Chapter 54: A Long Time Coming.

Blaise returned an hour later with a stack of magazines. He held them out to Pansy, "for you, my lady," he said.

She snatched them up and went bright red. "Thi . . . thi . . . people wear these?"

"According to mom? Yes." Blaise paused. "Well, for a short time, anyway."

Hari cocked his head. "What do you mean 'for a short time'?" he asked.

Blaise coughed. "I probably should have put that one on the bottom, try one of the others."

"That's not much better!" Pansy was giving a decent impression of someone with no blood below her neck.

The other girls gathered around her (except for Hermione, who had a pretty good idea of what it was. Or, rather, enough of an idea to not want an idea) and all turned as red as Pansy.

"Isn't this uncomfortable?" asked Millie as she pointed to one of the pictures.

Blaise craned his neck to see over their shoulders. "Yes. I don't speak from personal experience," he added hurriedly, "but my mother says that they are. She usually adds 'and so worth it'."

Millicent and Tracy looked at each other. Tracy was the one to speak. "Blaise?"

"Yeah?"

"How would we go about placing an order?"

"Dunno. Try asking Gertrude Rittersdotr; I got the catalogues from her." He watched as the two of them scrambled out of the Common Room. "I'm not going to ask." He sat down beside Pansy. "Given your skirts . . ." he took one of the catalogues and began to flip through it. "You'll need to stick with this style."

Pansy's eyes bugged out. "Th . . . tha . . ."

"I'm thinking you'll want to skip the lacy ones." Blaise began to scribble a few item numbers.

Hari continued his labors unaware of the mortified glare Pansy sent his way.

X

X

Severus Snape took a sip of coffee, looked up, noted the change in scenery and went back to his beverage. Then his eyes bugged out and sulfurous fluid sprayed through the air. The table immediately began to smoke and blacken and his own robes smoldered gently despite their advanced protections against chemical damage. Walking into the Great Hall was Pansy Parkinson, scion of just about the purest of the Pureblood houses and she wore a skirt with a slit up the right side of her leg reaching her waist, to a chorus of catcalls and whistles. Her pale cheeks were marred by a blush, but her face had a stony set to it.

Remus Lupin leaned over to Snape. "Aren't your students getting started a bit young?" he asked.

"What I want to know is what Potter did and why."

"How come you assume it's his fault?"

"In his defense," offered Dumbledore, who hadn't yet noticed the disturbance and was busily cutting his toast up, "it usually is."

Snape had just begun to try and get a grip on his shifting reality when someone's catcall was apparently too lewd (thankfully he hadn't heard it) or was just the last straw and he saw Pansy Parkinson draw a semiautomatic pistol from a holster on her thigh and fire it once into the air.

"Now that I have your attention," her voice rang through the Hall with the calm poise of the well bred. "I am not amused and I have been practicing my shooting with Professor Potter." The Hall went silent. "Thank you." She walked over and sat down to glare at Hari, who didn't even look up.

"Someone should talk to her about her attire," mumbled Snape.

"Like her Head of House?" prompted Lupin.

The two were far from friends, but they had discovered that both had a similar view of humanity and a similarly dry, even acerbic humor (although Lupin was still getting his bearings to display it properly). Besides, it had the comfort of familiarity to snipe at each other, even if it was less mean spirited (it seemed that Snape was over his fear of werewolves for some reason).

"Like hell. I am not having a discussion with a thirteen-year-old girl in my charge because I think her garb is indecent! There are just so many ways that could be misconstrued." Snape rubbed his eyes. "People dislike me enough for my real faults, I see no reason to give them some imaginary ones to add to the list. Maybe you should do it?"

Lupin looked at the Fifth Year girls who waved shyly at him. He was discovering that the werewolf thing was now making him seem more like a tortured soul than a terrible monster with Professor Potter in the area. "I have my own problems, thank you. I don't need to give anyone the impression that I pay that kind of attention to my students' clothes."

"Agreed. Besides," Snape added absently, watching as Pansy pulled her gun on someone who had taken the last of the scrambled eggs, "she seems in a bad mood and overly willing to use that weapon. Professor Potter!"

When Hari trotted up, Snape motioned him closer. "Please have a word with your student." Hari's mouth opened. "The one you're teaching to shoot." Hari's mouth closed. "About proper use of firearms."

Hari cocked his head to the side.

"I will be most displeased if I find out she is using her weapons for anything other than defense. And things like demanding someone leave the last pork chop is not defense." Snape glared. "Is that clear?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Let me put it more simply: tell her to stop pointing it at anyone not trying to actively kill her."

"Yes, Professor."

"In fact, mention that she should exercise the judgement that I would use rather than what she learns from you regarding it."

"Yes, Professor."

"I hope that was sufficiently clear."

"Yes, Professor."

"Tell her promptly."

"Yes, Professor."

"That means go do it right now."

"Yes, Professor."

"Now go away."

"Yes, Professor."

X

X

"Did you notice?" hissed Tracy.

"Notice what?" Daphne sounded bored. The girls were sitting in the Library, working on Arithmancy homework. In theory, Hari should have been there, but he had stopped doing class-related work weeks ago and seemed to spend his time wandering off to talk to Tam.

"Hari."

Daphne motioned to her to continue.

"When Pansy walked in," Tracy said. When there was no response, she elaborated, "he didn't seem interested."

Pansy glowered. "I'm not sure whether I should be glad or insulted."

Millie shrugged, already aware that she was unlikely to ever have those concerns. "I don't know if he pays attention to anyone."

Tracy pouted a little. "Maybe he really is gay?"

"I said 'anyone', Tracy," Millie replied. "Male or female."

"Huh." Pansy cocked her head to the side. "That's . . . interesting."

Daphne twitched in instinctive worry.

X

X

Hermione sat in the girl's dormitory. Slytherin took certain precautions as the students got older, moving the females into group rooms despite the desire for privacy was considered prudent to ensure that no one pressed a suit too thoroughly. Despite the males being left to their private rooms, the policy was a demonstration of the combination of paranoia and back-stabbing traditional in the house and the awareness of how certain persons could react. The fact that the boys were not able to get into the girl's wing was considered a minor detail and there had yet to be a Head of House who had changed the policy if only because the risk of being wrong was too great to gamble. The current Head of House did not consider Hari's inability to notice such wards as evidence of wisdom and just chalked it up to it being Hari, but that didn't change his position on the matter. Double standards happened and in this case, the theory ran that hopefully the young women would have a choice about going into the male wing, but at least this way attacks in sleep would be reduced by possible witnesses.

This meant that she now shared a dorm room with her year-mates. The rule in Slytherin had always been to abuse anyone who didn't fit in at this point, but with the changing winds, the prevailing standard was now that there was an invisible line around each girl's area and no one made catty comments about someone else's space. Professor Snape, who (being paranoid even to Slytherin thinking) kept his ear to the ground, approved of this new system as being more conducive to studying and not ignoring it if one's dorm-mate was being raped by fostering a sense of community (ironically caused by not sharing). He was hoping, anyways.

The upshot of this was her current predicament and her abject humiliation while her room-mates snickered at her—not meanly, but it was impossible not to laugh a little while she held up the current object of discussion and finished retelling her recent experience.

X

X

Hari was sitting in his room, working on a runic scheme being slowly etched into a pen by use of a small needle. He didn't look up when Hermione entered, nor when she sat down on the bed beside him. He didn't say anything either, apparently unaware of her presence.

"Hari?" it wasn't the breathy tone she'd hoped it would be in her still developing body, but it sounded like a poor approximation to her ears. "Can you help me?"

"What with, Hermione?" he asked without turning.

She frowned for a moment before smoothing her features into what she hoped was a seductive glance. "Would you look at me for a moment?"

"I am."

It took a longer moment before she recovered her poise. "Turn please?"

Hari did.

He had already seen it, so there was no shock on his face at the sight of her wearing a blouse with several buttons undone and one of Pansy's skirts, rolled up to shorten the otherwise modest length. He didn't react to the slight flush to her features or skin either and just waited blank-faced.

"I . . ." Hermione drew on her reading of the books her mother thought she didn't know were stashed behind false covers displaying titles like 'Annals of the Great Accountants Vol. III'. "I feel so hot. C . . . can you help me? Please? I need you." Her voice squeaked a bit and was not in any real way sultry, but it was a good attempt for a girl just turned fourteen.

Hari conjured a paper fan and offered it to her.

It took a great deal of control not to scowl. Instead she felt herself flush for real now and tried again, drawing in a deep breath in the hopes of also drawing attention to a bust line that was still in the process of developing into something noticeable. "No. I . . . I need . . . you."

Hari had narrowed his eyes for a moment and then cocked his head apparently trying to remember something. It appeared that a memory waved a card in his head because he nodded with a small smile. A plastic dildo appeared in his hands, dwarfing Hermione's youthful imaginings and yet also looking nothing like she had envisioned (and not only because it was purple). He held it out to her.

Her blush deepened, mixed with a degree of shame and self-loathing and humiliation as she accepted slowly. She was about to rise and flee when he spoke. "Wait a moment." She froze, half vindicated and half deer-in-the-headlights. He tapped the object in her hand and it began to vibrate gently. "You can speed it up by tapping it with your index finger," he said and turned back to his runes.

Hermione stared at his offering for a moment and ran, not sure if she was relieved or ashamed and insulted.

X

X

"And that's it." Hermione was happy to be wearing a buttoned blouse and normal skirt again. She took a certain vindictive pleasure in the fact that Pansy was stuck with the modified type at the moment, just as a petty bit of revenge.

"No interest at all?" asked Tracy. "Wow. That's freaky."

"What?" Pansy and Hermione both seemed a bit shocked.

"Haven't you noticed some of the boys a year younger than us staring?" She pretended to preen.

"Not really," said Hermione.

"People don't stare much thanks to this," Pansy patted the Colt at her side.

"They do," Millie commented, leaning back in her bed. She knew that she could likely have kept her own room despite Slytherin policy, but wasn't really interested in accepting that reality yet. "Just not when you're looking."

Pansy frowned. "Oh."

X

X

Blaise walked into the Common Room sporting a bruise. "Hermione."

She didn't look up from the book (and notebook) in her lap. "What?" Her tone was short and made it clear that she didn't appreciate someone interrupting her study-time since Hari was no-doubt going to bother her later.

"So I had an interesting harangue."

"I don't think that was a sentence."

"Regardless. Look at me for a moment."

Hermione glanced up. "Blaise! What happened?"

"Well, apparently word got around that I was collecting lingerie catalogues for Pansy."

"And someone thought you were a budding pervert?"

Blaise gave a half smile and then winced. "No, no. Good guess though. That's what I had been expecting. Instead, I was shouted at for an hour because I'm cheating on you."

"You're what?"

"That's what I'm told." Blaise gave a playful frown. "I'm shocked at your behavior, Hermione. Not telling me we're dating."

Hermione stared at him in confusion.

"Considering I got slapped, I certainly hope it was for a good reason."

"They slapped you?"

"Mhmm."

"For . . . cheating on me?"

"So I'm told. At length. I hope to one day have my hearing back in my left ear."

"Uhh . . ."

"Well, I will be a gentleman about this." Blaise bowed slightly. "I apologize for cheating on you with Pansy." There was a squawk of indignant outrage from the girl, who was sitting nearer the fireplace as the autumnal chill had begun its usual infiltration of the dungeon and she was in a somewhat skin-revealing skirt.

"Umm . . ."

"Please accept my heartfelt apology, Hermione."

"Okay?"

Blaise smiled. Then stopped smiling. "Well?"

Hermione looked confused. "Well what?"

"Aren't you going to apologize to me?"

"What for?"

"For cheating on me by trying to seduce Hari."

Hermione blinked. Then her face went scarlet with fury and embarrassment. "HE TOLD YOU?" she shrieked. "I'll KILL HIM!" She slammed her book shut and rose.

"You know," Blaise said. "If you were really in need of . . . relief . . . I would have helped my girlfriend." Draco Malfoy had already dived for cover, so the book slammed into the chair he hid behind as it flew passed Blaise's face. "I promise to be gentle if it's your first time." He watched as Hermione stormed out. "I'll take that to be a 'no', then?"

Tracy snickered. "Wow . . . maybe you'd have had a better chance at seducing Hari?" The rest of the Common Room was listening with interest. The only person not present was Hari, who had wandered off with his dog for even less apparent reason than usual.

"Maybe. But my mother is going to be happy; I plan to give her grandchildren. Lots of them." He grinned.

"You know," said Tracy. "My dad told me about this dark ritual . . ."

"The normal way," Blaise elaborated. "With great skill, too." Tracy blinked when Blaise gave her a roguish grin. "Want to practice?"

Tracy went bright red.

"Now I know why my mother does that," said Blaise, laughing. "That's fun." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the redhead. "My mother made sure I read up, even gave me pointers. I promise it'll be the ride of your life." He watched Tracy flee the room. "Something I said?" he asked Millie, who was grinning broadly.

X

X

==OUT TAKE==

"Tell me what?" asked Kakuzu as he entered the room.

"If we told you," replied Pein, "we wouldn't be not telling you."

"Not telling me what, exactly?"

"You seem to be having a hard time with this."

"No. I just want to know."

"We're not telling you."

"I hardly see how that's relevant."

"Aside from being the crux of the matter, I guess not."

"So you'll tell me?"

"Kakuzu?"

"Yes?"

"Go take Hidan and blow up some stuff in Cloud or something. Maybe kill an elite jonin or something."

"Will you tell me what it is if I do?"

"Out." Pein decided to press the matter by using the Heavenly Gaze of the Omnipresent god to send the giant figure flying out the wall.


(A/N John)

So the scene with Hermione has been in the plan for this fic nearly from the beginning. It's possibly one of the oldest planned bits we had.

(A/N 2 John)

On the other hand, the stuff with Pansy has been entirely spur-of-the-moment stuff. It was intended to just be a little one-off scene and, like many of my scenes in that style, has taken on a horrible life of its own that it having far-reaching repercussions in the plans for later years.

(A/N 3 John)

I'd like to say that this is the craziest it gets, but I'd be lying.

(A/N 4 John)

All I will say is that Hari has developed a knack for doing tremendous damage to the world by trying to be helpful. The problem is that he doesn't always get the joke.

(A/N 5 John)

That will make more sense in the future. Right now, it's just an ominous intimation of things to come. Woooooo!

(A/N 6 John)

Please imagine that was an eerie ghost-noise.

(A/N 7 John)

I really hope Spoon doesn't end up choking on her dinner or spitting it up on my shoulder as she reads this over it.