And we both go down together. We'd stay there forever. Just try to get up. And I'm sorry but this wasn't easy. When I asked you believe me and never let go.

DAMON

"Who could have seen this coming?" Stefan questioned behind me. I scowled, downing the rest of my drink.
"What do you want baby brother?"
"Nothing," Stefan said, "absolutely nothing. I am perfectly content watching you turn into me." I turned quickly, gripping the glass so tightly it splintered in my fingers.
"I will never be you Stefan." He remained silent as the glass fell to the floor in nearly silent 'pings' of sound. The silence bothered me more than anything he could have said. "Shut up," I muttered, turning to the dying fire.
"It's only taking you longer brother." He wisely walked away before I could react, the front door closing loudly behind him. I began muttering to myself. Turning into Stefan. He wished. Like I knew what the fuck I was doing. Like I'd known since I was eighteen years old, dodging bullets for my life. So much had happened since then. And all of it was wrong. One wrong turn after another after another. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of regretting it, I'm sick of blaming people. I'm sick of blaming myself too. More than anything I want to get the hell out of this town. But that won't help either. It never has. Because at the end of the day, I kill people, I hurt people. I am a monster. I do not deserve happiness. I'm not completely insane. I realize this on occasion. Of course, most of the time I ignore the fact. But it seems that when I ignore it, that's when I make the biggest mistakes. Like the current cluster fuck I find myself in. It's hard to retrace my steps. Harder to think about it. I should have known that coming back here was a mistake. But sometimes I just get nostalgic for this damn town. And I'll convince myself that nothing horrible will happen, not this time. But it still did.

Hadn't I learned by now that I wasn't the hero? What had I hoped to accomplish? What did I think I was saving Jeremy and Tyler from? Maybe I knew all along I hadn't been saving them. Maybe I'd seen what I wanted to see. I did what I wanted to do and I took what I wanted to take. Now I'd killed Jeremy twice, almost killed Tyler, and Grace…who knew what I had done to Grace in the long run. And I was just going to leave. Like it didn't matter. As if all this damage that I'd caused, like my presence here, could be erased. Because I didn't know what to do. There didn't really seem to be a way to fix it. And I did want to fix it. But I had a feeling that I'd only make it worse. Jeremy and Tyler I wasn't worried about so much. Jeremy had gotten over it before and Tyler…well it wasn't like I talked with him much anyways. But Grace. Damn it. Why did she remind me of a flower I'd crushed? And I'd done it before. I didn't used to care. But people in this town had a way of making me feel guilty as hell. And Grace had been damaged before I'd even gotten there. Fighting so hard, just to live. Someone who wants to live so badly. And I'd taken some of that from her. I had to. But she was so stubborn. Why wouldn't she just let me take it back?
"Are you done with your internal monologue yet?" Stefan questioned, back in the doorway, take out cup of coffee in hand.
"You know I hate you."
"Love you too," he said, taking a sip.
"Brother," I growled, the word itself a warning.
"Hm?"
"I am already…upset enough."
"Yes I'm aware. You've been neutered." My jaw flapped open atrociously.
"What did you just say?"
"You, my dear brother, are more human than you've been in years."
"Oh really?" I was tempted to go feed, just to prove him wrong, and I recoiled from the thought. He just smiled smugly, drinking more coffee. "Shut up," I muttered again, brushing past him.

I think that I knew where I was going before I even stepped out the door. I didn't bother with my keys, walking as I tried to calm the emotions rioting in me. I paused at the edge of her yard, trying to talk myself out of it.
"Don't scream." The command had become familiar to me lately but it lacked its familiar layer of compulsion. Grace tensed, hands clutching the edge of her dresser for a moment.
"Would it do me any good?" she finally questioned, turning to face me.
"Not unless I wanted it to," I answered her honestly.
"You're lucky my uncle is still away," she said, crossing her arms. "But then that wouldn't have stopped you either." It wasn't a question so I didn't answer her. "What do you want Damon?" she finally questioned.
"I'm leaving," I muttered, fiercely clinging to the decision I'd half made. "But I can't just leave things like this."
"Tyler brought me some vervain tea. You can't compel me." I shook my head.
"I'm done doing things you don't want me to do." After a moment the surprise registered in her face. "I just want to make it better, in any way, if it's at all possible." The words tumbled past my lips before I could stop them and then I stood there awkwardly, feeling all of five years old. "I'm sorry," I tacked on belatedly.
"I suppose you'd have to be." I couldn't help but wince. "Why'd you do it?" she questioned softly. I forced myself to stay silent so I didn't blurt out the obvious, that I was a monster.
"I wish I had an answer that would make it better. But I suppose when it comes right down to it, I did it because I could. Because I didn't like you. I judged you unfairly and I decided to make you pay for something you hadn't done." There was no stopping my runaway mouth now.
"Yes I remember that part. Quite clearly." She shivered. For a moment I wished someone could scrub the memories from my mind.
"Can I do anything?" I finally asked hollowly. She shook her head slightly.
"I don't know." I stepped forward and she flinched. I held up both hands and stopped.
"Time would help I suppose." She shrugged. I blurred to the nightstand and picked up her phone. "If you're ever ready to speak to me again, or if you need anything from me, please call. I'd do anything to fix it. Please believe that." She nodded jerkily. I set her phone back down and stepped to the window.
"Please just-" I jumped down before she could finish asking me to leave.

A/N: I know, this took way too long. I'm sorry. On the bright side the final chapter should be up soon? It's already started at least. Hope you enjoyed. If you'd like to read a shameless plug keep going, if not you can review now. *wink wink*

*SHAMELESS PLUG* While I'm sure this is a pretty bad time to ask you for a favor…I've posted the beginning of a totally original short story on Fictionpress. It's all mine, even though it was vaguely inspired by Jyler. I'd love for you to scoot over there and tell me what you think…

Fictionpress(dot)com/s/2917905/1/

And if that doesn't work the username is sentimentalgirl

Thank you!