And god, the way she had looked at him. She had been so afraid. And the way she had looked at everything else, like it was wrong.

So, he hesitated at the door, unsure of whether he should go in or not. What if she didn't want to see him? What if now, she was finally starting to see him for who he really was? A coward and a killer…

…No. Either way, if she wanted him or not, he had to know she was alright.

Finally, he pushed open the door and stepped in. Rose was sitting on the couch in front of the fire, drinking tea. She wasn't reading a book or anything, just relaxing. Her eyes were closed and there was the faintest smile on her face. She seemed slightly more at peace.

He walked slowly over to her, his hands in his pockets. When she heard him approach, she looked up. For a moment he feared he would see the same hurt, scared look in her eyes. But it was not so. The second she saw him her eyes lit up, there was only a ghost of the madness he had seen.

"Hi," she said softly, her smile growing.

"Hello," he said, smiling back a little. He stood there awkwardly. He hadn't been this hesitant around her in years – And he hated it.

"You um – you can sit down," she said sensing his reluctance. Smiling broadly he sat down next to her and she leant into him. "I'm sorry about before," she whispered. "I'd just woken up from a horrible dream. It was-" she let out a long controlled breath. "I don't want to think about it. I just want to forget." He put his arms around her comfortingly and she leaned further into him. He hoped it wasn't – though he feared that it was – worse than her other nightmares.

Rose and the Doctor had gotten close before. They had sat practically on top of each other. They had held each other till neither of them could breathe. Yet, lying peacefully next to each other, they had never been this close… nor so distant.

He realised that she just needed someone to hold on to. Someone she cared about and trusted. Someone who could take her nightmares away.

"Are you feeling any better now?" he asked gently.

"Yeah. I just have to get used to-" she stopped herself midsentence. "Ugh, my head's a mess."

.

It really would take a while to get used to her new mind. It was so much bigger, with so much more room – Yet her head had never been so full. Fifty different thoughts – no exaggeration – were all trying to push their way to the front, and she was having a hard time concentrating.

Idly she wondered how the heck the Doctor coped.

She remembered watching him go through someone's memories, once. He had talked about doors, as if each memory was a room.

Having explored her new mind a bit, she had found that it actually was like that. And in her mind she had found a room that sparkled with a bright light and golden dust.

It was the room of the Bad Wolf.

Inside the light she could see shapes and shadows moving around. She knew it was images of time and space, living in her head. She had slammed the door shut before even a whisper could escape. She just didn't want to know.

One thing she had found was that she was smarter than she used to be. Not as smart as the Doctor of course. She wouldn't be able to spout off dozens of ideas in techno-babble of her own accord. But when he did, she would be able to understand it.

She also understood what had happened to her.

Long ago, back when she looked into the heart of the TARDIS, she had bonded with her… became a part of her. The Doctor may have taken the entire time vortex out of her, but there was no way he could have known about, let alone broken the bond. But he had been too late anyway. Like him, she was already dying. Knowing this, the TARDIS had sent some of the Huon particles back into her. It stabilised her and allowed her to live, counteracting its own effects, sort of like anti-venom.

And so the TARDIS grew within her. As the year went by the Huon particles had multiplied, but lain dormant… Until they activated inside Donna, and so too inside her. This had bought them back to life and started a change within her. The particles had attached to every cell in her body. Slowly mutating her DNA till she could no longer be recognised as human. And there they stayed, feeding off the time energy, gradually shaping her, and waiting until they were strong enough. Waiting for the right moment to change her completely… But into what she didn't know.

Her bond with the TARDIS had become stronger now. They were more in tune to each other. And when Rose had been lying on the floor screaming. The TARDIS had opened her heart to give her more Huon to make the process easier, and sung her into oblivion when she could take it no longer.

.

Another thing she had stumbled upon in her mind was a memory. Something her Mum had said to her not long before she went to the parallel universe.

They had been standing in the TARDIS while the Doctor set up something to capture one of the ghosts. Jackie had been saying that she was even starting to look like the Doctor. That she was just becoming too unfamiliar.

"When I'm dead and buried, you wont have any reason to come back home," Jackie had said "What happens then?"

"I don't know," she had replied quietly.

"Do you think you'll ever settle down?"

"The Doctor never will, so I can't," she'd said nonchalantly. "I'll just keep travelling."

"And you'll keep on changing. And in forty years time, fifty, there'll be this woman – this strange woman… walking through the marketplace on some planet a billion miles form Earth. She's not Rose Tyler. Not anymore. She's not even human…"

Thinking of that now made her shiver. Jackie hadn't realised when she spoke those words just how true they would come to be.

.

Managing to push her torrent of thoughts back down, she noticed that the Doctor was absent-mindedly stroking her arm. They were sitting together on the couch in comfortable silence. (Thankfully, she was in a position where he wouldn't be able to feel her hearts.)

It was strange seeing the Doctor so quiet and relaxed for so long. But this was nice. She liked it.

.

…Then she felt it coming on – The second phase of the change. It wouldn't be as bad as the first phase. She wouldn't be in pain. Her body would just shut down for a while in order to strengthen her body and mind. And to develop her full psychic and telepathic links.

She yawned and stretched a little in the Doctor's arms.

"You know," she sighed. "The funny thing about falling unconscious, it really takes it out of you. It makes no sense."

She felt her body sliding down, and the control of it slipping away from her. Her eyes drifted shut and she fell limp... But it was odd; she had thought that she was going to be unconscious again. But she could still hear and feel everything. She couldn't move a muscle though. It reminded her of when the Carrionite had paralyzed her. Only this felt more natural. And she was here in the Doctor's arms so she didn't mind as much.

She knew she was going to have to tell him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it… Not yet.

?...DW…?

The Doctor looked down at Rose, asleep in his arms. She had fallen asleep pretty abruptly. But she wasn't well, so he thought no more of it. She looked so sweet and still, he didn't want to leave her. Rather than get up and reposition her on the couch, or carry her to her room, he gently lay her down further so she had his lap as a pillow.

A small smile tugged on his lips and he began to stroke her hair and caress her soft skin. He wondered what was up with her hair. He could swear it had grown quite a bit since he had left her a few hours ago, and strangely it no longer looked dyed. It was like the blonde was her natural colour. He placed a kiss to her temple, breathing in her scent that was a little bit vanilla and something that could only be described as 'Rose'. He normally had to resist doing this; he had to pretend he only saw her as a friend. It was so hard when she was so near to him every second. But he would rather have her closer than not. She was asleep, perhaps now he could show he loved her.

"Oh Rose…" he whispered. "If only I could actually tell you." he smiled tenderly at her. Perhaps he couldn't tell her he loved her… not out loud… not yet – or ever, but he could tell her other things.

"You know," he said to her. "I've never really told anyone, at least not anyone who already knew… I actually stole the TARDIS. I was arrogant and sometimes foolish in my first incarnation. But the one thing I've always never believed in was the way the Time Lords just sat back and did nothing while civilisations came to ruin when they didn't have to. One day, I interfered and they hunted me down. I managed to steal the TARDIS and flee. I was only meant to be borrowing her," he told her quickly. "But things just kind of… got out of hand."

.

The next thing he knew he was telling her everything. His life growing up on Gallifrey, and their house on Mount Cadon. Loosing his best friend and watching them become enemies. He told her about his children and grandchildren. His adventures he had in the TARDIS with one companion or the other. He told her everything.

"And then I met you…" he finally finished. "And well, you know the rest."

He knew she was asleep and that she couldn't hear him, but he wanted to tell her. And who knew, perhaps she was dreaming of it.

He wanted to carry on. He wanted to tell her how as they journeyed on together he had watched her blossom into a beautiful confident woman. He wanted to tell her that he was quite literally made for her. That as he had been regenerating, she had been so strongly in his mind that he had been made to fit her perfectly. His youth, his accent, his looks and hyper personality. The way their hands fit together as perfectly as the right pieces of a puzzle. He wanted to tell her the story of how he came to fall in love with the exquisite Rose Tyler… and he couldn't.

But there was one thing he could tell her. If he told her it would mean more than just 'I love you'. It would mean so much more… but she wouldn't know that.

But he could do it.

"I'm going to tell you something Rose," he whispered softly. "You can't tell anyone else. It's my secret. You – you don't quite understand what this means but – I want you to know."

Gently he brushed her hair away, leaned over and whispered in her ear. He thought that after so long it would be hard to say, but saying it to Rose just felt so right, so easy. For the first time in 900 years he uttered it.

He told Rose Tyler his name.

.

.

.


Okay! So, what do you think. Only one more chapter till we're on to 'Utopia'. Really building up a lot of tension that probably won't be resolved for a frustrating few more chapters =D

Like I said. I feel like being evil =D

I hope my scientificy explanation is alright. Never was good at science. I spent most of it reading Harry Potter. At one point my teacher threatened to burn the seventh book with the bunson burner! (It was the first day it was out, I didn't put the book down for a whole day).

Please Review!