-1Derek walked into the main house carrying bags with the dinner he had picked up. The meeting had gone on a lot longer than expected, which put him in a mood to begin with. And he had presented early on. So basically he had sat in a room with an argument surging on around him for eighty minutes, knowing Meredith was at home waiting to talk to him. He pulled the containers out of the bags and fixed them each plates.

Meredith heard Derek come in and head to the kitchen. She stood in the door and watched as he opened a bottle of wine. He looked tired as he lifted the bottle to the glasses. She soundlessly made her way across the from, wrapping her arms around him. She stood on her toes, pressing kisses against his neck, then laid her head against his back.

"How was your meeting?" She asked knowing he had been gone far too long.

"A test of my patience." He replied quietly. He handed her the glasses and carried the plates to the table. They prayed together and began to eat. Meredith watched him carefully as he ate.

"Do you want to talk about the meeting?" She asked, uneasy as something was weighting on Derek's mind.

"I don't know what's going on." He admitted. "But I'm so tired. I'm feeling overwhelmed that UMYF is starting up soon. And I'm tired of struggling to keep a ministry going that I'm not sure will last. I'm feeling a little burnt out. Maybe a little outdated. Why is my ministry no longer effective? Was it ever?" He asked staring deep into Meredith's eyes looking for a response. Her heart broke as she saw the pain in his eyes, but she had no idea how to fix it. She stood beside his chair, he turned to face her. She kissed his forehead gently as he had so many times for her. He melted against her, letting her pull him into a hug as she continued to stand in front of him.

"Do you want to eat or talk?" She asked after a moment.

"Let's finish eating." He decided, releasing her. They finished dinner and moved to the den. Meredith settled onto the couch, her feet on the coffee table as Derek left to change into more comfortable clothes. When he returned he settled comfortably against her, laying his head in her lap.

Generally their relationship was fairly mutual. But because of their history, they rarely found themselves in a position where Meredith took care of Derek. But he had opened himself up at dinner and was still feeling vulnerable. It had brought out Meredith's protective instincts, which he was grateful for.

He stared at the ceiling for a moment before her hands made their way to him. One in his hair, quietly relaxing him. And the other to his chest. Out of nervousness he picked her hand up, examining it as he threaded his fingers between hers. He began to feel at ease as her fingers worked their way through his hair.

"Your ministry is effective." She offered reassuringly. "I know it is because you love the teens and you love God. You always have. What is your mission statement?" She asked pointedly.

"With God's grace, the youth ministry seeks to foster an empowering ministry in which youth are inspired to grow in Christ and become disciples in the church, the community, and the world." He quoted softly.

"Derek look at how many of your youth are in the ministry, or in seminary. Or have grown and are involved in their own churches. Your youth don't just have fun at King's Dominion. They love and adore you. And what's more they love God. And they want a relationship with Him. That's what it all boils down to. For any ministry."

"But I used to have youth who cared about the deeper stuff. I miss district youth who wanted to know about the symbolism in Revelation, or the numerology implied in the ages in Genesis, if time existed, or how Christian theology and quantum mechanics can coexist. My youth are normal. Superficial at times. I'm producing a generation with a superficial faith. A superficial faith won't support them when they need it."

"Do you remember what was going on in those days?" She asked pushing his hair back as she smiled at him. "You were headed to seminary yourself. You were learning these things at the same time you were teaching. You were excited! And you built up a ministry where there was an expectance for the subject matter. Remember that's the district ministry I walked into. It was scary for me to be a part of that where everybody knew SO much. I felt like I had no time to learn the basics. And it was district. The youth were there because they were committed to a deeper ministry. You aren't producing superficial faiths. You're producing a strong foundation for their faith. You've gotta learn the basics some time."

"I can't stay in youth ministry forever." He sighed. "What if I'm feeling this way because it's time to move on?" He asked, apprehension shaking his voice.

"So you move on. We move on. As long as we're both working towards what God wants for us we'll be fine."

Derek rolled over, settling himself face down on her lap, pressing a kiss to each of her thighs before he rested his head. Her hand immediately traveled to his back, slipping her hand beneath his t-shirt she scratched his back as they sat in silence for a while.

"What do you want to do?" She asked after some time had passed.

"I have no idea." He admitted. "It's scary to not know. I'm not used to not having answers for you."

"Maybe that's part of our problem. We need to forget about the previous dynamics where you were in charge. This is supposed to be mutual. No hierarchies."

"Mmmmm." He murmured, knowing she was right. It was difficult for him to put it into practice though. She had always been his little princess. "What was it you wanted to talk about?" He asked, remembering they were supposed to be talking about her.