Phoenix: Chapter Fifty-four
The Next Morning
Jane paced anxiously along the bathroom counter. She hated the timer on her cell phone. It was like it was laughing at her, counting down as slow as possible.
Four minutes, thirty-six seconds to go.
She had returned late the night before, after spending most of the evening at the hospital. At the urging of a nurse, she had relented and left to rest. On her way she had made a stop at a local drugstore. When she got home, she allowed herself to crumble, as Laguna had suggested she do. He had been right. She desperately needed a good cry.
She ran herself a bath and sobbed amongst the bubbles, letting all her frustration, worry and fatigue melt away into the warm water. The sight of Squall's toiletries on the counter and in the shower had made the tears come easier. All she wanted was for him to be home, scolding her for using his razor on her legs and grumbling when she left toothpaste globs in the sink. She was still scared out of her mind, but it had felt good to just cry hysterically with no audience.
As she sat in the large Jacuzzi-style tub, her mind wandered back to the hospital. Kiros had been at Squall's side when she arrived, not Laguna. He had brought her up to speed on his theory. It astonished Jane that he had come up with such an elaborate idea in an amazingly short amount of time, but in a strange way it made perfect sense to her. Squall had been suspicious of ulterior motives since Raine's arrival.
Now it looked as if he had had every reason to be.
To think that someone would have been so vindictive as to brainwash an innocent woman and lie to her for years about her family made Jane seethe. And to fake his death to have a front-row seat to the inevitable outcome of his sinister plan? Jane hoped she would get a crack at Ash when they finally apprehended him.
Her thoughts floated to Raine. Even though she knew the truth, or what they all thought was the truth, she still couldn't help but still feel angry at her. Jane felt like an asshole for thinking that way, but the wounds were still too fresh, Squall still fighting for his life. In time, she hoped that those feelings of ire would subside and they could all move past this. Jane knew what a caring woman Raine was, she had seen it with her own eyes. It saddened her to think about the emotional turmoil she must be going through. Jane knew how the justice system worked: they probably weren't giving her any information about Squall.
She sunk into the suds, the water line resting just under her lips. She remembered how Laguna's demeanor had changed when he finally came back to the hospital after bringing Raine home. He had seemed less stressed, almost happy. When she had asked about his change in mood, he smiled sincerely and told her that he had brought Raine home. Jane didn't know what to think about her being let out of jail. Granted, it was a supervised and monitored release and Laguna had paid a hefty sum in bail money, but part of her still felt uneasy that Raine had been allowed to leave the jail when Squall was still in danger of losing his life.
She reminded herself, as she ran some more hot water into the cooling tub, that according to Kiros' theory—which was fairly sound—Raine was innocent. If he was correct in his assumptions and Ash truly had used her in his sick game of vengeance, then she deserved to be at home. But there was still lingering feelings of intense anger, and Jane knew that it would take time for those to abate. Even though the evidence was incriminating Ash more and more with each passing moment, Jane couldn't get past the fact that Raine had still pointed a gun at her son and pulled the trigger. Jane cursed herself for being angry with the woman when it really wasn't her fault. Anger was an irrational beast sometimes, and it needed to be dealt with cautiously. Jane was prepared to work with her own feelings and those of the family—and ultimately Squall as well—to cope with the massive amounts of emotional recovery that everyone would have to do. She hoped time would heal all the wounds, physical and emotional.
Jane couldn't even fathom how it must have felt to Raine, knowing that your own child lay dying in a hospital because of a horrible plot. To realize as abruptly as she had that the bullets in Squall's chest came from her very own hands must have been horrendous.
As the water cooled once more and the bubbles began to dissipate, she felt a wave of peace wash over her. She didn't know if it was because she was just exhausted or if her brain finally allowed itself to calm. Whatever it was, it felt wonderful. After her bath, crying and musings, she felt invigorated again, and told herself that she could take whatever life had to throw at her.
She slept in Squall's bed, snuggled in a worn-out Balamb Garden sweatshirt of his that she dug out of the hamper. It hadn't been too dirty, and she wanted to be able to smell him on it. She knew it was kind of kooky, but unlike the previous night when his scent had just depressed her, this time it soothed her. It was like he was sleeping there with her, keeping her safe.
Thankfully, her sleep was dreamless. The night before she had been plagued with nightmares: most bloody and traumatic. She was thankful that she hadn't been present in the ER with Laguna, or she believed her dreams might have been unbearable. When she awoke this morning, she was saddened by the fact that her love wasn't next to her, hogging the blankets. But, she knew that she had to be optimistic and think positive thoughts.
He'll be home by next week.
That thought allowed her to begin her day, even though she knew once she stepped into that bathroom, another stressful task awaited her. She didn't know if she was ready.
Thirty seconds. She willed herself not to look prematurely. Her heart was racing.
Ten seconds. She tapped her fingers anxiously on the countertop, biting the inside of her cheek to calm her nerves.
The phone chimed. She closed her eyes and exhaled a deep breath. She cast her attention to the small plastic device on the counter and picked it up.
"Well, shit."
XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX
Once again, Laguna was dancing. Even the nurses had joined in at one time, remarking that they would probably never forget the spectacle.
Squall had looked completely different when Laguna had arrived two hours before. His color had returned, his skin was no longer waxy looking and pale. Squall's flushed red cheeks from the fever had been replaced by a normal peachy hue. The blood work the doctors had sent to the lab confirmed that Squall indeed had a nasty bacterial infection. As suspected, it had come from the hasty central line that had been placed in the emergency room. The staff seemed relieved that it was not from the surgery. Laguna could only surmise that that situation would have been much worse, although he didn't know how. The nurses really didn't elaborate. The physician had assured Laguna that the antibiotics would work swiftly and the threat of the infection spreading would be a distant memory within twelve hours.
The nurses had also given him exciting news. The doctor had decided that since the infection seemed to be under control, they were going to begin to decrease the sedatives that were keeping him in the coma. Little by little, every hour or so, a nurse would be coming in and changing the pump settings, allowing less and less medication to drip into his veins. She had already done it twice, and was due again soon.
Then all Squall had to do was wake up.
Laguna sipped his coffee as he stared out the window. Thankfully, he had remembered how awful the hospital offering had been and had brought some from home. His night with Raine had been awkward after he came back. She was distant and quiet, not even sleeping in their bed. She had told him she would be in later, but when Laguna awoke this morning, she had been asleep on the couch. He hoped it was just because she had been exhausted and fallen asleep there. It pained him to think that she was dealing with her feelings alone. He wanted to be able to help her, and in doing so—help himself. He realized that he needed to give her time, and that hopefully they would all be able to come back to a normal life.
The familiar slide of the door caused him to turn, the coffee sloshing in his cup and almost spilling on his hand.
"Good morning, Jane."
She nodded silently and went to the bedside, where she leaned in and kissed Squall's cheek. She stayed there for a long moment, lips pressed against his skin, eyes closed. She finally ended the kiss and stood, straightening out the hem of her shirt.
"Hey, Laguna." Her face was very serious this morning.
He approached and gave her a quick hug, noting that she was very stiff with her body language. He raised his eyebrows and dipped his head slightly to look into her eyes. "Something wrong, honey?"
Jane sighed. "Kind of. But it's not important right now." She turned her attention to her fiancé. "He looks way better."
Laguna was concerned. "Not important? Whatever it is that's bugging you most certainly is important. Remember what we talked about yesterday? About not keeping your feelings bottle up?" He smiled childishly, eyebrows raised. "Grats, Jane."
Jane sat and set her hand on Squall's bicep. She exhaled deeply and began chewing on her bottom lip. Her feet began to fidget, and Laguna knew from being around her enough that it was her tell for when she was agitated. She sat silently for a moment before looking up to Laguna.
"I'm pregnant."
Laguna didn't know what to say. He knew his face must have looked very confused, and to be honest, he was. He didn't think this was something they would plan on this early, or at all. He watched as Jane looked away from him once again, resuming her rumination on her lip.
"Pregnant? Are you sure?"
Jane nodded. "Yup. Three positive tests can't lie." She shook her head. "This is probably TMI, but my cycle is like clockwork. Like, I can time it down to the hour. My period was supposed to come the day he was shot, and when it didn't I chalked it up to nerves. But when it didn't show yesterday, I got suspicious." She mustered a small smile. "I guess we know why I've been feeling pukey, huh?"
Laguna couldn't believe it. He was going to be a grandfather. He tried to suppress his joy, as he knew this was quite a shock to Jane. "Weren't you guys, you know…careful?"
Jane chuckled. "The pill isn't one-hundred percent effective. Plus, you son hates condoms."
"I really didn't need to know that." Laguna crossed his eyes and took a long gulp of coffee.
Jane smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." She sighed. "What am I going to do? I mean, what if he…" Her breath hitched. "If he doesn't wake up, I don't know if I can do this by myself."
Laguna set his coffee down on the counter and knelt at her side. "Listen to me, Jane. First: he's going to wake up. It might even be today. And second, you would never, ever have to do this alone. You've got a family who loves you very much and would do anything for you." He watched as she removed her glasses and wiped them on her shirt. "You're going to be a great mother, and Squall a wonderful dad. And I may not know how to change a diaper, but I'll learn!"
Jane chuckled. "Then it'll be your job, Grandpa."
Laguna smiled at the word. He liked it.
Jane looked to Squall. "Promise me you won't say anything to him when he wakes up. I want to wait until he's out of the hospital and recovering. I wouldn't want to stress him."
"You got it. Speaking of him recovering, I have cool news!" Jane's eyes lit up. "The doctors are trying to take him off the sedatives. The nurses are decreasing them little by little. There's a good chance that he'll wake up today, Jane."
The young woman's face beamed. Laguna hadn't seen her smile like this in days. "Are you shitting me, Laguna?" Her eyes were so hopeful.
"No shit here, I promise. The doctor came in this morning and said since the infection seemed to be under control, they would wean him off the drugs and see if he woke up. Then more than likely they could take that tube out of his throat."
Jane leaned in close to Squall's ear. "You hear that, Leonhart? You had better not lead us on and not come out of this. It's time for you to get your ass back to us." She leaned back, closing her eyes for a moment as her face suddenly turned pale.
"Jane? You okay?" Laguna patted her knee. "You look kinda green."
The young woman blew a breath out slowly. "Y-yeah. Just a little wave of nausea. Damn, I hope I'm not going to be one of those women who gets morning sickness all day."
The door slid open suddenly, and the nurse came in. "Good morning, Mister President, Miss." She eyed Jane suspiciously. "Miss, are you feeling alright? You're not sick, are you?"
Laguna chuckled and sipped his coffee. Jane just shook her head. "No, nothing like that."
The nurse looked as if she wasn't buying her answer. "I really mean it when I say we can't have any risk of exposure to sickness in here, guys. You promise me you're not sick?"
Jane sighed. "Well, if you count a tiny human burrowing itself into my body as we speak as being sick, then I guess I am."
The nurse smiled sweetly. "That's wonderful news."
"Wonderful is not quite how I would describe it yet. More like terrifying." She sighed. "Please don't mention it to anyone. Especially him." She pointed to Squall.
"Your secret is safe with me, Miss. Congratulations." She made her way to the IV pumps at the head of the bed and began punching in codes on the keypad. She watched the readout for a moment before backing away from the machinery and turning to Laguna. ""Well, this should be 'the one.'"
Laguna was confused. "The one?"
She smiled. "This reduction in medication will bring him to the threshold of consciousness. If he's going to start to wake up, it will be soon."
Laguna couldn't believe it. There was a possibility that before the day was over, he'd see Squall's eyes open. "How will we know when he's coming around? Doesn't the tube in his throat make it hard?"
The nurse crossed her arms over her chest. "As he comes around, he'll more than likely start 'bucking the vent' as we call it. Meaning, he'll begin to bite on the tube or his body will start to try and breathe on its own, triggering a sensor on the ventilator."
Laguna was cautiously hopeful. "How long before he might do that?"
The nurse pursed her lips. "It could be an hour, even several . And there's no guarantee that he'll do it with this dose reduction. He was heavily sedated, and may need more of the drugs out of his system before he's able to regain even a bit of consciousness. Coma is a hard thing to come back from right away."
Jane spoke up. "Will it hurt him when you take out that tube?"
The nurse shook her head. "It shouldn't. It's not comfortable, though. He'll cough a lot and gasp for air for a moment. But it looks a lot worse than it really is."
Jane just nodded. Laguna stood at the foot of Squall's bed, watching the vent shake his chest. He was relieved that it might be gone by the night and Squall could breathe on his own.
The nurse moved back to the door. "I'll be monitoring him from the nurse's station. Keep an eye on his hands, his fingers might start to twitch and move when he's beginning to come around. Let me know if you see that." She smiled. "This is a good day, you two. I can feel it."
Jane stood and stretched her neck. Laguna watched as her hands instinctively moved to her midsection. She looked down to her belly. "Well kid, let's cheer Daddy on to make him come back to us. 'Cause I'll be damned if I'm changing all your diapers."
XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX
Raine decided to throw herself into one of the only things that seemed to always calm her. She stood in her kitchen, methodically chopping vegetables. The rhythmic pulse of the blade on the cutting board soothed her emotions. If she couldn't leave her own house, she would at least keep herself busy.
As she cubed potatoes for a slow-cooker soup, her mind wandered back to the previous evening. When Laguna had returned from the hospital well after midnight, his face was solemn. He had nervously flipped his phone over and over in his hands. She knew that he had done what she had asked.
He had sat next to her on the couch, wordlessly activating the device and bringing up the photo gallery. He said nothing as he handed her the phone. Her eyes trailed down to the gadget in her hands and rested upon a truly heart-shattering sight.
Her baby looked like death.
As she studied the photos, four in all, she couldn't keep the tears from falling from her eyes. One splattered on the screen, obscuring her son's pale face for just a moment before she wiped it away. The first, taken from the foot of the bed, showed his full body length. The first thing she had noticed was all the machinery. Numerous wires and tubes trailing back to various devices that she could only guess were keeping him alive. Her eyes had rested on the giant machine at the left side of his head, connected to the awful looking tube in his throat. When she had asked Laguna about it, all he had said was that it was loud. Laying there in that bed, her once strong son had been reduced to a nothing more than a helpless body, clinging to life.
And all at her hands.
Laguna's next photo was taken from the right side, where she could get a good look at the thick tubing jammed into his neck. A central line. Raine knew from watching medical dramas on television for years that they needed to use that to administer medications to her son because his smaller veins just wouldn't be able to hold the amount of fluids that the physicians needed them to. Raine could only imagine what types of drugs were streaming into his body through those lines. Laguna had mentioned blood pressure and heart medications, sedatives and antibiotics. It made her feel weak in the knees that her son needed all of those medicines to survive.
Because of what she had done.
She had scrolled to the next photo, taken this time from the left side of the bed. She could see what looked like a petite hand in the corner of the picture, a sparkling diamond just barely visible at the edge of the image. She knew it was Jane.
The left side view of Squall nearly caused her to crumple from the couch. Bandages from the surgery. A chest tube. Bruised skin from forceful CPR. Everything looked so medieval to her, so barbaric. She prayed that he wasn't in any pain.
The final image was the hardest to look at. Laguna had taken a close up of his face. She almost didn't want to see it, but knew for her own sake that she had to look. She needed it to haunt her forever, so she would never forget what she did to her own flesh and blood.
It broke her.
Squall's once vibrant and strong face was drawn and pale, his mouth slightly open to make room for the endotracheal tube threaded down his throat. His angular cheeks were covered with strips of tape, holding the tube in place. More tape held his eyes shut, the long lashes peeking out from under the adhesive. Remnants of the iodine cleansing solution used to clean his neck for the placement of the central line wisped up the right side of his face, staining his chin.
Raine fought to keep herself from vomiting. Her hands began to shake and before she knew it, the phone had slipped and went crashing to the floor. The screen cracked in the lower right corner.
The room seemed to close in on her, and her breath wasn't being allowed from her lungs. She sat trying to gain composure as the images of her son were singed into her memories forever. Never to be forgotten. Time stood still for the frightened woman, and it seemed like she was instantly alone in the world.
Only Laguna's hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.
"I did this, Laguna."
He had pulled her close and held her tight while she wept…
A singeing pain in her hand snapped Raine from her thoughts of the previous night. She looked down to find a line of blood beginning to form along the top of her left thumb. She stared at the wound, watching as the crimson liquid began to form droplets that quickly rolled down her thumb and onto the cutting board.
She watched as the small amount of blood increased and began to flow stronger, staining the potatoes underneath. She felt the pain. It ached and throbbed, mixing with the sharp sting of a fresh cut.
She told herself she deserved it. That it was a small price to pay for the unimaginable pain that Squall had felt.
Raine, still grasping the butcher's knife in her right hand, used her thumb to press on the cut. The pain intensified and she closed her eyes and willed herself to feel every bit of it. Her breath was ragged as she twisted her thumb, feeling the two halves of the damaged skin move apart underneath. The pain was great, but suddenly not enough.
She knew what she had to do.
Raine's grip tightened around the knife and she turned her left arm over, exposing her wrist. She looked at the unmarred skin for a moment, noticing the plump veins underneath. She brought the blade to her wrist and hovered it over the area. Slowly lowering it to her body, she held it there for a moment, just barely touching her skin.
She didn't deserve to live.
Closing her eyes, she pressed the blade gently at first, then more firm into her wrist, feeling as the sharp edge began to pierce her skin. She opened her eyes to see tiny droplets of blood stick to the shining knife.
Just one quick slice and it would be done.
Her hand trembled, her nerves faltering. If she did this, Laguna would be left without her—again. Ellone would be without an aunt, Squall no mother.
Her feelings were running rampant in her brain. She desperately wanted to end her life, to make sure that she could never hurt anyone again. She felt that she deserved to die for the horrible thing she had done. And yet, in the moment of truth, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She needed to live to be able to apologize to her son for what she had done.
Raine dropped the knife, a tiny nick taken out of her dainty wrist. Only a few droplets of blood stuck to her skin. She collapsed to the kitchen floor and curled up into a ball where she sobbed until her eyes could no longer produce tears.
XxX XxX XxX XxX XxX
"Anything yet?"
Jane glanced up at Laguna and shook her head. "Nope. Not even a twitch." Her eyes were downcast, and she sighed heavily. She leaned back in her chair. "I thought the nurse said he would start to wake up soon. It's been hours."
The president sat across from the young lady. "She said he might wake up soon. We have to give him time."
Jane nodded. "I know. I'm just not a very patient person." She leaned in close to Squall's ear. "Leonhart? It's time for you to wake up. The nurses think you're ready. Don't make them look like assholes."
Laguna chuckled and shook his head. "Well, that's one way to get him to respond."
They sat for another hour, the nurse coming in at her regular interval to decrease the sedative dose. Jane had asked if the staff were starting to become worried that he wasn't responding. The nurse replied honestly that if he wasn't showing signs of waking after she dialed the medications down another time, that concern for his brain function would begin to rise. The sedatives were fairly low now, so low in fact that he would begin to feel pain. He didn't want his son to be hurting. But, if it was what would rouse him, then he realized that it needed to be done.
Forty-five minutes had come and gone, with the President succumbing to his heavy eyelids and allowing himself a small nap. Snapped from his dozing, Laguna awoke with a start at Jane's excitement.
"Holy shit! Laguna, look!" She was pointing to Squall's left hand, where his pinky and ring finger were twitching. Rising quickly and moving around the bed, he stared at his son's hand, which had become motionless once again. "You saw that, right?"
"You bet I did." Laguna couldn't contain his smile. "C'mon, Squall. Do it again." They watched the young man's hand in anticipation of more movement. Several seconds later, they were rewarded as his fingers jerked, then formed a loose fist before flattening out again.
"Hot damn, Squall!" Jane jumped in place and clapped her hands.
Laguna could feel tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes. Days of waiting and hoping seemed to be over. Now all his son had to do was open his eyes.
His eyes. The tape.
"Be right back!" Laguna tapped Jane on the shoulder as he made a beeline for the door. A quick moment later he returned, the nurse in tow.
"So, I hear he's moving his fingers. That's good!" The nurse went to the left side of the bed, shooing Laguna and Jane around to the other side. She studied the monitors closely. "Have you noticed his mouth moving at all?" The pair shook their heads. "Because according to the readouts on the vent, he triggered it."
"Triggered it?" Laguna was cautiously optimistic.
"His body is coming out of sedation, and he's trying to breathe on his own. There…look at his mouth."
All eyes were on Squall. And, as if on cue, his lips curled slightly, and it was apparent that he was biting on the tube. The machine chirped loudly as his teeth applied pressure to the tube, then pushed two forceful breaths into his lungs rapidly, almost sounding like the pneumatic brakes on a bus. His cardiac monitor began beeping quicker as his heat rate rose. Thirty seconds later, the process repeated itself.
"Even though he's not fully conscious, his body wants that thing out of there. I'm going to drop the sedatives again and see if he won't come back all the way." She changed the output on the pump. "Give him a few minutes. I decreased it quite a bit." She firmly pushed her pen into Squall's nail bed on his left ring finger and Laguna watched as Squall's face grimaced. "See? He felt that. He's coming around."
The trio sat vigil and watched as Squall's hands—both of them—began to move. The nurse reached over and removed the tape from his eyelids, prying each one open gently and taking out the moist gauze that had been underneath. She let them fall back into place, and Laguna was relieved when they actually closed all the way. Now nothing stood in the way for the young man to open them.
Not expecting anything to happen for several minutes, Laguna was shocked when his son's eyes began to flutter open, just giving them a tiny glimpse of the blue underneath. He moved closer to the bed, crossing in front of Jane. He grabbed Squall's hand. "Son? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." Laguna eagerly waited.
And Squall squeezed.
It wasn't strong, but it was enough. Laguna's eyes became wet and tears rolled down his face. "Squall? Jane's here. We need you to wake up." He relinquished his hold on the young man's hand so his fiancée could take over.
Jane cupped both hands around Squall's. "Leonhart! Just open your eyes. It's time."
Squall's mouth curled around the tube again and his head moved slightly to the left. His eyes cracked open for a split second before closing into a squint. His body became rigid, and an alarm on the vent began beeping wildly, the sound much different from the soft chirp it had let out earlier. Laguna immediately panicked. He hated those alarms.
"What's happening?"
The nurse smiled, which Laguna thought was borderline inappropriate. How could she be happy that bells and whistles were blaring? "He's trying to breathe." She laid a soothing hand on the top of his chest. "Mister Leonhart? You need to stay calm. Let the vent breathe for you for the time being." Squall's body relaxed and his heart rate calmed somewhat.
Jane applied more pressure to his hand. Laguna could tell by the sheer excitement on her face that Squall had squeezed back.
Laguna moved in closer. "Squall. I know that you can hear me and that it must be scary to have that tube in your throat. But Jane and I are right here and everything's going to be okay. We really need you to wake up."
Squall's head came back to its original position before rolling to the right. Laguna winced as the port of the central line became depressed by his neck. He hoped it wasn't painful. The young man's eyes were moving back and forth under his closed eyelids. Jane knelt by the bedside, bending Squall's arm up at the elbow to rest on the mattress, her hand still tightly clasped around his. She pressed her lips lightly to his fingers. "Please Squall. The sooner you wake up the sooner you can come home."
Squall's eyes fluttered again, and they all watched as he struggled to keep them open. After several long, lethargic blinks, he managed to keep the lids from falling back down. His eyes immediately began to track around the room. His reaction time was sluggish. His left eye wasn't following in sync with his right. Laguna knew the nurse had seen it too, for she immediately snapped her fingers in front of Squall's face, trying to get his attention focused on her. She moved her hand away from him slowly, pointer finger extended.
"Mister Leonhart? Follow my finger." Laguna watched as his son tried to get his eyes to obey, then failed him and closed once again.
"Is he okay? Why was his left eye not following as fast as his right?" The doctor's words about brain damage once again invaded his mind.
The nurse pursed her lips. "It could just be a side effect of the sedatives. He's been under for a really long time and his brain is probably trying to work it all out of itself. We'll have to wait and as the drugs are purged from his system, it will be more apparent whether or not the eye issue is neurological."
Laguna couldn't keep the worry from his face. Here they were, watching Squall finally wake up, and they were again faced with the possibility of brain damage. He felt his cheeks flush and his stomach tighten. Inhaling deeply, he told himself that he needed to be strong for his son's sake, as well as Jane's. He couldn't allow himself to be afraid, or Squall might sense it.
The nurse leaned in close and spoke directly into Squall's ear. "Mister Leonhart, I need you to open your eyes again." She waited for a moment as Squall's head lolled again, this time to the left at the sound of her voice. His eyes, however, did not open. The nurse bent her pointer and ring fingers together and dug her knuckles into Squall's breastbone, moving them back and forth forcefully, eliciting a grimace and small groan from the young man. "This should rouse him. It hurts."
Laguna frowned. He didn't like seeing his son being intentionally hurt. Squall's head jerked to the left side and his face wrinkled into a pained expression. His left hand began to rise to his face. In an instant his eyes shot open and Laguna could tell that panic had set in. The young man began to grasp at the tube, forcing the nurse to grab his hand and hold it back. Tears rolled down Squall's cheeks as the klaxons on the monitors went wild. Jane struggled to keep hold of Squall's other hand as the strength of fight or flight set in.
Without missing a beat, the nurse, still holding Squall's flailing wrist, opened up an adjacent drawer on one of the many carts bedside and pulled out what looked like restraints. She matter-of-factly wrapped the soft cuff around Squall's arm and attached it to the side of the bed. "Hold his other hand, Miss. Don't let go or he's liable to try and yank the tube."
Laguna's heart broke. "Is that really necessary? He's scared enough." He unconsciously rubbed his own left wrist.
The nurse nodded. "It's for his own protection. There's a balloon at the end of the tube holding it in place in his throat. If he pulled on it, he could potentially hurt himself very badly. Once he calms down and can listen to directions, I'll remove the cuff." She gently used her free hand to turn Squall's head towards her. "Mister Leonhart? I need you to listen to me. There's a tube in your throat that's helping you breathe. Squeeze my hand if you understand."
Laguna watched his son's hand in the nurse's like a hawk. Sure enough, he saw Squall's fingers tense around that of the nurse.
"Good. You can't pull on it, or you could damage your trachea. It's going to need to stay in for a while longer until I can test your airway. Then I will take it out."
Squall's eyes went to the right, his left eye still not tracking in unison with the other. He stared at Jane, who wiped the tears from his cheek. "Don't be scared, Leonhart. I'm right here, and so is your Dad." The young man blinked slowly and looked up at Laguna.
"Hey, son. Welcome back." He pushed a piece of hair away from Squall's eyes with a small smile.
Squall's eyes closed slowly, the lids appearing heavy and unwilling to stay open. The nurse pinched his arm, causing his eyebrows to furrow. His eyes opened gradually as he turned his head to face the woman.
"Your body is still trying to work the sedatives out. You might feel very loopy and tired for a while. Try to stay awake, though." She turned and got a small flexible hose from the drawers, attaching it to a port in the wall. "I'm going to clear your airway of all the gunk that has settled in your throat while you were sedated. This might be uncomfortable, but it will also show me if you can protect your airway." She looked to Jane and Laguna and added quietly, "He's not going to like this."
"What are you going to do to him?" Laguna removed his hand from the young man's forehead as the nurse eased his head back to an un-turned position.
"I'm going to put a small amount of suction in the tube. It'll show me whether or not he will be able to breathe on his own. If he doesn't react, he's not ready." She threaded the hose down the tube in his throat, causing him to grimace. Squall moved his eyes to the right as far as they would go, focusing his attention on Jane. She smiled reassuringly. Activating the suction, the nurse then placed her thumb over a small hole in the tubing, causing the young commander to screw his eyes shut while it appeared that he was trying to cough. Tears formed at the corners of his eyes. The nurse kept her thumb in position and removed the suction hose from the ET tube, making a gurgling sound as it removed the mucous from his throat. "That's just the reaction I was hoping for." She patted Squall's upper arm. "Let's get that thing out, hmmm?"
Squall's entire body relaxed and he nodded his head gingerly. The nurse busied herself with removing supplies from the various drawers and cabinets. Laguna bent over, watching Squall's eyes track him as he did so. He was still worried about his left eye. He leaned in close to his ear. "This is all going to be over soon, kid. You're doing great."
The nurse turned back to the group. "Alright, let's do this." She leaned in closer to Squall, tapping his cheek to get him to focus on her. "I'm going to release the balloon at the end, then I'll ask you to take a deep breath and hold it. Do you understand? Squeeze my hand if you do." Squall complied. "Good. When I remove it, it will be uncomfortable but the feeling should pass quickly. You're going to cough a lot when it comes out, but I'll put an oxygen mask over your mouth and nose right away to help you breathe. If you have trouble maintaining your airway, I might have to re-intubate you, alright?"
Squall closed his eyes and nodded his acceptance. They slowly opened and he stared at the ceiling.
"Okay, here we go." The nurse removed the tape holding the apparatus in place on Squall's cheeks. It left little white marks that almost immediately turned red where the adhesive had irritated his skin. Pressing a few buttons on the vent, it finally went silent, signaling that she had turned it off. After disconnecting the long hose coming from the machine to the end near Squall's mouth, she turned her attention back to the young man lying prone. The room had never sounded so quiet. She then attached a small syringe to another port on the apparatus and pulled the plunger back, removing the air from the balloon at the end. The tube immediately began to wiggle. Squall grimaced as his body instinctively swallowed. The nurse looked to Squall. "Ready?"
He nodded and clasped Jane's hand tightly.
"Take a deep breath for me and hold it until you feel the tube slide out, alright?" Squall's chest rose as his lungs filled with air. He tightened his eyes shut and in one fluid motion, the nurse removed the tube. It was longer than Laguna had expected it to be. Squall immediately began to choke as it exited his body, his legs stiffening under the sheets. Laguna prayed it would be over quick.
A raspy cough escaped his lips, shaking his whole body. The nurse immediately placed a flexible clear plastic mask over his mouth and nose and held it there. "Take deep, even breaths. Give your lungs a minute to adjust to breathing on their own again." The young man continued to cough as the nurse removed the soft padded restraint from his left wrist. When his hand was free, he slowly lifted it to the mask, and he pressed it against his face, almost as if to force the oxygen in faster.
After a few moments, his breathing calmed and when he was able to take a breath without too much strain, the nurse removed the mask from his face. "Your voice will be very hoarse for a couple of days. The ET tubes are very irritating."
Squall's swallowed hard, his actions producing a wince. Jane leaned in close and tenderly kissed his lips. He watched as his son's eyes closed at the contact, his left hand reaching up to gingerly caress her face before flopping back to his side. Squall looked exhausted.
Laguna sighed with relief. He couldn't believe that Squall was actually conscious. Jane released the kiss and sat up, then looked to Laguna with a hopeful smile. The nurse busied herself with the monitors for a moment before addressing Squall.
"How are you feeling, Mister Leonhart?"
Squall swallowed hard, his mouth curling into a grimace. His voice was almost inaudible, a raspy whisper. Jane and Laguna both had to lean in close to hear him. "My chest hurts." His eyes closed once again and he sighed.
"Well, now that you've woken up, I can increase your pain meds to make you comfortable. Once you've proven to me that you can keep your airway safe, say in about an hour, I'll crank them up even more and you'll be a very happy man." She winked. "I'm going to call radiology; they're going to need to x-ray your chest just to make sure your lungs are clear. They'll be up quick." She pressed a button on the panel behind the bed and called for the x-ray team, then increased the pain medications on the IV pump.
"Thank you." He mouthed the words, no sound emanating from his lips. He turned his head back to Jane. She smiled softly and ran her hand through Squall's hair. When she began to cry and tears fell onto her cheeks, Squall frowned. "Please don't cry."
Jane sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Laguna crossed behind her and moved to her right side, closer to the end of the bed so Squall didn't have to crane his neck to see him. He watched as the young man's eyes followed him, and his left still didn't respond as quickly as the right. Laguna pulled a chair over from the side and sat, placing his hand on his son's leg.
Squall's chest rose and fell gently, a far cry from the shaking of the vent not ten minutes prior. His eyelids drooped. He let go of Jane's hand and did something Laguna never expected.
Squall actually reached for him.
Laguna let out a surprised breath as he leaned forward and took the young commander's hand in his own. Squall squeezed gently before relaxing his grip. With eyes closed, he tried to speak. "Wh-what happened?"
Laguna and Jane both exchanged quizzical glances. Did he really not remember? Jane's gaze dropped to the floor and she frowned slightly. Laguna cocked his head and bit the inside of his cheek.
"Don't you remember, son?"
Squall shook his head slowly and swallowed. "I…I remember looking at…blueprints in…your office." He sighed heavily. "Then everything…everything went black." His words were slurring, his eyes beginning to roll around in their sockets as the pain meds took effect.
Laguna became worried. Was this another side effect of the oxygen deprivation to his brain? Would he ever remember what had happened? "Why can't he recall anything more?"
"Mister President, it's probably just the pain medication talking. His thoughts are probably pretty sluggish right now. Give him a day or two and he'll remember." She offered an encouraging smile, before quieting her voice to a whisper. She leaned over the young man lying in the bed to talk into Laguna's ear. "For now it's a good idea to drop the subject. We don't want to stress him unnecessarily."
Laguna nodded, feeling Squall pull lightly on his hand. "Why am I in the hospital?" The young man's face was beginning to show signs of confusion and panic. His eyes darted around the room, and his breathing became faster. "L-laguna?"
The president fought to keep his composure. The sight of his son unable to recall any events and starting to lose control was causing him to feel like the walls were closing in on him. He shut his eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm himself, with full intention of answering Squall. Before he could, a soothing voice from his left chimed in.
"Shhh, Leonhart. Don't be afraid." Laguna opened his eyes to see Jane rubbing Squall's bicep gently. Her voice was like a lullaby, calming and melodic. "You were shot. But you're going to be okay. We can talk more about it later, when you've had some rest."
Squall exhaled deeply, a gasp following on the heels of a rough cough. The nurse moved forward with the oxygen mask again, but he lethargically waved her off. "I'm…so tired."
Laguna looked to the nurse. "Is he alright? I mean, didn't he just sleep for days?"
"Coma isn't sleep, Mister President. He's going to be exhausted for quite a while. That, and the pain meds are making him extremely sleepy." Laguna turned his gaze back to his son, who was fighting a losing battle with his eyelids.
"When will we know if the eye thing is permanent or not?" Jane's voice was laced with concern as she pointed to his left eye.
The nurse crossed her arms over her chest. "Let's let him sleep for now and when this round of medications wears off and he starts to be more lucid, the docs will test his neuro functions again. There's no use in getting worried over something quite yet that may resolve itself with time." She smiled sincerely.
The radiology team arrived and Jane and Laguna stepped out for a moment so they could work. They stood in the hallway; Jane snuggling into Laguna's waiting arms. She sighed heavily. "I can't believe he's finally awake. I think I could do a cartwheel right here in the ICU."
Laguna laughed. "Probably shouldn't. After all…" He pushed her away and rested his gaze on her midsection.
"It's not like I could do one before anyway. I'd break my ass." She winked. "Hyne, he's gonna freak when he finds out."
"He'll be fine. I know that if it were me in his shoes, and I just went through this whole life-altering ordeal, I'd look at things a bit differently than I had in the past. I think it's the best thing that could happen for the family right now." He smiled sincerely, small crow's feet creasing his eyes. "Gives us something to look forward to. Well, that and two weddings!"
Jane chucked. "Oh man, I'm going to be all big and pregnant at Elle's wedding. Just great."
They waited for several minutes until the x-ray team had finished. When they had left, the nurse beckoned them to come back.
Squall's breathing pattern had changed and it was apparent that he had fallen asleep. Jane leaned in and kissed his lips before taking a seat bedside. She rested a hand on her abdomen. Laguna stood at her side, taking Squall's hand in his own.
"The scans show that everything looks good, no pneumonia or lingering effects from intubation. I'm going to stick around for another twenty or so minutes, just to monitor him and make sure he doesn't need the tube put back in. The doctor is on his way to see him and then we'll all be out of your hair for a while, alright?" The nurse wiggled a lead on Squall's chest before turning her attention back to the monitors.
Laguna and Jane both looked at each other, their expressions a mix of joy, exhaustion and cautious optimism.
Squall was back. Now all he had to do was get stronger.
Then they could all begin to heal. As a family.
