A/N: I just have not been able to write lately. I don't know what's going on with me. Anywhooo... this is my favorite chapter yet, I think. Maybe. Probably not. But I smile every time I reread it. That's kind of cocky.. whatever, ahaa. Thank you & I love you! (:
-Bree's POV-
I traced his own name into his sweaty chest as we lay silent in the sweet aftermath of our sin. If I listened close enough, I'm sure I'd hear the beautiful harps from heaven playing just for us. Moments like these, with him, were so perfect. I almost wanted to cry from the happiness.
"I have to piss."
I rolled my eyes, rolling off of him with a loud sigh. "Way to ruin my moment."
"Sorry. I have to pee!" John chuckled as he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom quickly. He didn't bother pulling any clothing on or closing the bathroom door.
When he was finished, he started back toward me, and I scrunched my face up in disgust.
"Flush the toilet, you neanderthal!" I ordered, my eyebrows pulling together. I sat up and watched him roll his eyes, turn around and flush the toilet like a good boy.
"And put the seat back down, or I'll fall in!" I demanded, and he took a moment to glare at me before dramatically slamming the seat back down. I flinched when I heard the loud bang, but smirked in victory. What was that? Oh, I believe its the sound of a whip cracking.
I laughed at my own thoughts as I fell back down onto the pillow behind me, wrapping myself up in the sheets and blankets. I turned to eye John as he got close to the bed.
"Babe, can you turn the air conditioning down? I'm freezing." I said quietly, watching him do just that. I smiled in victory again, turning this into my own little game. How much stuff will John do for me before he yells? Heh. This is fun.
This is what he gets for ruining my moment by peeing.
"Can you turn the radio on? Its too quiet." I said just as he lifted the blankets to get in.
He sighed softly, but went over and flicked the radio on.
"Oh. Bad song. Change it." I said, smirking to myself as he flicked to a different station.
"Eh.." I mumbled, frowning slightly. He sighed again and changed it, looking to me.
"This is fine." I shrugged.
The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony was playing, and I resisted closing my eyes and relishing in the sweet crooning voice singing to me. I looked over at John as he slowly lifted the blankets, ready to bring his naked body in contact with mine. He paused and looked up at me, raising his eyebrows.
"What?" I asked, turning toward him more.
"Are you going to ask for anything else, or can I get into bed?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I shrugged, smiling. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He nodded, getting into bed.
I smiled and waited until he was perfectly comfortable before clearing my throat. I paused and began to clear it again, watching him turn his head to look down at me.
"Are you okay?" he asked, scrunching his eyebrows together, pressing a hand to my arm.
I nodded slightly, still clearing my throat. "I think somethings stuck in my throat.."
"Like what?" John asked, confused. "We haven't consumed food in the past four hours. We've been here. Having sex."
"I dunno.." I whined. "Its stuck there." I began to cough. "Can you get me water?"
I watched him get out of bed and go for my water instantly, without a single complaint. I almost stopped coughing because my heart was swelling with pride at what a good boyfriend he is.
Oh.. wait.
He's not my boyfriend.
I lowered my cough until it just stopped, now too sad to continue my fun game. John held out the water for me, sitting next to me and pressing his hand to my back as I sipped it slowly. I looked over at him. He looked so worried.
"You ok?" He whispered, brushing my hair back from my face.
I stared at him a moment longer, and it all began to spill out. I'm no good at keeping quiet about problems. Especially to John. He always knows how to get me to confess.
"You were so cute and worried and doing everything I asked you to without complaining.. and I was thinking how you're such a good boyfriend. But you're not my boyfriend. Adam is.. and I don't want you to be the other man anymore, and I don't want to be the other woman, either. I want to be the only woman. I feel like I'm sharing you, and I don't want to share you. I'm very selfish and needy and I want you all to myself, all the time. And I feel stupid for wanting that because I don't think its going to happen.." I sighed heavily, bowing my head slightly, my hair tumbling into my face, blocking his view of me.
"What do you think is going to happen?" He whispered, still touching my back softly.
"I think you're going to marry her, and I think that I'm going to marry Adam. And I think we're going to have children with them, and we're going to live happy with them. But I also think that the entire time we're with them, we're going to be secretly wanting each other and secretly seeing each other until we both just die without each other." I sheepishly looked up at him, only to see that he was staring down at our hands, which were tangled together somehow.
"I don't want any of that to happen." He whispered, still not looking at me.
"Neither do I. I only want children if they're going to have blue eyes and big ears." I tugged on his earlobe softly as I said this, watching his lips form a smile. "I don't want to be your mistress for the rest of our lives. I want to be with you freely. I don't want to hide."
We locked eyes and stared for a very long moment, neither of us speaking a word, but we somehow came to a silent agreement. This is the hardest thing we've both ever been through. I love John with all of my heart, and if he wants to marry her, I'll step away gladly. He knows it. He knows I'd do anything for his happiness. Fuck me being happy. John is the only thing that matters in my world now. As long as he's happy, I'm okay.
"Do you have any idea how much I love you? It consumes me.. to the point where sometimes I can't breathe." John whispered, pulling me close to him. I fell into his embrace, closing my eyes lightly and breathing in the wonderful scent of his skin.
"Sounds unhealthy." I murmured, frowning deep.
"It is. Only because I can't have you." He sighed, "If you were mine.." he trailed off, burying his nose deep into my hair and inhaling. "If you were mine, I'd be able to think.. to breathe.. just knowing that you're mine. Now though, when you belong to Adam, I need you to be right next to me for my body and mind to fully function correctly."
"I'll break up with him.." I promised in a whisper, clutching onto him tightly. I trailed my lips over his throat and jawline softly. "I'll be with you forever.. we can feed each others addictions."
He smiled softly, lightly touching my chin before kissing me on the lips very sweetly.
He absentmindedly ran his fingers over my leg, tracing unknown patterns with a small smile on his lips. He chucked to himself, looking up at me.
"They should really make a program for this."
"For what?" I questioned, though I had an idea in my mind of what he was speaking of.
John held me tighter, snuggling into my warmth. "For being addicted to a woman."
"Oh, its call BA." I said, raising my eyebrows, pulling back to look into his eyes.
"Oh?" He questioned, smirking. His eyes held a certain twinkle now that I was joking with him.
"Breeaholics Anonymous. The class is filling up quickly. Should I sign you up, babe?" I asked, smiling when he did that laugh where his eyes crinkle up completely and his dimples show through the length of his cheeks. The laugh that's real and true and beautiful. Johnny's laugh.
"Only if you go with me to the meetings." He grinned, "See I have this thing called addiction.."
"Bringing Bree with you to BA is like an alcoholic bringing whiskey to an AA meeting. Don't you want to overcome this addiction, John Cena?" I raised my eyebrows, a small smile on my lips.
John's eyes twinkled even brighter, grinning wide. "Not even a little bit. Bring on the whiskey."
