Every time you make a move you destroy my mind And the way you touch I lose control and shiver deep inside You take my breath away You can reduce to tears with a single sigh Every breath that you take Any sound that you make Is a whisper in my ear Queen
There was infinitely slow moment when Elizabeth really believed she was dead.
Her consciousness had finally decided to break away from whatever sleep or passing she had been in, but wherever she was now, felt just as somberly still as death.
No sense of life reached her, no sound touched her. There was the faint smell of Jason that breezed up through her nostrils. Soapy and crisp like the smell of fresh scrubbed skin after a shower, the pure recognition of him and no one else.
Her heart was beating, but the vibration was a million miles away from her, soft and distant like she was hearing the slow thump through a tunnel of other noises.
Her eyes moved under closed lids, rotating and finding their place before lifting under the heavy burden of her sleepiness. Opening her eyes didn't help her lost equilibrium. The darkness circuiting her was too thick, unpliable, crowding out even an insignificant detail that could signal a sense of familiarity.
She moved, her limbs working double time just to extend out. Her breathing came out even as her legs stretched, feeling cool fabric over her. Beneath her was sinking softness, a wonderful drowning no mattress had ever felt like under her. Her body molded to the cushiony texture, the sensation pulling her down to close her eyes and sleep again.
She wanted to. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept, but right now her body whined for rest she felt centuries deprived of. She swept her grainy tongue over her dry parched lips, the laborious action becoming more tiring when her arm tugged to remove the frizzy tendrils blocking her unseen view.
When she did this movement caught in her peripheral vision at her left. Something or someone stirred. If she hadn't been so electrically aware of the dead silence she might not have noticed, but when she heard light breathing release before a rough cough was let out, the small sounds went off inside her like a repetitive smoke alarm.
She wasn't alone.
Her eyes squinted, the corners smiling out as she tried to decipher the movement over the pain announcing itself in her skull. The pain shot out, situating through her as fear coupled along in surprise.
What if Jason wasn't here? What if she was taken or a hostage?
She couldn't recall much of what had happened. Jason's wide eyes screaming out in alarm, the large heavy footsteps that stampeded the street under her, filtered through the soles of her feet and up, freezing her body in place like an ice sculpture.
All she could see now was Jason throwing his body into hers, her going down side first as he shielded her with his massive strength and then… everything went black.
Her chest thudded up as the fragments of memories flurried down like drifting snowflakes in her mind God, what if he was hurt or worse. She needed to get to him. She needed to make sure he was okay. If anything happened to him because of her….
" Hey…hey." Soft rustling traveled over the bed spread through her skin like a warm swirling river. She blinked several times, the impenetrable darkness unbudging.
A voice, a dark chasm, fluidly ran in the air and a calming melted sensation went through her. " What do you think you're doing?" The soothing tone asked.
A small orphaned tear gathered in one corner of her eye, fell before even truly forming. " Jason." She gulped past the burning knot in her throat.
His hand descended from out of nowhere, sheltering the one side of her face with its calloused heat. His thumb swished against the trace of her tear and she couldn't hinder the shudder that shook in her and passed on to him.
His breathing held a heavy exhausted note to it, relieved but still trapped in worry. He was watching her, she could feel her heart goose bump, her pores prickle in uncontained awareness. " Yeah. It's me. It's okay…" His thumb brushed the last few lines of her delicate black lashes. His finger trembled on release as he expelled a strained breath. "Ssshh, I'm here."
The solid evidence, the fact that she could touch him, hear his aching voice should have hushed her insides, but the realization only made her collapse further. Knowing he was here with her, but not really with her. She couldn't hold him like her arms rebelled to do, she couldn't do any of the things she longed for.
She sniffled, turning her head to the side so that his hand was squished lovingly between her face and the pillow. " I thought" She staggered mournfully, "…Are you alright?"
" I'm fine." He sounded closer, close enough for her heart to expand in her chest.
Her nose was buried now in the center of his palm, her cry was not thought out. " Jason please…"
He shifted his hand a bit, lowering to cup her face and draw her to where he was. His other hand came up as well, stretched away from her for a second to switch on the tiny end table lamp at the side of the bed, then came back to mimic what his other hand was doing, steadying her wobbling face with both large encompassing hands.
She was biting her lower lip to stop the jolt possessing her. The back of his knuckles cascaded down her bare cheek. Her eyes were closed, the sense of him watching her magnified against her when his deep whisper touched her. " You're fine. So I'm fine."
She had only seen Jason cry once, maybe twice, but the reaping strain in his voice now was a tender indication of the good amount of time he had spent trying to hold back tears. " You didn't get hurt?"
" No." He leaned in, threatening the air around her from doing its job. " But you did."
" I'm okay," Elizabeth lifted half her lids, her sedated eyes locked with his pulsing ones. " Just my head."
" I'm sorry." He didn't seem to have heard her, his features twisting as repulsion took over. " Your head hit the pavement pretty bad. You got a mild concussion."
" How do you know?"
" I had my doctor come and check." His thumb stopped its hypnotic exercise, cradling into the corner of her mouth. She felt his eyes there as well. " Are you feeling better?"
" Yeah." Her brow curled under her grogginess. She batted her lids, reaching for the space of time that had eluded her. It was like trying to capture air with her bare hands. " I don't remember what happened."
" That's good." The stiffness in his voice didn't match the smooth stroke of his fingers or the way they were distilling the sleep away from other parts of her.
She sighed past his words. " Tell me please."
" Its better you don't know."
" I need to. Jason." The words slipped past her unmoving mouth, the imprint of his thumb sat on her like a weighed ton of bottled fire. She made herself ignore the sensation and lift her head a bit, widening her eyes to grasp his attention. " Was someone trying to kill me?"
Her fuzzy vision took seconds to displace, his image finally fitting into the proper pieces like a puzzle. " Yes."
All of him was inches from her, far-off from where she wanted, but so near her arms wouldn't have to work very hard to feel his cool skin, take in his mouth with the tips of her fingers and revisit a path she had the good sense not to travel down.
She licked her lips, accidentally grazing the end of the thumb, which pressed deeper in on contact. " Who?" She asked breathlessly.
His cast a downward stare over her body, let an edgy sigh leave his body. He shook his head, taking the one hand that was lost and buried in her hair and brought it to his tattered, inscrutable face. He wiped a hand down the side of his cheek." I'm not sure yet." He admitted low and crumbly.
" The guy did he-"
" He won't bother you anymore." The color of his eyes glowed; lucidly alert and rock hard in concentration as he transmitted the clarity of his promise.
The silence erupted like a shot gun. She locked eyes with him, feeling the tremors rallying for overthrow. " You killed him." She didn't have to ask, she already knew the answer, but the words spilled from her tongue.
" No." His whispered, fixed on her, watching openly for her reaction, but rigidly holding back for her readable dismal. " Vincent did."
" Vincent?"
" You guard."
" Guard…" The word rolled from her tongue, not comprehending the full meaning behind it. When her eyes fell back on his, he shied away, looking down as she spoke, "When did I get a guard?"
He cleared his throat, played with the loose fabric of her shirt where her hip curved out. The touch shaded her skin like a sunburn and spread. After several seconds of thought out silence he murmured reluctantly. " A while ago."
Something hitched and knocked away inside her. A new awareness, a path of knowledge she sensed was always there, but couldn't be sure, revealed itself. She wanted him too look at her. " How long?"
" Does it really matter."
Against her better judgment, against whatever sound mind she had, she lifted a hand to his face, the coarse hairs of his unshaven cheek gravening the skin of her hand. " To me, yeah." She nudged his jaw and for some reason she would never know, he allowed her. " When, Jason?"
The rising and falling of his breaths were exemplified only by the small tight move of his chest which followed the rhythm of his stare; obscurely set from depiction, except for the flaming intensity that was unnamed, uninhibited. " Two months."
She was being dragged under, too weak to fight, too enraptured to want to. But she wouldn't let his evasive maneuvers deter her. More than anything she wanted answers. She wanted the truth between them if nothing else. " I don't understand. Why would you have a guard on me?" Her hand fell away and his body tightened so brutally, the tension bled through the thick cover of blanket and into her. " I wasn't in danger anymore. We both know that."
He had turned into petrified wood over her. Solid, no life, just the unperceivable harsh twinkle of his stare. " Just for precaution. Just in case."
" Oh." The word grooved through her clamped down mouth. The atmosphere did an about-face, becoming unbendable, stifling. She squirmed under him and the sole connection of his finger on her mouth fell away.
" I'm sorry." He intercepted slowly, his breathing picked up in the small room, but he didn't do anything to relieve the pressure in him, between them, surrounding them like a fence. " I wasn't trying to invade your privacy."
Her chin dug into her chest as she looked down and noticed she was still wearing the same clothes from work today. Or was it yesterday. She had absolutely no idea what time it was. She fumbled with the first button even though it was set in place. " You were just doing your job." She mumbled in a quick gurgle.
" Something like that." He answered, dully, in an uninterpretable tone that was bathed in a torment with no origin.
She disregarded the unraveling timbre that usually seeped her dry of defense. " You shouldn't have. I was- I am fine." She enunciated with a slight treble accenting her words.
He didn't touch her but he moved closer, leaning in to the point where she was forced to look at him. The sense- splitting move vanquished her determination, but she remained inflexibly motionless like a doll.
The awareness pumped higher, the gravity of his stare falling hard on her like the weight of his body would or the feel of his moistened lips right before he submerged for entrance." Tonight scared you." He whispered knowingly, a small shatter in his voice at the truth of what he was saying, " You don't have to pretend it didn't."
She was pinned to the moment, to the way he was roaming her face with each short pillage of his eyes. " It scared you too." Her soft voice floated out, bobbing eyes with him.
" I can see it in your face."
The wild thwart of truth played expertly through, beating against his face with ravaging appetite. His features softened and hardened, regretting, wanting, passing back and forth, tearing at him like a scavenger. " I was afraid I was going to lose you." The gravely reveal came out stubbled in distress, in his lack of control with the situation.
The urge to placate him wired her insides. The unforgiving pallor of his skin as thoughts of death and loss plagued him. Her hand waved up but fell limply on her chest, not wanting to confuse him and herself in the process. " I'm fine." She encouraged lightly, smiling despite the heaviness in both of them.
Moisture pricked his glare, liquefying the impenetrable wall erected there. Molten hot, he absorbed the feminine nurturing of her small smile like a desperate man on the verge of his suffering.
"You always say that," He murmured, thoughtlessly, his voice catching as he swallowed his tears.
" So do you."
He gave in, she could see the break, the surrender as his hand, the one that had been nestled comfortably in the indent of her mouth, came to brush the fall away hairs peeking out of her sloppy assembled hair. The torture in his statement was spacious, harbored in the dark parts of his soul he never exposed to the daylight of truth.
He licked his lips, studying his own movements, fruitfully bound to his awe in her. " I don't want you hiding from me."
He said the words to himself. She could have been a mere ornament in the room, but the silky feeling that ribboned through her, made her very aware of the fact that she was a woman under the capture of man she loved that didn't love her back.
" It's better this way." She dismissed lightly, emphasizing her tone with a slight laugh that gathered and left on a strangled note.
" Why?"
Her stare met his without thinking her actions through. He appeared as damaged in their memories as she was. " You know why." She countered, out of breath. Her emotions lay on her chest like the Rock of Gibraltar.
Somewhere along the way his hand had moved to her corner of jaw, his thumb falling down and back like she was an instrument he was playing, delicately and with indomitable precision. His eyes closed, sorrowed, maybe even shame teetered on the brink of disclosure.
He covered, lifting a hooded veiled gaze to her. " Have you thought about what we talked about?"
" Yeah I have."
" And?" He pressed, with a tinge of anxiousness.
She shrugged under his hand, muddled. There was no easy answer, there was no way to get around this. She was stuck in her indecision and that wouldn't change no matter when Jason asked. Tomorrow or hundred years from now. " I don't know."
" I know this is tough." His hand stroked unconsciously down her arm, sending a ripple, hot and untidy through the slumbering nerves under her skin, before landing in his lap. " I know this is the last thing you want."
Her head came up, tinted with an ache that had nothing to do with her present condition. " You don't know what I want." She said, her gaze keeping him sturdy and encased by hers.
He withdrew first, noticing the slight edge of her tone, but then his head tipped in and to the side, grabbing for a connection. " I know you want to keep this baby safe." The uneven throb of his murmur was debilitating. His eyes skimmed her stomach, laid planted, a cozy warmth spread through her when he refused to look away. " I know you want to protect this baby from nights like this…I can do that."
The moisture in her eyes infected the rest of her, spreading like a disease, compromising her heart, her soul, the best protected areas he always effortlessly sought through. " You would do that….marry me, be my husband for this baby?"
" Yes." He answered, unfalteringly, finally tearing his gaze from her stomach and meeting her stare head on. His breathing did that funny raspy thing, the blue in his stare dimmed, saturated by the moment. " Yes. I would be honored."
" Because you have to."
His head shook. " Because I want to." The thud in his voice echoed out, capsized on her insides like a good stomach virus. He tilted closer, picked her chin up with a slight move, the unwise step forcing to heighten the consciousness between them. " Listen I don't want to pressure you. Just think about it…okay?"
She would say anything to get out of this personally made –for- her torture chamber she had been chained in. Her head nodded, removing her chin from him with a small pull. " Alright."
He didn't seem to notice it. His hand like silk feathers played through her hair before landing on her shoulder. " Sleep, okay. You need to sleep." He advised low, the soothing comfort in his voice was melodious to her stiff bones.
" I'm not really sleepy anymore." She stated, drowsy with a yawn that indicated otherwise.
" Sleep anyway." He bent, her breathing diminished in the grips of necessity, and he placed a subtle but piercing kiss on her forehead.
He shifted away and the panic in her bubbled over her good intentions. " Wait, where are you going?" She shook, still feeling the kiss like a hot stamp on her skin.
" I was…" He saw the fright widen her eyes, eclipse the weariness warring through her. He hesitated against his body which was already stretching next to her, falling into her warmth like a gullible naïve child seeking solace in the safe cocoon only a family could provide. "…Nowhere. I'm right here."
He gathered her easily in her arms. The functions inside him were working the other way, hammering for a control that had slipped through the cracks. Huddled against him her face pressed against the inside of his shoulder. Her breath seared against his neck with each sluggish exhale she took.
" Good?" He whispered into the crown of her head, kissing the soft top without thinking. His instincts were raw, unburdened with each sensation she bulldozed his way.
" Yeah, thank you, Jason." She sounded half asleep, half in her dreams. She fingered the line of his chest lazily and he knew she wasn't conscious of what she was doing. Right and wrong were hard to juggle when exhaustion interfered. " Thank you for saving my life." She muttered, shyly.
He tensed, but she didn't feel it. Her breathing had faded and she must have been struggling so hard against her need for sleep that at the first available opportunity her body gave in.
His cluttered breath grew, the strings holding his emotions in place pulling for release. " Good night. Elizabeth." He tilted his head back, eyeing her beautiful sleepy profile and his chest squeezed violently as he finally expelled an imprisoned breath. " I love you."
Sleep couldn't stop her mind.
Marriage.
It wasn't exactly a future every eighteen year old had to ponder.
She was supposed to be going to keg parties, wondering what fraternity she was going to pledge, going on dates, finding out if a hangover was really as gruesome as people dramatized.
At eighteen she was not suppose to be contemplating marriage and how she was going to raise her child between a mob war and keeping the man she loved at arm's length.
There was too much to consider. Too much particulars she hadn't even thought of.
Her brain was top heavy with the knowledge that any move she made, any decision she exacted was going to affect her and her baby for the rest of her life. This wasn't childhood problems that could be solved by the indulging pat of a parent or the purchase of a new toy.
Much like everything else that had happened since Jason came charging into her life that fateful night months ago, this was intense, life- altering, she was in neck deep and barely surfacing.
That's why she was cooking now.
Maybe it was her domestic side stretching its legs or some sort of therapeutic lull that switched her brain activity off from the fantastic pleasure it took in hurling thought after thought at her.
She lowered the volume of heat on the black finished stove. Jason had little in his refrigerator except beer and a couple of eggs that were still good. She scrambled them with a loose hand, the crackling sound of a simmering breakfast in the air.
Her other hand lay flat on her stomach, whishing back and forth thoughtlessly. Along with not being able to sleep, she couldn't function in the same clothes she was wearing for over a day. She hadn't realized it was morning until she actually came downstairs, stumbled through the grandiose hallway for a few minutes before finally discovering the far off kitchen at the back of the penthouse, tucked away.
The fabric of her shirt and pants itched her, felt sewed to her skin like an oily residue. She stripped them off quickly and deftly, rummaging through Jason's first draw for anything that would suffice as comfortable and decent. She settled for one of his plain white t shirts and large boxers.
His clothes emitted his natural scent, a mix of soap and downy softener, the warmth of his attire clinging to her like they had just been plucked from the drier.
Of course they didn't fit her, not even close. His boxers hung right above her knees and his shirt had to be tied in front or she would look even more ludicrous than she did now.
Barefoot, pregnant, hanging over a stove. God, her mother would probably have an embolism if she saw the scene before her. Elizabeth wasn't sure if she'd be pleased or not. After all, she was a conventional and conservative person to the point of nausea but she would also leap in joy at the idea of her getting married and making a family. Her goals for her middle child were never highly set to begin with.
On the other hand, she was pregnant with a well-renowned criminal's child, who she was very much considering marrying.
God, she was ridiculous.
This was ridiculous.
The idea of marrying him should be banished from her mind completely. How could she do this to herself…torture herself with becoming his wife, taking his name, living with him, sleeping in the same…
She stopped, scooping the eggs with the plastic green spatula. She shoved harder at piece of egg still stuck to the damn pan.
But what about their baby?
If tonight was evidence of the kind of incidents predicted, she admitted without hesitance that she alone could not protect her child. She didn't have that kind of money or power.
This was her damn fault too. If she had just kept her stupid mouth shut and not told Anthony Marcone she was pregnant, none of this would be happening now. She didn't know what exactly she was thinking- she wasn't thinking. That was the point. She was so hooked by her emotions, seeing Jason again after all that time, she couldn't breathe to move, never mind forming actual coherent thoughts.
Placing a fair amount of scrambled eggs into the glass plate, Elizabeth's sigh was teary.
She stopped, pausing in place as the bottom line rushed out at her. In the end, this baby needed safety, protection, care that she couldn't give all by herself. Jason could provide them with all that and more.
So, why was she holding back?
Her eyes drifted shut at the glaring answer. She knew why, did she even have to ask.
" What are you doing?"
She hid her surprise expertly, clutching the frail kitchen ware before turning around with a small bashful smile. She was hoping he didn't look as harsh as the cut of his question insinuated.
She was, of course, wrong. On all accounts.
He didn't look mad, he looked ravenous. He wasn't glaring like the supreme leader of a small country who had just witnessed a peasant stepping out of line.
No. He was standing over her, barely clothed, if loose fitting pajamas pants and nothing else counted, gawking at her like reckless savage about to devour his first meal after years of fasting.
She widened her mouth, trying to smile away the nervous set of fiery jitters that fleeted down in mountain-sized doses. " Is that a trick question because I thought it looked kinda obvious."
He came closer, a corner of his mouth perking up a bit, giving away the only sign that he was human and could bleed when pricked. " Elizabeth." He said her name through and unopened mouth.
" I feel better." She rammed a hand at his chest when she realized he was going to keep moving until he was on top of her. " I do."
He peered down at the tiny pale roadblock that barely took up the amount of space his heart would. " That's nice." His fingers looped around the fragile white flesh, his gaze back on her and wildly attuned to her behavior at this point. "You shouldn't be on your feet."
The trace of pleasure was gone from his face and voice, if it were ever really there to begin with. Sometimes Elizabeth swore she imagined such things as a coping mechanism to deal with the intensity he dished out in droves.
" I'm pregnant not incapacitated." She tugged at his hold and he complied to her silent demand, letting her arm fall away. Luckily he let the small gap between them remain there as well.
She cleared her throat when his eyes made a brazen unhurried trek down her body, suddenly both their present lack of clothing became abundantly obvious to her slow wits. " I thought a smart man like you would know the difference."
" Funny." His stare ended at her toes, held, then back up. " Stop changing the subject." He whispered, clearly distracted by his momentary lapse. Her nerve ends swelled, expanding under her skin to the point of a slow madness. She thought she'd pop like a damn balloon.
" What was the subject again?" she grinned innocently, thinking her teeth would split from the pressure not to dissolve into a puddle of slop.
" You." He leaned a hip into the stove. "Not listening."
The rays of the morning sun from the window behind her played against his bronzed skin and golden hair. He looked like some mythological sun god taking time out to dally with an ordinary being such as herself.
The truth in the insignificant thought made her frown, but she recovered perfectly, eyeing him with small smirk and sputtering out, " I tend to do that a lot. Not listening that is."
" I know." His eyes squinted at her small slip, his head leaning to the side to interpret her sheer but thorough covering.
She shrugged under his hefty disserving glare. " You should be used to it by now."
His stare chiseled away at her, grappling for information she warded off with each attempt he made to reach her. He licked his bottom lip, leaned into her as if he was going to tell her secret. "And you should know by now I always get my way."
The comment furthered the dismal sheen she was working so hard to curtain. " That's true." She sighed, defeated, taking the pan and placing it in the sink behind her.
" What are you thinking about?"
She turned back to him, but didn't make an effort to meet his gaze." Nothing." She amended with a breezy air that was only stifled by her translucent blue eyes. She tipped the plate at him. " Eat."
He grabbed at it without visually breaking apart from her and plopped the dish at his side. " Talk to me." He compelled, his sandy textured voice unthreading her strong bind of will. " Is it about…"
" Mmhmm." She didn't move, curled a hand over her ear to suppress the wave of hair that refused to cooperate. " Yeah."
" Like I said," He captured her hand as it fell on its way to her side. He looked down at their hands, the only thing connecting them together. Her paleness against his tan complexion was astonishing. His thumb traced a small vein over. " No pressure."
She shook her head, pretending to accept his generosity when time constraints insisted on a verdict. He could see the strain of her choices coming down on her, creeping and taking their time to leech off her strength.
" Do me a favor." He asked gently, with a small squeeze of her hand. " I want you to get checked again, make sure the baby's okay."
Her watery eyes brightened like diamonds under water. " I probably should." She agreed with a husky chuckle.
A slash of pain and worry went though him. He moved against her, the silk fabric where his knees were rubbed her inner thigh causing unprovoked heat to bud and flow in the juncture there. His hands came up to her shoulders to hold her in place. " Does anything hurt?" He asked, bordering on needless frantic. " I mean do you think-"
" No. No, Jason." She eased assuredly, securing her stare on him to make sure he was really understanding her and not drowning in his own panic. " But…just in case. I don't want you to worry."
The sigh that left him was overflowing with relief. The grip on her shoulders relaxed and his bunched expression uncoiled like the tight fist of his emotions were constricting every thing he felt.
" Thank you." His breathy response twinkled in his eyes. The corners of her mouth lifted, on course with her need to stay detached but suddenly the awareness of their closeness pounced between them. He didn't care, didn't try and back away.
" For a second, tonight, I thought you were dead." His hand moved up the length of her shoulder, cupping the nakedness of her neck. Entranced by his own movements, he murmured in an even slower fashion. " It was the longest second of my life."
" Me and the baby are fine, Jason." She calmly divulged, the outline of his touch lifting the skin with a floating burning sensation.
" If something would have happened to you…." His breathing elevated gutturally, came out in lust-filled heaves that incited and splintered around them. His roused blue eyes thrusted down on her, each flex of crisp blue circulating like a live pulse in each of her molecules.
He looked aroused, quivering with hunger, prepared to devour her with an immensity that plugged her lungs shut from giving and receiving air. " Jason…" She blundered his name clumsily, pressing a hand to his chest when she didn't appear to have penetrated the ferocious need going through him. " Don't."
The one distorted word seemed to be enough, lifting the dense fog of stupor that latched on to him. With a short stout shake of his head he let go, waking a bit from the dark trance.
" I'm sorry." His rugged apology waved out, suppressed under his desire. Acute shame was written across his face from his own ineffective discipline. All of him seemed ripped up by his quandary, but his eyes, on the other hand, unapologetically clung to hers. " I shouldn't have-"
" No…" She shook off his explanation, mostly because she didn't think she could bear to here what he had to say. " Don't be."
He drifted closer again. Elizabeth didn't think he was attentive of his own movements. Working against common sense, against what a person knew was right was near impossible when your heart was the opposition. He was fighting some being inside him that howled for freedom. " I know I'm confusing you."
She made herself turn and face the sink. " It's a confusing situation." She twisted the water knob on, squirted soap on her sponge. " Don't worry about it." She threw out carelessly with a stressed shrug she hoped he caught.
" I won't…"
" Listen…" She overrode, her fingers were trembling like leaves in the wind under the scorching hot water. Flipping the pan over she began scrubbing the other side with hard deliberate strokes. "…I've been thinking about this whole marriage thing and I," she paused only for a second, "…I'll do it."
" You'll do it." His subdued answer resonated contorted.
" Yeah…I'll marry you." She went on, lifelessly, but to the point. " If that's what you still want."
" I do." He answered over her; the air of his words dispersing and dancing down on the sensitive skin of her neck.
" But you should know, there are certain things that have to be realized before we both go into this."
She waited and when he didn't reply she crooked her head slightly over her shoulder. He was right there, waiting. " Like?" He whispered, unsure.
The water was still running, but she was done with the dishes. Knowing she had to stay busy, Elizabeth shut the water off and began drying her hands with the towel placed beside the drain board. " I don't want you lying to me. This marriage is about the baby, keeping me safe and nothing more."
" I don't…" He cupped her arm, but she shoved his hand away and he let her. His tone spilled out more aggravated this time. " Elizabeth, I think-"
" Jason. No." She did face him now, sighing wearingly but determined as she settled her gaze on him. He was just as torn and lushly miserable as before. " I will do this, but I'm going to do it with my eyes wide open, knowing the facts, straight ahead. I don't want to be blindsided like…" She broke away, looking down and twisting her fingers through the soft towel.
" Like before." He voiced with an agonized knot, looking away from her as well.
" The thing is I wasn't before." She tentatively professed, not being able to stand the shame and rage that mingled together in his features. " You told me most of the truth….what blinded was my own feelings and how strong they were. I never expected… I never asked for them. They were just there and they were so hard to ignore that I just let them take over." Her head shook, waving in her own unbelievable inexperience. " Which was wrong and stupid. I wasn't thinking. I was being naïve."
" Stop it." He whispered in an angry hush, darting his gaze between her wandering eyes.
" Stop being so hard on yourself."
" I'm not. I'm just trying to be truthful here." Her voice cracked and she swallowed to relieve some of the cramping pressure in her lungs. " I want to go in this with the truth. That's the only thing we have right now. I want this baby to be loved and cherished like it deserves, but we can only start this whole thing by being honest."
" I was there with you, you know." His hands came up and leaned into the sink on either side of her, making a fortress around her, unconsciously trapping her. "You didn't feel all those things on your own."
Instead of backing down like his usual nearness accomplished, she flared an indignant scowl his way. Her nostrils curling up and her eyes flaring prideful at him." This is what I'm talking about. You don't have to feel like you have to explain yourself to me. It's not your fault you didn't care for me the way I did."
" You always think the worst." He brought his face forward, the tip of his finger budging her chin up. His chaotic stare brimmed mutinously at her.
" I know what you told me." She pulled away from his touch, the seething in her awakening in her glare.
He didn't relent, didn't focus on her words or actions, but the small noticeable pain shadowed away behind it all. Her grand protection to hide what ashamed her now was because it would make her vulnerable to him and that only pushed him to the edge of his control. His head sank slowly until they were equal, face to face.
His nose brushed hers, a shimmering fume erupting in his stare. " Is that all you remember?"
" Jason." Her complexion fevered, her mouth dropping a scarce inch with each graze of his skin on her.
" Is it?" He breathed against her face, his skin going taut with each wrench of want that plowed him. " Tell me."
She shook her head before she said the words; soft strands of hair whooshing against him, her tears which she wasn't aware had fallen plastered against her cheeks.
" No." She quaked, shudders teasing against her mouth, the flutter of her lashes. She lifted her partially closed eyes to him, her belly burning like she had swallowed a star. " Do you… She licked her wet lip, felt the intake of his stifled moan. "Do you ever think about t?"
He was stalling, teetering on some threshold. He looked erotically drugged, at the tails end of restraint and about to explode. His forehead pressed hard into hers, his eyes squeezing tight shut. " Yes." He hands came up and held her face with them. " All the time."
" You're eggs are getting soggy."
Blinking first, he opened his eyes to her.
She was solidly convincing, but her body and her reaction to him shot all her good intentions to hell. " I don't care about the eggs." He growled, gripping her hair tighter. " Look at me."
She didn't appear to have heard him or she was consciously disregarding him. He pressed one hand deeper into the side of her face. He let the tension bleed for a second, only their piercing breaths hitting the constricted air. " You'll marry me?" he murmured liquid soft to her.
She squirmed under his touch, like the physical contact disgusted her. Her devoid expression slapped him, along with her word. " I said yes, didn't I." He let her go, watching her walk past him. The loss of her body, her enchanting smell ran acutely through him and he clenched his jaw to tame the impulse to grab her and demolish the wall between them.
But he didn't. With a shaky hand he dragged it through his hair. His insides were tangled, the weight of a house on his chest as he cleared the rough left over emotion from his throat. It didn't help. " Okay."
She was leaving the room as he heard her lukewarm response. " Okay." Her steps echoed against his mind, fading into nonexistence; like she had never been there to begin with, like her presence was a permanent mark on his soul.
This was going to work. He vowed silently to himself. He wasn't going to let her get away with running from what she wanted and what he knew she needed. There future would forever be interconnected because of this baby, but it was more than that and she knew it. That's why she was running and scared because she afraid of the more part.
He was afraid too. Scared shitless, but that wasn't going to stop him. Not now when he was so close to having everything he needed to go on, to live some sort of happy existence, whatever that was. He didn't know happy, the fleeting emotion was estranged to him, but he knew being with Elizabeth was the closest thing to being alive, feeling that rush over and over like a never ending waterfall going through him.
Maybe he was being selfish, but he was going to make this marriage work and let the chips fall where they may. Anthony Marcone and the rest of the organization would get what they wanted in the end, just not the way they expected.
