Note: Corresponds with chapter 73 of Nariel which describes the same events from Nariel's point of view.

Athrana (Wandering Shadow)

Chapter 53- Mutual Understanding

TA 3019 March 7th Early hours

Nariel pulled Athriel off into the trees and pushed her roughly to sit. She was stronger than she looked which took Athriel by surprise. How could this woman manhandle her so easily. "What do you think you are doing?" She yelled. She was not going to let this newcomer control her. Nobody controlled her. But Nariel was not intimidated in the slightest. "We need to talk" She said, but she didn't sit down. This made Athriel angry. How dare she, how dare she tell her what she needed. She didn't want to talk about it, she didn't want to talk about any of it. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened tonight. She wanted to crawl into that safe place between Elladan and Elrohir and go to sleep. He wanted to sleep one night without the nightmares. She stood, using her advantage in speed over the woman, she tried to move past her. It didn't work as she was knocked to the ground once again. A low growl resounded from Nariel's throat reminding Athriel of who she really was. This was no mear woman. She was one of the Beornings and a powerful wizard in her own right. "No Athriel, you are going to sit there and listen to me."

Athriel didn't want to listen. She didn't want to open that wound again. She couldn't show weakness. "Get out of my way Istari, I don't want to hurt you" Nariel laughed at her calling her bluff. "I'm not afraid of you Athriel, you won't hurt me" The elf glared at her and stood her ground. She was Athriel Erynsaeliel and she would not lose this battle. "What makes you so sure" she asked defiently. "Because I know you, better than anyone now I wager." That was true. She wasn't sure exactly how much this woman had seen inside her mind. Somehow she didn't want to know.

Athriel collapsed back against the tree behind her. She didn't want to do this, but she had no choice. She would not hurt the bear-woman, not while she still had control over her thoughts. "I don't need your help" she said instead. She had enough people trying to help her and it had caused them nothing but pain. She remembered seeing the twins in her dream; Holding her tightly on either side trying not to cry. Nariel scoffed. "Sure you don't" The wizard moved to sit beside her realising that she was no longer going to run. "I can do this on my own" Athriel said, although she was unsure who she was really trying to convince. "If you could, you wouldn't have come back. You need the presence of others as much as any of us do" However true that may be she didn't want to admit it. "You don't understand" She said closing her eyes. Nariel sighed. "I'll admit, yesterday I didn't understand, At least not all that you were going through. But now I do. I've seen it." Athriel couldn't stop the tears that came to her eyes. She was doing it again, bringing other's into the hell she lived. Only yesterday she had been so happy. Only yesterday she had been reunited with an old friend and made another. "I'm sorry you had to see that, I'm sorry." And she burst into tears.

Athriel realed back in shock as Nariel struck her. That she had not been expecting. "What did you do that for?" Nariel shrugged, not apologetic in the least. "Sorry, but you needed it. I'm going to sit here and give you sympathy. That's what your twins are for. I'm here so that we can talk this out. You're going to tell me everything, without stopping. I'm going to be honest with you, and you're going to be honest with me. And I'm not going to hesitate in telling you when you're being stupid or irrational and you can do the same for me. We can help each other" Athriel looked at her in confusion. How could she possibly help this woman. Surely the arrangement would be entirely one sided. Nariel had everything. "What would you need help with?" Nariel smiled softly and Athriel could see that there was something lurking beneath the surface, Some hidden darkness. "You'd be surprised. Everyone has issues Athriel. I may not have been through what you have, but I've seen darkness. Everyone has some darkness inside them."

Athriel sat silently for a moment, contemplating all that she had said before she continued. She was intriqued to learn exactly what it was the wizard hid beneath the surface, but that would have to wait. For now she needed to know exactly what their arrangement would entail, she still didn't want to share her woes again."But how can you help me. I've been over all of this before, I told Lord Elrond everything before I left" Nariel raised a single eyebrow. "Everything" That was true. She had hidden something from him. But she had needed to. She couldn't tell anyone everything she felt. It would hurt them too much.

"That's how we can help each other Athriel. You can tell me things you would never tell Elladan and Elrohir or your brother. You can tell me what you feel you can't tell them because they are too close, because they may become upset or feel guilty. And you can do the same for me." That actually sounded good. Maybe they could help one another.

And so they talked. Nariel conveyed all of her fears to the Elleth and she in turn talked about her nightmares, her duty to Celebrian and the twin's ridiculous notion that destroying Sauron would bring her back to normal. The wizards revelations shocked her. It was only now that Athriel realised exactly what Nariel had meant when she talked about darkness.

While he still had power over another Saruman believed he was invincible, while he still had his servant he felt nothing could touch him. He was still in control. She looked at Grima closely. He had a knife in his hands but there was indecision on his face. Do it, she thought, do it. Even if it kills you it will make you free. "Saruman! You were deep in the enemy's counsel. Tell us what you know!" Knowing what she had to do Nariel blocked Legolas from her mind. He wasn't going to like what she was going to do, but she had to do it. "You withdraw your guard and I will tell you where your doom will be decided. I will not be held prisoner here!" No, he would rather die, and he will. She could see that he was never going to tell, no matter what they promised him. Deep down Gandalf knew that as well.

Nariel closed her eyes and searched. She was getting better at it, seeing the minds of others. But she had never pushed her way inside before. There she could see it, the small enclosed mind of Grima Wormtongue. So warped and confused by Saruman's control, she wondered briefly what he had been like before the wizard fought his way inside. Then she wondered whether she was just as bad. All the same she pushed aside the thin barrier and heard his thoughts. He wanted to do it, he wanted to kill his master, and he was on the brink. It was too late to stop now. She had to do it. She gave Wormtongue the push he needed.

That it seemed was one of the things that worried her most, that she was becoming something terrible. Athriel could relate to that, she had felt like that so many times. But she did not believe that that would happen to Nariel. She had too much to fight for. Maybe together they could get through their worries. Maybe they really could help each other.