Patience
June 12, 2234
Helga had been in communications again, so her mood was already foul. Two more weeks, she thought. Just two more weeks and I can be back on the road where I belong. It wasn't that dispatch was particularly hard for her. It was a great deal of multitasking, which she would be the first to admit wasn't her strongest suit. She was better when she was able to laser in on an issue and deal with it directly. But even so, the stress of the dispatch desk was nothing like the stress of driving to a hot call or dealing with unruly subjects. No, it was the fact that she didn't get to actually fix the problems and instead had to send someone in her stead to do it. She acknowledged that as a supervisor, delegation of responsibility was going to be her new lot in life. But at least once she got back on the road she could drive to the call and check up on her deputies, put them on the right path, and see the end result. At the moment, the best she could do was hope to read about what the deputy did on their own in the report they submitted at the end of the shift or the next day.
And the reports were their own nightmare. She wasn't entirely certain how Harold had ended up in her squad since he worked midnights and she basically never saw him in the flesh. But his reports were submitted to her and she often couldn't make heads nor tails of them. Getting his reports to a point where a layman could read them and understand what happened was going to take some time. The problem today, however, wasn't Harold but Sid. Sid was a pretty decent cop, if somewhat nervous, and his reports were generally good. But on his last domestic incident, he hadn't filled out the report correctly and left a number of the boxes blank. It was the first time she had dealt with one of his domestic reports, so she assumed that Wittenburg had never cared about it or possibly even looked at the reports before sending them on to the state. She knew Sid had called out on his radio that he was at the office, so she decided she could have a civil conversation about it. I can do this without yelling. It's a minor issue. Paperwork, easy fix. I got this.
Helga took a deep breath and made her way into the road room. She expected to see Sid sitting at a computer, diligently working as he often was. But only Gerald was present. Helga frowned.
"Where's Sid?"
Gerald shrugged without looking away from his computer. "Dunno. He hasn't come in here since he called out at the office."
Helga was about to go looking for him when she heard the door from the motor pool slam open against the wall. Sid's voice could be heard before he could be seen.
"Gerald! I fucked upheyyyy sarge," he said as he skidded to a halt.
Helga crossed her arms and shot Sid a glare. "I believe you were in the middle of saying something rather important to Gerald, Deputy."
"What? Gerald? Didn't even know he was here."
Helga narrowed her eyes. "What did you do, Sidney?"
Sid flinched. The use of his full name reminded him of a motherly scolding. Helga, however, was anything but motherly in his eyes. "N-nothing. Everything's fine, nothing is ruined."
Helga rolled her eyes. "Forgive me if I don't believe you. Now, what. Did. You. Do?"
Sid nervously rubbed his hands and refused to make eye contact with Helga. Well, you see, I was at the Town Park down the street, running radar. And I had to go to the bathroom, right? So, I went over to the park dumpster to, uh, relieve myself."
"Sid, why on Earth would you go over there when the bathrooms are unlocked?"
"Because I'd have to park a patrol car near it, and anyone that saw me go in there would know they could literally catch me with my pants down."
Helga rolled her eyes. "Oh brother."
"It's an officer safety issue, sarge!"
Helga waved a hand dismissively. "Yeah, I get it. So far nothing you've said is anything concerning so please, continue to the part where you freak the fuck out and come running in here like a maniac."
"Well, I, uh, did my business behind the dumpster, and, uh, got back in the car. And you know how tight it is back there, like a mini cul-de-sac or something, so I had to do like a six-point turn. And it's possible I, uh, might have kinda, you know, backed into something."
"Backed into something? The car has a backup camera, Sid." Helga could already feel the heat rising in her cheeks as she lowered her arms to her side and balled her fists. "What did you do to your Explorer?"
Sid shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back.
"Sidney…" she growled.
"I may, may, have backed into the uh, well… the dumpster."
"You what?" Helga yelled. "That dumpster is enormous! How in the ever-loving fuck did you not see that in the camera?"
Sid shrank from Helga. "I, um, I got a text, you see- "
"You were playing with your phone while trying to make a six-point turn in a tight space with a freaking dumpster behind you?"
"Well… yes."
Helga heard someone behind her clearing their throat. She slowly turned her head and saw Gerald glaring at her as he leaned forward with his elbows on the desk. "How very… princely of you, Sarge," he said softly but sternly.
Helga growled and turned back to Sid. "What's the damage? Does it need a new bumper?"
"Uh, well, no. The bumper is fine, actually."
"Then why the panic?"
"Well, you see, the dumpster has these, well these projections that stick off of it so the truck can pick it up, and I might have hit one of those."
"So, you took out a tail light cover?"
Sid shook his head meekly.
"License plate?"
Sid shook his head again.
"Criminy Sid, will you stop making me guess and just fucking tell me already?"
"It shattered the whole rear windshield and there's glass all over the trunk organizer," Sid said as quickly and quietly as he could.
"You broke the windshield? Sid, how the hell am I supposed to explain that to the Lieutenant? And I don't even want to think about Wartz will do! I'm going to have you cleaning the entire patrol fleet for a month!"
Gerald walked up next to Sid, who was nearly cowering in fear at that point. Gerald put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on Sid, stand up straight." Gerald looked directly into Helga's eyes. "Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." Oh, you clever asshole, Helga thought. Dropping a quote from The Prince like that.
Helga sighed as she dipped her chin and pinched the bridge of her nose while squeezing her eyes shut. It was an accident. Don't forget that time you blew out both front tires on a curb trying to turn on that car when you were a rookie. "Alright Sid, relax. Let's just go look at the damage. I'll do an accident report and send it to the Lieutenant and you'll have to write a memo about what you did and how you're going to prevent it in the future."
Sid finally looked up at her. "You're… you're not mad?"
Helga opened her eyes and grit her teeth. "I'm not going to pretend I'm happy, especially since we know how long it takes the body shop to get anything done. But a broken window can be fixed. It's not like you shot someone." She looked at the man and squinted. "You didn't shoot anyone, right?"
Sid shook his head forcefully. "No Sarge, I swear, didn't shoot a soul tonight."
"Good. Alright, pull the car over to the garage. I'll do the report and then I'll help you clean out the back. Just don't do anything until I've look at it, okay?"
"You got it boss." Sid quickly ran back out the door, causing almost as much noise as he had on the way in.
Helga turned her gaze to Gerald. "I underestimated you, Johansson."
Gerald shrugged. "Not really. After our talk the other night, I spent half the night looking up Machiavelli quotes on Google and memorizing them just so I could make you freeze." He smiled. "You barely skipped a beat though, so I guess I underestimated you too."
"Not really. Because guess who's actually going to help him clean that car?"
Gerald's smile faltered. "What'd I do to deserve that?"
"You tried to catch me flat-footed. You almost did too." A grin spread across Helga's face. "But you forget that I have not only the power but the responsibility to delegate tasks that are not an efficient use of my time. And I seem to recall that I have a few levels in Tetris to beat on my phone."
"This punishment doesn't seem to fit the crime."
Helga took a step closer to Gerald and jabbed her finger into his chest. "And don't you forget it, bucko. I'm Judge Judy and executioner in this place."
Gerald groaned. "You and Arnold watched Hot Fuzz yesterday, didn't you?"
"Nope. This morning. Now go get to work, Deputy."
"Yes ma'am," Gerald said dejectedly.
Helga watched as he left the road room with his shoulders hunched in defeat. If making the squad love me lets me make Gerald miserable, then I'll be the loveliest sergeant these chumps ever met, she thought with glee. As she made her way back down to her office, she began to mull over the many ways she could make Gerald suffer every time he called her back into line.
A/N: I intended to have this up two days ago, but work has been insane this past week. I had my first 19-hour day, caught my first car thief, and rode in the armored truck on a SWAT raid. I also worked 55 hours in 4 days. So with that, I'm going to go pass out for a bit.
