Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR
A.N. This chapter covers a lot of time very quickly, so hold on for that.
Peter offered biscuits. Remus told him about all the cool stuff you got to do as an authority figure. Sirius ranted about Slytherins in general. James was still furious. Lily – she never listened, which he loved, but sometimes he wished she would just wait for a moment before leaping forward.
In their relationship, friendship, enemy-hood – whatever – she had always been the one calling the shots. She would instigate the next fight. She would dictate what they were to each other. James hadn't minded.
But now, now that she was putting herself in danger by her refusal to listen, he was done.
"I'm done" he announced.
Sirius, who was sitting on the end of James's bed, looked up. "That's great" he said. "Are you sure?"
"Quite sure, yeah"
"What exactly are you done with?"
"Lily Evans"
"Ah"
Sirius went back to his book, which was odd in of itself.
"What're you reading?" James asked, vaguely curious.
"New Divination textbook"
"Are you ill?"
"No"
James was quiet for a moment. He had a letter from Professor McGonagall about Head Boy duties that he was absently rereading. He hadn't been spending all his time sulking, just a large portion of it.
"Maybe you should apologize" Sirius suggested, rolling over and gazing at James upside down.
"It's not my fault. She should be the one apologizing"
"Yeah" Sirius agreed, still upside down. "But girls are stubborn. Especially red haired ones whose names rhyme with Mily Bevans"
"She's being an idiot"
"You were an idiot for several years and she didn't hold it too much against you"
"I'm not apologizing"
Lily sat in the middle of Anna's living room with her knees tucked up under her chin, lamplight shining on her hair. Beside her was a pile of roughly carved sticks and she picked one up, twirling it absently.
"Careful!" Anna yelped, diving forwards. "That's un-stretched dragon heartstring, idiot"
A few angry sparks shot out the end and Lily stopped twirling.
"Why do you stretch it?" she asked, frowning.
Camilla was sitting on the sofa with a cat in her lap and she answered before Anna could.
"So the magical residue is – tamed. It can be controlled more effectively"
"How'd you know that?" Anna demanded.
Cami smiled a bit. "Ben wants to be a wandmaker"
Anna rolled her eyes and took the cat from Camilla.
"Where's Mary?" Camilla wanted to know. "I thought she was staying with you"
"She was" Anna said. "She had to go do – something. I dunno. I tuned it out"
"That's not very nice" Camilla chided.
Lily carefully set the half-finished wand down and stood up, stretching her palms up to the ceiling.
"Anna, you still want to test that wand you finished?" she asked.
It was nice being able to use magic over the holidays. She could brush her hair, and turn teacups into biscuits, and Vanish rubbish, and it was just very, very nice. The Apparating was fun too.
Anna let Camilla have the cat again and selected a wand from amongst the pile of sticks. It was polished and neatly shaped, and there were tiny curly vines stretching up from the handle, as if reaching for the sun.
"Ready?" Lily asked, pulling her own wand out of the pocket of her shorts.
"Let's try not to destroy the living room this time" Camilla piped up, hugging the cat tightly.
Anna flicked the wand, sending a bolt of silverly light at Lily who put up a Shield Charm. The spell ricocheted back at Anna and she blasted it aside with a cloud of blue haze. Lily shot an experimental Stunner at her and Anna dodged, sending a hex that Lily didn't recognize back at her.
A few minutes later, they stopped, and Anna inspected the wand carefully. Apparently satisfied, she pulled a long slender box out of the basket by her feet and nestled it in gently.
"Thanks Lily" she said, and Lily sat back down.
It was a week before they were due to go back to Hogwarts and she hadn't spoken to James. She was starting to cave – she wrote half of a letter last night before burning it, and she just wished she was a bit less stubborn.
"Should I write James?" she asked the two girls.
Anna laughed slightly bitterly. "Merlin's sake Lily, why're you asking us? My girlfriend died a year after I met her and Cami's last boyfriend turned out to be a Death-Eater-in-training"
"What's that got to do with anything?" Lily asked.
"I meant, romance wise"
"We're friends"
"You say that now…"
Lily threw an unfinished wand at her head and Anna caught it neatly, shaking her head.
"You should get over yourself" Anna advised. "He's an idiot, but for some reason he cares. Suck it up and apologize for going off on him"
Camilla passed her the cat and nodded wisely. "She's right. Write him, Apperate over there, send him a Howler, just let him know you don't hate him"
Lily didn't hate him, of course. She just found it profoundly irritating when he tried to interfere in something that was clearly none of his business.
She wasn't wrong to find that annoying, was she?
Except… when James was cursed by the Slytherins, she'd swore at him and ranted and told him he was stupid for doing what he did. Maybe that was what you did when you cared. Maybe you gave them hell to prove that you cared. Maybe he was right.
"No, I don't think so" she said determinedly. He had been an interfering arse and she wasn't apologizing.
"Fine" Anna said. "Just don't blame us when you're miserable"
Lily was on the verge of throwing another wand at her head.
"I'm going to bed" she said, standing up and heading for Anna's room.
They let her go without saying another word.
It took four more days for Lily to make up her mind regarding James. She flip-flopped. He was a condescending prick who knew nothing about her or Sev, he was looking out for her, James had always had it out for Sev, he just wanted her to be safe…
It was confusing.
Would you miss him? she asked herself. If this is really it – would it break you to never speak to him again?
Yes, she decided. Yes, it probably would.
It was the night before they were going back to Hogwarts when she finally made a decision. Anna, Mary, Camilla and Lily were all having dinner on the living room floor when Lily stood up.
"I should probably go" she said, moving towards the door. "I think I need to talk to someone"
"Yes!" Camilla said, clapping her hands. "Go!"
Lily Apperated on the edges of the Potter mansion. She knew most families had wards up these days, and she didn't want to set them off. She stopped outside the window that she was fairly sure belonged to James, and scooped up a handful of pebbles from the garden bed.
Pulling out her wand, she carefully levitated one to rap on his window. Nothing. Lily tried again. On the third try, a head stuck out. Lily could see messy hair and she grinned for a second.
"Lily?" he called down.
"Hi!" she whispered loudly.
"What're you doing?"
"Being terribly cliché. Can I come up?"
James pulled his head back in and Lily cursed internally. She should've apologized first.
James returned with a wand in his hand and pointed it at the side of the house, muttering something. A rope fell down the side of the house and landed in Lily's hand. She glared up at him for a moment before sighing and wrapping her hands around the rope. It was slightly rough.
It seemed to take a very long time before she hauled herself, panting, over the edge of James's windowsill. He was smirking. She decided to ignore that.
"Have you never climbed a rope before?"
"Hogwarts doesn't do P.E." she informed him. "I'm extremely out of shape"
James's room was dimly lit and messy. A large barn owl sat on a perch, preening his wings happily. Two Hogwarts's trunks sat in one corner of the room, and his bed was unmade.
"Why're you here, Lily?" James asked, and Lily swallowed, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest defensively.
"I'm here-" she said, and coughed. "I'm here to – to apologize. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you- I missed you-"
There was a pause as she struggled for words, and she stumbled over her own apology for another minute or so.
"I was just really angry. You and Sev have hated each other for years – I thought you just wanted me to hate him too. I didn't realize you were properly worried…"
"You kind of over reacted" James said, studying her. Lily couldn't read his eyes and she tugged at a strand of her hair anxiously. "You didn't need to"
"I know" she said desperately. "I know – I don't like being told what to do-"
"Do you know why I was worried?" he asked.
"You care about me" Lily said, looking at her feet. "Merlin knows why"
"Yeah" James said simply. "I care about you. You worry about people you care about Lily, it's how it works. Snape may've been your friend once, but you've seen him since then. You know the people he's friends with. You know the sort of magic he likes, the power he wants. That's why I worry"
"You never really knew him. You hated him from the start didn't you? Do you even know why you hate him?"
"Because he sides with Voldemort, Lily. The fact that he likes you isn't a sign that he's changing, you're the exception to the rule. D'you know why he stood up for us at the trial? To get you to forgive him"
"You said that last time" Lily interrupted. "You can worry about me, alright? And I won't get annoyed at you for worrying"
James buried his face in his hands. "That's really not how compromises work" he informed her in a muffled voice.
Lily sighed impatiently.
"Fine. What would you suggest?"
"Stop seeing Snape" he said immediately.
Lily regarded him flatly. She wanted to stop fighting with James but it was hard. "No" she said.
"We appear to be at an impasse"
"Yeah, but you're the one that's making the problem"
The slightly amused grin dropped off James's face and Lily wanted to grab the words and stuff them back in. She closed her eyes and shook her head once, sharply. "No – I'm sorry, that was stupid. Ok – how about I stay friends with Sev for the rest of the year – and if I manage to convince him to renounce Voldemort, or whatever, you'll let it be. If not, I'll stop talking to him"
James considered her for a minute.
"I don't want to fight anymore" she whispered. "I don't-"
James cut her off with a hug. As Lily's arms wrapped automatically around him, she relaxed. He was warm, and his arms were strong and she felt safe for a moment. Safe and loved.
"It's ok. That's fine" he whispered, hugging her tighter. "I missed you too"
Lily's arms looped under his and she rested her chin on his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut.
"I'm sorry too" James said. "We're both idiots, yeah?"
"Yeah" Lily whispered back, tears starting to pool in her eyes as she laughed a bit. "Yeah, we definitely are"
It was lovely to be back at Hogwarts. Even with the added workload of their NEWT year, Professor Hawthorne still gave them Wednesday afternoons to practise duelling, and on Friday mornings Professor Slughorn let them brew whatever they wanted. If Divination got too serious, Vivian Tallhart would cackle in a manner that made her sound much younger and remind them that it was by no means a perfect science, and it was unlikely that their dreams would have much impact on their future lives.
By a sort of unspoken agreement, they didn't talk about Sev. Gradually, Lily stopped seeing him. It hadn't been deliberate – it had just sort of happened – but she got the impression that James was relieved by it.
Lily and James had more than a few late night patrols where they would spend the night talking quietly, or not saying anything at all and simply enjoying each other's presence.
But still, outside of Hogwarts, people were dying and disappearing and Lily and James's quest to find the Order of the Phoenix had been shelved as they were reabsorbed into school life.
"What're you going to do, after Hogwarts?" Lily asked him one night when they had made it to the top of the Astronomy Tower.
"I dunno" James said, staring up at the half moon.
"I don't know either" she told him. "I just – I just want to fight. I just want to change things"
"Then do that" he said. "Change the world, Lily Evans"
She kicked him in the ankle, sure he was making fun.
The months passed quickly. To Lily, it felt like an hourglass, standing on shifting sand as time ran out from under your feet. The new year arrived before she quite knew it. The whole group of them spent the night up the Astronomy Tower with a box of fireworks and a bottle of Firewhiskey, making absurd resolutions and watching a powder light drift of snow cover the dead grass at the foot of the tower.
And on the first day of the new year, they realized that Anna was missing.
"Look, there's a letter" Marlene said, crossing to Anna's bed in two quick strides and seizing up the envelope.
"No" Camilla whispered, all the colour draining from her face. "No, she couldn't have"
Lily's stomach was falling and the sand under her feet was moving and she nearly fell, catching the bedpost at the last minute.
"Open it" Mary said, her eyes glassy.
Marlene ripped it open violently, unfolding the letter.
For two, tense seconds, there was silence before Marlene spoke.
"I'm sorry" she read, and Lily slapped a palm over her mouth to stop her sharp inhalation. "But I can't stay at Hogwarts any more. I can't be around magic without her. Artemis was magic and without her it all feels fake, I guess. So – I'm off to be a Muggle. You won't find me. I'm changing my name and my looks, and none of you will be able to find me. Please don't try. I don't think I can. I love you all, and you've held me together this long, but you couldn't do it forever. So this, this is my solution. It's a shit solution, as far as these things go, but it's the best one I can think of. Sorry.
Anna"
"Oh my god" Camilla said in a hushed voice, sinking down onto the bed.
"She ran away" Marlene said, dropping the letter. "She fucking ran away"
Lily wrapped an arm around Mary, who looked like she was about to cry, and held on tightly. The days were passing so very quickly.
The days passed in brief, forgotten scenes, and Lily wasn't quite sure what to make of Hogwarts without Anna's bitter cynicism and biting wit. Something was missing. She missed Anna sitting beside her in Potions, swearing fluidly under her breath when she missed a step. She missed Anna lecturing them about wand woods, and she missed Anna's blunt no-nonsense friendship. She missed Anna.
The seventh year Gryffindors spent a lot of time together, and it made the pain a little better.
"James" Lily said one night in front of the fire. The two of them were lying on their stomachs on the rug. Lily stared into the flames until her vision went blurry.
"Yeah?" James asked.
"I like you a lot"
"I like you too, Lily"
"No-". Lily pushed herself up on one elbow, frustrated. She wasn't sure how to articulate this. "I really like you"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Lily are you telling me that you like-like me?"
Lily let out a huff of a laugh. She wasn't sure what she was telling him. These days she often felt unsure, but never around James. Not till now.
"I'm not sure" she said truthfully. "You make me laugh. You make me brave. You make me better"
James was sitting up now too and Lily met his eyes. They were warm, and slightly amused.
"Y'know" he said lightly. "I've liked you for an awfully long time"
"I know" Lily said. "And I was horrible to you-"
"Yeah, but I was a brat"
"Yeah, you were. Anyways. I just – I'm not sure what I'm saying, James"
"Something about my devilishly good looks, I believe"
Lily threw a pillow at him.
"Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something"
James sat up attentively, and folded his hands in his lap.
She took a deep breath. "So… we've known each other for a long time"
James said nothing, but nodded.
"For a portion of that time we shouted abuse at each other whenever we saw each other"
He nodded again.
"Then we sort of became friends. Allies – I think Anna called it. Then friends. And that's lovely – I love being your friend, James – but I think…"
Lily trailed off. James was grinning.
"I think I might love you" she said in a rush.
James said nothing and Lily closed her eyes. "Right" she said. "Right sorry, of course – just forget that-"
"Lily" he said.
"What" she snapped, on the defensive now.
"We're living in a really crazy time. One of your best friends just ran off to join the Muggles, people we know have been brutally murdered, a good quarter of the people in this school want you, and people like you dead. Everything's changing but you – you never leave. You're always here, Lily. You made it really hard, trying to get over you"
"But you clearly managed it" Lily said, looking away. Her throat felt tight.
"I didn't" James said. "I never did. I tried and I tried but it never worked. It was like – an earworm"
He frowned. "That came out wrong – you're not a worm"
"Thanks" Lily said dryly.
"Welcome. Anyways – I think I might love you too"
It was warm, in the Common Room, and late. It was utterly empty. The air smelled like fire and rain and wool, and James's hand when she took it was rough with calluses from Quidditch.
When they kissed, the room was silent, the air gathering around them like a held breath. The light from the fire surrounded them in a halo, and at least to Lily, it felt like this whole world was a story leading up to this moment. This moment where Lily's hands tangled in James's hair and one of his went round her waist and the kiss was soft and sure and melting, like they were somehow gluing themselves together forever and ever with this kiss.
When they pulled away, James looked at Lily and all he could see was fire and emeralds and joy.
A.N. So there's going to be one more chapter and then FIN. I won't put an author's note on that, so I'm going to say goodbye here.
Thank you to everyone who gave this fic a chance - from the people that left reviews on every chapter to the people who read half of the first chapter and decided it wasn't for them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You've all made writing this a profoundly enjoyable experience, and your comments, questions, and funny reviews kept me writing.
There are so many of you that I can't possibly thank you all individually, but just know that your support meant the world to me. This is the longest thing I've ever written, and it went so fast! I can't believe I started this monster in August. So thank you, thank you, thank you, and please enjoy the next chapter.
Edit: Just gonna put a list of all the fics in the Falling 'verse... I also created a community for this 'verse (creatively titled 'the Falling verse) so if you go follow that, you'll be updated whenever I add a new story to this mess.
1. A Rise and Fall - September 1975 - May 1978 - October 1981
2. Eros Vs Philia - March 1978
3. Fool Me Once - April 1978
4. I Love You (Because I Know No Other Way) - May 1978
5. Graduations and Declarations - June 1978
6. Love Poems - July 1978
7. My Will in Stars - August 1978
8. Kiss With a Fist - October 1978
9. Understanding, Unforgiving - October 1978
10. The Rampaging Romeo - November 1978
11. That First Christmas - December 1978
12. Fireworks and Endings - December 1978
13. Thrice Defied - August 1978 - February 1980
14. Godfather Extraordinaire - June 1980
15. The Stories Behind - January 1981 - November 1981
