Chapter FIFTY FOUR
"How's your butt?" asked Sami cheekily as he opened the front door of the mansion for her and let her walk in first.
"Sore," he pouted.
"Looks like your doctoring skills are going to come in handy after all," she said cheekily, "You'll be able to kiss it all better now."
"Funny," he growled, the corners of his lips turning up thought showing he wasn't really bothered.
"Come on EJ," she cajoled him, starting to laugh now as they walked into the sitting room, "I'm sure you could almost reach… OH MY GOD!"
Sami's merciless teasing of him came to an abrupt halt when they walked into the room and the first thing they saw was John and Marlena locked in a passionate kiss. Marlena pulled away when she heard Sami's shocked exclamation and looked almost guilty, pulling a little out of John's arms, much to his displeasure. EJ just grinned, amused at finally being on the other end
"Mom?" said Sami, still in shock, "John? What are you doing?"
"I thought you of all people would know the answer to that," said John flatly.
"What does that mean?" scowled Sami unhappily.
John just raised his eyebrows and Sami flushed, knowing she probably didn't want him to actually answer that really.
"How was your evening honey?" asked Marlena, deciding to turn the conversation to safer waters.
"Not as eventful as yours apparently Mom," said Sami, with a little bit of a frown, trying to get her head around this latest development in her mother and John's relationship.
It wasn't that she hadn't been expecting it… it was just a little unexpected that's all - if that made any sense at all.
"Unlikely," snorted EJ in a rare display of him not thinking before speaking.
Sami glared back at him, certainly not wanting to go into any details about their many sexual forays of last night and this morning.
"Sorry," grimaced EJ, "Slipped out."
When Sami just continued to look at him very unhappily he held up his hands defensively.
"You can't be mean to me Samantha," he protested and made himself look as pathetic as he could, "I'm wounded."
"What did the wild cat do to you?" asked John, suddenly interested now.
"Nothing," huffed Sami, folding her arms in front of her chest, "Why would you assume it had anything to do with me John?"
"History," shrugged John.
"How exactly were you wounded EJ?" frowned Marlena, looking him up and down for any signs of injury.
He looked ever so slightly dishevelled as though he'd tripped or something and fallen on the ground but it was only because he was usually so immaculately groomed that it was even noticeable.
"Oh… ah…" EJ hesitated, not really wanting to get into any details here for fear of certain questions being asked.
"Smokey bit him on the butt," announced Sami and smiled sweetly at him.
EJ rolled his eyes at his wife's disclosure. That smile was going to be wiped from her face pretty quickly when John started asking his inevitable questions.
"What were you doing to him?" asked John accusingly, clearly more concerned about Smokey than EJ's butt.
"I wasn't doing anyone… ah thing, I wasn't doing anything Uncle," EJ corrected himself hastily and caught yet another unimpressed look from his wife at his slip of the tongue.
"When did this happen?" asked Marlena curiously.
"Just now, out in the garden," said Sami with a smirk, still not thinking quite far enough ahead.
"Why were you out in the garden?" asked Marlena, taking over John's role of chief inquisitor.
"Oh," said Sami and faltered, looking over at EJ, suddenly realising the can of worms she'd opened up.
"We just went for a stroll in the fresh air before we came inside," said EJ smoothly, smiling at Sami.
"Yes," said Sami quickly, "That's right."
"And what?" asked John sceptically, "Smokey just attacked you for no good reason? That doesn't sound like him."
"Please," said Sami with a roll of her eyes, "That sounds exactly like that demon bird!"
"You must have been doing something that scared him," pondered John.
"We weren't doing anything!" exclaimed Sami, her cheeks starting to colour a little, "We were just standing there, doing nothing, fully clothed!"
"Very convincing," said EJ ironically, "Thank you sweetheart."
Sami bit her lip, knowing she'd just made things a whole lot worse and by the look on her mother and John's faces they pretty much knew what she and EJ were doing in the garden together.
"Hm," said John clearly unconvinced, "I'm reserving judgement until I get Smokey's version of events."
"Good you do that Uncle John," said EJ with a shake of his head.
"Well now that you're here I've got some… business matters I need to discuss with you Elvis," said John.
"Oh," said EJ and smiled, happy to be off the subject at least but a little wary of the slight hesitation John had used before the word business, "Of course."
"We'll go to my study," said John.
"Alright," nodded EJ and looked down at Sami, "Is that alright darling?"
"Aha," said Sami with a little look of regret in her eyes for him alone to see, "Just don't be too long okay, the twins and Grandma won't be too far away."
"I'm sure it won't take long," said EJ and if it was what he thought it was going to be about he'd make sure of it.
EJ kissed Sami's cheek and John pulled Marlena into his arms and planted one on her before looking back at EJ and Sami almost defiantly. Neither EJ and Sami commented and John looked happy enough with that and headed out the room. EJ made a little grimacing face to the two women and silently followed him.
oooOOOOooo
"Well I found third base," announced John happily once they were in his study, confirming EJ's worse fears that they weren't here to talk about matters of law, "And it is way better than second base!"
"So I'm to take it from your enthusiasm that everything went well last night Uncle?" asked EJ, hoping against hope that John would just agree and leave it at that.
No such luck.
"It was great!" said John excitedly, clearly keen to share the experience and EJ braced himself as best he could for the inevitable onslaught, "You know, I wasn't that sure in the beginning…"
"Oh well, as long as it all worked out in the end," interrupted EJ blithely, hoping to pre-empt any further discussion on the subject but he knew that look on John's face - it was a vain hope.
"… it's like when I first tried mussels," continued on John as though he hadn't spoken, thinking aloud now, "They were kind of tough to get into and a bit hairy on the outside and man - not much to look at - all kind of wet and gooey. But once you took that leap of faith and put it in your mouth and swallowed… turns out… they rock!"
EJ had to grab at a nearby chair to support himself as his knees felt suddenly weak.
"Oh god," he said faintly at John's incredibly graphic description and tried for all of his worth not to think about and certainly not picture the particular 'mussel' John was referring to.
This whole 'no sex' thing he and Sami had agreed to might not be that difficult after all after a few more conversations like this with John thought EJ weakly to himself. John for once seemed to notice the distress he was causing the other man and cocked his head inquiringly at him.
"Elvis?" he said, arching an eyebrow, "Are you alright - you look kind of pale all of a sudden?"
"It's… it's probably something I ate," said EJ indistinctly, trying to decide if he was going to pass out or not.
John grinned then and opened his mouth and EJ had a sudden horror about what he was about to say something unforgivable about certain unmentionable things being eaten.
"NO!" said EJ fiercely, holding up a warning finger to him and shaking his head frantically, "NO! You are never to voice that sentence in your head Uncle John - do you hear me - NEVER!"
John closed his mouth and frowned, looking a little put out but EJ didn't care, as long as he just didn't say whatever horror had just come to his incredibly odd mind. EJ also decided that it might be a good time to close the doors to the study. No point in anyone else in the house being permanently psychologically scarred for life. EJ walked over and closed the heavy double doors whilst John sipped at his glass of scotch thoughtfully.
"So anyway," shrugged John, wondering what his step daughter had done to him last night to make him more uptight than usual, "I've got a few questions for you that came up during the course of last night's activities."
"You do?" sighed EJ in resignation.
"Aha," nodded John thoughtfully, "Like for instance, is there some kind of trick that I should know about when you're with someone and even though you don't want to yet, you're about to…"
"Wait!" demanded EJ, holding up an imperious hand, "I need some fortification before we go any further."
John arched his eyebrows but didn't say anything further and EJ nodded before dropping his hand and walking out of the room. John went and sat down in one of the arm chairs in his study and patiently put his questions for EJ into alphabetical order in his head while he waited for the younger man to return.
oooOOOOooo
"… so that's why I suggested to EJ that he and I should, you know, abstain until the wedding," said Sami with a little shrug and then looked at her mother ruefully, "Do you think I'm crazy?"
"I think," smiled Marlena, tucking a wayward stand of blonde hair behind her daughter's ear lovingly, "That my daughter is a hopeless romantic and I for one am very happy to see that."
Marlena was also pleased that her daughter obviously felt free enough around her to share such intimate information and was very glad that their relationship was back on track after so long. She'd matured into such a fine young woman, still wild and unpredictable at times but so much more than that now. Marlena knew that EJ had had a large part to do with that maturing process and she made a silent promise to herself to thank him for that very soon.
"Now all we have to do is do it," said Sami with a sigh, "Or more to the point, not do it."
Marlena gave a laugh at that and Sami realised what she'd said. She bit her lip and the two of them shared a little giggle together, like girls do over such things.
"I love you Mom," said Sami, really meaning it more than she ever had before.
"I love you too sweetie," smiled Marlena, "I'm just so very proud of you Sami."
"Thanks Mom," said Sami, suddenly feeling a little emotional but smiling back at her, "That means a lot to hear you say that."
"I'm just sorry that I haven't said it more often," said Marlena with a little shake of her head, putting her hand over Sami's.
"I'm sorry that I haven't given you more cause to say it Mom," said Sami ruefully, "But I promise you Mom, you don't have to worry about me anymore."
"I'll always worry about you Sami," tutted Marlena gently, "You're my baby girl."
Sami's smiled widened at her mother's words, feeling very loved all of a sudden. She gathered all her courage than and asked the question she'd been dying to ask ever since she'd arrived home and found her and John in a lip lock.
"So…?" Sami hesitated, trying to find a way to put this delicately, "You and John…?"
"Things are progressing," nodded her mother with a little smile.
"And you're okay with that?" asked Sami a little nervously.
"You know," said Marlena thoughtfully, "He's not the same man I married…"
"And how," said Sami with a roll of her eyes.
"But he is still a good man," said Marlena, "I mean, I know it's confusing and well, impossible sometimes and there is all this history between us complicating everything. But when we're alone, just the two of us… there is just something about him that… something that I just can't ignore."
Sami gave a little smile, knowing what she meant.
"The heart wants what the heart wants huh Mom?" asked Sami ruefully, having had a little experience with a similar situation in her life, "I know how that is."
"I suppose you do honey," said Marlena with a soft smile.
"And everything worked out so great for EJ and I," said Sami, looking at Marlena very seriously, "It was so hard for so long but now everything is just amazing and I want that for you and John too Mom. He really loves you… I mean, it's John love… but it's real."
"I know," said Marlena quietly, "And I love him… I always will, no matter what."
They both looked up then as EJ walked into the room, an harassed look on his face, unaware of the little mother/daughter moment he was interrupting. He didn't say anything, just headed straight for the drinks tray.
"EJ!" exclaimed Sami taken aback, "It's only ten o'clock in the morning and you're drinking?!"
"It's for medicinal purposes," said EJ stoically, pouring himself a very large scotch and not turning around.
"Hurry up Nephew!" called out John from the other room, "I've got some drawings I want you to take a look at."
"Oh god," whimpered EJ and promptly picked up the entire decanter of scotch along with his already very full glass and turned around and faced the bemused looks from Sami and Marlena.
"Ladies," he nodded to them each in turn, clutching on tightly to his decanter of precious and hopefully mind altering alcohol.
Without another word he turned around and headed out of the room and to his fate. As EJ walked back to John he morosely considered how things had come to this. A few short hours ago he was in seventh heaven, having rediscovered his mojo and how, with his gorgeous wife. The tantalising promise of many more love making sessions stretching out before him and he couldn't have been happier.
And now, now his fortune had suddenly changed in the worst possible way.
In a fit of rampant stupidity he'd agreed to abstaining from sex with Samantha for an entire month basically which probably had a lot to do with the fact he'd had his hand on her boob when she'd asked him about it. God damn but those breasts of hers got him into trouble on a regular basis! Why couldn't he control himself around them although he supposed he was about to get a lot of practice at it now. EJ sighed heavily at the thought. So after the no sex thing things had continued on their downward spiral. He was enjoying a very special moment with his gorgeous and now off limits wife when he was set upon by a crazed bird.
What the hell had that been about??!
He and Smokey were heading for a show down and EJ just knew he wasn't going to be in any kind of mood for his nonsense in the next month. He was pretty certain that there was only going to be one thing that he was in the mood for and it didn't involve taking any nonsense from maniacal peacocks! And now, oh joy of joys, to add to the ache in his front and the pain in his butt he now had to sit through listening to the ins and outs - and EJ had a feeling that it was going to be literally that - of his Uncle's first real sexual experience that he remembered with of all people his mother in law. And, it appeared, there was going to be illustrations.
Perfect… just bloody perfect.
EJ swallowed the entire glass of scotch in one go as he walked along to the study and grimaced at the alcoholic bite, promptly pouring himself another glass. His plan was to get well and truly loaded before he even made it to John's study. It wasn't exactly an inspired plan but it was either that or stick sharp things in his ears to deafen himself and gouge out his eyes.
This seemed a less permanently disfiguring way to go really.
