A/N: Been a while, but my sister reminded of this thing I used to do as a kid and I figure Kevin's just weird enough to be like me. That derpy little kid that did weird stuff.
Disclaimer: I own my recipe. Otherwise, nada.
It was strange for her to hear the sound of Kevin plopping down groceries in the kitchen. Gwen heard it all the way from the back bedroom, and the fact that he wasn't immediately searching for her to make him a sandwich meant that he was behaving himself for once. The girl paused from putting away laundry to listen closely.
From the kitchen, there was the sound of rustling in the silverware drawer and then the scraping of a plastic plate coming out of a dingy cabinet in their tiny kitchen on the other side of the thin wall. Then some packaging was ripped open and a jar lid popped off.
Whatever he was doing, she was suddenly unsure whether it was safe or not. Plumber Academy had taught them more than just the difference between alien species and how to run a Null Void prison. Bomb making had also been in the curriculum, and Gwen definitely allowed herself to be worried whether he would use this not-so-newfound skill for good or evil.
Gwen shut the dresser drawer softly and put the basket that she'd been balancing on her hip atop their queen-sized bed before heading into the kitchen to investigate his off-base behavior.
She leaned against the arched doorway of their closet-sized kitchen and watched as he picked bologna from the Oscar Mayer packaging and laid it out on a plate with the utmost precision, laying two more to each side of it in an almost flower-like pattern. "Kevin, what are you doing?"
"Making the delicacy of my childhood." He didn't even glance her way before picking up a spoon from his journey into their cluttered and unorganized silverware drawer. "You want some?"
Mulling over it for a moment, she decided, "Sure." A smile captured her serene features and brought her further into the kitchen as she then perched herself on the counter right beside his workspace, watching as he then dipped the spoon into a jar of applesauce. The smile departed as she witnessed him plop a loaded spoonful on one of the slices of bologna. Maybe agreeing was a mistakeā¦
"I made this basically every day after school when my mom wasn't home." His lips pursed for a moment as some bad memory clouded his vision darker than usual. "She didn't want me using the microwave."
Gwen said nothing but did press a kiss into his messy dark hair, listening as he instantly began to breathe easier.
Kevin continued with his work, spreading the applesauce across the canvas of bologna with the rounded side of the spoon, careful not to dent the surface. The other two slices of bologna received the same treatment of the cautious applesauce application.
"Why are you making this now, exactly?" Gwen questioned, still peering over his shoulder. She pushed the curtain of her auburn hair over one shoulder and out of her way.
"Well, when I was walking through the deli aisle, I saw bologna and this was the first thing I thought of. So I grabbed it." He smirked after that. "And I forgot to order pizza tonight."
Gwen rolled her eyes but still smiled. This was why her boyfriend was probably the greatest ever.
"Which means this is dinner." He pulled out his final ingredient: a bag of baby carrots.
Really, she was regretting her agreement. Honestly, she trusted Kevin with her life and figured that if he ate this through most of his childhood, it couldn't be all bad, but that didn't mean it didn't bother her to watch him throw together such a hodgepodge of foods and have him expect it to taste good after all these years.
Kevin then took out a knife (which prompted Gwen to wonder why his mother had allowed him to use knives as a child) and slit open the bag before proceeding to chop up a few carrots into coin-thin orange discs. Once he had finished this, he sprinkled them in a line across the middle of each slice of bologna. "From here," he said, "we roll them up like burritos and ta-da! It's dinner." This was the first time he looked up at her since she'd entered the space, and he saw her horrified face.
"You were one twisted little kid, weren't you?"
"Gwen," he sighed before carefully picking one up like a waiter picks up his customer's order and presenting it to her. "You don't know that it's bad if you don't try it."
After all the things he'd done for her, going clean, selling his garage, moving near college, forfeiting the hero life, she couldn't say no to this one little request. Gwen could've come up with a hundred excuses, but she didn't, and instead took the piece of bologna with all its disgusting toppings from him and rolled it up in a burrito just as he did in the same instance.
"You ready for the greatest thing you've ever had?" he asked with a knowing, sparkling gleam in his eyes and a smile that could charm even the Devil.
Why had she agreed to this? Gwen reluctantly took a bite, applesauce spilling out the other end and onto her skirt along with a few slices of carrots. But she wasn't complaining. "Oh my god," she said through a mouthful. "Kevin, you're a genius."
"It's the twisted little kid in me," he remarked with a satisfied grin before continuing to eat his own bologna, applesauce, and carrot burrito.
A/N: I swear to you that I actually made this for most of my childhood. My mom usually gave us the same three things for every meal so I decided to mix it up and that was the result. I still do it whenever we have bologna (:
Anyways, review?
~Sky
