This chapter was written by KenrickMNP


Valkyrie stepped into Ghastly's shop, and instead of Ghastly sitting there at his sewing machine, she was met with Tanith.

"Valkyrie, finally," Tanith said, standing up. "I knew you were coming here, you wanna know how I knew?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. Ghastly told you?"

"Nope, good guess though. I used my incredible detective skills, which rival even Skulduggery's, and read Ghastly's planner to deduce that you were coming in to pick up a torn jacket."

"Wow, you are an incredible detective." Valkyrie said. "So where is Ghastly?"

"In the back. I think. It doesn't matter, we need to buy some nunchucks."

"Huh?"

"Nunchucks," Tanith said, "I'm sure you've heard of them."

"Of course I've heard of nunchucks," Valkyrie said. "I was more curious as to why we need to buy some."

"A Vine."

"Oh right. I suppose I should've guessed to be honest," Valkyrie said. "Is it that one with the guy on top of a truck?"

"Exactly that one. Are you psychic?"

"Kind of, yeah. But that's the most nunchucky one I can think of. I could have been wrong."

"Oh well, you aren't. Let's go get some nunchucks," Tanith took Valkyrie by the arm and tried dragging her out.

"Can I at least pick up my jacket? Ghastly said to get it this afternoon. It's now the afternoon. I'm here to pick it up."

"Don't worry about that, you can get it later."

"But I'm here right now, it'll only take a minute."

"Nunchucks," Tanith said, pulling Valkyrie harder. Valkyrie sighed, and went with her.

"So where are we getting nunchucks?" Valkyrie asked.

"I have no idea. Are we taking you car?"

"No we're taking yours," Valkyrie said sarcastically.

They got into Valkyrie's car.

"If you don't even know where we're getting them then why are we in such a rush to get them?"

"I don't know. Once I've decided what Vine we're doing I don't like delays."

"Hm. Same to be honest. Now how long are we gonna be delayed while looking around for nunchucks?"

"That's different."

"Sure it is." Valkyrie said. She started the car and they drove away from the shop. "So instead of driving around aimlessly, we should figure out where to get a potentially deadly weapon. Weapons. There's two in the Vine. Are they even legal in Ireland?"

"I'll be completely honest I have no idea. We could always make some," she suggested.

"Ooh yeah. How do we do that?"

"I'll be completely honest I once again have no idea," Tanith said.

"Great. We're doing great at this so far."

"Right? Oh hey, isn't there a martial arts shop not far from here? They might have weapons. Or possibly a regular sports shop but the martial arts place would be more likely."

"Yeah I think you're right. I mean it's kinda far from here but it is within the city so we can drive there."

"Great," Tanith said.

"I hate driving in the city," Valkyrie said conversationally, "the roads are always so busy. We'd be better getting a bus. I mean who's actually brave enough to drive in the city?"

"Many people, presumably. It's weird, no one drives in the city because too many people drive in the city. But buses are equally bad. There's almost always some weirdo staring at you."

"Yeah that's weird. But buses are better for the environment."

"We should be ashamed of ourselves," Tanith said. "We are directly influencing climate change by driving where we need to go. And we can't punch climate change to get rid of it."

"Wait, are you suggesting we actually get a bus?"

"Hell no. By the time you find a safe parking place, we find a bus stop, and wait for a bus to arrive, we could have gotten to the martial arts place and filmed the Vine."

Valkyrie sighed. "Outrageous," she said. "Outrageous and shocking. You should be ashamed of yourself you outrageous, shocking person who doesn't care about the climate."

"You're right. I'm a shocking outrageous person, but I'm a shocking, outrageous person who doesn't want to take a bus when we don't even know where we're going."

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that fact," Valkyrie said. "Still, we could take a bus a bit further and then walk around until we find the shop."

"If you want to take a bus so much then why didn't you take one to Ghastly's? Huh?"

"Because… Shut up."

Tanith smiled triumphantly. "Hah. I win this time."

They drove around the city chatting about nonsense for twenty five minutes driving up and down every road and looking at all the shops they passed, until eventually they found a wide building saying Martial Arts's Us above the door, along with a little silhouette of a person doing a karate kick.

"Martial arts is us?" Valkyrie said as they got out the car. "That is incredibly not a very good name. Grammar-wise."

"You can't critique someone's grammar in a grammatically incorrect sentence," Tanith pointed out. "Hey Val, what are we gonna do if they don't have nunchucks here?"

"I'm not sure," Valkyrie said. "Check somewhere else, google how to make some. We can figure it out if it comes to that."

"Got it. Basically we just make it up as we go along?"

"When do we not do that?"

"True," said Tanith. "Alright, come on."

They stepped into the shop and looked around. In some parts of the store there was different types of outfits for karate, judo, and jujitsu, as well as kickboxing trousers. In other parts were training equipment such as punchings bags, focus mitts, strike shields, skipping ropes and grips trainers.

"This place is fucking awesome," Valkyrie said.

"I know right," Tanith said, not knowing where to look first. "Look at that. It's a punching bag shaped like a person. Terry torso. How about that..."

Valkyrie excitedly slapped Tanith's arm and pointed across to the far wall. "Weapons," she said. They rushed over and looked at what was in stock.

"Holy shit. That is… a lot of weapons."

Most of them were wooden or foam, but hanging on the wall was all sorts of staffs, sticks, swords and...

"Yes! They've got nunchucks," Valkyrie said.

"Aww, not proper nunchucks," Tanith said disheartenedly, taking two sets of nunchucks off the rack. They were all wrapped together with plastic for safety. "They're all for training. You'd need to really hit someone to hurt them with these."

"We're not hurting anyone. We're doing a Vine you dipstick."

"I understood that reference," Tanith said, still pretending to be upset..

"Good, I don't want you thinking I'd actually insult you."

"Even though you said that politely I feel like you're still making fun of me. Are you?"

"No…" Valkyrie said. "Yes."

Tanith hit her arm with a wrapped up nunchuck.

"Ow! See, they do still hurt," Valkyrie said. "Come on, let's buy the nunchucks and head off to find a truck suitable for filming."

"Hey wait, I want to see what else they have here. This place totally fits my ninja aesthetic."

Valkyrie frowned. "You have a ninja aesthetic?"

"Yes. Obviously," Tanith said. "Wait, is it not obvious?"

"Not really. I'm more of a ninja than you."

"How?" Tanith demanded.

"Well I wear all black, like a ninja, and my clothes are soft and quiet. Whereas you wear brown leather. Seriously, you wear more leather than a CW superhero."

"There's nothing wrong with wearing leather," Tanith said.

"You're right, but it's not very ninja-like."

"Whatever. I have a sword, ninja's have swords. You don't have a sword. You have sticks."

"Shock sticks," corrected Valkyrie.

"Sticks. Like those escrima sticks there," Tanith pointed to a set of two sticks around the length of a forearm, sort of like massive drum sticks. They were also wrapped in plastic.

"Is that what those are called?"

"Yup," Tanith said. "I learned all about these sorts of weapons when I was young."

"Huh. Sometime I forget how dark your childhood was… So what's this then?" Valkyrie picked up a stick, slightly smaller than the escrima's, which had a handle protruding from it.

"That's a tonfa. I have no idea how to use one of those though. I mean I know how to use it, but I can't."

"You can't?"

"Nah. Unfortunately no matter how much I act like it, I can't do everything."

"Nobody's perfect. What were we talking about again?" Valkyrie asked, and put the tonfa back. Then without waiting for an answer she said, "ooh, now this I know how to use." Valkyrie picked up a Bo staff and twirled it around a few times, but knocked over a display stand behind her.

"Well done," Tanith said.

Valkyrie replaced the staff and picked up the stuff she had knocked over, while Tanith continued looking at the weapons for a few moments before turning to Valkyrie.

"Alright, let's go," she said.

"Seriously? Normally we leave shops with like a carload of stuff."

"Yeah, that's true. Maybe I should buy a ton of stuff just for the sake of tradition."

"You don't have any money, do you?"

"Nope. Was kind of hoping you'd cover that."

"Let's go," Valkyrie said.


As it turned out, nunchucks - training nunchucks at least- were perfectly legal. So Tanith and Valkyrie bought them without incident and left the store promising to themselves that they'd return for more stuff when they wanted it. But for now, they were determined to film the Vine.

"Alright. We need a truck. Not like a big truck, not a lorry. Just a small one," Valkyrie said. They got in the car and Tanith dropped the nunchucks onto the backseat.

"More like a big car," Tanith said.

"Exactly. So where do we find one of those?"

"We could drive around until we find one?"

"I did think that but what if the owner doesn't like us doing that?" said Valkyrie.

"We hit them with nunchucks."

"Uh-huh. That's a bad idea," Valkyrie said. "We really shouldn't get arrested again."

"Oh yeah, I forgot that was a possibility. Does anyone we know own a truck? Any of the Dead Men? The Monster Hunters?"

Valkyrie squinted and shook her head. "No… I think Paul from the City Guard does but once I asked him what the time was and he told me to eat a rotten pickle so he probably won't let us climb on his truck."

"Fucking Paul," Tanith said, "I don't even know who he is and I don't like him. I guess we'll have to buy a truck."

"We're not buying a truck."

"You still have so much money from Gordon, you can buy a truck."

"I'm not buying a truck."

"How about you rent one?"

"I mean…"

"Yes!" Tanith cheered. She took out her phone. "I'll find out where the nearest car rental place is and we can go see if they've got one that'll do."

"Wait," Valkyrie said. "Check the Vine. I'm pretty sure it's only the front of the car you can see, so maybe we can get away with using this." She patted the steering wheel of her own car as she said that.

"But you could still rent a truck."

"Check the Vine," Valkyrie said.

"I'm checking the Vine," Tanith said. She opened Youtube and searched for the Vine, then pressed play.

"Okay that's great!" Valkyrie said. "It's filmed from the front, so we can just use my car. Thank God we didn't pay to rent one, that would've been such a waste."

"For you maybe," Tanith said. "I personally think it would've been fun to drive around in a massive car. But yeah you're right. We'll film it from the front."

"In that case we don't have any reason to wait. We just need to find somewhere suitable and film it."

"Yup. And how about we get McDonald's on the way?"


They found a parking space and got out, only after stopping for McDonald's.

"Alright, you got the nunchucks?" Valkyrie asked, taking a bite out of a double cheeseburger.

Tanith reached into the back seat and took the nunchucks out. "I got the nunchucks."

"Then let's do this." They got out of the car. "You know what to say?"

"Yup."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"All right, then let's get on with it!"

"Fuck yeah!"

Valkyrie crouched down in front of her car while Tanith unwrapped the nunchucks and spun them around a few times. Surprisingly, they only hit her once.

"You're great at that," Valkyrie commented, watching Tanith.

"Hey, in my defence I am out of practice," Tanith said. She continued spinning the nunchucks, and they got faster every moment until they were just a jittery blur hopping back and forth. "There we go," Tanith said, smiling. "Badassery restored." Then she hit herself in the jaw.

Valkyrie burst out laughing.

"I'm suddenly glad these are for training," Tanith said, rubbing her jaw. If the nunchucks were metal, she would most likely have broken it. "Okay, I've finished practicing. You ready?"

"I'm ready. Do me a favour, don't put your foot through my back window?"

"I'll try my very very best," Tanith said. She walked around to the back of the car.

Valkyrie held the phone at the bottom of the bonnet, watching the screen until it got to a position Valkyrie was happy with.

"Action!" Valkyrie called out.

"Uh-uh, hold up," Tanith said, deciding it was better not to put on an accent.

She leaped onto the backside of the car, her magic coming in handy, and hopped onto the roof, which was much more slippery than expected. Her foot slid from under her, and she fell onto her ribs. Valkyrie felt the jolt that went through the car when Tanith landed.

"Oww-ww," Tanith groaned. She rolled over, and slowly slid down the window like some sort of blonde, human-shaped insect.

"Are you okay?" Valkyrie asked.

"Mm, yeah, I'm fine."

"Is my car okay?"

Tanith glared, but softened it. "I'm actually surprised you asked about me before the car."


"Okay, take two! Don't slip this time," Valkyrie said. "Action!"

"Uh-uh, hold up," Tanith said. In a swift movement, she climbed on top of the car, "you messing with my truck?" Tanith began spinning the nunchucks around, crossing her arms over each other a few times. "You messing with my truck, dipstick?" She flipped the nunchucks behind her back, and Valkyrie stopped recording.

"Yay! Two takes, and I didn't get injured!"

"I did though," Tanith said.

"But not that much. I still count this as a victory."

Tanith hopped off the car. "Same to be honest," she said. Her and Valkyrie fistbumped.


Up next - Tanith tries karaoke

I'm finished school, but I'm not done with it yet. Despite my leaver's form being signed and the leaver's forms going in on Friday I will continue to go into school until the end of the term so I can go to my music lessons. They will never be free of me. My mark will remain in the school forever. Yeet.

So that's it, sorry again for my late chapter but I will be back on schedule for upcoming weeks.

Thank you to lord duck for your rating of the last chapter, we're glad you enjoyed it :) In answer to your question - we are planning on doing something for the one year anniversary, we're just not sure what yet

Until next time!