AN: First off, sorry about the mix up with the last chapter. If you haven't read it because the last update seemed off, it is all fixed by now. On accident I uploaded the wrong document, I think it was chapter forty-something. I know the chapter's are getting shorter. They're getting harder to write as it has finally clicked in that there really is no happy ending in sight. I think they're will be maybe five more left. Although I do have a next-gen fic in mind to write next, I may be posting the first chapter soon.
Alice sat in the guest room of their flat that had been transformed into the nursery. Neville slept peacefully, having just been put down fifteen minutes ago, but she had just forced herself to stop pacing. Now, she was in the rocking chair staring at her son who looked so much like his father it scared her.
She looked down at the piece of parchment crumpled by her tight grip, the words Albus Dumbledore had written shook her to the core. My deepest condolences, as your husband seems to have gone missing. We suspect foul play at the hands of Death Eater's, an investigation is being conducted as we speak.
Alice had not cried in years. The last time she felt this horrid is when Frank told her that he was going to be an Auror. Back then she had Lily, but now it felt wrong to call on them. Sure, she could get ahold of Marlene or Athena or any one of the Order members, but this was something that had to handle herself. Frank had been in her life since her first year at Hogwarts, in a way that was a good thing. However, because of that he still thought he had to protect her, but that was his nature. Now, it was her turn to protect him.
She got to her feet as she folded the piece of paper and walked over to her son's crib. As quietly as possible she lowered the side of it to lean closer to her son. "I love you so much," she whispered. "Your father does too." Before tears spilled out she put the crib side back up and walked out of room.
While the plan that she was devising in her head broke her heart, she knew it had to be done. Frank and her had promised that they would never leave Neville, but sometimes drastic measures had to be taken. She got dressed in clothes she typically wore for Auror missions and buckled her sheath for her wand on before heading back to the nursery to pack a bag for Neville. Once that was done she wrote a quick letter to Frank's parents. They couldn't take him right now, they were out of town for a couple of days, but Lily or Molly could watch him in the meantime.
"I'm so sorry," she murmured to her son after he awoke from his nap. She made sure he was alright and bundled him up as it was getting chilly outside before leaving her flat. In a few moments she was on the doorstep of the Potter's Godric Hollow home, knocking on the door.
"Alice?" It was James. His appearance was reminiscent of Hogsmeade days with his messy hair and a flannel shirt. The only difference was the stubble on his face and the child in his arms. "You look like a wreck and…" He eyed Neville and the bag on her arm. "What's going on?"
"Can I come in?"
"Yeah, why don't we set the boys down first?" He tilted his head and she followed him to the living room. He then lead her to the kitchen, still in the line of sight of the babies.
"I was hoping to talk to Lily," she said.
"Is this about Frank?"
"Yes, I need a favor. Can you watch Neville?"
"Of course," he said. "We're always happy to help…" He looked at her, delicate features stilled, hair pulled back tightly and eyes that looked like they had just finished crying. James picked up his wand and a tea kettle started, obviously he had picked up Lily's habit of having tea whenever someone was upset. "You can't."
"If it was Lily what would you do?" She shook her head and took a deep breath to steel herself. "All these years Frank has looked out for me. I used to be terrified of losing him, but that was when I couldn't do anything, now I can."
"How will you know where to go?"
"I helped Frank prepare for the mission. I know the rough location and that it involves the Lestranges and a few others. I'll get the file from the Order headquarters before I set out."
"Alone? You have to take someone with you. Lily is coming back, I'll-"
"No. We can't risk anymore members," she answered hastily. "Please, just take care of Neville. I owled Frank's parents, they're out of town, but if we're not back...they'll take care of him." She got to her feet. "If we-"
"No, Alice, please. Stay here, Dumbledore is already launching an investigation and we need you."
"Don't you get it? There's a reason they've taken Frank. If they don't get what they want from him I'm as good as dead."
"Wait." James got to his feet and reached for her. "Snape stopped Lily and said they were in danger. I thought he was crazy, but Dumbledore...he let slip a prophecy of some sort. The Death Eater's, they want…" James looked over to the living room where their sons rested. His hand formed a fist and his face scrunched up. "He needs you."
"He needs Frank too. I know the people handling the Order investigation are going to be too cautious. If there is any chance of him getting out of their alive…"
"There's worse things than death, Alice." James looked her over, never before in his life would he have thought that he would have to be talking Alice Longbottom out of doing something dangerous.
"I've made up my mind and you can't change it. I know you're used to stubborn woman." She gave him a smile and wrapped her arms around him for a quick hug. "Take care of Lily, tell her that I love her like the sister I never had if I don't make it, alright?" She swiped as a tear and took a step back before heading to the living room.
James couldn't bear to watch as she said goodbye to her son, kissing him profusely and murmuring soft words. It was all he could do to keep his feet firmly planted as she set Neville down again. How badly he wanted to try to delay her further, until Lily came home at the very least, but he wouldn't do that. If it was Lily's life in danger he would do anything to save her.
"James?" Lily called out as she entered the house. She heard quick footsteps and he grabbed her quickly. "Is something the matter?"
"Will you please be quiet? I put them down twenty minutes ago and they just now went to sleep?"
"Them? Last time I checked we only had one son."
James managed a weak smile and put an arm around her shoulder. "Did you hear about Frank?"
"Of course I did. That's why I was late, I was doing research at Headquarters. There's some sort of leak, a spy among us. The Death Eater's shouldn't have been able to capture Frank…" Lily looked up at James, who took the opportunity to kiss her on the cheek and tighten his hold on her. "We have Neville, why do we have Neville?"
"Lily…"
"No, not Alice, James, please tell me…"
"She said if she doesn't make it back, that she loves you like the sister she never had."
Lily crumpled beneath his grasp, but took a deep breath and pushed away from him to walk upstairs where the door was left cracked open, light from the hallway allowing her to see two babies asleep in the crib. She heard the floorboards creak behind her and she saw James. Without saying anything she headed to the bedroom. James watches from the doorway as she gets ready for bed. It's only a bit after eight, but once she's in pyjamas she crawls beneath the covers and looks up at him.
"Are you coming to bed or staying up?" she questioned, looking him over. He was in sweats with the faded Quidditch shirt he liked to sleep in.
"Bed," he replied and slipped in beside her. He watched as she turned on the lamp without using her wand and grabbed a book from the drawer. He laid down on his side, propped on his elbow to observe her. When she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear how badly he wanted to caress her, kiss her collarbone and explore her body. It had changed since her pregnancy, obviously. He had watched her sharp edges become soft. One thing, though, he liked better was that she seemed healthier. There was a glow in her cheeks that had gone missing after the miscarriage.
"Can you think a little less loudly?"
"What, pray tell, am I thinking about?" He reaches over to rest a hand on her leg. She rolls her eyes and sets her book down.
"I'm not in the mood for sex." Her tone was flat, uninterested and no-nonsense. Quite frankly it frightened him, made him think back to the days of being in Transfigurations with McGonagall and that alone made him shudder.
"That's not what I was thinking about," he claimed, sitting up a bit straighter, affixing a goofy smile to his face.
"James, please."
He sits up all the way and twists to face her, reaching over to place a hand on his cheek. "I just want you." At that he leans in for a kiss, but he never reaches Lily's lips. He almost falls forward on the mattress when she is getting out of bed.
"I can't do this James…" She has a hand on her face and another on her hip, her face is crumpled and sad. "I'll sleep in the guest room."
"Wait, I promise I'll stay on my side of the bed. No touching, I promise." At that he made a show of scooting over and then holding his hands up in a surrender position.
"I wish I could compartmentalize like you do." By now she has her arms crossed over her chest. "When you come home you leave everything at the doorstep."
"That's not true."
Lily bit her lip, she didn't mean the words as an offense. "When you were younger you used to close yourself off for a bit. Then, when I got pregnant you would tell me hardly anything, because home meant safe to you, a place where the war couldn't get to. Now, you turn to Harry and I know why. I wish I could be as innocent as him sometimes." She laughed at that, at how stupid she sounded. No one could be as innocent as an infant. "I used to think that after the war everything would return to normal, but it's not going to and I'm fine with it."
"Lily, you're tired, do you want to sleep here, I'll go."
"No, I'm fine really." She sighed deeply. "But things are never going to be normal James. Children are going to grow up without parents, spouses are going to be widowed. If we survive I'll never be able to hear someone knock on the door without grabbing my wand. I'm never going to hear an explosion or see a flash of green light without panicking…" She held her head in her hands.
James got to his feet and walked over to embrace his wife gently. She didn't pull away, instead she burrowed into his chest, her tears dampening his thin shirt. "We might not be together," he whispered, thinking back to all the terrible events that had lead up to him dating Lily. From when he had hit rock bottom and used that curse on Snape, to her parent's death, the attack on Hogsmeade..."Loss and hardship change us just as much as love and prosperity. Sometimes even the most beautiful things come out of war. Before Remus left he told me how the United States dropped this bomb on Japan, it was horrific and destroyed everything in sight. Nothing was supposed to be able to grow, but two years later buds were sprouting."
She pulled away and managed a small smile, eyes shining with tears.
"We may not be able to see what the future holds, but you can't tell me that what we're doing won't matter."
"Be quiet, please," Lily said and held tightly on to him. When her grip loosened, James slackened his arms. "I'm going to check on the boys and then I'll be in for bed." She walked to the doorway and lingered for a second as she heard the bed creak when James climbed in. "I love you." She couldn't say those words enough to James or her son or even Sirius or Marlene for that matter...The words seemed to have a bittersweet taste now and came with a momentary swell of panic in her chest as she wondered when it would be her last chance to utter them.
