Author's note: This chapter is redolent of a very diabolical and cunning Puckelberry! Except for the opening scene, which addresses the winner of the Mash Off (for those of you who were curious), it focuses all on the election. Enjoy!

Music suggestions: "Kiss this" by The Struts", "Stand by you" by Rachel Platten.

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee.

Election Day, Glee Style

"The winner of the mash off needs to be addressed." Kurt announced to the room as a whole, addressing the entire glee club.

They had been avoiding the issue since Shelby and Mr. Schuester had announced the winner that Monday. It was now Thursday.

The veritable pin could be heard dropping with the silence that descended like a dark thundercloud.

Having passed by a few jubilant Troubletones, namely Mack, Mercedes, and the rich wannabe diva, on his way to homeroom this morning, Puck was totally okay with never bringing up the topic ever again. Quinn was the only one not overtly rubbing the Troubletones win in their faces.

"I really don't think it does." Rachel stated with disdain, with a tone of finality. "Now what we really need to focus on, is a real competition. Sectionals!"

Letting the subject drop, Kurt allowed Rachel to pull him into a discussion on their last full day before the student council election.

oooooxooo*ooooovoooo*

Thursday evening, after dinner with her dads, Puck and Rachel went up to Rachel's room while her dads went into the living room to watch a couple shows they'd recorded on their DVR.

"Noah? Do we have everything we need?" Rachel queried once she closed her bedroom door.

"Right here, babe." Puck replied smoothly, handing over the numbers that Matt had collected for them, along with a handful of empty ballots.

"Where did you get these?" Rachel asked in a mildly curious tone, gesturing to the ballots in question.

"The less you know, the better, Caroline." Puck imparted with a cagey expression. "But, I may have involved the rugrat for a few minutes." Puck added in a sideways manner.

"You involved your eight year old sister in our scheme?" Rachel hissed furtively.

Puck shrugged carelessly.

"She likes Kurt." Puck argued.

"She's never even met him!" Rachel countered, stomping her foot.

"That's beside the point." Puck shrugged off. "All she did was charm her way into Coach Bieste's office and distract her while I snatched a few dozen blank ballots out of the top secret, student government filing cabinet. I've been doing it all week, and I'd run out of viable excuses. I saw an opportunity, and I took it."

"An opportunity?" Rachel asked baldly, tilting her head in skeptic disbelief.

"Mom was there with Ari in the main office, in a meeting with Principal Figgins, about my quarterly review. I took Ari on a tour around the school while the grown ups talked serious. We may have passed by Coach Beiste while she was working on final preparations for the election, and Ari may have been curious about what she was doing, and wanted to ask a few questions. And I didn't need to be around while that happened...for about ten minutes."

"I can't believe you, Noah." Rachel said, shaking her head.

"She's a Puckerman, babe. You can't deny the Puckerman." Puck intoned seriously.

"I'm only going along with this because our election system is so broken." Rachel finally relented, in a grumbling tone. "And Kurt really needs this win."

"It's all gonna work out, babe. I've got this." Puck said confidently, reaching out and squeezing her hand.

"Brittany was handing out pixie sticks as bribes today." Rachel imparted after a minute, taking a seat at her desk. Placing the small stack of empty ballots to her right, Rachel fell silent as she carefully unfolded the sheet of notebook paper with the school's previous voting statistics, reading it over once again.

Leaning one hip against the opposite end of the desk, Puck watched her avidly, studying her as she read through the contents of the paper.

"Sounds like Brittany." Puck supplied in retort, crossing his arms as he waited.

What he didn't tell Rachel was that he'd inadvertently taken one of Brittany's bribes. A freshman had offered a super-sized pixie stick to him after fifth period, when Puck had stared a little too long at the kid in question. He honestly hadn't meant anything by it, he'd been thinking of how he and Rachel had almost been caught making out by Principal Figgins before lunch. He'd been worrying over it, not even paying attention to where his eyes were, until the kid had thrust the stick in his hands and scurried away.

Being a former intimidating jerk sometimes had its perks.

He hadn't learned until a few minutes later, when he passed the same scene as Rachel, that Brittany was buying peoples' votes...with pixie sticks.

It was horrifying...but also kind of genius.

Brittany was scary like that.

It hadn't stopped him from downing said bribe. A giant pixie stick wasn't nearly enough to buy off Noah Puckerman. He was a little more top shelf than that.

"I informed Principal Figgins about it," Rachel continued in a distracted tone, still reading. "But he didn't care. No one cares. They don't seem to realize that elections have consequences. They're so wrapped up in their own self-absorbed worlds that they can't see how important this election is...not just to Kurt...and to me...but for everyone."

"Yeah well, this election is going down in the record books as one of the most surprising wins ever. Well, not so overwhelmingly obvious that it looks like he cheated, 'cause you know that only ends with someone getting suspended. This is gonna be smooth, so very smooth future generations will come to us seeking guidance...if they're ever able to even figure out what we did." Puck rambled on, trailing off, realizing the circuitous loop he was in.

"According to Matt's information, two years ago, we had 486 seniors enrolled at McKinley, and only 278 voted in the election. Last year was slightly better, in that, there were 497 seniors enrolled, and 339 voted." Rachel surmised, glancing up at Puck when she finished.

"We also need to factor in Brittany's popularity." Puck contributed thoughtfully. He tapped at the paper in her hands. "Neither of those two presidents were nearly as famous as Brittany currently is. We'll probably have an unprecedented record of voters this year. The numbers on the Jewfro's blog don't look good for Kurt."

Rachel opened her mouth to ask a question.

"I looked it up earlier." Puck said in response to the uncharacteristically big word usage.

"I've refused to look at Kurt's numbers on Jacob Ben Israel's blog." Rachel said, her lips twitching upward in amusement. "What kind of turnout are we seeing?"

"From the looks of it," Puck began, his tone pragmatic. "At least seventy percent of our senior class could turn up at the election, upwards to ninety percent, in an optimistic world. So, that means that about 470 of the total 519 seniors in our class might vote."

Rachel's face drained of color, her expression desperate.

"What does this mean?" Rachel asked after a moment, finally able to speak without her voice breaking.

"It means...do you know how to pick a lock?" Puck asked in an assessing tone, his tone speculative.

"What?" Rachel queried stupidly.

Puck smiled.

This could be masterful...or a complete train wreck. Either way, things were about to get even more interesting.

ooooxoooo*oooouoooo*

Rachel and Puck waited alongside Kurt for most of election day, offering support and deflecting criticizers as the rest of their senior class decided his fate. After watching their remaining senior class gleemates filter through the lines over the past three and a half hours, Kurt finally decided to take his turn. With the majority of the crowd having already voted, the wait time would be less than ten minutes.

Squeezing Kurt's hand in a gesture of support, Rachel's anxiety over what was to come began to wriggle its way to the surface of her mind. Puck had devised most of today's plan, and she had followed his advice with very little objection. She could now pick a standard five pin lock, of which he knew for a fact was the style of lock used on the ballot boxes employed at McKinley. She wasn't very good at it, but she could do it in under two minutes. That was what she'd spent most of last night doing.

She had a giant tote purse today, loaded with pre-checked ballots. Noah had been up late the night before, right up to his curfew, checking, ex-ing, and scribbling the box next to Kurt Hummel, getting the ballots ready for the next day, as he simultaneously supervised her introductory lock-picking lesson. They had over two-hundred ballots between them. He'd strategically stuffed the ones he was carrying inside his boots, and down his pants this morning before school.

She'd helped with some of that, and had enjoyed every second of it.

It wouldn't be enough to just stuff the ballot boxes with extra votes for Kurt, because of the expected turnout of this year's election. They would have to wait until the last twenty minutes or so before the polls closed, for both a rough count of the total seniors that voted, as well as be the most effective when they cracked two of the three ballot boxes and replaced the actual votes with their Kurt-biased ones.

Glancing over at Puck, she wondered at what the readout was on his tally counter. She'd just discreetly checked hers as Kurt walked away, and the readout had been "412". That number was about eighty percent of their graduating class. It was going to be very close. If she could even get the infernal box open, that is. She would still have to quickly count how many votes were already in the box, sift out a few for Brittany and Rick "the stick", so as to not raise suspicion, replace the ones with Kurt's name genuinely checked, before refilling the box with the appropriate amount of rigged votes...all in less than ten minutes.

She was fairly certain she hadn't been this nervous since...ever. She'd never been this nervous in her entire life.

"What if I can't do this?" Rachel asked in a low, nervous tone, wringing her hands. Watching Kurt as he left the voting booth, his entire countenance speaking of defeat, Rachel then turned her gaze up to Puck, seeking reassurance.

Glancing around them before speaking, Puck then pulled her in close, placing his hands on each of her biceps.

"I don't mean to sound like Yoda, but there is no "can't" or "try"." Puck informed her, mincing no words, or sugarcoating the ones he did choose. "If we can't pull this off, Kurt is going to lose the election, and one or both of us could end up getting suspended."

"I need my best gay with me in New York." Rachel whispered in a needy tone. "What if I need an emergency makeover, or a last minute souffle? I love you with all of my heart, but I can't exactly expect those things from you."

"Keep that motivation in your mind." Puck said in a straightforward tone, wresting back the smirk that threatened. Conveying relaxing vibes through his hands, his eyes held steely conviction as he continued speaking. "We will get through this. All of us. We will succeed."

Nodding, Rachel firmed her chin, and locked down on the fear and nerves coursing through her body. This was no different from a dance recital, or a show choir competition. Focus on the end goal, and funnel all of her negative emotions into her performance.

Noah was right. They would succeed at this...and she would succeed fabulously. Kurt had no one else. She and Noah would have to be his "mob buddies" for this election, even though she sincerely disapproved of such a title. Not that she wouldn't look divine in classical fifties moll designs, that is, but it was the principle of the matter.

"We should go register and receive our ballots from Coach Beiste. Almost everyone else has finished voting, and the polls close in twenty minutes." Rachel said after a moment of collecting herself, not one hint of her previous weaknesses in her voice.

Bringing one hand up, he cupped Rachel's cheek affectionately. Leaning in, he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

"That's my girl." Puck imparted fondly.

ooooaooooo*oooooeooooo

Puck had never been so happy to see the end of a presidential election.

Stepping out of the booth, Puck inwardly frowned when he didn't see Rachel anywhere in sight. While he was slightly concerned that Rachel hadn't beat him, he wasn't overtly worried. Not having any trouble at all with the lock, he'd picked it in about thirty seconds. At their last run through, Rachel had barely squeaked in under two minutes. Considering how he'd only just taught her the basics the night before, he was really impressed by how far along she'd come in technique.

Choosing not to waste too much time, Puck had simply yanked all the ballots out of the box, set them aside, and compared that stack with his fake ones. Then he'd taken a couple of minutes to sift through the real ballots, adding any of Kurt's real votes into his pile, which had added another thirty-one to his fakes, tossed all five Rick "the stick" votes he came across back in, and then, returned exactly thirty-nine of Brittany's back to the box. It may not be an exact snatch and exchange, but he figured it'd be close enough, and random enough, to not call too much notice.

Casually, he ambled over to the water fountain, casting covert glances at the polling booth that Rachel currently occupied, every ten seconds or so.

She was getting dangerously close to the ten minute window they'd agreed to, and if she didn't come out soon, he worried he'd might have to resort to a "Plan D" diversion, which involved setting something on fire.

He really wasn't in the mood. He was wearing his favorite jacket, and he'd only just gotten the smoke smell out of it from the last time he'd enacted a "Plan D".

He breathed a giant sight of relief when Rachel finally threw aside the curtain and power-walked out of the booth, chin held high, and her purse held securely to her shoulder with both hands.

"How'd it go?" Puck asked in a sotto-voce tone, pulling her in close and putting her arm around her shoulders.

"Not as well as I'd hoped." Rachel admitted, a frown pulling between her eyebrows. "Nevertheless, I was successful. How about you?"

"Mission accomplished." Puck replied, steering them away from the booths. "Finished about three minutes before you."

Saying nothing more, Rachel waited until after they were exiting the gymnasium before giving Puck an entire rundown of her time in the booth.

"I had originally wanted to count everything." Rachel began in a hushed tone. "But once inside, I realized I had overestimated my skills at lock-picking. So, to compensate, I first removed all of the original votes, added my one-hundred and two of the ones we'd created, replaced the first forty-eight of Brittany's that I came across, and weeded through the entire stack for Rick "the stick" votes. I must admit, that is what took me the longest. I was only able to locate nine."

"Found more than what I did, babe." Puck admitted, pulling open the door to the cafeteria. "I only found five. Other than that, I did exactly what you did. Except I only gave Brittany thirty-nine votes. I wasn't feeling as generous as you."

"I hope it's enough." Rachel confessed, her gaze immediately drawn to Kurt, seated between Finn and Blaine at their appropriated round glee lunch table.

"We've done everything we can, Caroline." Puck said, placing a kiss to the top of her head before leading them over to the rest of the gathered glee club.

ooooroooo*ooowoooo*

"I can't believe I won!" Kurt exclaimed that afternoon at glee rehearsal, seated next to Rachel, clasping her hands tightly. Disbelief was clearly written across his features. "How could all of the early polls be wrong?"

Smiling demurely, Rachel briefly met Puck's eyes over Kurt's shoulder.

"I suppose it was an election miracle. Just like your dad's." Rachel imparted graciously.

"I won by over fifty votes. Coach Beiste was glad that there was such an amazing turnout. She said that almost ninety percent of the senior class turned out to vote. That's close to five-hundred people! It's astounding, yet so very wonderful! To think, it was all because of me and Brittany." Kurt rambled on in an exuberant tone.

"I'm sure the likes of which will never grace McKinley's halls ever again." Rachel returned in a sage tone, pulling her hands free to embrace Kurt in a giant hug.

Glancing over at her boyfriend again, she caught his brief, casual wink in her direction.

ooooooooocooo*ooooosooooo*

In my world, Kurt wins the election! So there! Yep, that's all I've got to say. You know Rachel would take to lock-picking for Kurt just like she would anything else. She may not like it, but she'd do so with alacrity and effulgence, lol!