A FEW DAYS LATER

Roxie and Mark walked in together and were making their way to the locker room when Roxie was called over to the nurses station.

"I'll see you later" she said kissing Mark and walking over to the nurses station

"Ryan is being moved from the ICU today and here are the latest labs on Charlie" said Lexie handing her the charts

"Thanks. So the Crow kid he's fine?"

"Yeah they say he's made excellent progress and that he doesn't need to be in there anymore, great news hah?"

"It's excellent news yeah"

"And Charlie's tests are all fine and the man himself is in great spirits"

"Brilliant ok well let me go and change and I will back to do rounds"

"Ok" smiled Lexie as Roxie walked away catching up with Skye who had just exited the elevator

"Good morning" said Skye

"Morning" replied Roxie "The other Grey is being extremely attentive today is there something I'm missing?"

"Rox you're a rock star right now, baby Derek, Eve, Ryan Crow and Charlie. All residents and interns are trying to get on your service today to work with you"

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope" smiled Skye "Have you checked on Charlie yet?"

"No but the other Grey assures me he's fine"

The girls arrived at the locker room and as the door opened they walked into Chan.

"Morning" he smiled at them both

"Hi" said Roxie walking inside

"Hey Skye" he said stopping her as she tried to get by him "Can I talk to you a little later on?"

"Sure" she said continuing into the room as Chan smiled

"I'll catch you later then?"

"Ok" she said watching him leave the room

"What was that about?" asked Roxie

"No idea" she replied wondering that exact same thing

LATER – AT DR WYATTS

Dr Wyatt sat watching Roxie and listening to her as she sat rambling about her life, her hectic work schedule and her fears. Dr Wyatt was amazed by how well Roxie had adjusted to therapy after being so negative towards it in the beginning.

"I'm just worried about Skye, she's obviously doing this because she feels she needs to save him"

"I thought the idea of these sessions was to talk about you"

"They're to discuss my life which she's apart of and my concerns and I'm concerned about her"

"What about you though?"

"What about me?"

"You have failed to mention to me yet that you're pregnant once again"

"Who told you?"

"It's a small hospital"

"Derek told you didn't he?" she said making an assumption

"How I found out isn't the issue here. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I'm only just twelve weeks and we have only told a couple of people, Derek being one of them"

"How do you feel about being pregnant again so soon after Faith?"

"I feel fine"

"That's not the way Derek tells it"

"Are you getting Derek to talk about me in his sessions so you can use the information gained in mine?"

"Not at all it's just with the nature of events that brought you two to my office its a bond you two will always share and while you talk about your concern for friends who were not directly affected by Faith, Derek only discusses those who became implicated Meredith, Mark and you, he shows concern for you"

"And he said he was concerned for me because I was pregnant again?"

"He's concerned about your concerns for the baby"

"I wouldn't be human if I didn't have concerns for the baby"

"But maybe your concerns are greater because of Faith"

"Of course they are" admitted Roxie with no hesitation

"What are your concerns? Are they about you replacing Faith? Are they about the possibility of another bad pregnancy?"

Dr Wyatt looked at an obviously infuriated Roxie and could see she'd hit a nerve by bringing the subject up she watched as Roxie composed herself and looked up in the doctors direction.

"Faith is irreplaceable, I may not have had much time with her but she is still my daughter, my first born child and nothing will ever change that. My concerns as selfish as this will sound are for me, I'm concerned about me because they kept telling me that Faith was fine and she probably was fine up until the point when she wasn't and that's the scariest bit, I have morning sickness all day and when I am gripping onto the toilet bowl bringing up everything I've eaten in the day I start to panic because I was nauseous throughout my pregnancy with Faith and I ignored it putting it down to the pregnancy and ignoring the fact it was an indicator of something potentially harmful to both myself and Faith and when I'm done throwing up I wonder to myself should I tell Chan who is my OB or should I keep quiet just in case he thinks I'm neurotic for thinking that every minute little thing could be something fatal. And I'm doing all of this because I cannot go through it again, I cannot lose another baby, I cannot keep trying and putting myself through this to give Mark the family he wants if this pregnancy doesn't go well. I know how incredibly selfish this sounds and how stupid I must come across but I can't help having these thoughts in the back of my mind. I can't help thinking these things and feeling the way I do and I know that Mark, Derek and Chan are all concerned for me and the baby and they're worried that me panicking about these things is going to harm the baby and they may be right but I can't just turn it off. I can't stop panicking so I'm just doing the best I can, I'm working through my concerns and I'm taking one day at a time and unfortunately that's all I can do at this moment. You never know as the pregnancy goes on things may ease up and I may become calmer"

"No one no matter how much you talk to them and how much of yourself you give to them will ever know or understand what you went through and what you're going through right now. I think all Mark, Chan and Derek want is to know that you know that you're not alone that you have them to go to and that you have me as an outlet to come and verbally express all your neurosis such as you writing down all these little things which I bet you're doing am I right?"

Roxie looked at Dr Wyatt and couldn't understand how she knew but was impressed that she'd worked it out. She then nodded.

"I thought you might and you're worried about telling people in case they think you're crazy? You're not crazy you're just being cautious but whenever you feel scared instead of writing it down come and talk to me and we'll decide between us if you are indeed worrying about nothing ok?"

"Okay" she agreed

AT CHARLIE'S ROOM

Skye walked into Charlie's room and smiled as she saw him sleeping. She walked over towards the bed and stroked his head bringing him softly out of his slumber he smiled as he saw her staring down at him.

"Welcome back" she said

"Did you miss me while I was in the ICU?"

"Not really I was able to get some work done without you here"

"Well now I'm back…"

"Yeah but I still have work to do I just came in to see if you were ok?"

"Yeah I'm feeling good" he smiled

"Good okay well I'm going to do some work and I'll check back in on you later"

"Ok"

"And it will give you time to think about where you're going to take me on our date"

"You're still up for that then?"

"Oh yeah like I said no woman's going to want you now so I better give you this sympathy date" she said walking towards the door knowing if she didn't she'd never leave

"Ok I'll get thinking" he replied she turned and smiled at him before she left the room

A Little While Later

Skye was walking down the corridor and she found herself joined by Chan.

"Hey"

"Hi" she replied

"Do you have time to talk right now?"

Skye checked her watch "I have about ten minutes"

"Ok so can we talk then?" he asked

"Sure"

Chan guided her in the direction of the doctors lounge and he closed the door behind him and nervously began to pace the floor as Skye watched on.

"Are you ok?" she asked

"I'm an idiot" he blurted out

"What?" she asked a little confused

"I told myself I was doing the right thing by ending things with you, that I didn't need the negativity in my life because I was still in a vulnerable place but the truth is negativity or not I need you in my life and I can't do this alone. I know I have my sponsor and there's always Roxie but there's nobody I can talk to like you and I am an idiot for ever thinking I could do this without you. Skye I want us to get back together I just hope I haven't lost you forever"

"Chan…"

"Please don't say anything now because I know right now your instant answer will be no because I was a jerk to you on more than one occasion so please just think about it and tonight after work I'll go to Joe's and if you don't turn up there will be no hard feelings and we'll forget I ever brought this up but if you think there is even the slightest chance for us then there will be a drink waiting for you" Chan looked at Skye and then at his watch "Anyway I have to go I have a baby to deliver"

AT RYAN CROWS ROOM

Roxie along with Lexie walked into Ryan's room where he laid in his bed with his mother and two sisters sat around the bed.

"Hi Ryan" said Roxie as she walked inside "How are you this morning?"

"Better"

"That's good to hear"

"When can he go home doctor?"

"I think he has a long hospital stay ahead of him Kathryn"

Ryan sighed as he was eager to get home and Kathryn gripped his hand.

"We just need to make sure that you're completely ready to go home because you had some fairly substantial injuries and although you feel better it doesn't mean you're injuries are getting better. So a little longer in the hospital and a few more tests and we'll see what we're dealing with and I will do all I can to get you home to your family as soon as possible"

"Thank you doctor" said Kathryn

Roxie smiled and she and Lexie left the room as they began down the corridor Roxie turned as she heard a familiar voice call her name. She turned to see Sara walking towards her.

"I was just wondering if you would come to Eve's funeral. I completely understand if you don't want to because of your baby and all but accept for my family she had no one and I think she should have more people there mourning her because…" Roxie could see Sara fighting back the tears

"I'll be there"

"Thank you" said Sara giving a slight smile before going back to her brother's bedside

"Wow that is really great of you agreeing to go to her babies funeral it must bring up bad memories for you" said Lexie

"Grey find something to do" she said cutting off the other Grey. Lexie left and Roxie realised she'd agreed to go to the funeral of baby Eve and she knew she wasn't ready for it and images of the tiny casket invaded her head as her heart began to beat rapidly. She took in deep breaths as Skye met up with her seeing she was anxious.

"Are you ok?"

"I just agreed to go to baby Eve's funeral and I don't know if I can do it"

"Hey I'll help you, we'll do it together"

Roxie smiled thankful she had good friends to get her through things like this.

LATER AT JOES

Chan sat at the bar staring at the door hoping that every time it opened Skye would enter. The door opened once again and once again he got his hopes up and was struck down as it wasn't Skye.

IN THE HOSPITAL – CHARLIES ROOM

Skye walked into Charlie's room and stood beside him stroked his hair once again bringing him sweetly out of his slumber. He smiled at her and she turned and walked to the windows and closed the blinds she then walked back over to the bed and climbed on resting herself next to Charlie he put his arm around her holding her as close as he could.

"Don't you have anywhere else to be?" he asked

Skye smiled at him and shook her head "No I'm exactly where I want to be"

AT JOES BAR

The door opened once more and Chan looked over in hopes it would be Skye but as the unidentified brunette walked in he realised she wasn't coming. He stood up and threw some cash on the bar and walked out leaving a vodka and cranberry untouched on the bar the drink he'd got in anticipation of her arrival.

A WEEK LATER

Roxie was rushing around the apartment trying to get ready for baby Eve's funeral as Mark watched her disapprovingly.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?" he asked concerned about Roxie

"What?" she asked stopping momentarily looking at Mark

"This is going to be such a hard thing for you Rox, I know you think you're doing right by this girl but when you see that tiny casket the only thing you're going to be able to think about it Faith. Roxie I don't think you should be going"

"Let me get this straight I can't go to this funeral because of the bad memories it may bring up but its okay for me to be pregnant so soon after losing her. You don't show this concern for me when I'm throwing up all day long, when I'm exhausted, when I lay awake at night panicking about what could happen to me and this baby during the pregnancy"

"Rox…"

"No Mark! I can't avoid things just because they may bring back unpleasant feelings and memories. I have to work through these things"

"Roxie please I just think this is going to be a huge step back for you"

"Mark I'm going if you're so concerned for me then go with me but you're not stopping me from going to this funeral"

LATER

Roxie, Skye and Mark entered the church to see a handful of people sitting on the first few pews. Before they had chance to proceed to the seats Roxie heard Kathryn she turned and they hugged and Roxie gave her condolences.

"Sara and I were hoping you would say a few words?"

"Me?"

"Well you knew her as well as anybody else did and you were involved in her case and Sara is really struggling with what to say about a baby she didn't even spend twenty four hours with"

"I don't know…"

"Please" asked Sara as she entered the church to see if Roxie had agreed "I know it's last minute but I just can't think of anything and somebody should say something"

Roxie looked at Sara and the pain on her face pulled sharp on her heart as she remembered being in that same position. Mark stood behind Roxie praying she didn't say yes.

"Ok" she agreed. Mark sighed and walked away towards the available pews.

"Is he ok?" asked Kathryn referring to Mark

"Yeah he's fine"

A Little While Later

As tears echoed through the church from the mourners in front of her Roxie sat silent and numb not through nerves of her impending speech but because of the reality of the moment the repetition of events finding herself sat once again in a church with tears echoing as a small white casket was sat upon the altar another life hadn't begun before it was taken away. She sat there in that church a fraud because the things she'd encountered in her life had given her no reason to believe in a God, a greater being and if he did indeed exist he must have had a hatred towards her because she couldn't understand what she'd done so wrong as to deserve all the pain in her life.

"Amen" said the priest "Now a close friend of the family Roxanne Leoni has something she'd like to say here today"

Mark nudged Roxie and pointed to the altar and she knew it was her cue she stood up and walked towards the altar getting closer to the casket. As she approached the tiny box she placed her hand upon it and she felt a lump present in her throat. As she stared at the casket those in attendance wondered what was happening. Roxie felt like the lump in her throat was about to choke her and she removed her hand from the casket and proceeded to the stand she stood there and looked down upon on the mourners and stared directly at Sara a child herself saying goodbye to her own child. As an adult Roxie was struggling and she couldn't even begin to imagine what Sara was going through.

"Fourteen hours and thirty minutes" Sara looked up at Roxie "That's how long Eve was with us. Most people live to be an incredible age and they accomplish many things in their lives, good grades, college degrees, successful careers, marriage, children, grandchildren in some cases, great grandchildren and although they may have some regrets most can't complain about the life they've lived and can leave this world with a satisfied feeling. Eve didn't get to do any of that…" Roxie felt the lump return in her throat and her eyes begin to well up "…yet still she could leave this world with a satisfied feeling because in her short life she did more than most people do in an extensive lifetime. I am privileged to have met Sara a young woman with great strength, great sense and a great heart…I have dealt with adults in similar situations and sometimes situations that fail by comparison to this one that didn't deal with it as well as Sara did, that didn't show incredible strength, maturity and compassion for others. I wish I could stand here and tell you that this will get easier Sara because that's what you're meant to say and maybe it will but I can stand here and tell you if it does get easier it's still a long way off and you're going to need all the help you can get to get past this. This may have no meaning whatsoever to you but I found this helped me and it continues to help me"

Roxie looked at Mark and she could see the concern on his face and knew that his irrationality was nothing more than love and concern for her.

"The world may never notice
If a snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.

Right now you're scared you're going to forget her…but you won't. I promise you will never forget her"

Sara stood up and Roxie made her way over to her and hugged the teenager.

LATER AT THE HOSPITAL

Roxie sat in the on call room on a bed just staring into space. The door opened and Mark walked in without saying a word he sat on the end of the bed knowing she needed him but not pushing her he just sat there and waited for her to talk in her own time.

LATER – OUTSIDE THE ON CALL ROOM

Skye stood looking into the on call room watching as both Mark and Roxie sat frozen like statues. Chan walked over to the desk and stood looking over at Skye wondering what she was looking at. Still scorned from by her dismissal of his attempt at reconciliation he hadn't spoken unless necessary to Skye since that day but he could see the concern on her face at that moment in time and he still loved her and still wanted to protect her and look after her. He walked over to Skye and saw she was looking in at Mark and Roxie.

"Are you ok?" he asked startling her slightly

"I'm fine, she isn't"

"What's happened?"

"She went to baby Eve's funeral she was fine until she sat down and she had to sit looking at the casket then she changed, she just went silent and accept for her heart wrenching speech she hasn't said a word since. It's like she's given up and cut herself off. She's not even talking to Mark she got here and went into the on call room she's still in the same clothes. I want to be a good friend Chan but I don't how to help her"

Chan pulled an upset Skye into him and held her tight trying to comfort her as she worried about their friend who was sat in the darkness hoping for a break of light, a shimmer of hope.