Chapter 55

I am lost in my thoughts. I don't know what to feel or think. Ana seems like a nice girl. I don't do nice girls yet I am so drawn to her. She says I've changed. How is that possible? I am not capable of being the man she describes. The door opens and I secretly wish it was Ana returning to spend the night by my side. It's John, maybe he can shed some light on these recent developments.

"John. How you are this evening?"

"I'm fine, how are you? Ana mentioned that she told you about your break up."

"She did. I am a little confused. I kicked her out on the word of a sub that I had broken my contract with?"

"Yes. Charlotte showed up and tried to touch you. You had already spoken with me several times about the feelings you were having for Ana. I believe it was only a matter of time until you broke it off, but she wanted more and tried to touch you."

"That makes sense. I would have definitely voided her contract for that. Ana mentioned she thought Charlotte told me about their run-in at the drug store. Do you have the details?"

He fills me in about Charlotte coming to GEH and how I went straight to Elena. That doesn't surprise me. I usually go to Elena when dealing with a problem with my sub. Ana wasn't a sub. I guess old habits die hard.

"What happened in the 2 weeks that Ana and I weren't speaking?"

"You were a mess. You felt horrible for pushing her away without knowing the truth. You were determined to win her back. We talked daily sometimes twice a day about how to make that happen. You decided to follow her to New York and win her back."

"I followed her?"

"You not only followed her you won her back with patience and love. She set rules and boundaries and you followed them to prove your love. You changed for her."

"You're kidding right?"

"Do I ever? You love her Christian. Let her tell you about New York hopefully it will help you remember. For now get some sleep."

"Thanks Flynn. Looks like I have a lot to think about."

He leaves and I try to process all of this. I hear it, but my mind refuses to believe. My gut gnaws at me knowing this is all the truth and my anger rises. Why the hell can't I remember any of it? I never thought I could have more and once I get it I can't remember a damn thing about it. I throw my dinner tray from earlier across the room.

"Christian is everything okay?" My mom asks as she rushes into the room.

"No mom it isn't okay. I was in love for the first time in my life and I don't even remember it. How is any of this fair?"

"Honey, I know you and Ana are hurting right now. You have to believe that everything is going to be okay. She is strong and her love won't fail you. I have faith that even if you never remember you will find a way to love her again. She is so good for you. You will see."

"I hope so mom. I hope I don't push her away."

"Ana knows you better than anyone. She won't let you push her away. You have come through too much to lose each other now. I love you Christian. Just have faith."

"I'm trying mom. I really am."

She kisses me on the cheek, gives me some pain medication and I can feel myself losing consciousness. My dreams are odd. They are spotty and disconnected. One minute I am with the pimp and he's kicking me then I flash and see Ana smiling. It looks as though we are flying. Then I'm in the playroom hitting some brunette with a cane. She turns and it's Ana tears streaming down her face asking me if I feel better? I am transported back with the pimp and he is burning me.

I arrive at the hospital first thing in the morning. Christian is still sleeping, not peacefully. I hope his nightmares haven't returned. I go to the bedside and lightly touch his cheek.

"Christian. Wake up. It's Ana. You are okay. Please wake up." I continue to stroke his face until his eyes open. He is breathing hard and sweating. "Are you in pain?"

"No"

"Are your nightmares back?"

"Yes." I remember she knows everything about me.

"I'm sorry Christian. I hate that you are living through that pain again. They had stopped altogether in New York. I was hoping they would be permanently gone."

"Tell me about New York."

I see his eyes lighten with a small glimmer. I know that Flynn spoke to him last night and I am sure he mentioned New York. I want to make sure and not miss any details. For the next 4 hours I portray our time in New York. This was the best time of my life. I relive it in vivid detail. Christian just listens and occasionally asks questions. Around lunch time Grace comes in to check him out.

"I have convinced the hospital to release you to my care. I know how badly you hate hospitals and I am proud that you have been on such good behavior. However, I know you are healing and the better you get the more brutal you will become to the staff. You will have an around the clock nurse and I will come by twice a day to check on you. I have faith that Ana can keep you comfortable. I also feel like if you are going to get your memory back you will have a better chance in your regular surroundings."

"That is the best news I have heard all week?"

"I am sticking my neck out Christian. Don't do anything stupid. Go home and rest. No work. I mean it."

"Yes ma'am."

"Let me go tell Taylor what is going on. I'll be back in a little bit to help get you ready to go." I will be happy to have him home with me. Hopefully this will be the push that he needs to come back. I give Taylor instructions and go back in to assist Grace with Christian. When I enter he has the hospital gown off and I can see his gorgeous physique. My breath hitches and my core tingles. Damn I miss him. I gather my wits and head over to help him get dressed. I place the t-shirt over his head. I am careful not to touch him, but my skin lightly touches one of his scars as the shirt pulls over his chest. Both of our eyes widen. His are not filled with fear as I would expect. I would know those eyes anywhere. They are full of desire. Grace is in the room. We both ignore the feelings and press on getting him dressed. The sexual tension is thick. An hour later Taylor arrives to drive us home. I leave Bertha at the hospital. I don't want to leave Christian's side. Once at Escala I lead him to the bedroom and help him to bed.

"You rest. I'll make you some dinner."

"Will you eat with me?"

"If you would like." He nods. "Okay I'll be back in a little bit." I go to the kitchen and help Gail make dinner. It is so good to have him home. I determine that even if he never remembers we are meant to be together. Our love is strong enough to make it through this and if we have to start over that is what we will do. Yes we are going to be okay. I take him dinner. We eat and talk. Then we both fall asleep. He is back with me, physically, at least.