Chapter 29 - The Truth can set you free... or not

Part 1

Atel had always hated going to the Healer's ward. From her earliest memories, the place had held nothing but the sharp bitter taste of copper pain. The Force, despite the concerted efforts of the Healers there, seemed tainted, its clear currents choked with the smoky black-red remnants of loss and fractured bodies, filled with the swirling despair of tormented souls and agony. Even the smell of bacta would send her skittering away from the touch of healing hands, so great was her revulsion of the place.

She knew it was not right that she should feel this. After all, hate is of the Dark, but it had become almost instinctual - a remembered response. She had been there many times before, from the day she broke her arm and felt the agony of white bone piercing her skin when she was but a few years old to the infection last year that had had her Master frantic with worry.

But Atel could not leave Obi-Wan alone in such a place - even if he didn't want her near him.

She was waiting now for him to get out of surgery. She knew that his injuries were not life-threatening but they would need time to heal. The physical therapy alone would keep him at the Temple for days, perhaps weeks. They would also need to monitor the bone replacement and nerve regeneration. Luckily, Master Tharten's saber had not pierced any vital organs nor had she touched his sword-arm but it had made a ruin of his other shoulder. It would be a while before he would be fit for duty - whatever duty that might be.

In a way, Master Jinn was better off. The vibroshiv had cut through skin and muscle, nicking one rather important blood vessel but her quick efforts had saved his life. The Healers had only to restore the seared flesh with grafts and bacta; thankfully, there was no bone damage. He would be well long before Obi-Wan. Even the physical therapy would be short.

All of this did not help to lessen her anxieties; she was sore from being thrown aside - twice - and the bruises had already begun to purple. She was stiff and the headache behind her eyes threatened to grow worse.

More importantly, she was worried about Obi-Wan and his state of mind.

He had said nothing else after telling her that he was leaving the Jedi - just sat there in pain, his face as white as bone dust, his eyes dull-grey with shock. He hadn't even made light of his injuries when the Healers returned. She knew then that something may have broken in him. For as long as she had known him, Obi-Wan had always downplayed the hurt he suffered in his duty to the Jedi.

Now he didn't seem to care and that was far worse than any saber wound.

She was helpless. She could do nothing for him, other than to be there when he regained consciousness. She knew, too, that as soon as he saw her face, he would turn away from her. Their partnership had ended; their ten years of laughter and warmth and sharing their hopes, their dreams, their lives were over.

Pressing one hand to her eyes, Atel pushed back at the unshed tears. She had cried enough for a lifetime in the past few hours and she refused to allow the grief to overwhelm her again. When everything else was done, then she would deal with her own loss. For now, she would be strong for Obi-Wan's sake.

The rustle of cloth had her turning around in an instant. She was expecting one of the staff, perhaps Healer Leabe or Neil'don, to talk to her about Obi-Wan's progress. They saved Master Jinn's life down in that filthy cell and would likely be treating her Master's shoulder wound as well.

Instead, surprisingly, she was alone in the waiting room with Councilor NeTa Phen, head of Human Resources and Hospital services. The Jedi Master had not been on the Council long and rarely spoke in the sometimes acrimonious discussions with Master Obi-Wan but Atel knew she was a protégé of Councilor Xacor and often followed his lead. The Chalactan woman had seemed kind enough the few times Atel had met with her. But it was odd that she would be at the Healers now when Council was still in session unless she was carrying out some business of the Jedi Order.

It became quickly obvious, however, that Councilor Phen was not there to mediate complaints with the Healer staff. She had another matter to discuss. "Padawan Sl'etah, Knight Kenobi came through surgery with few problems. He is in the recovery area at the moment and still rather groggy but once he is released to his room, he should be fully awake. You should wait for him there."

"Room?" Atel blinked surprise. Unless they were seriously ill or contagious, Jedi were put into wards, not private rooms. It was easier on the limited Healing staff and more efficient. The choice of sending him to a single room was odd and not a little troubling. "Why not the ward? You just said that he would be fine. Is something wrong?"

Master Phen held up her hand, motioning for silence. "No, the Council thought it best that we isolate him and former Master Jinn at this time."

"Master, please... is Obi-Wan under arrest? Because of Master Tharten? He was only defending himself." Atel was almost babbling with anxiety.

She knew that the Council would not take Tharten's death lightly. After all, her Master and Sera Tharten had often been at odds over the years, and if they decided that it was premeditated, that he had planned to kill her when he had the chance, it was possible that they might charge Obi-Wan with murder. But the Council would never do such a thing without evidence or so she hoped.

"Calm yourself, Padawan." The Councilor was frowning, her face shuttered and remote.

From the way Master Phen was staring at her, it looked as if the Chalactan Master found her outburst to be disturbing or distasteful, or perhaps even pitiable. But Atel no longer cared about what they thought of her actions; they were irrelevant at the moment. She wanted to know what they were planning to do with Obi-Wan.

As Atel stepped forward, anxious to find out why the Council had decided to isolate him, Master Phen cut her off, saying bluntly, "No, he is not under arrest but he is being kept incommunicado for the moment. Knight Kenobi and former Master Jinn will be allowed to leave once certain matters are cleared up."

"Certain matters?" She tried to appear noncommittal, hoping to glean more information but Master Phen saw past her casual question.

"I'm not at liberty to say. However, there will be guards posted at the door to restrict entry." The Councilor looked away for a moment, and then stared at Atel with steadfast determination in her eyes. Her voice, too, would brook no dissent. It was as hard as durasteel. "You, of course, will be allowed to attend Kenobi but you will say nothing at present about Master Tharten's death. To anyone."

"What? Why?" For a moment, Atel was startled by such a request. After all, Master Tharten's death would have grave consequences for the Jedi Order and there would need to be an inquiry.

Justice among the Jedi was swiftly done. Punishment was often public and sometimes brutal but it had been effective in quelling dissent among the Knights. But there had also been rumors of trials held in secret - nothing concrete but enough gossip to make Atel wary of this demand for isolation.

It did not seem possible but Master Phen's voice hardened further. "That is Council business and restricted. You will tell no one about her death. Not the Healers, not the guards, no one. Until a Council member tells you otherwise." She stepped forward, all threat and implacable determination. "Are we clear on this?"

Her anxiety skyrocketing, Atel refused to back down. This was too important. "But the Healers know and Obi-Wan and Master Jinn. They all know."

The Councilor waved off her protest, walking slowing toward Atel and stopping less that a handspan away. She said distinctly, "Only two Healers and they have both agreed with the Council's decision. You may speak of it privately with Jinn and Kenobi but only them. No one else."

As she stood beneath Master Phen's stony gaze, Atel considered the implications. It was sounding worse and worse, covering up a death of this magnitude and all the witnesses either injured or intimidated into silence. What could the Council want that would call for such a ploy? And how could she find out what was going on without endangering Obi-Wan still further?

When Atel did not reply, Phen's eyes narrowed, the distinctive marks on her face sharp against her dark skin. She looked as unyielding as neutronium and utterly without mercy. "I must insist, Padawan Sl'etah. If I do not have your word, I will be forced to keep you isolated and locked in your quarters or one of the Temple cells. I don't think you want that, do you?"

"No, I don't want that." Atel was trapped. If she did not agree, she would be unable to find out what was going on, unable to help Obi-Wan - and she was not going to give up so easily. She would just have to find another way and, for that, she would have to remain free. "Very well, you have my word, Master."

"A wise decision, Padawan." For a moment, Atel thought she saw a glint of relief in Master Phen's eyes, but when she looked again, there was only grim resolve. The Chalactan Councilor said, "I have arranged for Kenobi and Jinn to share a room. I believe they have much to discuss and it may help Kenobi to regain his balance."

As she spoke, Master Phen looked away toward the closed door, frowning distractedly - as if she had completed one minor yet distasteful task and was trying to move quickly onto something of more importance. Turning back, she gazed down at Atel, studying her and then the woman nodded abruptly. "A knight from the Hunter's Group will escort you there. You will be watched for the next few days but it is merely a precaution. As long as you remain silent, you have nothing to fear."

The Councilor's face sharpened, etched in stark lines of frown and worry. Her eyes dark with foreboding, she muttered softly, "These are trying times after all."

Atel could not help but agree. "Yes, trying times."

********************************

Atel was still mulling over the implications of Master Phen's commands when a large, rather intimidating Knight arrived to escort her to Obi-Wan's room. The man said little other than to insist on silence as per the orders of the Jedi Council. She glowered at him but nodded, following him as he turned and marched out of the waiting room and into the hallway.

She had to admit that the Knight certainly knew how to keep other people from talking to her or asking uncomfortable questions of the pair. The few Jedi that they encountered gave him a wide berth and would not meet her eyes at all.

Atel would have found it disturbing but she hardly noticed. She had her own problems.

As they walked toward the private rooms at the back of the Healer's wing, she was trying to think about what to do. She needed desperately to find her center again before facing her Master and it was only a matter of time before the inevitable confrontation. Atel wanted to do the right thing and help Obi-Wan regain his balance but everything that she had done in the disaster of the last few days had only made things worse between them.

With that depressing thought, they arrived at an unmarked durasteel door and she was told to wait inside for Obi-Wan. As expected, the sharp glare she sent back to the man was ignored. So, with all dignity, she stalked past him into the room and sat down carefully in one of the worn seats near the entrance.

At least, the Knight remained outside but it was small comfort.

Master Jinn was already there and asleep on one of the medical beds. The afternoon light, streaming in from the large transparasteel window on the far wall, was dazzling - rich and golden, but it only made the Bendu seem smaller somehow and very pale. Fluid bags were still attached to his arm. He had lost quite a bit of blood and it would take some hours to replenish.

She did not want to disturb his rest, hoping for a few quiet moments to settle into some semblance of serenity, but Master Jinn must have heard her or felt her presence. Giving a shallow sigh, he turned his face toward her, opening his eyes slowly as if reluctant to awaken.

His voice was thready and very weak but he seemed to gather enough strength to ask, "Where is Obi-Wan?"

Concerned, Atel was quick to reassure him, "He's just out of surgery and will be here fairly soon."

Master Jinn jerked in surprise, his arm pulling at the tubes of the fluid bag as he twisted around to stare at her. The movement must have hurt because he grunted sharply and frowned down toward his chest, his face whitening further. But a moment later, his voice tight with pain and anxiety, he said, "How... how bad is he?"

She sent him a tentative smile, trying to calm him down. "Master Jinn, it is all right. He took a saber strike in his left shoulder and it caused some damage. The Healers said that he would be fine with time and care."

As she spoke, she walked over to him and, putting one hand on his shoulder, pushed him back down into the pillows, trying to gentle his worry with a soft touch. She checked the tubing to make sure nothing had come undone and then stood there, looking down at a very bewildered and distraught old man.

"Padawan, tell me what happened." Qui-Gon might be wounded and weak with exhaustion from his fight with Master Tharten but he was not to be denied.

She let go a long sigh, trying to shove aside the anger and confusion that had punished her in the last few hours. Her Master had said such terrible things and assumed even worse - murder and betrayal at her hands. While it made no sense, Atel couldn't fault him for it. Something had happened to him while she was unconscious, something terrible.

She only knew that when she had regained her senses in that awful place, she had felt Obi-Wan's pain and utter despair. The Force itself seemed shadowed with remnants of the Dark - the dread-filled pressure of wrongness, the almost electric taste of revenge, the profane mixture of shame and satisfaction. The loss of hope.

She had never thought to encounter it within the Temple and certainly not with her Master.

Perhaps Qui-Gon Jinn would be the one to make it right. Obi-Wan loved the old Bendu and would likely listen to him, more than he would her much as it pained her to admit. She only knew that she would do whatever it took to bring him back. Somehow.

"Master…." Atel paused, trying to think of how to explain it when she didn't understand it herself. "Obi-Wan killed Master Tharten but not before she somehow managed to get past his defenses. She burned his shoulder through to his back but missed the vital organs. It could have been much worse."

Nodding with relief, he closed his eyes for a moment, obviously trying to gather strength and then rasped, "Was he able to find out anything?"

As she stared out the window into the Coruscanti skyline, the spires of the Jedi Temple aglow in the lovely afternoon light, in her mind's eye she saw nothing except pain and loss. Regret laced her voice as she said softly, "I don't know. I wasn't conscious at the time." Forcing herself to put aside all thoughts of what was and could never be again, she gazed down at Qui-Gon's worried face. "Master Jinn, I hope you will forgive me for hurting you. I couldn't think of any other way to stop the bleeding."

"Padawan…," The Bendu nodded his gratitude. "Atel, you saved my life. I am in your debt."

"Thank you, Master Jinn, for understanding." After Obi-Wan's harsh judgment in the cell, she had not known what to expect from the Bendu but those few gentle words brought some small relief to her battered spirit.

Atel looked away for a moment, frowning thoughtfully, and then faced Qui-Gon squarely. Summoning her courage, swallowing hard, she drew in a deep breath and let it out again, knowing that she needed to explain what happened to her Master if Qui-Gon was ever going to be able to help him.

"I think you should know that Obi-Wan ...." she paused, trying to get past the memories of death and betrayal, "is damaged. More than his shoulder."

When Qui-Gon tried to interrupt, she shook her head, hurrying to explain, "No, not physically but he.... something happened, something to do with Master Tharten's death. The Force was tainted with it and when I woke, he started accusing me of deceit, kept raving about me spying for the Council and him mind-raping Master Tharten, torturing her. He wasn't making any sense. But whatever it was, it marked him somehow. He was...he seemed to be going dark. Or mad."

Remembered dread caught in her throat. Surprisingly, pain, too, was present, more than just the aching bruises from her fights with Obi-Wan. Atel looked down to see her hands curling into fists, the muscles under her skin pulling so tight that she thought the bones might shatter. With a great deal of effort, she opened her fingers and splayed them wide, resting her palms on the edge of the bed.

Qui-Gon was looking at her if she were going insane.

But before he could ask her for further explanation, the door opened and in floated a hoverlift with a very pale Obi-Wan on it. Beside him, datapad in hand, Healer Leabe, was talking quietly with him.

Her Master looked terrible, exhausted and angry. A deep frown scored his face; one white-knuckled hand was clenched, the blanket covering him twisted into a tight knot of cloth beneath his fingertips. He was whispering furiously, too low for her to hear, but the Healer just shook his head as Obi-Wan continued to argue with him.

Even from her position near Master Jinn, Atel could see that Obi-Wan was seething. She wasn't sure if it was because the Healer would not agree to whatever her Master wanted or because of deeper issues. The horrors of the morning were still fresh in her mind and she could only assume that it was worse for her Master.

With so much that had already happened, she had to admit that she would have been surprised had he not been upset. But for his own sake, he would need to find his calm center soon. Recovery took more than surgery and bacta; it took a strong will and a determination to heal - and a spirit at peace.

Obi-Wan was not at peace.

Apparently, the Healer agreed. As they approached, Atel could hear the soft reprimand as the man reminded Obi-Wan that anger only hindered recovery and that if he wanted to leave sooner than later, he would need to let go of the darker emotions and find solace in the Force. Eyes narrowing, Obi-Wan glowered at him, and then seeing Atel standing there watching him, deliberately turned away, ignoring them all.

Pain blossomed in her chest as Obi-Wan's rejection became obvious. For a moment, it hurt to breathe. But she fought through the grief, accepting it, and with a fierce determination to do what was best for her Master, walked toward the Healer to find out what to do next. "Healer Leabe, will he be all right?"

As Leabe maneuvered the hoverlift over to the bed across from Qui-Gon's own, the Healer said, "The surgery went well. There were no complications, and based on his past record, he will be clamoring to leave before the day is out."

Obi-Wan shot him a look of pure disgust as if offended by the mild reproof. But he said nothing and turned his gaze upward, staring at the ceiling as he had done in the cell a few hours ago, shutting them out.

Leabe ignored the slight. "Knight Kenobi has a strong constitution and I expect a full recovery." He checked on the fluid line and then tapped Obi-Wan on the arm, signaling him to move onto the medical bed. With some reluctance and not a little stiffly, Obi-Wan lifted up slightly and shifted over.

The movement pulled his tunic open a bit and Atel could see the large bandages covering one side of Obi-Wan's injured shoulder. She knew that they were soaked in bacta; the treatment could work wonders but it would take some time. But he must have noticed her looking at him. With rough-edged resentment, he yanked the tunic back over his chest, his darkened eyes flicking towards her own and then away again, his face set in lines of sharp rebuke.

Suddenly she felt like an intruder, not someone who had shared a life with him but an unwanted stranger.

As Obi-Wan settled back down, his head tipped upward and he was frowning at the ceiling again - still silent. Still angry, she realized. He wasn't just ignoring her, he was shutting out everyone in the room. He hadn't looked at Master Jinn once.

Leabe wasn't going to let one irate patient keep him from his own duty. "Knight Kenobi, I will be back later to give you your pain medication options and the schedule for therapy but at the moment, the Healer's ward is rather full so if you will excuse me...."

It was clear that Leabe was waiting for some signal from him but when Obi-Wan remained silent, Atel nodded, "We will be able to care for him, Healer Leabe. I've done it many times. I'll comm you if anything changes."

"Thank you, Padawan Sl'etah. I will return to check on both of my patients later." And with a quick nod, the Healer left.

As the door started to close behind him, Atel caught a glimpse of the Knight who had escorted her to the room. He was still guarding the entrance but had stopped the Healer and was talking to him rather insistently. She couldn't hear what they were saying but Leabe looked upset. Before she could find out more, the door clicked shut.

The three of them were alone at last.