Chapter 54
He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there when Reid settled down beside him. He spared a smile for his boyfriend before turning his attention back to the lake in front of him. It was peaceful out there, just him, the lake and the trees. Outside on the patio had quickly become one of his favorite spots to reflect, and today he really needed to do that. He was grateful that Reid didn't ask why he was sitting alone out there. He didn't ask any questions in fact; he crossed his legs in front of him and looked out at the sun setting across the horizon. It was a beautiful sight actually, the sun looking like a golden fireball as it cast its glow on the lake before sinking into the horizon.
Usually he loved the sunsets, but even the golden hues couldn't hold his attention at the moment. His mind was a jumble of emotions and his heart felt heavy. He just wasn't sure how to deal with it."
"How long have you been out here?" Reid's voice invaded his thoughts and he shrugged.
"A couple of hours I guess."
"And where's Lan?" Reid inquired.
"Sleeping." He wondered if his voice sounded as dejected to Reid as it did to his own ears. "He wasn't feeling well, and I put him to bed when we got home. I should probably go check on him though."
"Wait a minute," Reid grabbed his arm before he could stand, even as he glanced over at the baby monitor that sat on the table beside him. "We'll check on him in a minute, and in the meantime you have this," he said gesturing at the monitor. IF he needs you you'll know."
Luke tilted his head seeing the logic in what Reid was saying, and turned his attention back to the lake. He could feel Reid's eyes on him, and he knew the other man wanted to ask what was up.
"Dinner's already in the kitchen if you're hungry," He told Reid after a few more minutes had passed.
"Okay."
For once in his life Reid wasn't thinking about food. He was focused on the man before him. It had been a while since he had seen Luke this reclusive, this sad, and it concerned him a great deal. He couldn't think of anything that could possibly be upsetting him, though he certainly wracked his brain trying to recall anything that had happened over the last year. It wasn't Noah's birthday, for that date had already passed. It had also been the anniversary of the day that Reid had showed up on Luke's doorstep and the beginning of an adventure that none of them would soon forget.
"I talked to my father today."
The statement caught Reid's attention and it made it frown. It was simple in diction yet complex in meaning. Luke spoke to Holden every day, but talks such as those never made him sad unless...
"Is something wrong with Lucinda or Emma?" he asked on the off chance that he was wrong about what Luke was trying to tell him.
Luke shook his head before lowering it to peer at his hands. Reid glanced down too noticing that Luke had been biting his fingernails again. It was a habit, he had realized, that Luke only partook in when he was anxious or upset; this was far worse than he could have thought. "Not dad," Luke said raising his dark gaze to meet Reid's head on. "I talked to him today too…but this call, this was different."
"What did he want?"
"What didn't he want," Luke laughed humorlessly. He once again turned his gaze away from Reid, looking out over the lake as the sky continued to darken. "He says he wants to get to know me…he says he has regrets about the things he's done and he apologized for not being there. And I'm torn, you know?" He looked at Reid who nodded, understanding what he was saying to a degree.
"Part of you wants to believe him," Reid voiced Luke's thoughts. "But part of you is still that scared kid who endured so much at his hands right?"
"It sounds silly when you put it that way."
"Nothing about you is silly, Luke; especially not how you feel. You have to remember though; you aren't that scared little kid anymore. You aren't even the fifteen year old looking for acceptance. He can't manipulate you."
"What would you do?" Luke asked curiously. "If you had the chance to reconnect with your father would you take it?"
"I think I would," Reid replied thoughtfully. "Before my parents passed away I always hoped that someday they would come to accept me; that they would want me back in their lives. It would have to be on my terms, but I would do it."
The faint sound of the baby crying filled the air causing both men to glance over at the baby monitor. Luke smiled and picked it up, shaking his head fondly. "I think…I get it," he said biting his lip as he locked gazes with Reid. "That unconditional love that comes with being a parent…that bond that neither time nor distance can erase. I know Damian chose to disappear from my life, and he had his reasons…both times. He did some terrible things…and Noah's dad did too, but I believe with every cell of my being that Winston Mayer loved Noah; he just could never accept me. And if I can give him that pardon then can't I do the same thing for Damian? "
Reid placed his hand on top of Luke's as they listened to Landon, who was no longer crying. He was sitting up in his crib talking and laughing, as if he knew that his daddies had heard him, and they would be coming soon. There was nothing for him to fear…all he had to do was wait.
"Sometimes people love the way they were taught to love," Reid stated, his fingers lightly grazing Luke's hand. "Our environment, our associations…there are so many different factors, Luke. I think there is a reason why the word itself is so abstract. Its true meaning cannot be defined, because nothing about it is simple. It's also about risk though. Do you want to give Damian a chance?"
"I think so," Luke admitted without hesitation. "I know for certain I don't want anything to do with my mother. Who knows if that will change in time, but I have made it this far without her…I think I can keep that up. I made sure when I talked to him today that this wasn't some ploy of my mothers to get him to plead her case. He promised me it wasn't. This was all him."
"Do you believe him?"
"I want to," Luke sighed. "I want to trust him. I feel like I owe it to myself to embrace me." He smiled at the amused look on Reid's face. "He's my father, and I don't want to look back on this time and wish that I had given him a chance."
"Then do it," Reid said standing to pull Luke to his feet. "Let him in, on your terms as little or as much as you feel you need to. Our son doesn't have to be a part of that if you don't want him to be. He already has a grandfather, and a great grandfather who loves him dearly. He's fine. This is about you."
Luke smiled his first genuine smile since he had received the phone call that afternoon. "I love you, you know that."
"I Love you too," Reid said wrapping his arm around him. "Come on, we've got a munchkin to feed."
"I'm worried about him," Chris said, sighing as he settled down on his bed. He looked straight at his roommate who was standing in his corner of their small quarters eyeing a canvas critically. "Are you even listening to me?"
"I heard every word you said," Laurie remarked as he took a piece of cloth to dab at the picture carefully, trying to catch any accidental streaks in the painting. "You said you saw RJ today in English class and he was wearing sunglasses. You asked him if he was okay, and he snapped at you, and you're a little concerned right?"
"Laurie."
"What?" Laurie turned his violet gaze on his roommate, setting the brush down to give him his complete attention. "You asked if I was paying attention, I was just assuring you that I heard. I'm just hoping that you're wrong and there's nothing to worry about."
"Laurie, it's March, and as much of a fashion statement I think sunglasses make, one does not wear them in the tail end of winter…inside."
Laurie sighed, a frown crossing his features as he thought about what his roommate was saying. Of course he was right, but the behavior Chris had described thus far did not sound like his boyfriend. Sure he knew that Robbie had a drink here and there to help relieve stress. But that wasn't a regular thing…was it.
"You've said you have seen him like this before?" Laurie questioned carefully.
"A few times," Chris frowned. "He zoned out in class one day and that is just not like him."
"This semester has been hard on him," Laurie reasoned. "Maybe he's just been tired. Kraig teased me about being tired the other day in class."
"Maybe," Chris conceded. "Just keep an eye on him okay? I know school can be stressful. Look at me, I've got my classes on top of dance class and rehearsal for the spring show, I understand being tired. I just…I'm worried about him, that's all."
"I'm glad you can look out for him when I can't," Laurie admitted. "I really appreciate it."
"That's what friends are for," Chris smiled. "And don't you go feeling guilty. You have a lot going on too. This is college, Laurie; I think it's supposed to be tough. This way we're prepared for the real world."
"I used to love that show," Laurie smirked as he turned back to his painting.
"Haha, very funny," Chris laughed. "You knew full well what I meant, Gibson."
"I did. I'll check on him. Are you going to be here when I get back?"
"I should be," Chris crossed his arms in front of him. "Kraig's out of town."
"Oh yeah that's right," Laurie said grabbing his jacket. "He said he would be missing class for the rest of this week, so we're supposed to just work on our projects for the period."
"Yeah," Chris sighed.
"Awww don't worry buddy," Laurie said wrapping an arm around his friend. "I'm sure he'll call you when he gets off the plane. " As if on cue Chris's phone jumped on the table indicating that he had a call. "See," Laurie chuckled as he left the room leaving Chris alone to answer the call.
The walk over to East Fairchild was quiet, and it gave Laurie time to think about what Chris had told him. He was certain that everything was fine, but he knew his roommate wouldn't have mentioned it if there wasn't cause for concern. Besides, any reason to go visit with his boyfriend was a good one…he didn't see him as often as he would have liked to.
He could hear soft music playing as he neared Robbie's room and it made him smile. Robbie had taken to listening to classical music while he studied. He said it helped him to relax. Laurie knocked on the door before stepping back to wait, placing his hands behind his back.
He heard the music pause, and the scraping of a chair on the floor before footsteps drew closer to the door. A soft smile crossed Laurie's lips as he took in the sight of his boyfriend clad in just a t-shirt and boxers. "If I would have known I was having company I would have dressed up," Robbie smirked as he moved aside to let Laurie into the room.
Laurie stepped inside, closing the door behind him before turning to draw Robbie into an embrace. "I wanted to surprise you," He said leaning in to kiss him softly.
"It's a nice surprise," Robbie murmured allowing his arms to encircle Laurie's neck. "I've missed you." He kissed him again before pulling away to go back to his desk where there were several books open to various pages.
"Studying?" Laurie asked nodding at the material on the desk.
"Just doing a little light reading actually," Robbie replied. "We're analyzing the poems of Keats, Byron and Shelley tomorrow and I was reading biographies of all their lives to prepare for it."
"And you call that light reading," Laurie teased, his violet eyes sparkling with mirth.
"Says the guy whose favorite book is about Andy Warhol."
Laurie laughed as he settled down on the bed. "Do I need to leave you to it?" he asked seriously even as Robbie settled back down in his desk chair.
"No I could use a break," Robbie smiled at him. "I would never turn you away, you know that."
"Then come join me over here," Laurie said patting the bed beside him.
Robbie did as directed and smiled as he leaned in to kiss his boyfriend softly. "Hi," he said his grin easily reaching his emerald gaze.
"Hey," Laurie returned the smile easily, his violet eyes shining brightly. "Fancy meeting you here."
"How have you been?" Robbie asked placing a hand on Laurie's knee. "I feel like I don't get to see you enough."
"I'm good now that I've gotten to see you. I'd tease Chris about how much he sees you more than I do, but then he'd just turn around and throw the comment back at me."
Robbie laughed. "He always gripes that you see Kraig more often than he does."
"Oh, so he exaggerates," Laurie chuckled lightly.
"Is he with Kraig now?"
"No, he's back in our room sulking. I'm sure he'll end up going to use the dance studio or something. Dancing relaxes him. I don't want to talk about Chris though," he said taking Robbie's hands into his. "I want to talk to you."
"About what?"
"Whatever your heart desires," Laurie smiled. "What poems were you reading tonight?"
"I read Keats' Ode To a Nightingale, and Ode on a Grecian Urn. You know his odes are probably his most well known pieces of poetry. And he truly was only writing poetry for six years."
"His popularity came after his death right? I remember he was very young when he died."
"Just twenty-five," Robbie clarified. "Percy Shelley eulogized him in his own poem Andonais. In any case, the odes were Keats' attempt at making a new form of the sonnet. Such beautiful poems yet full of a sadness that is evident to me."
"Have you ever thought about writing poetry?"
Robbie glanced at his boyfriend, who was now leaning against the bed, his eyes trained on him as he spoke. He knew Laurie was listening, hanging on his every word. "I don't know if I would be any good at it," Robbie shrugged his shoulders.
"I don't believe that for a minute. I think everything you need to write a poem is right here," He pulled Robbie close, kissing his forehead before smiling at him again. "No one thought Keats was that great, but his poems are taught in schools around the world even today. Same thing with Elizabeth Barrett Browning and others I'm sure. No one really took them seriously, but we know those poems because someone put them out there. You never know, RJ, they could be talking about you one day."
"I think they'll be talking about your paintings," Robbie countered. "We'll be strolling through a gallery full of your work, and someone is going to ask for your autograph, and I'll be able to say I knew you when."
"There you go thinking about the future again," Laurie said softly, his smile still present on his lips.
"Don't you?" Robbie asked cuddling up close to him. "I mean I know it's far off but I'm just so proud of you, and I can't wait for everyone to see how talented you are."
"Do you think I'm talented enough to be the star of your first movie?" Laurie teased, his fingers combing through Robbie's shaggy hair.
"Perhaps," Robbie replied lifting his head slightly to look at Laurie. His boyfriend's long fingers remained tangled in his hair, tugging lightly as he leaned in to kiss him. He allowed his own hands to touch Laurie's face deepening the kiss ever so slightly, his tongue sliding easily into Laurie's moist mouth.
"Is that your way of saying I have to sleep with you to get the part?" Laurie's eyes were twinkling as he lowered Robbie's back to the bed, his thumb caressing his bottom lip lovingly.
"Shut up," Robbie said pulling his boyfriend down on top of him. His throaty laugh quickly became muffled as their mouths came together.
"I wish we could stay like this."
"Me too. I love being this close to you."
Robbie shifted slightly his arms tightening around Laurie even as he felt himself being pulled closer. Their bodies lay flush together, bare chest pressing against bare chest as they reveled in the closeness they shared.
"Are you sure you have to get back to studying?"
"Yes," Robbie chuckled, his lips pressing lightly against Laurie's. "It's almost the end of Winter semester you know? Gotta pass these last few tests."
Laurie sighed, pressing his forehead against Robbie's before allowing their lips to meet again. "You're right as always. I should probably get some studying done too."
"Wait a minute," Robbie thwarted Laurie's attempts to move away from him, trapping him in his embrace. "There's no rule that says we can't study together you know."
"You're impossible," Laurie kissed his nose, following that up with kisses to his cheeks and his jaw before stopping to look at his flushed face. He lifted his hand to stroke Robbie's cheek as he allowed himself to get lost for a moment in the emerald gaze he loved so much.
"Are you trying to commit my face to memory?" Robbie asked his voice soft and laced with teasing.
"Already done," Laurie replied, his fingers tracing lightly over Robbie's features, before he cupped his face and kissed him again. The kiss started off slow and deliberate, their lips moving together, seeking warmth and connection. Laurie slipped his tongue effortlessly into Robbie's mouth, effectively deepening the kiss and eliciting a moan from his lover.
All thoughts of studying and school were forgotten as Robbie, in an expressive show of strength, took the upper hand flipping Laurie onto his back. Violet eyes sparkled with amusement before melting into pools of passion, drawing Robbie in deep. Short deliberate kisses became long lingering embraces as they forgot that they had been attempting to say goodbye.
It was about midnight when Laurie stepped out the room and turned to face his boyfriend. "Call me tomorrow?" he asked leaning in for one last kiss.
"First thing in the morning," Robbie replied, allowing his lips to linger before stepping back with a smile. "Good night, Laurie. I love you."
"Love you too," Laurie said stroking his cheek lovingly before backing off. "Don't study too hard."
Robbie waited until Laurie disappeared down the hall before closing the door to his room. Grant would be returning shortly, but for the moment he still had the room all to himself. He smiled as he glanced over at his bed, a slight blush staining his cheeks as he realized he could still feel Laurie within him. It had been good spending time with him, and he knew it had been just what he needed to relax.
