So when our heroes left off on their little "misadventure", it would be fair to say that things were not going quite as well as they hoped.
Catherine: Right folks, fall in. Even you, you drunk dollop heads that make up the rest of the cast. What's the update?
Sir Simona: Well… Emm, we are pretty much damned.
Eleanor: Damned?
Sir Simona: Damned.
Sir Jelly: Kaput.
Sir Tor62442: Burggered.
Sir This is Gallifrey: Desecrated.
Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Plundered.
Sir Blue Dragon: Pillaged.
Catherine: Whoa guys! Let's not get… Disturbing. We get the point.
Eleanor: Plundered? Eww..
Sir Simona: Let's just take a moment, everyone take a deep breath, and assess the situation from a non-subjective viewpoint. Or is it subjective? Or a non-subjective subjective view? Or a subjective non-subjective opinion? You know, subjective is a funny word, when you actually think about it…
Catherine: …Right, well somewhere amidst that perpetual babble I believe Sir Simona actually had a point.
Sir Simona: I did?
Catherine: You did. Now, let's try and make sense of this mess we are in now. And I blame you, Merlin.
Merlin: Me?
Catherine: Yes, you. If you weren't so darn adorable, and didn't keep trying to save absolutely everybody in an almost idiotic deed of selflessness, then I expect Camelot would all be dandy. No evil Morgana, no betraying knights, and no darn inability to rhyme!
Merlin: Well that hardly seems fair.
Eleanor: What about Arthur?
Arthur: What have I done?
Eleanor: Ah see, it is clearly Arthur that is responsible for this disaster. All he does is whine and whine, and when he's not whining, he's shouting. Usually at Merlin. And when the time comes to actually make decisions what does he do? Whatever anyone else tells him to. Honestly, he's got as much determination as a cat heading towards a bath.
Agravaine: With respect, my Lady, that is quite harsh –
Catherine: Oh don't even get me started on you! You slimy, greasy, aggravating… Potato! Time is running out for you mate, time is running out!
Merlin: Well this is fun.
Sir Jelly: And Morgana? Every stupid smirk she makes pushes me further and further towards her. With a dagger in my hand. And all she can even do is throw people across the floor. I mean, by now, surely she should have learnt something new. But no, it's just the same old party trick, again and again.
Sir Tor62442: There's also Mordred. With all his creepy stares and eerie wailings. Emrys, Emrys, Emrys… All right! We get it! Now quit killing people with your crazy bad-ass shouts!
Sir Blue Dragon: Gwen hasn't really done much to help either. Following any guys who smiles at her even in the slightest. I mean, there's Arthur right there, Gwen. Right there! Or Lancelot. Make up your bloody mind, woman.
Sir This is Gallifrey: Speaking of, where is Gwen?
Sir Blue Dragon: What do you mean?
Sir Gallifrey: I mean, Camelot is on the verge of collapse, crumbling into despair, widespread panic, and there's been no sign of her whatsoever.
Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Oh, she's probably carrying sheets around. Well that or picking flowers. It's all she ever does.
Sir This is Gallifrey: Occasionally she gives some heartfelt, unhelpfully vague advice.
Catherine: Or cheating on her fiancée.
Sir Blue Dragon: Yeah, that too.
Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Well I blame Uther.
Sir Jelly: Because he is a mad, power hungry, cold-hearted tyrant.
Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Nah. Because he is dead. He can't argue back.
Sir Tor62442: Huh, I guess that makes sense.
Sir This is Gallifrey: What about Gaius?
Sir Simona: Excuse me?
Sir This is Gallifrey: Come on guys, you can't ignore how painfully useless Gaius can be sometimes.
Eleanor: Gallifrey, stop –
Sir This is Gallifrey: I mean half the time he doesn't listen, and the other half he has no clue whatsoever.
Sam: ¡Dios, no!
Sir This is Gallifrey: - Always getting Merlin into trouble, being mean to the poor boy, telling him off constantly –
Catherine: Knights, quick, restrain Simona!
Sir This is Gallifrey: To top it off, he's completely colour blind, awful at lying –
Eleanor: Please stop, save yourself!
Sir This is Gallifrey: And is a useless, old man!
-Stunned silence –
Sir Simona: …Did you just call Gaius useless?
Sir This is Gallifrey: Well, yes.
Sir Simona: Did you just call Gaius USELESS?
Sir This is Gallifrey: … Yes?
Sir Simona: Wrong answer.
Eleanor: Hold her back, knights! Oh, help us all!
Sir Simona: GAIUS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL CREATURE TO HAVE EVEN BEEN IN EXISTENCE! HIS WISDOM IS UNPARALLELED!
Sir This is Gallifrey: Woah, easy mate…
Simona: I AM NOT YOUR MATE!
Catherine: Quickly, Sam, use your beautiful words of Spanish to lure Simona to her quiet room.
Sam: Usted es todos los idiotas…
Catherine: That's the spirit! Now, gentleknights. Let us put our limited amount of brainpower together and come up with a plan. Yes, a plan! Now all we need to do is to simply – Wait. What was that?
Morgana: Oh hello there, my friends.
Sir Blue Dragon: Oh dear Lord.
Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Something funny has occurred. The use of rhyme we have procured.
Eleanor: Well, that's just spiffy.
Morgana: Laughy, please just cease to talk! Not one word, a single squawk!
Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Fine I will, but one day soon, I'll take your place, you crazy loon.
Morgana: Now's not the time for this debate, it's time to act, so please just wait!
Catherine: Can we hurry this along please… This AN is taking awfully long.
Morgana: Hem hem, of course.
Now you see what we have done,
It's really quite amusing.
What once was yours is ours to keep
So now it's clear you're losing.
Catherine: You'll never take our power! Never!
Laughy-Taffy the Grape:
But we have, isn't it great!
The people will now follow
Our bold words instead of yours
While you just sit and wallow.
Sir This is Galiffrey: There must be something we can do!
Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: They have the power of the rhyme!
Sir Simona: Ah-ha! Not this time, Morgana!
Eleanor: Simona! Should she be allowed out yet?
Sir Simona: You think you can conquer us, you evil hag? Noooooooooooo… Not today!
Catherine: Yup, she's still mad.
Morgana:
Tell me now, you foolish girl
What you think that you can hurl?
Sir Simona: This!
Laughy-Taffy the Grape: This?
Catherine:… This?
Sir Simona: Yes, this.
Eleanor: Care to tell us what said item is?
Sir Simona: This is a poem!
Catherine: Please tell me this isn't one of… your poems?
Sir Tor62442: Oh no, please…
Eleanor: No, wait. I recognise it now. This… This is one of mine!
Morgana:
What are these lies you speak?
Don't you know your future's bleak?
Eleanor: Booyah, Morgana! Never underestimate the power of FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT! And the power of archives! Oh yes, we kept old poems! And this, my friend, this poem is one of ours. One of ours which rhymes!
Morgana: … No! It cannot be!
Catherine: Quick! Simona, read it out, before they can stop us!
Atonement
We first saw you, a sneaky glimpse
Between the leafy trees
As weapons cruel and cold and sharp
Brought nature to its knees.
And as you saw what had been done
You knew now what to do
With gleaming eyes you set the trap
That they would fall into.
The curse it worked its wicked ways
Supplies began to fail
Even sorcery's magic words
Could come to no avail.
A curfew was a rule that could
No way apply to you
So you went on a moonlit stroll
You're so hardcore; it's true!
You let the young 'uns catch you up
So you could tell your tale
Of magic horses in the woods
With coats so ghostly pale.
You told the prince of his new quest
To atone for his deed
Though a sceptic boy he seemed
You hoped he would take heed.
The first test he did prove himself
A man of great repute
When a farmer, hungry, mad
The castle tried to loot.
Trial number two was more hardcore
As prince could not resist
Redeeming some Pendragon pride
While blinded by red mist.
So that was it, he'd tried and failed
His kingdom to redeem
But a servant sought you out
And changed your little scheme.
Yet revenge you swiftly gained
You trapped him in the maze
The quest was Arthur's, he alone
Could fix his wretched ways.
Once on a seaside holiday
You played a deadly game
The last test for Arthur, would
He really take the blame?
Yes he did, he drank it down
To save his magic friend
But are you sure you didn't know
What'd happen in the end?
The prince was safe, he'd passed the test
And Camelot was free
As Arthur carried out the trials
He passed two out of three!
The two returned to say goodbye
A final resting place
Where pure of heart and deeply wronged
Might gain a little grace.
And thus your magic ran its course
As wrongs had been turned right
The creature was alive once more
And gleaming silver white.
You took your leave, as guardian
You'd done all that you could
And back into the trees you went
Hidden in the wood.
Two things I would like to say...
1) This is our 50th poem! What a achievement! Wooyah - Par-tay time! (Starts whacking on the party hats)
2) Ellie and I would like to check - What's the current viewing status for season 4? Can we safely write about it? Or have some not seen it?
3) (Cause I'm crazy and unpredictable like that) How awesomely epic is the season finale looking? And on Christmas Eve too! Argh so excited! And sad. What am I to do for a year?
4) If you guys don't know her already, I'm putting out a warm hand of friendly love to our bestest buddy Jenny - aka Gwen. She reads all these poems and never talks about them to us or reviews them. So now I revoke my hand in a slightly miffed manner. But she will be in the next AN... So I thought it best we all said he-rro!
5) (Yes, I'm on five when I said two, I know) NEXT TIME - (Though not actually on Christmas Day) POEM - CHRISTMAS EDITION!
6) Have yourself a very merry Christmas! And because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas - Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Let's hope it is a silent night, except of course for the jingle bells because we need a white Christmas if Santa Claus is coming to town. And you know, it may be a cold December night, but all I want for Christmas is you, so have a holly jolly Christmas!
7) (Yes, still aware I said two...) See what I did there? Ten Christmas song titles - oh yeah, skills.
8) If you don't have any replies to reviews it is Ellie's fault. Not mine.
9) Toodle pip! Have a good weekend! Let us know how many Merlin related gifts you get! I've got my sister the massive season 4 poster - I want to keep it though :(
10) (Good round number, ten. Now have to think of a comment to go along with it.) Oh! Who got the awesomely awesome Emrys Top Trump card in the Season 4 DVD box? Can I steal it? I am a top trump hoarder, and it kills me to know there is a Merlin one which I don't have. Waiting to get the fancy schmancy complete box set, with its shiny silver wrapping. Do you think I will still get it? I NEED IT!
Hem.. Bye. :D
FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT.
