A random parody of the Walking Dead and the reality TV show 'The Real World.' This is purely for humor and enjoyment and not to be taken seriously. I do not own the 'Walking Dead' or the 'Real World.'

I do not own the rights to the (spoiler alert) Madonna song in question. Enjoy.

Human Nature

Daryl's been growing very sickly. He's finally so weakened by his illness that he's forced to the confines of a bedroom over at Michonne and Andrea's place. Andrea is seen exiting Daryl's bedroom, holding a large cup that she tries to hide, the moment Michonne is coming down the hall to check on him.

"Andrea what's in the cup?"

"Pee!" Andrea says looking guilty. "Daryl can't get out of bed so he pees in this cup then I throw it out."

Michonne glances into the cup. "Why is it black in there?"

"He pees ink." Andrea blurts out in a lie so pathetic that Michonne can only shake her head with a sigh.

"You're a horrible liar."

"We all can't be as good at it as you are Michonne." Andrea runs off as Michonne sends a dirty look back at the blonde.

Andrea's confessional. "I'm now just starting to feel bad about what I did to Merle. I have to rectify the situation. I have to seem like I actually give a beep about someone else other then myself. So I'm using Daryl for my manipulation of Merle. I've been poisoning Daryl for the past few days. Every time he comes over to hang out, I spike his tea with a little death. Merle will come over, see me attentively caring for his brother and fall in love with a kinder, sweeter Andrea."

Michonne comes into Daryl's room. "Have you been drinking whatever Andrea had in that cup?"

Daryl's lips are smeared in black goo, "nope" he lies.

"Why are you both lying to me?"

Footage from three days ago. "Anderea what the beep you spiking my tea wif?" Daryl yells after catching the blonde in the act.

"A man named Eugene said he found a cure. I'm not sure if he was full of beep or telling the truth. So I need you to drink this to see if it actually works. After a month we'll let a walker bite you, if you turn, I'll kill Eugene but if its really the antidote, we'll give it to everyone."

Daryl shakes his head. "I don't know about this."

"This isn't like you Daryl you're a self sacrificer. I thought I could count on you. Are you telling me that I can't? that what's left of the human race cant?!"

"Andrea I-"

"Stop being selfish and sacrifice yourself for the sake of the group, this could actually work." She then shoves the cup at his face. "Now drink...and you can't tell anybody about this, I don't want to give them false hope."

Footage switches back to Daryl and Michonne.

"I was sucking on a pen and it exploded in my mouth." He lies again.

"And into the cup Andrea was holding?" She questions.

"You want me to swallow ink Chonne, is that it?"

"No I just came here to check on you, and I feel like I'm being lied to."

"You gotta stop being so paranoid Chonne."

Michonne's confessional. "Hopefully Daryl will be fine by the time I get back. I'm leaving for a while with Rosita. She's going to help me get better with firearms. I'm not that bad with a gun, I doubt this will take up the whole day."

Michonne is literally gone the rest of the day.

Andrea's confessional. "I know killing Daryl is technically bad but somebody's gotta die so that I can be a good person. Its logical...like in TV or whatever. It builds character development." She smiles.

Merle feels helpless as he's starring at his baby brother on his death bed. "My sweet little innocent baby brother is dying and I don't know what to do."

"If only there was an extremely beautiful and caring woman to take care of him." Andrea says in compliment to herself.

"Michonne aint no where around!" Merle yells.

"I meant me!"

"Did you?"

Andrea's confessional. "Merle's still so bitter. I don't know why I want him anyways. And Daryl is halfway passed death, maybe I should stop. Wasted all my pen ink for nothing."

"Merle I know you're a carrying brother but maybe we should do something for him..." Andrea says with false concern.

Merle gets up. "We needa get him some food."

"He needs to eat a bullet."

"You aint killing my sweet baby brother you human canker sore!"

"Merle his time's up, he needs to die...look he's coughing up black gunk. He's about to turn. Let me put a bullet in his head."

Daryl mumbles something.

"Baby brother you trying to speak?" Daryl leans all the way over his bed and vomits up globs of black poison that heaps on the ground.

Andrea could care less about Daryl and tries to work Merle some more. "Merle I wanna be here for you through this. I'm sorry for what I did. But I've been taking care of Daryl this entire time and you never asked why?"

"Why?!"

"Because I love you sugar hook." She pets him.

"Beep you. I don't wanna hear it." Merle walks off dragging Daryl's body along the ground behind him.

Daryl's confessional. "I aint down with this cure thing no more. If I get bit I get bit, damn antidote is killing me, its like poison or somethin'-beep tastes like a beeping sharpie."

There's a banging at the door that stops Andrea from going after Merle. She groans whipping her head around and stomps towards the front door. Swinging it open she's shocked to see Rick, who's even more angered by the simple sight of her.

"I need to see Michonne." He demands.

"She's dead." Andrea swings the door but Rick stops it just before it slams shut.

"Stop lying to me Andrea."

"She died yesterday, you missed the ceremony. Even in her dieing moments you weren't there for her. "

"Andrea enough with the games I need to talk to her NOW!"

"I'm fulfilling Meesh's last wish, nobody with an R in their name is allowed in."

"Is that Abraham I see in there behind you, was that Merle and Daryl? I see Carl's inside too." He finishes after he'd over exaggerated the Rs in everyone's names.

"Damn idiots with Rs in their names." Andrea complains.

"You the biggest idiot you got an R in your name." Daryl mumbles holding his stomach as he's walking by.

Andrea glances at him then looks back at Rick. "You can't have it in your first and last name then."

"Abraham Ford. Carl Grimes." Rick emphasizes again.

"You're not coming into this house Rick. I wont let you. Meesh deserves a man who's dick drips with power."

"Oh I'll show you power!" Rick says getting easily angered.

"Nope." She slams the door shut. "That was creepy Rick I don't like that."

Rick sighs. "Listen to me Andrea, I'm sorry for what I said to you about Amy, I'm sorry for everything. But you need to apologize for the things you've done while in this house. You've been reckless, manipulative, and untrustworthy. That is not how you're supposed to act when you're in a group. We need each other Andrea, and you need to apologize for what you've done and mean it."

Andrea opens the door. "I accept your apology. And I will give you my apology tonight, come back later."

Rick returns to the house a few hours later eager to hear Andrea's apology, but all he hears at first is a working radio playing some song he isn't used to hearing. Then he sees them. The women of his nightmares.

"Express yourself, don't repress yourself" Andrea spins around.
"Express yourself, don't repress yourself" Carol struts out.
"Express yourself, don't repress yourself" Beth comes out in leather.
"Express yourself, don't repress yourself" They all sing in unison.

"I'm not sorry...It's human nature."Andrea sings strutting to a puzzled Merle.
"I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me." Andrea slaps Merle at the word bitch and continues to sing. "Its human nature."

Beth takes over the vocals. "You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say..." she sings even louder over the rubbery sounds her leather suit made when she moved. "You didn't want to see life through my eyes." Beth sang bitterly towards Daryl, who looks around with a pinch of guilt. "You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room. And silence me with bitterness and lies." Beth flashes her hair and struts back to Carol and Andrea.

"Did I say something wrong?" The three sing in unison.

"Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex," Beth sings with her middle finger at Daryl.

"Did I stay too long?" The three harmonize as Carol angrily throws her scarf at Daryl.

"Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind." Carol sings than whispers sarcastically "What was I thinking?"

"You punished me for telling you my fantasies," Andrea sings to Merle as she tears up his stories which he'd spent hours writing up. "I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make...You took my words and made a trap for silly fools. You held me down and tried to make me break."

"Did I say something true?" The three harmonizes.

"Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex." Beth slams a sex ed book next to Rick's ear.

"Did I have a point of view?" The ladies harmonize.

"Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you-Rick!" Andrea sings as the three slam their foot on the ground at the word you.

Rick's confessional. "So I get sung a song thinking I'ma get apologized to, but really its a song about how they aint gonna apologize. If they didn't want to say they were sorry, they could have just said so. Andrea and her theatrics, always wanna put on a show. I didn't even know if those were real lyrics, or if they were asking me a bunch of rhetorical questions."

"Express yourself, don't repress yourself." Carol whispers.

"I'm not apologizing!" Andrea laughs.

"Would it sound better if I were a man?"Carol asks Rick who tries to look away.

"You're the one with the problem." Andrea says towards Rick while Carol leans on his shoulder.

"Why don't you just deal with it?" Carol advises.

"I have no regrets" Andrea sings with a weak twerk. "I don't have to justify anything" Andrea adds with a smirk, making Carol point to Rick. "I'm just like you."

Rick's confessional. "And I sat through that whole thang because I thought eventually Michonne was gonna come home but she didn't. If Andrea didn't want to apologize, she could of just said so, now I'm actually upset she didn't just tell me she wasn't gonna apologize to me at the beeping door! I gave her an opportunity to speak her mind and she beeps in my face. I let her beep in my face!"

"Absolutely. No. Regrets." Andrea smiles before walking off with the girls.

Andrea's confessional. "Nothing is worth doing unless you put on an entire production. It took me and Carol forever to get Beth in that leather outfit, after we found her unconscious by that river."