Chapter 54: Zero to Less Than Zero

I crept over and quietly vaulted over the counter where Diana was standing guard. "There's some wacko listening from behind the door," she whispered to me.

"Some wacko?" I asked. Diana nodded. Just in case it was the employee working here, I opened the door slightly and peeked through the door. Diana wasn't only right about the unwelcome listener: he really did look like a wacko. Our intruder wore a white camouflage suit for blending into the snow outside, covered over a gray cloak similar to what the other Shadows wore. It looked a bit cumbersome but I had to admit: it wasn't a bad idea. He shrieked and fell over backwards after I caught him, suggesting he wasn't a Shadow.

"Who are you?" I asked the hooded figure sitting before me with his hands on the floor. He certainly didn't look like a Shadow: he was roughly the same age as Serena and the Inner Scouts. His head was topped with messy brown hair and his face was obscured by rather ugly large glasses with swirls on the lenses. I heard the patter of foot steps as Rini and Greg emerged from our table to investigate the noise.

Rini gasped. "MELVIN?! You escaped!" Melvin...I heard his name before...

Melvin jumped up, though he remained squatted on his knees. Light seemed to reflect of his glasses as he slowly leaned sideways to face Rini, making him appear even more creepy. Rini was so creeped out that she nearly fell over backwards to avoid his gaze. Even Greg and I couldn't help leaning away from him.

"You're Serena's cousin," Melvin answered matter-of-factly. Even though I could hardly see his eyes behind the lenses, I knew that he was staring at Greg behind me. "But you've got things confused!"

Melvin jumped straight up and pointed an accusing finger at Greg. "I've been tracking YOU ever since you left the coliseum! I thought Sailor Moon had kidnapped you, just like they kidnapped Molly! But here you are chowing down on outside food - which, by the way, my mom said is bad for your brain!"

"Sailor Moon never kidnapped anyone! Besides, I eat outside food all the time and I get good grades!" Rini snapped back at Melvin.

Melvin snorted. "Oh sure, the Sailor Scouts want you to think they're a bunch of goody two-shoes with their over-the-top theatrical routines about love, justice and protecting the world from evil!"

Rini pouted after Melvin's mockery of them. "When did everyone start complaining about their routines?!"

"What happened to the woman working here?" I asked Melvin.

"I locked her in the freezer for the time being!" Melvin answered. The rest of us, including Diana sighed. "It was for her own safety! You're also in danger: your so-called friend Gray here is withholding information vital to stopping plot to conquer the world!"

"My name's Greg," he corrected Melvin. Greg took a few steps back when Melvin lowered his arm and leaned in closer towards Greg. "Something's not quite right with him..."

"I've never seen ANYONE under mind control act like THIS before!" I said to Rini.

"Melvin always had a few screws loose in his head, even when he was going to junior high with Serena," Rini explained. "He's a genius too, but I heard he was dropped on his head a few times as a child."

Melvin began questioning Greg in a bizarre, almost bestial voice. "ENOUGH STALLING GREG! WHERE ARE THE SAILOR SCOUTS?! WWWWHHHEEEERRREEEE?"

I looked to Rini for guidance over what to do, but she was watching Melvin with her mouth stretched wide open and her eyebrows pointed upwards in shock. Our eyes were redirected towards the window when we heard footsteps outside the ice cream parlor. Serena, Amy, Lita, Raye and Mina appeared outside and peeked at the five of us through the windows. I caught Greg's reddened face turn away from them as they followed Serena through the door. But their eyes weren't focused on Greg: they were staring at Melvin as they came inside.

"Melvin?! You escaped! And you just happened to run into the same ice cream parlor!" said Serena. The girls also arched their backs towards the wall in discomfort when Melvin squatted down again and tiptoed in their direction. Greg, Rini and I backed up to give him plenty of space.

"I see they've gotten to you too, Serena! They've gotten to ALL of you!" Melvin ranted. Under his camouflage net, he looked like a blob encroaching upon us. Melvin reached out and grabbed Greg's shoulder when he turned around...he may have been avoiding the Scouts before, but anyone would have picked them over crazed Melvin any day.

Amy crossed her arms and fumed when she saw Melvin hold Greg back. "Melvin, if you don't mind, I really need to have a talk with my boyfriend!"

"Who's they? What were you talking about, Melvin?" Serena asked Melvin.

"He's been brainwashed, Serena!" said Rini.

"The Sailor Scouts are the ones who have been brainwashing us for all these years!" shouted Melvin. Serena and the girls behind her gasped.

"That explains the outfit," Mina whispered to Lita.

"Amy's boyfriend knows where I can find them! He knows how to put an end to their schemes once and for all!" Melvin raved like a lunatic.

The girls looked to each other with uncertainty in their eyes. Nobody wanted to hurt him, for sure...but Melvin was acting crazy right now. Someone else could walk by the ice cream parlor and listen...

"The Sailor Scouts aren't plotting anything, Melvin. They've been protecting the city like they always have. Please, take a deep breath and we can talk about this," Amy pleaded. But Melvin gave her a creepy grin and held him back.

"Wouldn't you rather come back to the hospital with us to see Molly?" suggested Serena. "I saw her before she fell asleep. She'll be relieved to see that you're alright."

"Maybe you could bring her some ice cream for her as a treat for when she wakes up," suggested Mina. But Melvin showed no sign of letting go...

"I can't leave, knowing what I know!" he declared. "The Sailor Scouts altered the weather so they can turn us into popsicles while they conquer the planet! How impressed will Molly be when she finds out I saved the world!"

Raye stepped beside Serena and spoke gently, but firmly. "Melvin, half the people in the hospital right now, including my grandpa and your girlfriend, were put in there by the same people who are telling you these lies."

"The Sailor Scouts can't change the weather! Besides, haven't they saved you and Molly before? Why would they be out to hurt us, now?" Lita reminded him.

"They were acting! Saving us was just a tiny part of their scheme for world conquest!" shouted Melvin. Serena, Mina and Raye rolled their eyes. "But this underground society - the Shadows of Silver Millennium - is already on to them. They made me realize that the Scouts have been brainwashing the city for years with the games and the movies and Sailor Moon underwear - "

"I remember her saying that the underwear wasn't her idea," Serena murmured and turned away with a blushing face. My face had also turned red: now was a very awkward time to remember what Sailor Moon underpants looked like. Along with the fact I was wearing them.

"Think about what you're saying, Melvin!" Greg tried to reassure him. "You can't honestly believe that the Sailor Scouts unleashed all these monsters and supernatural events as part of some conspiracy to control the public!"

"They know how to take advantage! Why else could there have been so few appearances by them over the last four years?" asked Melvin. They were busy plotting, creating a monster of their own along with a new brainwashing tool: the new Sailor Moon cartoon!"

Serena gasped. "I didn't hear Sailor Moon's getting her own TV show! What channel's it on?"

"They're streaming it on the internet every other week," answered Melvin.

Serena's eyes narrowed and she angrily puffed one of her cheeks. "Oh, Sailor V gets her own movie but Sailor Moon isn't good enough for TV anymore?!"

Mina looked just as unhappy with the arrangement. "You said her series has a new episode every OTHER week? They'd better not have any cliffhangers. EVER!"

Now it was my turn to face palm. They might as well transform right in front of him while they were at it.

"Did you two hear what I just said?!" shouted Melvin. "They're using the media to control us!"

"Melvin, you said that the Sailor Scouts created their own monster?" I asked.

"That's right," Melvin nodded. "I don't know about the ones they 'fought' before but maybe they created this one to worm their way back into the news. They just unleashed their own monster to terrorize the city: the Turncoat Charon. I heard the other Shadows talking about it...going by their descriptions, Charon is some kind of eight-foot tall oni with skin as pale as snow, glowing red eyes and spikes protruding from his rock-like skin-"

Melvin paused when Mina covered her mouth in a poor attempt to suppress her laughter. Rini quietly snorted while Serena and the other girls smirked.

"It sounds like you're assuming a lot here, Melvin!" Mina giggled.

Melvin ignored them and continued: "I know their monster derives its own magical power from some kind of bracer the Scouts are using to control it! Many Shadows were destroyed trying to stop it, but I have my own plan! I'll slay the Turncoat Charon and use its bracer to put an end to Sailor Moon's plot once and for all! Then I will combine my new powers with my knowledge of meteorology and heliophysics to save the planet from ecological disaster! The Shadows will welcome me into their ranks and Molly will give me a kiss!"

Everyone in the ice cream parlor stared at Melvin with faces distorted in disbelief at what Melvin had just said. After several moments of awkward silence, I leaned in to whisper to Rini: "Was he like this BEFORE he was brainwashed?"

"He could act normal in public back then!" Rini whispered back.

Mina was the first one to speak to him: "Melvin, I think you should go next door and lie down for a couple of hours."

A lightbulb seemed to go off in Melvin's head. "Of course! The hospital!"

Amy smiled and the lines of tension loosened up in her face. No doubt she was eager to get on with her talk with Greg already. "Yes, my mom is still on call. We can ask her to check on you while we're there."

But Melvin's eyes sparkled with the fires of ambition. He had something different in mind... "That's how I'll lure the Sailor Scouts to me! They deposited most of their abducted there! I can continue my investigation...and then, I'll take the staff hostage! The Sailor Scouts won't be able to resist the free publicity and they'll bring their pet along in an effort to silence me! I'll have my chance to defeat them once and for all! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Everyone else in the room groaned while Melvin cackled maniacally.

"You're going to take over the hospital? All by yourself?" I asked him when he finally stopped laughing to take a breath.

Melvin raised a thoughtful finger to his chin. "It would be a lot easier between the..." Melvin raised his finger in the air and started counting each one of us off. Amy shook her head while Raye lowered her face into her palm. The other girls looked away from Melvin.

I raised a hand in front of him. "Melvin, we're not helping you take hostages. Mina's right, you should go lie down."

"You mean YOU won't help me!" Melvin fumed. "The Spymaster taught me NEVER to let anyone question me in front of the others! Now I have to make an example of you!"

Standing across from me, he began quickly alternating palm strikes, calling out as he stopped inches away from my chest and yelling battle cries. "Kiai! Kiai! Hi-yah!"

I felt a massive sweat drop accumulating to the right side of my head. "Did the Spymaster also teach you that?" Or was this some bizarre twenty-first century ritual I didn't know about?

"No, I did." Serena facepalmed with the others. "It's the only fighting move he knows."

"Not true, Serena!" Melvin proudly declared. "You forgot: I watched Sailor V and the Sailor Scouts for years! Like the Shadows, I devised my own unique fighting style they won't see coming!"

"Challenging Logan to a fight is a VERY bad idea, Melvin!" Rini warned him while Greg joined the others in a deep sigh.

"Make room, I don't want to see any kids hurt during our scuffle! Or little kittens!" Melvin flinched when Diana hissed at him. Unfortunately for Melvin, he didn't notice Rini started fuming when he called her a kid. While he was distracted by Diana, Rini reared her leg back and kicked him right in the shin.

"YYYYYOOOOOOWWWWW!" Melvin hopped on his other foot and cried. He saw the other girls shaking their heads when he finished whining. "You think I can't take him? He doesn't look that tough! I protected Molly from a pumped-up, muscle-brained mutant wearing only a top hat and a cape!"

Serena glared at him and placed her hands on her hips. "I remember you had more than a little help with that fight from none other than Sailor Moon! I'm pretty sure you even copied his description from her!"

"Beating up Logan's not going to prove anything, Melvin!" Lita pleaded with him...though the tone of her voice gave away that she didn't believe there was any chance of that happening.

"It's no use. We can't talk to him while he's like this," sighed Rini.

"At least the hospital is right next door," sighed Raye.

Melvin assumed an incredibly awkward fighting stance with his legs spread apart. The fight was on...

Melvin pulled his arm back and made a fist. "Crawling Caterpillar Punch!" Melvin threw a regular punch at me...except wriggled his arm from side-to-side like a snake as he thrust forward. I wasn't sure if he only wriggled his arm to fit the name or if he was trying to confuse me over where he was aiming for, but I easily stepped aside.

"We're not just going to stand here and watch, are we?" Greg asked the girls. Rini and Serena inched towards Melvin, but he dashed around them and followed me around the room.

"I think I can handle this." There was a touch of mockery when I answered Greg. I faced Serena and the others, dodging Melvin's efforts to hit me in the meantime. "Should I? You know - "

"Not yet. Maybe he'll tire himself out," suggested Raye with yet another sigh.

I heard the front door open as Melvin jumped back to his feet and resumed his 'attack'. Hotaru and Trista slipped into the ice cream parlor to join the Inner Scouts.

"Serena! What kept - " Hotaru stopped in the middle of her sentence when she followed their eyes and noticed the odd brawl unraveling in front of them...

"Buckeye Butterfly Kick!" Melvin jumped up and tried to kick me in the neck, but tripped over one of the chairs and keeled over on the floor instead.

"And there's one of Sailor V's moves." Mina buried her face in her hand again. Hotaru and Trista stared blankly at Melvin as he staggered back up.

"Let me guess: he's a friend of yours?" Trista asked Serena.

"Melvin? He's more of an acquaintance, really!" Serena gave her a nervous smile that quickly faded when she turned her eyes back to us. Melvin nearly lost his balance again after a rose flew past his head and impaled itself on the wall behind him.

With a gloved hand extended, Tuxedo Mask stood beside the counter. "The Melvin I knew never would have locked a young woman away in a freezer! For all your quirks and oddities, you possessed boundless courage and kindness, Melvin! I am Tuxedo Mask: I opened the freezer to set her free and we will reopen your heart to free you from the Shadows' influence!"

"Tuxedo Mask!" Rini affectionately called to him.I looked around to see the other women glowing at him. Did anyone else think Tuxedo Mask's speech was exceptionally cheesy?

Darien loosened his pose and smiled at his future daughter. "Welcome back, Rini."

Whatever brief sanity Tuxedo Mask's gesture had given Melvin quickly faded away. Melvin pointed at the caped figure. "YOU! I donned the persona of Tuxedo Melvin to win over Molly's heart! I sought to become just like you, but you became another one of Sailor Moon's lackeys! You will also feel my wrath!"

Tuxedo Mask's blue eyes widened behind his mask. I shrugged and told him, "you gotta admire his enthusiasm."

Melvin reached behind his cloak. In each hand, he carried three golden-brown clumps between his fingers. "Let's see how you like some of your own medicine! Time to force-feed you my Larvae of Love and Justice!"

Tuxedo Mask and I jumped out of the way when Melvin spun one-hundred eighty degrees and threw six of the crispy projectiles at us.

"You carry fried shrimp in your pockets?!" Tuxedo Mask asked in disbelief.

"You won't think it's a joke when you get some of my spicy shrimp in your eyes! Besides, I don't carry REAL larvae in my pocket! That would be weird!" answered Melvin.

"I don't think he's getting tired!" I called out to Raye. "And why insect-themed attacks?"

"He's crazy about bugs. And the internet," sighed Serena.

"That's right! My ultimate attack unleashes the power of the world wide web! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Melvin cackled like a maniac again.

"This has gone on long enough! Stop him before he hurts himself!" Raye called out to me and Darien, but Melvin jumped onto one of the tables and raised a rectangular device with a screen in the air for all of us to see.

"Crashing...Shockwave...FLASH!" Melvin pressed down on the touch screen with one finger for all of us to see...and stood there quietly.

Tuxedo Mask lifted his shoulders and raised his arms to his sides. "What did you just do?" he asked.

"It's an app I made," answered Melvin. "I factory reset every phone in this room!"

Serena made fists and held her arms straight at her sides, fuming. "You dweebmeister! You're gonna pay if I lost everything!" All the Sailor Scouts grumbled and complained loudly about what they might have lost as they reached for their own cell phones.

"You'll understand when you remember everything," Tuxedo Mask said when he saw me eyeing them.

Mina exhaled loudly when she looked down at her phone. "PHEW! I still have my video of Logan sleeping!" For the first time since Melvin started talking, everyone in the room had found somebody else to stare at.

"I'm just kidding! AHAHAHAHA!" Mina erupted in a fit of nervous laughter. I could usually tell whether she was joking or serious, but this time I wasn't sure...

"You haven't stopped me yet! Timber-Boring Beetle Headbutt!" Melvin charged like a bull and jumped into the air. I leaped out of the way of his intended headbutt and he landed onto one of the tables. I grabbed him under his left leg, flipped him off the table onto the floor lying on his back, and pressed against the left side of his neck while pinning him on his side until he fell unconscious. I felt bad for Melvin...maybe he was a little crazy before the Shadows messed with his mind, but he tried so hard only to be taken down so easily.

"You've GOTTA teach us some of your moves!" said Lita. She noticed the others staring at her. "You know, just in case!"

"Poor Melvin." Amy flickered a brief smile at me when she walked over and leaned down beside him. "If we take him to the hospital, they'll put him in restraints and a straitjacket."

"And why shouldn't they?" Trista asked from the opposite side of the room.

"Maybe taking him to the hospital in his current state isn't such a good idea," said Mina.

"What else can we do?" Serena asked.

Most of the Inner Scouts, Hotaru and Trista were discussing what to do with Melvin...but not everyone was focused on his plight. Rini ran into Tuxedo Mask's arms, but fear was written on her face when she looked towards Mina and Serena. The other Scouts were worried about me and Rini after we left for Crystal Tokyo, but that didn't mean they would be happy to see her. They might have felt hurt that Rini ran away in the first place, and Serena wasn't happy to hear that she was hanging out with me. Greg and Amy also looked across the room towards each other, but neither of them said a word. Amy seemed eager to chat moments ago, but now that the moment was finally here, they looked afraid to hear what the other would say...

To Be Continued


A/N: I know some of you might be disappointed that we didn't see Greg and Amy's talk about their future like I said we would, and I fully understand. I really had planned on it, but Melvin's return was another dangling plot thread I wanted to resolve before the end of SoSM. He and Molly were kidnapped by the Spymaster WAY back in Chapter 22 to punish Serena for defying the truce. Charon and Tuxedo Mask rescued Molly, but we never heard about Melvin after that. That hung over me for a while, and I got this really zany idea for Melvin's return, but it was at odds with what I originally planned. I thought about writing one super-long chapter, but I worried it might be overstuffed and lack focus. At the other side of the emotional spectrum was a heartfelt discussion between Amy and Greg, the group reuniting after an extended time apart, and trying to mend fences after Rini ran away to Crystal Tokyo. It felt like two different parts.

Another reason I decided to post this is that I might get busy the next three days. I felt this part was pretty much done besides the ending. I thought it was better to post what I have with the promise of the next part coming soon rather than keep you guys waiting. Amy and Greg will be getting their time together, I promise!

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed the return of wacky, brainwashed Melvin! Looking forward to hearing from you!