A/N: Chloe's scans are clear! Bit of a scare in the middle, but that's another story. Point is, she is OFFICIALLY 5 MONTHS CANCER FREE.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of its characters and affiliates.


~Because children grow up, we think a child's purpose is to grow up. But a child's purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn't disdain what lives only for a day. It pours the whole of itself into the each moment. We don't value the lily less for not being made of flint and built to last. Life's bounty is in its flow, later is too late. Where is the song when it's been sung? The dance when it's been danced? It's only we humans who want to own the future, too. We persuade ourselves that the universe is modestly employed in unfolding our destination. We note the haphazard chaos of history by the day, by the hour, but there is something wrong with the picture. Where is the unity, the meaning, of nature's highest creation? Surely those millions of little streams of accident and wilfulness have their correction in the vast underground river which, without a doubt, is carrying us to the place where we're expected! But there is no such place, that's why it's called utopia. The death of a child has no more meaning than the death of armies, of nations. Was the child happy while he lived? That is a proper question, the only question. If we can't arrange our own happiness, it's a conceit beyond vulgarity to arrange the happiness of those who come after us~ - Tom Stoppard


February 19, 1990

"We've got a walker," Sandy announced as she came through the front door, pushing JJ in the wheelchair.

Michael raised his eyebrows. "Already? I thought Amy said she was still too wobbly"

Sandy shook her head. "Nope. Seems this little firecracker has other ideas. It used to be that she needed the central support, which was why she could only walk with someone holding her. But now, she's got some abs back"

JJ giggled, holding onto her dad's hands tightly as he helped her out of the chair. "No more flabs"

Michael laughed, holding onto JJ as Sandy went out to the car to get the walker. "Flabs?"

"Flabby abs," JJ explained, making her dad laugh again.

"You're a dork JJ," Michael told her, shaking his head.

"But you love me," JJ told him with a grin.

Michael smiled, kissing the top of JJ's head. "I sure do peanut"

"I don't have flabs," James said teasingly as he passed them on his way into the kitchen. "I have abs of steel"

JJ giggled. "You're full of sh-"

"Jennifer!" James said with a laugh, cutting off his sister with a shocked expression before retreating into the kitchen.

Michael grinned as Sandy came back inside, carrying the walking frame in front of her.

"There you go," she said, setting it down in front of JJ. JJ immediately let go of her dad, gripping the handles of the walker and easily pushing it in front of her as she followed her parents into the kitchen.

"Sandy, where's her feed pump?" Michael asked as he took a seat at the table, watching JJ walk through the kitchen, noticing the end of her NJ tube capped off and hanging over her ear.

"I don't need it!" JJ announced.

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Yes you do need it because you still puke up everything that goes into your stomach. But," she trailed off, turning to Michael. "No more continuous feeds. She has a target amount of calories she needs per day, and she can either get them through scheduled feeds or just connect herself to the pump whenever she's feeling hungry"

Michael raised his eyebrows. "Big improvements today, hey?"

JJ nodded proudly. "Yep"

Michael smiled, rising from his chair slightly to lean over and kiss JJ's forehead.

"We're very proud of you peanut. Just keep pushing on"


"Mom?"

Looking up from her book, Sandy smiled as JJ approached her. Their day had been noticeably easier since the physio had given JJ a walker; she didn't need her parents to help her get around the house. She had only called out for help once, and that was to help her in the bathroom.

"You ok?" Sandy asked as JJ turned around and lowered herself down onto the couch beside her mom.

"Can we talk about something?" JJ asked, letting go of the walker once she was sure she was comfortable on the couch.

"Sure. What's up?" Sandy replied, closing her book and setting it down on the coffee table.

JJ took a deep breath, knowing what she was about to say would shock her mom.

"What happens if I don't beat the cancer?"

Sandy looked straight at her daughter, her eyes wide in disbelief. "Jen...you will-"

"Mom," JJ cut in, her tone firm. "We don't know that. All this...all this chemo might not work"

Sandy opened her mouth to reply, but found she had nothing to say. As much as she wanted to avoid the conversation and live in a bubble of hope that everything would turn out ok, she knew she had to face the reality that she could lose her baby girl. She had to face the reality that cancer was unpredictable.

"What happens if it doesn't work?" JJ asked again, her voice softer. "Would I just get sicker and sicker until I died?"

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Sandy looked thoughtfully at her eleven year old. In that moment, she hated cancer more than she ever had in her life. It was beyond fucked up that her eleven year old had a calm grasp on the fact that there was a chance she could die.

"Something like that, I guess," Sandy finally choked out. "Eventually I think your brain would just shut down, and with it, so would the rest of your body. You would probably pass away in your sleep"

"Would it hurt?"

Taking a deep breath, Sandy shook her head slightly. "I don't know"

When JJ didn't reply, Sandy looked over at her frail little girl.

"Are you afraid? Of dying?" she asked softly. "Are you afraid that the treatment won't work?"

JJ looked up at her mother, half laughing nervously as she replied, the fear evident when she spoke. "Yeah"

Sandy wrapped her arms around JJ's thin shoulders, kissing the top of her head. "That's ok. You're allowed to be scared. It's a very serious disease you're fighting"

"Do you think they'll find a cure one day?" JJ asked, tipping her face up to look at her mom.

"Maybe," Sandy said with a nod. "Maybe it's in here," she said with a smile, tapping JJ's head.

JJ giggled. "I don't think so"

"Why not?" Sandy asked, laughing at her little girl.

"Because I'm not good at math!" JJ replied, making her mom laugh.

Pulling JJ close, Sandy leaned back against the couch, smiling when JJ tucked her head beneath her mom's chin.

"Oh Jaybird, it takes a lot more than math to do something like that"

They sat in silence for a short while, enjoying each other's embrace in the peace of the lounge room. But it didn't take too long for JJ to break it.

"It makes me really sad that kids like me die every day from cancer. It's not fair," she murmured.

Sandy swallowed thickly as she felt the tears building up. "I know. It really isn't fair at all. You kids have long wonderful lives ahead of you, and for cancer to threaten to take that away from you is awful. Hopefully someday soon, someone will find a cure. Or at least a better treatment"

"I hope so too," JJ mumbled, her eyes falling closed as her body begged her to rest.

Kissing the top of JJ's head, Sandy held her daughter close as she started to fall asleep. She hated beyond hatred that her little girl had to deal with concepts of life and death, things that adults didn't even understand. She hated that her child had to live every day with the fear of death, knowing it was a very real possibility for her. She hated that JJ had to watch as some of the closest friends she knew lost their own battles.

It really wasn't fair that JJ, or any other child had to go through the hell that was childhood cancer.

Sandy wanted her daughter to have a long, full life. And she would fight to the death for JJ to have it.