'And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?'
Fix You, Coldplay
Chapter 44
Tender T'is To Love the Babe That Milks Me
Malkin's hand trembled as she placed it in the Apothecarian's. She closed her eyes as she felt the pin prick, and kept them tightly shut as she heard the solution swirling beneath her hand.
'Madame?'
Malkin opened her eyes and saw the Apothecarian watching her cautiously.
'Would you like to know the result?'
Tentatively, Malkin nodded.
'It was positive.'
Malkin's eyes widened in surprise.
'You mean…. I'm….'
'Pregnant, yes,' the Apothecarian smiled.
Malkin blinked in her shock. She then suddenly rummaged in her pockets, threw ten galleons too many into the Apothecarian's hand, and tore out of the store.
She ran through Diagon Alley, all the way through Ferver Lane, and up the notoriously steep Glisten Hill to their apartment on Wicker Place, bursting through their front door, screaming—
'Florean! Florean!'
Her husband appeared instantly, taking his chef's cap off his head and wiping the sweat off his forehead with his arm.
'Malkin, what is it?' he said, alarmed at how excited his wife appeared.
'Florean!' she gasped, rushing up to him and taking him by the shoulders. 'We…we…'
Florean took her waist and lead her to the couch.
'Take a deep breath,' he said calmly. 'Have you been running? What's the matter?'
Malkin shook her head impatiently.
'I'm pregnant!' she said, unable to contain her excitement. 'We're having a baby!'
Florean stared at her, and then slumped back in the couch. Malkin frowned as she watched her husband's shocked and impassive face.
'Aren't you… aren't you happy?' she said, fear creeping into her tone.
Florean looked up at her, still in shock.
'How?' he whispered faintly.
Malkin wrung her hands nervously.
'Well… when you asked me a few months ago if I had contraception under control,' she said sheepishly, avoiding his eyes.
'Yes,' Florean pressed, watching her curiously. 'And you said yes, you did.'
Malkin chewed her lip.
'I did have it under control, but I think we had differing definitions of what that meant,' she muttered, her cheeks flushing.
'You mean... all that sex we've been having was so you could…'
Florean's eyes widened in surprise.
'Why didn't you tell me!' he accused.
Malkin cringed.
'We're both so busy. I was afraid that we'd both find reasons for why we shouldn't have a baby.'
Florean crossed his arms and simply looked at Malkin. She whimpered a little.
'We're not getting younger!' she exclaimed. 'I just thought it'd be easier this way.'
Florean said nothing and Malkin suddenly became frightened.
'You're not happy?' she whispered, her voice trembling.
Suddenly, Florean laughed and hugged Malkin.
'No, you ridiculous women. I'm ecstatic! We're going to be parents. There's nothing I want more!'
Malkin sniffed and looked up at Florean.
'R…really?' she said hopefully.
He grinned and kissed her softly.
'Of course,' he smiled. 'Just promise me one thing.'
'What?'
'In the future, do you think you could inform me when you decide we should have a baby?'
Malkin laughed and hugged Florean tightly.
'Two martinis, thanks,' Selene said, handing the drinks menu to the waiter.
'Oh… just water for me,' Malkin interrupted, her voice quavering as she looked to Selene.
The waiter nodded and walked off. Selene cocked her head to the side and peered at Malkin.
'I've never known you to refuse a cocktail,' she said suspiciously. 'Is everything alright?'
Malkin took a deep breath.
'I'm pregnant,' she smiled, unable to contain her excitement.
Selene blinked.
'You…. You're…'
'Yes,' Malkin laughed, nodding happily. 'I'm pregnant! Isn't that shocking? Me, of all people!'
At that moment, Selene felt an acutely unpleasant feeling in her gut. It was a foreign feeling that twisted and bubbled inside her, making her feel suddenly very hot and claustrophobic.
'A martini and water,' the waiter interrupted, setting down their drinks.
Selene lunged for her martini and swallowed it down in one. She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
'You don't think I'll be a good mother?'
Selene opened her eyes and saw Malkin watching her anxiously. The feeling only worsened as she noticed that Malkin's lips were full and red, and her skin was glowing. She was radiant. Nothing like her former starved self.
'Of course you'll be a good mother,' Selene said, forcing a smile. 'You and Florean will be wonderful parents.'
'You really think so?' Malkin said, smiling.
Smiling had never felt so difficult. Selene blinked as she felt tears pricking her eyes and instantly felt angry with herself for behaving in such a jealous manner.
'Yes,' she said softly. 'You'll be wonderful. How far along are you?'
Malkin smiled widely as she began recounting the story of how she became pregnant. Selene found it impossible to listen. All she could think about was how unfair it was that, yet again, she was deprived of having a family.
.
She forced herself to sit in the restaurant for half an hour, before excusing herself. Malkin was too blissfully happy to notice the strain in her friend, and hugged her and arranged for them to meet again in a few days time.
As soon as Malkin had walked off, Selene disapparated back home.
'Alphard!' she screamed. 'Alphie!'
There was no response. She ran up the stairs, her breathing erratic in her desperation.
'Alphard!'
She ran into their bedroom and saw that it was empty.
'Oh God,' she gasped, clutching at her chest and taking deep gasps of air.
She sunk onto the bed, and punched the mattress angrily.
'Why?' she screamed. 'Can't I have one fucking thing? Why does Malkin get everything? The husband, a baby… and she was the bitch! A druggie and an anorexic. And yet here I am, nothing wrong and I'm….'
Selene sat up and gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth as she registered what she had just said.
'You don't mean that,' she whispered to herself. 'You're just angry at your situation. It's got nothing to do with Malkin. Don't become like Tom. Don't become a jealous person…'
She stared into the distance for what seemed like hours. Slowly, her anger, frustration and grief subsided. Instead, she was left feeling exhausted and empty.
She glanced at the clock and saw that it was four o'clock. She would have to prepare dinner to be ready for Alphard at six o'clock.
She got of the bed mechanically and went to leave the room. As she did, she caught sight of her reflection and instantly felt repulsed. Her eyes were puffy, her makeup had streaked down her cheeks, and her dress was old and shapeless.
Quickly, she shrugged it off and tossed it aside. She then noticed her lingerie was also old and fraying and took that off as well.
As she surveyed her wardrobe, she saw that all her lingerie was practical- white cotton and not seductive in the slightest. Her clothes- of which she used to have so many- were either ball gowns, or relatively conservative.
She snorted as she thought of how frugal she was with her accounts.
'What for? I have no child to save money for.'
She glanced at the clock again and then, without another moment's hesitation, disapparated.
'Will that be all, madame?'
'No,' Selene said, surveying her reflection with a smile. She was dressed in a ruby red bra and pant set, with matching suspenders to hold up her stockings. As a model, she had worn mainly gowns, and thus was surprised to see herself looking so risqué.
Certainly a far cry from the innocent girl she was at the orphanage.
'I'd like to try the black corset set, and the salmon set I pointed out earlier.'
'Shall I put this set on the account to join the champagne set and the green set?'
'Yes,' Selene responded automatically.
The assistant beamed widely and tottered off to fetch more expensive lingerie for Selene.
Once she had bought her lingerie- and spent more in one transaction than she had spent on clothing in her entire life- she went to a clothing boutique and chose anything and everything that was tight-fitting and brightly-coloured.
By the time she was done, it was six o'clock. As she walked through Diagon-Alley to go home, she stopped as she walked past a baby store.
Suddenly, all her purchases meant nothing. She would gladly give them all away only to purchase baby gear instead. She set down her bags as she picked up a baby jumpsuit.
A small, and sorrowful smile came to her lips as she looked at it.
'Ah yes, a beautiful set, madame. Would you like to purchase it?'
Selene looked back to the jumpsuit. It was white and soft and fluffy. She smiled painfully and nodded.
'Yes,' she said huskily. 'Yes I would.'
'Hey!'
Alphard grinned and stood up as he saw his best friend approaching the table. He signalled to the waiter to bring two whiskeys.
'H…hey,' Sean stuttered, his eyes wide. 'Mate…. Congratulations! Is that why you wanted to meet?'
Alphard frowned and sipped his whiskey.
'I wanted to meet because you're my friend,' he said drily. 'What are you congratulating me for?'
Sean clapped a hand to his mouth.
'Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise you and Selene….'
'What about Selene and I?' Alphard said quickly, sitting forward.
'I thought you were still together,' Sean whispered sheepishly. 'Sorry, mate, I…'
'We are,' Alphard said through gritted teeth. 'Why? Did you see her with another man?'
Sean shook his head quickly.
'No! I… I just saw her in a baby store. She was buying a baby suit.'
Alphard spat out his whiskey and started choking.
'You right mate?'
Alphard shook his head, and Sean quickly hit his back a few times. His choking subsided, and he looked up at Sean, his face as white as a ghost.
'When did you see her?' he questioned raspily.
'Just on my way here,' Sean said slowly. 'Maybe she just found it?'
Alphard slumped back in his chair, hyperventilating.
'No. She can't have a child. We can't. It's not…'
'Why not?'' Sean smiled. 'I think it'll be great for you two. It'll finally make an honest couple of you!'
Alphard tossed the rest of his firewhiskey down his throat, and then picked up Sean's and did the same.
'I have to go. I'm sorry, I need to sort this out.'
'I hope I haven't…'
'I'll see you soon,' Alphard interrupted, throwing a few galleons on the table and rushing out of the bar.
Selene struggled to fit through the front door with all her bags.
'Alphard?' she called.
She smiled ruefully when she was met, yet again, with silence. She apparated to their bedroom and opened her wardrobe and began tossing out her old clothes, culling them ruthlessly. She then looked to her bags, and her shoulders sunk as she realised just how much she had spent.
'I deserve it,' she reasoned, hanging up her new dresses. 'Malkin gets a child, this is my present.'
When she was done, she picked out the red lingerie set, and a short, and form-fitting black dress.
She sprayed on the strong perfume she bought. It was a dark scent- certainly not appropriate for daywear- and reminded her think of something forbidden, yet irresistible. Slowly, she drew the pin that was holding her hair up, and her dark hair came flowing down her back in soft waves of molten lava.
'Selene?'
She clenched her teeth as she heard Alphard's voice. She was now convinced that she could never love him as she used to. She also knew that he was her best chance of ever procuring a child and that she had to make him fall back in love with her, enough to marry and want a child with her.
She walked to the corner of the room where she had carefully placed the baby suit, and smiled as she held it up to her cheek.
For the first time that day, the tight knot in her chest loosened, and she felt a peaceful calm washing over her.
The door burst open, and she quickly dropped the baby suit back in the bag as she saw Alphard at the door. His face was ghostly white.
'Is it true?' he demanded.
Selene crossed her arms and he stopped as he noticed all the shopping bags, and then her new dress.
'If you're trying to seduce me into accepting this, it's not going to work,' he said angrily. 'How could you just trick me into this? We decided that we would talk about this further, and yet you just jumped right into it.'
Selene arched an eyebrow.
'Alphard,' she said calmly, 'What are you talking about?'
Alphard crossed his arms stubbornly.
'Do you have any news for me?' he said harshly.
Selene swallowed thickly.
'Yes,' she said quietly. 'Malkin and Florean are having a baby.'
Alphard's face contorted, but then he smiled as realisation washed over him.
'Malkin?' he repeated.
'Yes,' Selene snapped. 'Malkin.'
He laughed and stepped over the bags to where Selene was, running a hand through his dark hair.
'Malkin!' he repeated, sounding immensely relieved. 'I thought…'
'You thought what?' Selene interrupted sharply.
'Well, you see, I just met Sean and he told me he saw you in a baby store. Naturally, we both assumed….'
'That I was pregnant?' Selene offered.
Alphard nodded.
'Obviously jumping to conclusions.'
Selene felt like slapping Alphard. Instead, she kept her temper in check.
'And if I were to fall pregnant, would that be such a terrible thing?' she said, her anger simmering.
Alphard shrugged.
'No, but all at the right time. We're not even married yet.'
Selene's heart beat hopefully at his use of 'yet'.
He smiled at her and looked her up and down.
'You look beautiful,' he said. 'Are you going somewhere?'
Selene shook her head.
'I decided I needed to update my wardrobe.'
'Kimono,' Alphard said, noticing the large bag of the lingerie store. 'You purchased a few things from there?'
Selene nodded and smiled darkly.
'Yes. I bought quite a few things from there.'
Alphard toyed with the zip of Selene's dress.
'And would you happen to be wearing a purchase at present?'
Selene smiled.
'I've decided it's not decent for us to sleep in the same bed,' she said innocently. 'Just as you deem it's not decent for us to have a child out of wedlock.'
Alphard blinked.
'So I guess you won't know what I'm wearing underneath my dress. Until things between us are decent, of course,' she added.
She smiled as she saw Alphard's stunned expression, and placed a soft kiss on his lips. She then flicked her wand, clearing away all the shopping bags, before leaving the room without another word.
'Florean!'
Florean rushed to the kitchen where Malkin was hunched over the sink, gasping in pain.
'What? What is it?' he said, his eyes wide with concern.
'I…' Malkin whispered, clutching at her stomach. 'It h…hurts.'
Florean hovered, and then lead her to the fireplace. He grabbed a fistful of Floo Powder and threw it in the flames, helping Malkin into the fireplace, before shouting— 'St Mungo's Hospital'!
As soon as they landed, he tore through the Emergency Room, to the front desk.
'Please, Miss,' he gasped. 'My wife. She's pregnant, and in pain and…'
The nurse stood up quickly and went to Malkin, leading her to an examination room. He went to follow, but was blocked by another nurse.
'Sorry sir, you can't come in.'
'That's my wife in there!' Florean burst angrily.
The nurse shook her head.
'I'm afraid you'll just have to wait outside.'
Florean clenched his fists and paced the hallway nervously. After what felt like days, a Healer opened the door and led a pale, but smiling Malkin out of the room.
'Take care not to eat any more Jiplops anymore,' he said seriously. 'Now that you're pregnant, you don't want to take any risks with food poisoning.'
Malkin nodded seriously and then smiled at Florean.
'Is everything okay?' he said, taking her by the shoulders.
Malkin nodded and kissed him.
'Yes. Just a small bout of food poisoning. The baby's fine.'
Florean exhaled slowly, relieved.
'Oh thank Merlin,' he said, hugging Malkin tightly. 'Thank you, Healer!'
The Healer nodded formally, and walked into the next examination room.
'I was so scared,' Florean gushed, as they walked out of the hospital. 'For you, for the baby...'
'I was,' Malkin agreed. 'I didn't realise I had to watch my diet. I mean, I knew I couldn't drink alcohol, but I never thought to avoid certain foods altogether!'
Florean pursed his lips, looking very serious as they stepped into the Floo Fireplace.
Once they were home, he sat Malkin down on the couch, but set to pacing the length of the room.
'What's wrong?' Malkin said, watching him incredulously.
'You work to hard,' he said suddenly, turning to face her. 'You can't expect to continue working as the head of your label, as well as being pregnant.'
'I can so!' Malkin exclaimed. 'Having a baby doesn't ruin my creative abilities.'
Florean shook his head.
'You and I both know that your job entails much more than simply drawing dress designs. Malkin, your get very stressed out with your job. It's not good for the baby.'
Malkin looked down, chewing her lip.
'I… I have been thinking that,' she said quietly. 'I've been thinking that maybe….'
She trailed off, wearing a pained expression.
'I love my job,' she said sadly. 'I don't want to have to choose between my child, and doing the thing I love.'
Florean said nothing, but continued to watch Malkin. Eventually, she sighed.
'But now that I've had the chance to do my job, and do it well, I know that I'd much rather focus on being a mother. I feel like I'm ready for that kind of stability in my life, you know?'
Florean bit his lip.
'So… you're going to sell your label?'
Malkin winced at the thought.
'It doesn't mean you're not going to design again. You'd be selling the label, not your designs, you know,' Florean said softly, sitting on the couch next to her and kissing her forehead. 'Malkin Couture is just a name. You could design just as beautiful things under another label.'
Malkin closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, but then sighed.
'You're right,' she said reluctantly. 'This is something I have to do for our child. I'll sell the label.'
'Are you sure you're okay with this?' Florean said tentatively.
Malkin hesitated, but then nodded.
'Yes,' she said, more confidently now. 'Yes, I am.'
Florean observed her, and a small smile played on his lips.
'What?' Malkin said, frowning.
Florean smiled and kissed her.
'You know, I think you may just be cured.'
Malkin raised an eyebrow.
'What do you mean?'
Florean shrugged.
'You've changed so much from the girl who used to starve herself and popped Vice.'
Malkin smiled happily and leant forward and kissed Florean lingeringly.
'I have you to thank,' she whispered, closing her eyes as she nestled her head against his chest. 'You saved me, Florean, in every way. I don't think you'll ever truly understand how much you mean to me- how much strength you've given me.'
'I think I do,' Florean said quietly. 'Alone, we're no good… but together, we fix each other. We're all right.'
Malkin smiled and looked up at Florean.
'We're more than alright.'
Florean smiled and kissed Malkin.
'I love you so much. Every day I wake up and have to pinch myself to believe my luck that you even considered going out with me.'
Malkin looked away, her eyes hardening.
'Florean, I'm the one lucky to be with you,' she said, her voice strained. 'I don't think you've ever understood how terrible I was before you came and set me right.'
Florean shrugged.
'Everyone's been terrible at some point. It's how you make it right that counts.'
Malkin smiled sadly, and brought his hand to her lips.
'Thank you,' she said quietly.
'For what?' Florean said, puzzled.
'For accepting the baby- for being happy about the baby. I never expected that I'd be lucky enough to find someone who would want to marry me, let alone have a child with me.'
Florean laughed, and stroked Malkin's dark hair.
'Now you're being ridiculous,' he said. 'You were the most beautiful girl in our year.'
'No, that was Selene,' Malkin interrupted.
'To me, it was always you,' Florean said quietly.
Malkin smiled and sat up and kissed him.
'You're really turning on the charm tonight, aren't you?' she grinned. 'Don't worry, you were always going to get lucky. For some reason all I want to do, now that I'm pregnant, is shag!'
Florean's eyes widened.
'Well, Mrs Fortescue,' he grinned, picking her up and carrying her to their bedroom, 'I would be more than happy help assist you in resolving this matter!'
Upon her exit from their bedroom, Selene went to the living room and began reading a book. Alphard hovered at the doorway, before approaching her armchair.
'Isn't dinner meant to be at six?' he said awkwardly.
Selene glanced at her watch.
'It's seven,' she said, not lifting her gaze from her book.
'Yes, but you haven't cooked anything, have you?' he pressed.
A small smile tugged at Selene's lips.
'If you want someone to cook for you, then you should employ a chef. The same goes for the cleaning of this house- get a maid. I hear some maids offer 'happy endings'. They're usually French, those ones.'
Alphard snatched Selene's book from her hands.
'Why are you acting like this?' he demanded.
Selene feigned confusion.
'Like what?'
'Like we're housemates,' Alphard snapped. 'I had a right to be annoyed if you had tricked me into getting you pregnant.'
Selene smiled sweetly.
'Oh, don't you worry your pretty head with such ideas,' she smiled. 'There's no chance of that ever happening. According to my understanding, pregnancy is the result of a certain act. One, which you won't experience with me ever again.'
Selene turned to leave, but Alphard grabbed her arm, and pulled her to him, crashing his lips on hers. She pushed him away roughly.
'What are you doing?' she demanded haughtily.
Alphard tugged at his hair.
'You're over-reacting,' he said angrily. 'Your game isn't funny.'
'You think I'm trying to be funny?' Selene half-shouted in her exasperation. 'Alphard, I'm exhausted with you, and I'm not going to wait any longer. You either decide to make things proper with me, or I'll be as distant as a mere housemate.'
Alphard opened his mouth to retort, but Selene interrupted.
'And that's just what I'll be, until you make up your mind,' she snapped, pushing past him and leaving the room. 'It's time for you to make up your mind, Alphie. Enough's enough.'
That night, Selene drifted off to an uneasy sleep.
She was living in a different house. It was big, but filled with the clutter of scattered toys. There were stains on the couch and yet, somehow, she loved those stains for what they represented.
She felt exhausted, but not the kind of exhaustion she felt when studying for long hours. It was the kind of exhaustion experienced by caring for highly energised children.
She looked up as she heard peals of laughter from outside and she felt chest swelling. Their laughter was the most beautiful music in the world to her.
She bent down and began tidying away the toys. She stood suddenly as she felt something tugging at her skirt.
'Mummy?'
She gasped as she saw the young boy. He had black hair, a pale face, with her hazel eyes.
She clutched at her chest and sunk to the ground as she looked up at his face in wonder.
'T…tom?'
'No, mummy, daddy's not here,' the boy said, touching her face and putting his small arms around her neck and hugging her.'
Selene looked at the boy in wonder. He really was the spitting image of Tom Riddle.
And yet, somehow, it felt right. She already loved this boy so fiercely that she knew she would never allow any harm to befall him as long as she lived.
'I love you,' she gasped through her tears, hugging him to her, and kissing his small forehead. 'You'll never hurt me, will you?'
The boy looked up at her with his large innocent eyes. There, she saw the difference between him and Tom.
Tom never had that kind of innocence. They were always sharp and shrewd.
'Mummy, why would I hurt you?' he frowned, 'Why are you crying, mummy?'
Selene smiled painfully, but then the boy disappeared.
She sat up, gasping for air, and looking about the bedroom wildly for the boy who, seconds ago, seemed so real.
Shaken, she got out of bed, and put on her cloak. Snatching up her wand, she disapparated in an instant.
He opened his eyes and sat up, alarmed to find himself not in his usual bed, but on a makeshift bed, in their abandoned hut at Hogsmeade.
His eyes widened as he saw her sitting on the edge of the mattress, watching him curiously. He went to speak, but she put a finger to his lips and gently pushed him back on the bed. She smiled coyly and, never breaking eye contact, she bent over and pressed her lips to his.
A/N: A few things:
1/ SORRY for the ridiculously long wait for an update. Won't happen again, I promise!
2/ THANK YOU to everyone who has voted for me on The Sweet Quill awards. Voting closes Sept 27 so if you haven't voted for me yet… please do? =D
3/ BETA: If you're interested in applying to be a Beta for this story, the details are on my Author's Page.
4/ Next chapter is looking to be BIG:
'You're unusual, aren't you? I can tell, because I am too,' – Penelope
'That ring, there. Yes, that's perfect,' – Alphard Black
'Avada Kedavra,' – Tom Riddle to Selene
And if you could review before leaving, I would REALLY appreciate it :D
Love, Anya
