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"Regrets and..."

Chapter 52.

As Gibbs had predicted, Tony's recovery sped up once he was out of the hospital.

A week after arriving at the cabin, NCIS secretly brought Dr. Harris and Dr. Pitt to St. Margaret Memorial Hospital in Pittsburgh where they checked on Tony, removed the stiches in his mouth and gave him permission to talk and chew.

Just after Tony, Gibbs, McGee and the other Agents returned to the cabin, Abby, Ducky and Jack started coddling and spoiling DiNozzo like a little child, and, since he was now able to chew, the 'put meat on Tony's bones' mission was begun.

Abby's cakes, cookies and hugs; Ducky's weird and interesting stories, plus his medical knowledge; and Jack's succulent dishes did wonders and when Tony ate two full plates of his Stroganoff, the older man regaled him with one of his brightest smiles ever.

Overall, Tony was able to take care of his needs by himself with the exception of dressing and undressing, because some of his wounds still hurt like hell... especially after Ducky had disinfected them twice a day.

In those moments, Tony still felt tears in his eyes but the only person who was allowed to see those tears was Gibbs. The former Marine was always there when Tony needed tough love and distraction.

He was also there for all of Tony's nightmares, which were increasing in frequency. Now that the younger man was more relaxed, everything he had been through in Mexico came crashing down on him full force. Some nights Tony was afraid of closing his eyes because of the horrible dreams he knew would torment him.

During the first few days, Tony slept alone in the only room with a double bed, Gibbs and Jack shared the second room, Ducky took the third, Abby slept on the sofa-bed and McGee shared in the attic with the other agents while the night shift was on duty. But after Tony woke the entire house with his screams for the third time, Gibbs moved into Tony's room. Now Abby had her own room while Ducky and Jack shared the other one. And Tony and Gibbs shared the double bed.

"Boss... uhm...I'm not complaining but...ya know...you're not my type," Tony had said hesitantly the first time he had seen Gibbs getting comfortable beside him.

Gibbs had regaled him with one of his infamous glare. "Would you prefer me sleeping on the armchair or on the floor, DiNozzo?" he had asked.

"No, Boss! But...what if... I mean...during the night, I roll and...what if, while I'm sleeping, I hug you or something?" Tony had asked, blushing.

"Don't," Gibbs had growled.

"On it, Boss!"

But despite Gibbs' order, one morning Abby entered the room with Ducky and Jack, carrying coffee for Tony and Gibbs, and found DiNozzo literally sprawled across the bed with an arm around Gibbs' waist. The Marine was lying on the edge of the bed and glaring at them.

"Do not say a word," he hissed and received three nods in response, even though the comers of their mouths lifted slightly in amused grins.

Seconds later, they had all burst into laughter as Tony, still asleep, said, "On it, Boss."

These were the good times but then the nightmares arrived and everything became painful and scary.

One particular night, Gibbs woke and stared blearily at the clock on the night stand. Three. What woke—

A muffled noise made him turn to his right. It was such a quiet sound that it probably would have gone unheard under any other circumstance. He listened more carefully and, when Tony shifted slightly, the older man understood. "Oh, DiNozzo," he whispered, rubbing his tired face with his hand.

Tony was curled up on the edge of the bed, crying. It was a soft, mewling cry that broke Gibbs' heart. As weird as it sounded, Gibbs preferred when Tony had what Ducky had called 'loud nightmares'. He preferred hearing Tony shout and seeing him fight. In those moments, the former Marine could hold Tony down and stop his friend's struggling.

But tonight, the only thing Gibbs could do was drag Tony into his arms and cradle him like a child, hoping the younger man would hear his comforting words and feel his paternal hug.

"Shhhhh...Tony, you're safe...stop crying, son," he whispered into his friend's ear. "The pain is over now...all the bad things you experienced are over."

Tony's breath hitched and he weakly tried to free himself from Gibbs' embrace, but the older man resisted. "Shhhhh...no, Tony...it's Gibbs, you're safe...we're in the cabin on the mountain... shhhhh...tomorrow, we're going fishing... remember?"

Though he was still fast asleep, Tony took a deep breath and relaxed slightly. "I know it's hard, but..." Gibbs swallowed hard in attempt to stop the tears that were filling his eyes. "You'll be fine...everything will be fine again."

Gibbs ruffled Tony's sweaty hair and gently kissed his head. "I'll always have your six, Tony."

Tony, who had woken up just in time to hear Gibbs' last words, sniffled and whispered. "When?"

Tony's voice surprised Gibbs but the older man recovered quickly and asked, "'When's what?"

"When is it going to end?"

"I don't know, Tony," his boss answered honestly. "But it will and I'll be by your side for every step. We'll get through this together. Okay?" He felt Tony nod against his chest. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Tony shook his head.

"Tony, you should... I can help you."

"I know but I don't remember anything. Only that I was scared and felt alone. It was dark and cold...and then hot...and I was hurting everywhere...I couldn't stop it...I wanted to come back, but I didn't know how." Tony's voice cracked and Gibbs tightened his hug.

"It's okay, Tony. Someday you'll remember... or maybe you won't. Either way, we'll get you through this." Gibbs said gently. "Now, lay down. I'll get you some water," Gibbs added as he helped Tony get comfortable under the blanket.

"Gibbs, you don't..." Tony tried to stop him, but his friend was already in the hallway, heading toward the kitchen.

Gibbs returned a few moments later to find Tony staring through the window at the starry sky. "Here, drink," he ordered.

"Thank you," Tony did as Gibbs said then put the glass on the nightstand.

"How are you doing?" Gibbs asked as he crawled under the covers.

"I just wish I could forget the whole thing," Tony muttered without taking his eyes off the night sky.

I wish you could too, DiNozzo. Gibbs thought before repeating, "You will get through this."

Tony finally looked at him, surprised by his boss' certainty. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you and you're one of the strongest men I've ever met." Tony gave him a doubtful look. "You contradicting me, DiNozzo?" Gibbs challenged, glaring at his SFA.

For the first time in a very long while, Tony grinned. "Never, boss." He looked out the window again. "Thanks, Gibbs," he said sotto voce.

"Anytime, Tony," Gibbs answered and Tony could hear a warm smile in those two words.

"Boss, I was thinking about tomorrow... I mean, you, McGee, me and fishing..."

"Yes?"

"I've never gone fishing and... ya, know..."

"What?"

"The worm on the hook... I... I hate worms," he whined. "I know I won't be able to put the worm on the hook. Will you do it for me?" he turned to Gibbs, his eyes playfully pleading.

A firm head slap connected with Tony's nape. It was the first real head slap Gibbs had given him since his return from Mexico and that familiar gesture gave Tony the certainty that, with time and his friends' help, he would get through this.

"Thanks, Boss," he smiled.

"My pleasure," Gibbs nodded. "Now sleep!"

"On it, Boss!"


Next morning - Washington DC

After traveling for the most part of the night, Portman, Dupont and Napier arrived in DC and met one of Rivera's contacts in a deserted alley behind a cemetery.

His name was Rinaldo and he would have scared Hannibal Lecter with his ruthless-looking face. He told them that Gibbs and his people had left DC a few days before and no one knew where they were. All of their houses were empty but none of the cars were missing.

It seemed like the entire team had just vanished…except for one member who was still in DC.

"Who?" Portman asked.

"Agent Ziva David," Rinaldo answered after checking his notes.

"A woman..." Portman said intrigued.

"Israeli name," Napier pointed out.

"Yes," Rinaldo nodded. "Rivera says she's a former Mossad Officer."

"Mon Dieux!" Dupont exclaimed. "Very dangerous," he grinned.

"Don't care!" Portman growled. "Where does she live?"

Rinaldo gave them Ziva's address and some information about her habits, then left.

"So? What are we going to do now?" Napier asked.

"We follow this woman and she'll lead us to DiNozzo," Portman answered.

"Are you sure? I mean, if NCIS is hiding him, I really doubt she'll contact them," Dupont pointed out and Napier nodded in agreement.

"The number of surveillance cameras in DC is limiting our options. We've got to use what we already have...and what we have is this David. Rivera said Gibbs' team is like a family so, sooner or later, she'll take us to them."

His friends nodded in agreement, though they still had some doubts.

"Now we need a place to stay not far from the Navy Yard," Portman said as they got into their car and drove away from the cemetery.


After a shower and a hearty breakfast, Tony, McGee and Gibbs left the cabin and went fishing at the lake. Abby refused to go with them because she didn't want to see them "killing some poor innocent fish", even though Gibbs pointed out that she was ready to eat them once Ducky and Jack had cleaned and cooked them.

McGee and the other agents had already checked the area but Gibbs asked the team to stay close, but hidden, to guarantee Tony a relaxing day.

Tony, Tim and Gibbs were having the most relaxing and carefree morning they had had in years as they were all concentrating on being the first one to catch a fish.

They were listening to the birds' chirping and the gurgling of the stream not far from them. The air was fresh and clear and they were sharing a comfortable silence, lost in their thoughts.

Suddenly, Tony's rod started moving. Something was pulling the line and Tony had a hard time maintaining his grip. "I got one, Boss!" he exclaimed as excited as a child.

"You definitely did, Tony!" Gibbs rushed over to help his friend.

"Wow! It must be big, Tony!" Tim exclaimed, stepping next to his friends.

"Huge, Probie! It's huge!" Tony grinned.

Gibbs quickly taught Tony how to loosen and pull the line. After five minutes of an 'epic battle' (as Tony called it), DiNozzo with Gibbs' help was able to get a definitely huge fish out of the water.

"The net, McGee!" the Boss ordered.

When the fish was finally in the large bucket of water they had brought with them, Tony happily collapsed on the grass, smiling like a maniac. "Wow! I didn't think fishing was so exciting!" he laughed.

"Me neither!" Tim collapsed next to him with a happy grin on his face.

Gibbs was smiling too, seeing his boys so relaxed and Tony finally acting like their DiNozzo again.

"What kind of fish is that?" Tony asked, admiring his catch.

"It's a trout," McGee answered.

"Thank you, McScout," Tony quipped.

"I used to go fishing when I was a boy scout but I've never caught a fish that big."

"Because you're not me," Tony winked.

"Beginner's luck," growled Gibbs and McGee nodded his agreement.

Just before midday, the fishermen went back to the cabin, carrying a bucket full of trout and white perch. They had all caught other fish, but none were as big as Tony's. DiNozzo was smiling happily and couldn't stop telling whoever wanted (and didn't want) to listen all the details of his adventure. They decided to save the fish for dinner so the cooks had time to clean them.

For lunch they had some delicious spaghetti alla puttanesca, salad, bread and fruit. Now they were sitting outside, Ducky and Jack were playing chess while Abby, Tim, Gibbs and Tony were relaxing on recliners. Tim was reading a book, Abby was trying to knit a scarf, and Tony and Gibbs were just enjoying the silence and the sun.

"Tony?" Gibbs called softly.

"Mmmm?"

"Are you sleeping?"

"No," Tony answered with his eyes still closed but, when his boss didn't say anything else, the younger man opened them and slowly turned toward Gibbs. "What's going on, Gibbs?"

"We need to talk."

"I don't like the sound of that…" Tony replied hesitantly.

"I don't want to upset you. Today has been a good day and I don't want..."

"Gibbs," Tony turned a bit more towards his boss. "Please, stop treating me like a crystal vase. I'm trying to get back to the real me, but it'll never happen if you all keep seeing me as a weak baby," Tony said, gently but seriously.

McGee and Abby pretended they hadn't heard, while Ducky and Jack shared a significant look before returning to their game.

"Maybe we should talk about it in private."

"Nah!" Tony shrugged. "What do you need to ask me?" Tony asked calmly, getting comfortable on the recliner and closing his eyes as he faced the sun.

Gibbs shook his head, pleased to see that Tony was stronger than they thought. He took a deep breath and began, "Before your surgery, you were about to tell me something about Ziva..."

"Mmmm..."

"What were you going to say?"

Tony didn't immediately answer. He was aware that not only Gibbs but all of his friends were listening to him and he wanted them to understand how he really felt but, at the same time, he didn't want to upset them or sound like a man looking for baseless revenge.

Abby, Ducky, Jack and McGee exchanged puzzled looks before Tony finally said, "I don't want Ziva on our team anymore." His tone was calm and soft but his words had the effect of an explosion.

Five heads shot up, everyone looking at him in shock.

"Why?" Gibbs asked cautiously. He agreed with Tony but wanted to know the younger man's reasons.

"You told me she asked you to choose between her and me. I don't think I can trust her anymore. I can't work with her after she tried to steal, not only my job, but my family too," Tony finally opened his eyes and looked at all of his friends.

"Maybe, I'm sounding childish but...but after what I've been through in..." he swallowed hard. "In Mexico, I need to trust the people I live and work with. I trust all of you with my life but I don't trust her anymore. If you had chosen her, I would have lost everything I had. You guys and my job are who I am. If you had chosen Ziva...I'd have lost myself."

Tony was afraid to see disapproval in everyone's eyes but he just saw love and understanding. It seemed that Gibbs, Ducky, Abby, Tim and even Jack understood his feelings and that fact gave Tony the strength to continue.

"I've had a lot of time to think lately and, though I was the one who wanted to give her another chance, now..." he paused for a long moment. "You've all done so much for me. Seeing your reaction when I told you what happened in Israel made me understand that I made a mistake—"

"No! She was wrong to attack you! You..." Abby exclaimed angrily but Gibbs' glare ended her rant immediately.

Tony regaled Abby with a soft smile and added, "Abs, I made a mistake because I didn't report her. I made her believe that what she had done during the Rivkin case and then in Israel was right. I should have stopped her right there. This is my fault. Maybe if I had stopped her, she would respect me more...I don't know."

He stopped for another few seconds to gather his thoughts. "Maybe in the future I'll be able to trust her again, but right now...I can't."

He looked straight in Gibbs' eyes and added, "I'm not asking you to fire her. If you want to keep her in your team, I understand. You took her back so you—"

"Don't say another word," Gibbs interrupted. "I took her back on the team because I didn't know what had happened in Israel and because..." he took a deep breath. "I let her manipulate me. But it'll never happen again."

The former Marine cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that was quickly forming. "You're my SFA and my..."

"I know," Tony said sotto voce.

"As soon as I knew about her assault, I wanted to fire her but you asked me to give her another chance. Now, I'm glad to see that you finally got your sanity back," he smirked and Tony frowned good-naturedly.

"So Ziva is out?" Abby clarified.

"Yes!" The boss answered.

"I feel sorry for her but she can't mess up our family," McGee stated and the others were surprised by his cold glare. He left his recliner and stopped next to Tony, squeezing his friend (and brother)'s shoulder reassuringly. "Can't wait to work as a three-man team."

"Three men all for me!" Abby joked, causing Jack and Ducky to burst out laughing.

"ABS!" Gibbs, McGee and Tony exclaimed before joining everyone in a good laugh.

A few minutes later, Gibbs took his burner phone from his pocket and called Dir. Morrow. He need to let their boss know what the team had decided about their and Ziva's future.


Later that afternoon.

Ziva was at her new desk in the Cold Case Office, reviewing and archiving files.

That morning, she had attended the obligatory sexual harassment course and, when she had returned to NCIS HQ, the Director had told her that she'd be working for a few months on a DCPD/NCIS narcotics suppression joint-investigation. She'd have been part of the night-shift team. I hate it! Me, a Mossad Officer, forced to work as a cop on the street! This must be Tony's doing!

Needless to say, she wasn't in the greatest of moods when her thoughts were interrupted by a bellhop who handed her an official NCIS envelope. She thanked him before nervously opening it.

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she exclaimed, "What the hell! Why?!"

Ziva read and reread the sheet of paper in her hands, hoping to see the words change. "You will be permanently reassigned to cold case team. Effective immediately," she breathed in disbelief.

"No way!" the Israeli woman exclaimed as she stood up, grabbed her jacket and bag, and left the office.

They cannot do that. They can't!

Ziva wanted to talk to Gibbs and Tony but the boss had been so secretive about their location that the ex-Mossad Officer only knew that they were somewhere in Pennsylvania.

In her angry state, it didn't occur to her that NCIS hadn't told anyone where Tony was because the fewer people that knew about the safe house, the safer the SFA was. She was just thinking about herself and what she saw as a great wrong done to her and her career without any good reason.

They can't do that to me! I'll get the exact location so I can go there and get this fixed!

She took the stairs and quickly arrived at the HR office, knowing that Deloris was home with flu and her colleague wasn't smart enough to realize when he was being manipulated.

Ziva took a deep breath to slow her breathing, plastered on one of her most seductive smiles and entered the room. Linus, Deloris' assistant, was alone in the office and, when he saw her, his pale, freckled face lit up.

"What can I do for you, Agent David?" he questioned, leaving his desk and joining her at the counter.

"I need a favor, Linus," she responded, her voice low.

"At your service, my lady," he replied flirtatiously.

"I need to talk to Agent Gibbs. I discovered some new intel about the people who," she lowered her voice for dramatic effect, "are targeting Agent DiNozzo,"

Linus nodded while looking around anxiously as if someone was spying them, though they were completely alone.

"It's imperative that Gibbs knows. But I can't talk to him on the phone—they could intercept the call," she whispered, leaning towards him.

She heard Linus' breathing accelerate and saw his pupils dilate with arousal. Busted! She thought.

"What do you need?" he lowered his voice, trying to sound seductive and confident.

"The exact location of the safe house." When she saw hesitation in his expression, Ziva added, "My security clearance has yet to be renewed after…my time away. I'm sure Gibbs would have told me if he could but they left too quickly." She put on her most worried look and added. "It could make the difference between Tony's life or death."

"Oh, my God!" Linus whispered and Ziva gravely nodded.

Linus immediately sat at his desk and started typing furiously on his keyboard. After a few minutes, a map with the exact location of the safe house appeared on his monitor. "I'll print it for you," he said.

"Thank you," Ziva said, standing behind him, a satisfied grin gracing her face.

"Here!" Linus handed her the map. "I hope you'll get to them in time."

"Me too," Ziva nodded, somberly.

"When you get back, we should have a drink together," he offered hopefully.

"Sure," Ziva winked as she left the room. I would not have a drink with even if you were the last man in the world, she thought as she rushed to the parking lot and left the Navy Yard with a screech of tires.

Ziva, as all Gibbs' agents did, kept a bag with clothes, shoes, toothbrush and toothpaste in the truck of her car so she didn't even stop at home, driving straight to the Interstate that would take her to her former team.

In her reckless state of mind, she didn't realize that she could lead their enemies to Tony and put the entire team's lives in danger. She was so trapped in her thoughts that she forgot the basis of her training. She didn't look in the rearview mirror when she got on the I-270 so she didn't notice a nondescript black SUV with tinted windows that had been tailing her since she left the Navy Yard...

TBC


What is going to happen now?

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